relationship problems

[novixz]

Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about 8 months, and I think I'm in love with her. (I'm 14 btw :/) Okay, let's get right to it, I'm bisexual, she's homophobic, I've been thinking of getting long hair and I bisexual pride tattoo, IDK maybe I'll just outgrow it. :/ But, it's not a matter of if I get it, it's a matter of, would she accept me if I did get it?

 

[Grey Walker]

If it's something you have a strong belief in and she wouldn't accept it, then what future do you have together?

I know 8 months seems like a while and it won't be easy (especially at 14) but if it's an issue where you'll compromise your integrity for someone else, then it's not worth it.

Remember, love has to work both ways.

And trust me, you're not in love. It feels like it, but you're not. Love isn't that easy to get into.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

You're fourteen, hon. You're not old enough to get a tattoo yet anyway.

If she can't accept you for who and what you are, she isn't the right one. Do what makes you happy, and let the world spin merrily on.

 

[Nargleblarg]

If someone cannot accept you for who you are then it won't work in the long run, you cannot hide from yourself forever.

 

[DeadlyYellow]

...? I don't get it.

What's the big deal about being bisexual?

 

[novixz]

I'd figure I'd just give it all time. :/

 

[SeaCalMaster]

I'll join the choir and also point out that you should give a bit more of a description in the thread title.

 

[novixz]

there I changed it.

 

[KoalaKid]

Okay, so I've been dating this girl for about 8 months, and I think I'm in love with her. (I'm 14 btw :/) Okay, let's get right to it, I'm bisexual, she's homophobic, I've been thinking of getting long hair and I bisexual pride tattoo, IDK maybe I'll just outgrow it. :/ But, it's not a matter of if I get it, it's a matter of, would she accept me if I did get it?

Homophobic implies that she is afraid of homosexuals, is this what you mean or do you mean that she is grossed out by or dislikes homosexuality?

 

[Smooth Operator]

Put that tattoo on hold, you may think the picture is cool today but will hate it tomorrow, and the tattoo will stay with you for life.

Ah love, such a dreadful bond.
It doesn't seem like you are in love with the actual person but rather an idea, because that intended bisexual parade is aimed to attack your partner.
Have you really so little consideration for her that you prefer going at it with a backstab instead of simply talking about it?

You may need to think about what it is you are really in love with.

 

[novixz]

No, not to hurt her, to test her. I think love is accepting each other flaws and everything. we have talked about it, ... extensively

 

[novixz]

She just hates them. She hardly talks about her homophobia.

 

[Griphphin]

Have you really so little consideration for her that you prefer going at it with a backstab instead of simply talking about it?

This is what I was thinking. OP, it's one thing for her not to accept you for who you are, it's another thing entirely to suddenly get a tattoo that champions your sexual preferences without consulting her, especially considering you can see this as being an issue between you and her.

 

[Damien Black]

No, not to hurt her, to test her. I think love is accepting each other flaws and everything. we have talked about it, ... extensively

Testing someone you love is not a sign of trust and I would posit that you cannot have love without trust. Testing is inherently distrusting and hurtful. If the other person isn't hurt by it, congratulations! You found a wonderful, tolerant, forgiving person... but you will only have discovered that by proving how little you deserve such compassion.

By doing this you would not only be displaying a deep mistrust of her, but would also be betraying her own trust in your openness towards her.

You need time and perspective, if you think that such testing is a good idea, you may want to rethink the entire relationship.

 

[Griphphin]

No, not to hurt her, to test her. I think love is accepting each other flaws and everything. we have talked about it, ... extensively

Talked about the tattoo extensively, or the issue of homophobia? If you haven't gotten her input yet on the tattoo, that is a conversation you are definitely going to want to have before you get it ratter than after. This is not something you want to surprise her with.

With all of that said, if the whole tattoo thing is just a test for her, that sounds really manipulative on your part. A better test (readne that won't alter your body in a conspicuous way and is more fair to her) would be to not create any kind of convoluted tests to begin with, but sit down with her and directly discuss the issue about your bisexuality and see what she has to say. If she doesn't accept you when everything is out in the open in a reasonable manner, then it may be time to end the relationship.

Trust me when I say this, because I have lived with people who do these kinds of tests all of the goddamn time: When you create a roundabout test like this with specific expectations of the other party going in, a hell of a lot gets lost in translation, and cooler heads rarely prevail. What you end up with is a lot of bruised feelings and trust issues. Be open and honest with her, and see what she thinks.

 

[BeerTent]

I don't want to be that guy, but...

On tattoos, Your 14... I've been planning mine since I discovered Dystopia in its (1 map only) stages. I plan On getting my first tat 3 years from now. Yeah, the cost is part of the reason, but when it comes to these things, you need to plan it for a very long time and really make sure this is you, really make sure you want to be a guy with a Bi-Pride tat, because 3 years down the road, you could look at your arm and decide "You know, this isn't me." Which brings me to...

On your Sexuality, your 14. You can really start exploring it with your 16-18. Hell, I know someone my age who still aren't sure what the fuck they are. You could realize, "Hey, I'm really not into dudes." five years down the road from now.

On love, Yeah, I'm probably the last guy to give advice on this, but if you really, really want to spend your life with 1 girl alone, you'll probably want a girl who's interested in who you are, here's something I read somewhere, "When you really want that special someone, you pretend your someone else, and then it'll all fall apart when she realizes your not someone else." Go for a relationship, but if she really, really can't get into the fact you like the idea of being with another guy too. Then I hate to say it, she may not be worth it.

When it comes to the sexy stuff like this, I generally find the best way of doing it is talking about it face to face. That way, when you say "Oh, I really like [so-and-so]." She doesn't just log off, hang up, and normally, doesn't give you a long pause before they try to understand it. But then again I've never sat down and talked with someone like that in your age group. Prepare yourself for a possible heap of inexperience in discussing stuff like this.

That's my attempt, Novixz. I'm no Dan Savage, but I think this should help.

 

[novixz]

I do have proof we may very will be in love, when we started dating she was Christian and I was Satanic, (shut up the good type of Satanic) she is know kinda Agnostic, IDK what we hardly ever talk about religion. I think I'll hold on the tattoo for now. I respect her boundrys, like when I'm doing something that makes her uncomfortable I'll stop, she seems to think every time something happens she doesn't want to happen the world hates her.

 

[Bara_no_Hime]

No, not to hurt her, to test her. I think love is accepting each other flaws and everything. we have talked about it, ... extensively

Wait, so she already knows you're Bi?

I was about to suggest that you tell her. You should always be honest with your sig-other about your sexual preferences and desires. But it sounds from this like you already have. And she's okay with it? Or just tries to ignore it or what?

On the tattoo issue: a tattoo at 14? Really? I think tattoos are sexy, but really, 14? At least wait until you're 18.

Grow the hair, though. Long hair on guys is hot. ^^

 

[arsenicCatnip]

I do have proof we may very will be in love, when we started dating she was Christian and I was Satanic, (shut up the good type of Satanic) she is know kinda Agnostic, IDK what we hardly ever talk about religion. I think I'll hold on the tattoo for now. I respect her boundrys, like when I'm doing something that makes her uncomfortable I'll stop, she seems to think every time something happens she doesn't want to happen the world hates her.

How old is she? (I'm guessing the same age as you are from the last line of your post.) If you're both 14, you're likely not in love. Changing one's religious beliefs because of another person isn't a good sign.

Also, I didn't take your post as a "I'm testing her". Now that I read it in that light, I think you're making a mistake in doing that.

And again, you are FOURTEEN (should be double-underlined for emphasis). You're not old enough to get tattooed. You're barely old enough to realize that you HAVE a sexuality, much less be 'testing' your 'homophobic' girlfriend by telling her something you know she isn't gonna like. In ten years, you will be an entirely different person than you are now and you will look back and wonder why you made the choices that you did.

I'm willing to bet money you're going to skip my post. Still, I think that all of us in this thread make a valid point: if you have to test someone's love for you by doing something that will very likely make them angry or uncomfortable, that is not love.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

she's homophobic

That's going to kill it right there. Hands down, sorry. If she can't accept that, she isn't worth keeping.