i met her in the 8th grade, my best friend said "hey have you seen the new french girl that just moved here" as he pointed towards an average looking girl. average looking. average. i emphasize this so you fully understand that looks have nothing to do with it. as i saw her the only thing that came out of my mouth was "she's going to be my girlfriend before highschool ends".
summer break hit and i havent extensively talked to her yet, but its ok, i had some hookups in highschool administration which landed me priviledge to her potential schedule, i ensured im in at least 1 or 2 classes with her. i started talking to her, lets not glamorize this, she hated me, she did, she wanted me away from her. but i never gave up, i kept trying, i kept talking to her, i kept coming back even when she said she hated me. it was sophmore year, that i got her to agree to going out with me. and 1 week later came the first breakup. which was heart shattering. and 2 days later, back together, and 1 month later second breakup, and few months later back together, and 1 year later 3rd breakup. (these 3 breakups were all her doing. some because of her friends hating me, some because of her parents hating me etc etc).
it was junior year that was the best year of my life. i really love her. i do, i know i do, all i want is to be able to talk to her, be there for her. anyway, luckily my admin hookups landed me with her exact senior year schedule. she was taking 1 class that my highschool (i got expelled in junior year, so i am now in a diff highschool) didnt offer, i put in to take it at her highschool despite not being allowed on campus, they agreed. BAM i landed in her class. a few weeks of work AND BACK TOGETHER. we went out for 2 more years before i broke it up due to my own insecurities. and 1 month later i came back to her asking her to give me 1 more chance. yet...she said no...after i gave her 3.
not only did she say no but she hooked up with some dude she met on the internet.
its been almost a year and a half since we broke up. i still cant focus, cant sleep, cant think of anything else other than her. i HATE her. i do, i hate her for not giving me the fair chance i should get, especially when i know id make her the happiest person on this planet...how do i know? because her happiness is the only thing that makes me happy. nothing else really matters. and dont get me wrong i love her more than anything, even after a year i cant stop thinking of her. at all.
i hate myself for fucking it up. i hate her for not giving me a second chance, and all i want is her...again....
