Remember when "bullying" entailed physical assault?

[McElroy]

There was a lot of "boys will be boys" -mentality back when I was a kid. I accidentally hit the schoolyard flagpost in a fight once, breaking my finger, and it was mostly a joke to everyone. I had a couple of nicknames I hated, maybe even bullied for some time, but I was never the butt-monkey every class needs. Or maybe for a little while. Anyway, I have a habit of labeling those who have it really bad "black holes of harassment and bullying" or simply whiny liars. Allows me to distance myself from the issue.

The OP may be right about there being more physical bullying in schools in the past, but I barely have anecdotal experiences to speak for me.

 

[Phasmal]

I only got in a few fights in school, so not really. I was teased and that, but I don't see it as a big deal now.

I think it's unfortunate that some people let being a victim of bullying define them. And yes I do know someone with an actual physical reminder of bullying in school (my boyfriend's bent nose from when it was broken)- and he doesn't particularly care much about it. And he does think that most nerds need to get over their bullying.

Maybe it's because we're both older, and school is quite a way behind us.

I understand it happened, but it doesn't really change anything. Everyone has their own shit to deal with.

 

[Shinsei-J]

I used to be beat up on a daily basis in school and I'm only 19. The Australian outback hick culture I guess.
I was a stout kid, not fat but built like a brick shit house and didn't I fit into the usual country town clicks so kids liked to prove themselves by fighting me who didn't fight back. The worst choice I'd ever made. If I had just fought back from the start I wouldn't have been labeled a pushover and been picked on for years to come but I was taught from very young that fighting was bad and even if they try to fight me I should't fight back because I'd hurt them. I later learnt this to be true when I lost it for the first time and cracked a kids head open, with that I was targeted even more and even more scared to fight back. Then one day many years later I lost it again but this time I just kept going. Each time a person would try to beat me up I'd fight back most likely injuring them and this went on until they respected me.
After that I kind of became friends with some of the strongest fighters as they respected me for being the strongest fight in the school.

Then the year after I changed into high school and it happened again, people from all the other schools that had also merged into this high school wanted to prove themselves. This time with warnings from others not to fight me people challenged me and lost.
I had once again been put at the top of the hierarchy but differently from years before I had done it in a matter of months.
After that I only got into a couple of fights as anyone who knew of me knew not to fight me.

It was a fucked up school life and it was only once I had crushed them at their own game that I didn't have to play it.
I have no idea how it would have gone if I was weak or wasn't constantly having full fist fights with my 4 years older brother for the entire time. (Even when I didn't fight back with others I went all out with him learning to give and receive hits everyday for 9 years)
Though I wonder if I would have been targeted as much if I were weaker and wasn't able to take a beating and still be fine.

Well all this bullshit has made me into the person I am and has made me try my best for my dream of doing adolescent psychology to help kids like myself so even if they do have to fight they can still know they're a good person and that I don't regret.

Now, I'm not saying violence is the answer for physical bullying, but... violence is the answer for physical bullying

It really shouldn't be the answer and we do need better solutions to stop bullying but it works and we sure as hell shouldn't tell kids that all violence is wrong and not to defend themselves. That just leads kids to breaking point, feeling no way out and that's when people harm themselves.

We need to stop attacks, threats, intimidation, and violence, not "harden" ourselves against their "inevitable" occurrence.

I agree with you here, we need to stop it at its roots but Brian is going a step in the right direction too. We can only stop so much and kids need to be educated on how to stop bullying with their own power too but what that entails is a matter of opinion at this point, whether it's teaching them how to fight, what to say or who to tell.

[sub]If anything I've written doesn't make sense please excuse me it's 3 am and I haven't slept well in days.[/sub]

 

[Something Amyss]

Standards may have changed for the majority, but for me, "getting physically beaten up" was a major part (not, mind you, the only part) of bullying.

That's the point. I'm like, fifteen years older than you. The standards didn't change for the majority. We had freaking PSAs in the 80s to that end. Bullying has not been strictly defined as having a strong physical element as a necessity. This may be your personal definition or inference, but when you go in and talk about how things used to be, they should be grounded in reality.

I think it's unfortunate that some people let being a victim of bullying define them. And yes I do know someone with an actual physical reminder of bullying in school (my boyfriend's bent nose from when it was broken)- and he doesn't particularly care much about it. And he does think that most nerds need to get over their bullying.

For a lot of people, it doesn't stop at the end of school or whatever. I mean, it's great your boyfriend got over it, but that doesn't sound much different than the usual "gender in games shouldn't matter" stuff we see on here all the time. People react to things differently, and that's the same here is it is with the naysayers of diversity in gaming.

I don't consider myself a "bullying victim," but 20 years of getting the shit kicked out of me has permanently influenced me. It's unlikely to stop, either. Of course, I have more than a bent nose for my trouble, so that might be part of it. Hell, even my back problems hay relate to repeated sustained injuries to the area.

Yes, as I wake up every morning in severe pain, put on my glasses and see slightly off from one side due to an eye that will never quite be perfect again even with corrective lenses or hobble around because even before my back problems I had a wrecked knee, maybe I should just let it go. But I don't know how. And you know what? I sort of resent the notion that people "let" it do anything.

No, I really, really resent it.

 

[Twintix]

What I'm trying to get across, in my rambling, sleep-deprived way, is that since physical bullying is so much less prevalent (not non-existent, but less prevalent) people seem to have forgotten that it was ever a problem to begin with.

Ah, ok. I see. You never meant to undermine verbal bullying and harassment.

It might not be because people have forgotten it exists, but because the ones who are bullied physically don't dare to tell anyone. Kids hate tattletales, after all, and speaking up may ensue in a worse beating. Perhaps with the less prevalent physical abuse, the amount of silent cries have declined as well, making it much harder to detect.
Or maybe some people don't care. The teachers at my middle school sure didn't.

I swear that made more sense in my head, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

 

[Phasmal]

Snip.

Ugh, as usual I'm bad at getting my point across.

I wasn't quite talking about people who had experienced things that severe, but the type of bullying that most `nerds` have experienced. Sorry if you thought I was generalising.
I really was talking about just schoolyard stuff that ends there, and the people who struggle to leave it back there because it became a part of their identity. I was actually thinking of someone I knew when I was typing, so I was too vague.

 

[Something Amyss]

-snip-

Nah. At least in part I overreacted. We all have our pressure points, and this is something that I've dealt with for over 30 years now. Also, my back was having a particularly bad day, which always has the side effect of reminding me of all those lovely days I was told that if I just stood up to people, I wouldn't get the shit kicked out of me.

The reality was, of course, that they used knives and baseball bats and a couple of times I had guns pointed at me. Because standing up for yourself works!

So yeah. Confluence of circumstances.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I'm almost 40, and I experienced a mix of both physical and verbal bullying in elementary/high school. It was equally bad, and I recall viewing both as bullying at the time.

It's possible OP is 75 or something. I don't know how far back we're intended to go here.

The reality was, of course, that they used knives and baseball bats and a couple of times I had guns pointed at me. Because standing up for yourself works!

I think you've shot well past bullying and into the realm of attempted murder, old chum. Did you go to the authorities?

 

[WouldYouKindly]

Still does, just no longer required. Physical wounds are quite obvious, but significantly easier to deal with than emotional wounds. You can go to school authorities with a broken bone or black eye and get something done about it(probably). Come to them with a story about how someone said something mean to you and they'll brush you off.

I, for one, wish the highschool bullies had the balls to actually hit me. I'd have never tolerated it and they probably would have seen the worse of whatever fight went down. In the least the school wouldn't be able to ignore the problem when the hockey player ends up broken bone not relating to his sport. No matter, I was mentally tough enough to handle all their bullshit anyway.

 

[Aurion]

"Remember when "bullying" entailed physical assault?"

Honestly? No.

Speaking generally, the most effective types of bullying don't resort to physical assault to get the bully's point across- a bully beats someone up and it becomes a lot more likely that something actually gets done about them. Threats of physical assault are a pretty common component of bullying, of course. Actual physical assault's never been required, though.

Never really had problems with bullying in school. I have a certain fondness for sharp objects. I think people noticed.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

No. when was that? I almost wish that the torment I had to endure had been the physical variety 'cause that's easier to confront. Verbal abuse is a lot harder to confront.

 

[Denamic]

I was bullied, physical assault included. It hurts being punched, and it's painful to be in a chokehold. But the psychological assaults were by far worse in the long term. Bruises and cuts heal within days, but the feeling that you're worthless as a human being can stick with you for life.

 

[lunavixen]

I got bullied all through school, both physical and verbal, the worst two physicals bullying episodes I can remember is the times I got thrown down the concrete stairwells at the school (that happened three times, the bullies were never caught) and the time two bullies tried to push me off a first floor balcony outside the library onto concrete, I only got out of that second one by fighting really, really hard (to the point I ended up breaking two fingers, the wrist and a rib of one of them without realising it), I had no friends that would stand up to them (I had almost no friends anyway). I haven't been in school for about 8 years and my self esteem is still trashed as a result of all the bullying.

 

[CaptainCoxwaggle]

I wish physical assault was still allowed in school.

When I was in school I got a lot of insults thrown at me for being a nerd. One time three guys ganged up on me after school and beat me up, so I spent the next week following them one by one when they were going home and taking them down when it was a fair fight. Unfortunately I was suspended when one of the pansies cried to a teacher about a broken arm. This incident at least prevented anyone else from trying any physical "assault" on me, but they still kept insulting me and crying to any supervisor or teacher if I attempted to rectify their manners.

So eventually I just decided to lie and tell the teacher that they made racist comments about me and they got suspended. What a world.

 

[Laser Priest]

I only really got physically bullied in school when I was about 14 or 15. And it was less direct bullying me and more that I had some sort of hero complex and felt the need to pick fights with anyone picking on people. I only recall two specific occasions: One douchebag punched me in the face while I was catching a bus after I got him in trouble and another asshole grabbed me and slammed me back first into these metal-wire lockers we had. I think both of the people responsible for those moved away at most a year later though. My last few years of school were pretty damn tame, at least for me. There were fights, yes (and a stabbing once) but they were mostly between people arguing about one thing or another. And I think the stabbing was more of a racism issue than general bullying.

 

[Rebel_Raven]

Spent my entire childhood being bullied in one fashion, or another. Physical, verbal, racist crap (try being the only Asian in a school of over a thousand in the southern united states. You're a lightning rod for every stereotype.), and so forth.
It's like I have some aura that screams "give me a hard time." Even to this day, it goes on, possibly in some dumbassed attempt at humor. Just helps me hate people.

I've been in numerous fights (though it stopped in highschool since the police would get involved) but never started them. they usually ended up broken up, mercifully for the people against me since there's not a whole lot of half way with me, and I know how to hurt people.

Yeah, there's been physical bullying done to me that didn't set me off, too.

I never limited bullying to physical. I think it's absurd to, personally.
I basically define it as oppressing someone. Actively going out of your way to find some way to make them miserable, and only care about doing that. Sure a friend might give you a hard time here and there, but you go hang out, and have fun, and they generally make good balance of being good to you, and being bad. Friendship is give, and take as far as joy goes. Bullying is no giving of joy.

Honestly, the non-violent bullying is the worst, IMO. Talking to people younger than me, it just reminds me of how smart it is to just use hateful words. School staff are nowhere near as likely to move on someone being nonviolently harassed as they would if a punch were thrown. Better yet, for the bully, if the person being harassed gets violent, the bully can play the victim card, and/or the person who threw the first punch gets in the most trouble regardless of the history between them.
It's far harder to fight against a nonviolent bully. It's sorta like going 3 miles per hour over the speed limit. Sure you're speeding, but few cops are going to give enough of a damn to pull you over for it.
It's way easier, IMO, to be non-violent. You're basically not going to get touched, and you can make people miserable, not that I'd care to do this sort of thing. I'm just basing it off observations.
Further, words are as potent for a 90 pound person as they are for a 250 lbs person. An equalizer, so to speak.

Honestly, I feel like I've been treated like an outcast so long, I'm too used to it. It's hard for me to like people, or go out of my way to talk to them in an attempt to be a pal. Working, it's require for me to talk to people, but its different. Bullying can have lasting effects on a person, and there's not a whole lot that can be done about it. Scars are scars. They may fade, but they don't heal. Inspirational bullshit isn't always going to work.

 

[Ranorak]

Lets just say that I know a few people who got bullied a lot.
They usually prefered they days when they were just beaten, instead of the days they were totally ignored, or shunned.

 

[maxben]

Reading through this thread I am quite shocked. I have never been physically bullied and have never met someone who has been. I have seen verbal bullying, but it was rare or a one-time thing instead of a systemic problem where one person was constantly attacked.

 

[Ramzal]

I've been bullied physically a lot when I was younger--even by my own siblings. Ah... the day when I decided enough was enough was honestly a pivotal. I literally decided that I wouldn't take it laying down anymore and the first person someone would hit me would bring upon a time where they would think twice about it. Lost some of those fights, won even more but eventually people stopped trying to physically hit me and start being a bit afraid of me. (I don't LIKE people being afraid of me. But if that's what it takes to avoid a fight altogether and not HAVE to hurt someone, I'd rather intimidate them.) Then they moved onto verbal warfare...

I just ignored them. Compared to being punched, kicked, hit with chairs or slammed into walls it's nothing. So they call me a name--so what? I know what I am and what I am not. I just walk away or if it's the internet, I'd add them to my blacklist or block them. Instant easier life. That being said, it's never easy when you live with a bully. They're there day and night and getting away from that difficult as it was with my brother. But you shouldn't go out of your way to confront a bully either way.