Relationship problem
- Thread starter TriGGeR_HaPPy
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What?? That's your problem?TriGGeR_HaPPy said:
Man, don't worry about it.
Why not? Because I'm married, and that's how it is. If we have something to talk about, then sure we'll talk. But when we're just relaxing after a day of work or something, we're not talking up a storm about all sort of things. And I love being married. And, from all accounts, she's very happy.
Now, if we're playing games together, or going for a walk, or what have you, THEN we'll talk fine. But if the two of you are just hanging out, there doesn't need to be a steady stream of talking going on. It's unrealistic since you'll never always have things to say or talk about that she hasn't, or you haven't, heard before. Also sometimes it's just nice to enjoy the other person's company.
The only thing that would make a silence awkward, is if you'll looking like you should be, or want to be, saying something, and you keep stopping yourself. Or, if you break the silence with 'Soooo' or 'Uhhhh', because then it appears you're forcing yourself to be interested. IF you're just hanging out watching TV or something, just watch the TV. If you think of something, say it. If she talks, turn and listen. I also rub my wife's legs and give her little winks during commercials to let her know I'm not ignoring her, so that might work for you.
But don't fret it man. Seems normal to me.
I think it is just because you guys have started going out; first impressions are always very important and i am guessing you are worried that she will think that you guys arent talking enough etc to have a proper relationship.
Calm down, its nice to have silence sometimes, you dont need to fill every second with conversation. I remember having a similar situation with my previous girlfriend where silences would come and go and the primary reason is because you are both nervous because you are a new couple! Give it some time mate, itll be ok!
If you are really worried about it maybe prepare some topics of conversation beforehand? Off the top of my head these can be some:
What are your plans for the summer?
Have you seen [insert film here] yet?
Have you heard the new [insert band here] album yet?
(Because you said she is into Games) Have you played/seen [insert game name here] yet?
Maybe ask her about her friends, how they're doing? Gossip a little maybe?
Maybe read up on whats happening, watch the news or something and start a debate with her (nothing serious lol) on something that caught your interest? Doesn't need to be politics lol, maybe something local thats happening?
Hope that helps, but the key thing is to keep calm and relaxed!
Calm down, its nice to have silence sometimes, you dont need to fill every second with conversation. I remember having a similar situation with my previous girlfriend where silences would come and go and the primary reason is because you are both nervous because you are a new couple! Give it some time mate, itll be ok!
If you are really worried about it maybe prepare some topics of conversation beforehand? Off the top of my head these can be some:
What are your plans for the summer?
Have you seen [insert film here] yet?
Have you heard the new [insert band here] album yet?
(Because you said she is into Games) Have you played/seen [insert game name here] yet?
Maybe ask her about her friends, how they're doing? Gossip a little maybe?
Maybe read up on whats happening, watch the news or something and start a debate with her (nothing serious lol) on something that caught your interest? Doesn't need to be politics lol, maybe something local thats happening?
Hope that helps, but the key thing is to keep calm and relaxed!
Seems like the majority answer is just to relax more.
I must admit, the fact that the majority of you are saying not to worry about it makes me feel a little embarrassed that I've just made a mountain out of an apparent molehill... Although also makes me feel much better
I must admit, the fact that the majority of you are saying not to worry about it makes me feel a little embarrassed that I've just made a mountain out of an apparent molehill... Although also makes me feel much better
Here's what I do when I find myself running out of conversation topics:
Read Wikipedia.
No, seriously. I know that a lot of people go on wikipedia and end up reading useless information for hours by accident, but sometimes I just do it on purpose. The reason? It's not actually useless! If you read up on a lot of varied topics and spraff random facts whenever there's a silence, she's bound to pick up on something you talk about.
Remember that since this is the start of your relationship, there's going to be some natural silences anyway. It always happens when you get to know (relatively) new people. After a while when you know each other a lot better, they'll just stop being awkward altogether.
If all else fails, by the way, I find that asking completely random and irrelevant questions tend to work well. "Soooo... what's your favourite colour?" for example. Just remember to smile, or she might think you're trying to start a serious conversation about colour...
Read Wikipedia.
No, seriously. I know that a lot of people go on wikipedia and end up reading useless information for hours by accident, but sometimes I just do it on purpose. The reason? It's not actually useless! If you read up on a lot of varied topics and spraff random facts whenever there's a silence, she's bound to pick up on something you talk about.
Remember that since this is the start of your relationship, there's going to be some natural silences anyway. It always happens when you get to know (relatively) new people. After a while when you know each other a lot better, they'll just stop being awkward altogether.
If all else fails, by the way, I find that asking completely random and irrelevant questions tend to work well. "Soooo... what's your favourite colour?" for example. Just remember to smile, or she might think you're trying to start a serious conversation about colour...
Well I had the hardiest time striking up a conversation for the longest time. SO I found that its a good idea to talk about her. Ask her whats going on if she is stuck in a game, if the team is doing good stuff like that. Then she should ask you about your day and everything and it establishes a good relationship. Because it make you get to know each other better. I have known my girlfriend for almost 3 years now but we have only been dating for 6 month, but we were really good friends and we talked to each other about our lives and got close. Well good luck man hope it works out!
That's my advice as well. As so many have pointed out, there's nothing wrong with silence. You can enjoy eachother's company even if you don't talk. I'm in a long-distance relationship, so me and my girlfriend talk a lot on the phone while we're not together. We usually spend about 20 minutes not talking at all, just listening to eachother breathe... That sounded a bit scary when I wrote it down, but it's really not. It's nice and comfortable. It feels good just knowing the other person is there, even if you're not doing anything together.Machines Are Us said:
If she finds the silence awkward as well, then have a talk about it. Ask yourselves why that's the case, and try to get around it. The most probable reason you find it awkward is that you feel there's an expectation for you to keep the conversation up. There is no such requirement. Not for her either. Practise feeling secure and comfortable in the mere presence of eachother, and you'll find a joined silence is one of the most relaxing activities in the world.
just ask her how her day went, she's fly into one of her own accord.
With women its getting them to stop talking thats the problem.
With women its getting them to stop talking thats the problem.
Its easy to fill such a gap (granted, you don't have too, no one wants to yak all the time) just flip through your mind about anything you've been wondering about recently, be it philosophy, news, food, or about how that new movie sucked... A conversation is sure to spring from almost any topic.
you sound just like me and my gf, we've been dating for 3 years now. We also knew each other all throughout highschool, from freshman year. But we actually hated each other's guts all the way to our senior year, where my amazing laser tag skills ( crappiest past-time ever) got her attention and respected my authority. ( lol ) but yeah, your actually lucky if you share so many interests,in my situation we are complete opposites with one of the few things in common being the fact that we Alpha-type (we try to be the dominant one in the relationship). But you should be grateful about those moments of silence, its a chance to look into her eyes and hold her hand. I know, it takes alot of balls to do this your first time, but once you get more comfortable with her it wont be so hard to do. You have no idea just how important does moments of silence are. IMO i think the silences means that there is some chemistry between you too, the need to talk means that you dont make her feel comfortable enough to just be next to you. Me and my gf would just sit next to each other for hours on end, enjoying the fact that you got lucky enough to find someone else who cares about you. Now the problem is going to be when you try to talk over the phone, its gonna be an epic fail every time, and thats when you should prepare something to talk about.
P.S: ColdStorage is right, once she gets comfortable with you, and you ask that bear-trap of a question, shell talk for hours... Good luck.
P.S: ColdStorage is right, once she gets comfortable with you, and you ask that bear-trap of a question, shell talk for hours... Good luck.
Ok cool. Thanks to all who contributed to this
For the record, I'm still willing to hear anyone else's opinion, but yea, thanks for the kind words and help on this topic
EDIT: Actually it's kinda interesting like that (replying to above 2 posts). The first time she called me over the phone we talked for about 1 and 3-quarter hours, until about 1 in the morning...
Just on MSN, and in person (usually at school) is when those pauses happen that I Was mainly just wondering if it was me and my epic-fail ability of conversing 1-on-1... The fact that so many of you had this same problem but got through it with flying colours is very good to hear
For the record, I'm still willing to hear anyone else's opinion, but yea, thanks for the kind words and help on this topic
EDIT: Actually it's kinda interesting like that (replying to above 2 posts). The first time she called me over the phone we talked for about 1 and 3-quarter hours, until about 1 in the morning...
Just on MSN, and in person (usually at school) is when those pauses happen that I Was mainly just wondering if it was me and my epic-fail ability of conversing 1-on-1... The fact that so many of you had this same problem but got through it with flying colours is very good to hear
As stated above, most women love talking. They love talking about themselves too, which is good for the both of you. You don't have to talk, and you also get to find out about things that are important to them. They get to talk, and... they like talking.
I read somewhere that if you go on a date with a girl, she'll remember the date more fondly, the more she talked. I don't know why, but that was the deal. Anyway, it's only akward if you let it be. My best friend and I sometimes have lulls in the conversation. No big deal. It usually happens when you've talked all you can on one topic, but didn't really have a lead into your next one.
Don't try to push the conversation. Sometimes the lulls are good times to bring up weird ass topics anyway. For example (stolen from a news article here): If you had a clone, and you met it, would you make out with yourself?
It'll work. it's alllll in the delivery.
I read somewhere that if you go on a date with a girl, she'll remember the date more fondly, the more she talked. I don't know why, but that was the deal. Anyway, it's only akward if you let it be. My best friend and I sometimes have lulls in the conversation. No big deal. It usually happens when you've talked all you can on one topic, but didn't really have a lead into your next one.
Don't try to push the conversation. Sometimes the lulls are good times to bring up weird ass topics anyway. For example (stolen from a news article here): If you had a clone, and you met it, would you make out with yourself?
It'll work. it's alllll in the delivery.
You don't have to talk nonstop enjoy the silence if you see you're both just enjoying each others company and not talking that's when you know that you both like each other
Exactly. Ig-freaking-Zactly.New Troll said:
Don't worry so much about conversation. It's important sometimes, sure, but silence can be nice too.
If you're really desperate for conversation, just throw out simple things like games. If you both enjoy it so much, use it as a conversation starter. "Rembmer that old game ----? What'd you think of it?" etc.
Or, you could find some of those talkative friends of yours and ask how they do it too. I don't doubt they'd be happy to talk your ear off about it.
Good Luck Mate!
