Relationship of 4 years seems like it's going to end.

[Sev07]

So my girlfriend and I are on a two week break after what I felt was a strong and loving relationship. We started dating near the end of my grade 12 year and for the first two years of our relationship I was in town with her. We both attended University (different ones) but we lived at home so seeing each other was never a problem. About two years ago I changed my focus of study which meant that I had to move, it was two hours from where we were and with school and friends we were seeing each other about once a month.

Recently however there has been a strain, I miss her a lot but it seems that the distance (which has always been hard on both of us) is getting too much for her. In my last conversation with her she told me that she feels sad, distant, and wants to fix the relationship but can't figure out how. She asked me to think about it and see if I could come up with a solution. Because seeing each other once a month doesn't seem to cut it anymore, and school keeping me away from home the only solution I could come up with was for her move in with me. She's finishing her fourth year soon so I thought maybe she could get a job and live with me for the remaining two years of my schooling, but she said that she didn't want to leave family, friends, and that finding a job would be to difficult.

It is only the second day since talking to her and I already miss her and want to be with her, I love this girl so much it hurts. But I feel deep down that after the break we are going to break up.

I put this up because I trust the community on the escapist and value your input, and also I just needed to write this out because I need a release.

 

[Gaiseric]

Sorry to hear that. I hope things work out well for you.

 

[PleaseDele]

Sorry to ask this, but the whole part about her not wanting to leave family and friends. Was this her response to your idea of moving in together, or has she said this in a different context. If this wasn't a direct response you should definitely tell her.

If it was a direct response then I really think you are gonna have to bite the bullet. In your post she reminds of someone afraid to break up and is now stuck. One of you has got to do a horrible thing and be completely honest about it not working.

I'm not saying you don't have to do th ebreaking up, but maybe you can ask her if breaking up might not be the best for you both.

I can't be much help any further though. I've only come NEAR a break-up once, and I see my girl more then once a month so I couldn't possibly imagine how your situation is.

Be strong

 

[similar.squirrel]

I'm going through the exact same thing, albeit with a girlfriend of 2 years. I can't really give any advice as I'm pretty panicked about it myself, but I suppose you posted to provide a 'release'. I guess that's what I'm doing as well.

It may turn out alright in the end. My rationale is that that a relationship of that length is stronger than geographical separation.

 

[Sev07]

Thank you, I guess it's as I felt, I am going to try and push for her moving in with me but if it doesn't work I guess I will have to do what I knew deep down would eventually happen. Again I would just like to thank anyone who did post or will post later; I appreciate the input from this community.

 

[SpartakRB]

I had a similar situation with my last girlfriend. We met at university and things were fantastic - even after we graduated and got jobs, we still saw each other every weekend which worked for about a year more. In the end though, we both just drifted apart. One thing I've learnt is that the idea that a strong relationship can overcome any distance is not always true.

The one comment from my ex that sticks with me is that she felt that she subconsciously tried switching off her feelings for me because of the pain she used to feel at us being apart so much, and that it was her way of making sure she didn't feel hurt every single weekend when either one of us left the other to go home. Therefore, I understand entirely why perhaps you girlfriend is weighing up whether she can carry on with the relationship.

It sounds to me that you're at least on the right track by discussing your concerns with each other, because the worst thing either of you could do would be to hold back on expressing your worries. In terms of her not wanting to leave her family/being unable to find jobs, you just have to take that at face value really - it almost certainly is a genuine concern of hers, but it may also be a way for her to rationalise not moving in with you, or it could be both.

 

[PrimoThePro]

Sev... Man, you guys work so well together. I would hate to see you and her break up. If you do, what the hell does that mean for my relationship?!

 

[zombiesinc]

I put this up because I trust the community on the escapist and value your input, and also I just needed to write this out because I need a release.

There comes a time in most relationships where a single choice will determine the direction of things. I can understand where she's coming from, not wanting to leave what's been familiar for such a big portion of her life, but that being said... a relationship only works when both parties are willing to compromise. As it stands, she's finishing school, while you still have two years left. If she's unwilling to sacrifice a little (keep in mind this move doesn't have to be permanent) for your relationship, what impression does that give? I don't doubt she loves you but it seems like she's stuck between the familiar and what she loves and wants to keep.

Have you suggested she move in with you for your last two years of school, then you two could move back? Would that even be something you'd consider? Is it not possible for you to transfer? Not that any one of these are necessarily the best option, but they're all something that should be considered. Take the time during this 'break' to contemplate your options and weigh everything out. You both need to reach some sort of agreement, because the current situation isn't working, and the possible result you're dreading obviously isn't something either of you really seem to want. Best of luck.