- Mar 17, 2012
- 5,950
- 14
- 43
- Country
- United States
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Millions of horny teenagers received blue-balls today as condom manufacturer Durex has recalled its brand of Batman v Superman condoms, citing that the film's poor reception among critics as the main reason for pulling out of its advertising campaign.
"Honestly, I just want to pretend that this whole cross-promotion thing didn't happen and just cry myself to sleep. This is what happens when you don't partner with Marvel for advertising, especially when they have their own showdown movie coming up with more attractive actors. Let that be a lesson for anyone wanting to get into the superhero branding market, it's a real shit-show of making sure you back the right franchise," said Adrian Bellamy, Reckitt-Benckiser CEO.
Bellamy talked about how the reactions to the film turned his hard-on for cash into a shriveled raisin of shame.
"DC pretty much fucked us over on this deal. They said that the film would be the start of a new franchise but all I know is that we didn't even get to first base. This is probably the worst marketing collapse since the Spotlight Tickle-Me Choir Boy. If things keep going this way, the only option we'll have left is to advertise for the superhero porn films! At least with those, you can excuse the quality because it's porn and doesn't have a $250 million budget."
"I should have known that this film would be awful when Zach Snyder started comparing his Jesus-like figure to the evil space dildo Hitler and his literal space nazis. I could actually see the exact moment when hope died in the stockholder's eyes. The only thing sadder than that was when Ben Affleck looked like Snyder killed his parents when reading the reviews. Overall, this whole thing has been a catastrophe on every individual level. The only place this film belongs is in the trash, where our products should also go after use," said Bellamy.
Snyder himself has been busy dealing with the fallout of the film and has addressed his critics head-on in a YouTube video.
"Look, just because I had Batman kill a few people here and there doesn't mean I'm an incompetent buffoon. I know exactly what I'm doing and that's fucking with the comic book geeks because I know I have them by the balls. They have to support the film if they ever want to see a Justice League film! Suck on that continuity," said Snyder.
Rumor is that Durex is crossing out the v Superman on the condom packaging with a Sharpie marker in hopes of selling them again during The LEGO Batman Movie ad campaign.
-The Narrative with Alex Devine: Going beyond the facts to bring you the news!
*Will talk srs things soon in comments, stay tuned folks!
[/Img_Inline]
Millions of horny teenagers received blue-balls today as condom manufacturer Durex has recalled its brand of Batman v Superman condoms, citing that the film's poor reception among critics as the main reason for pulling out of its advertising campaign.
"Honestly, I just want to pretend that this whole cross-promotion thing didn't happen and just cry myself to sleep. This is what happens when you don't partner with Marvel for advertising, especially when they have their own showdown movie coming up with more attractive actors. Let that be a lesson for anyone wanting to get into the superhero branding market, it's a real shit-show of making sure you back the right franchise," said Adrian Bellamy, Reckitt-Benckiser CEO.
Bellamy talked about how the reactions to the film turned his hard-on for cash into a shriveled raisin of shame.
"DC pretty much fucked us over on this deal. They said that the film would be the start of a new franchise but all I know is that we didn't even get to first base. This is probably the worst marketing collapse since the Spotlight Tickle-Me Choir Boy. If things keep going this way, the only option we'll have left is to advertise for the superhero porn films! At least with those, you can excuse the quality because it's porn and doesn't have a $250 million budget."
"I should have known that this film would be awful when Zach Snyder started comparing his Jesus-like figure to the evil space dildo Hitler and his literal space nazis. I could actually see the exact moment when hope died in the stockholder's eyes. The only thing sadder than that was when Ben Affleck looked like Snyder killed his parents when reading the reviews. Overall, this whole thing has been a catastrophe on every individual level. The only place this film belongs is in the trash, where our products should also go after use," said Bellamy.
Snyder himself has been busy dealing with the fallout of the film and has addressed his critics head-on in a YouTube video.
"Look, just because I had Batman kill a few people here and there doesn't mean I'm an incompetent buffoon. I know exactly what I'm doing and that's fucking with the comic book geeks because I know I have them by the balls. They have to support the film if they ever want to see a Justice League film! Suck on that continuity," said Snyder.
Rumor is that Durex is crossing out the v Superman on the condom packaging with a Sharpie marker in hopes of selling them again during The LEGO Batman Movie ad campaign.
-The Narrative with Alex Devine: Going beyond the facts to bring you the news!
*Will talk srs things soon in comments, stay tuned folks!
