REPORT: "Game Length = Dick Length" says The Order: 1886 Developer

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PsychicTaco115

I've Been Having These Weird Dreams Lately...
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Mar 17, 2012
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EternallyBored said:
Uhh, you guys know this is a psychictaco thread right? The guy that writes all the satire threads that start with REPORT and aren't actually true so the Order 1886 devs never said any of this. I don't want to kill the funny here, but I'd rather we at least cut the devs some slack for stuff they never actually said.
They may not have said it aloud but you can tell they were thinking it :p
Fox12 said:
So, Persona's got a 100 inch dick? That explains a lot, actually. And for only $10.00!
That dick goes from 0-100 real quick, I'll tellyouwat
Evonisia said:
OT: You whip it real hard, lord of Tacos and only clean journalist in the gaming industry.
Someone has to be and I've always been a goody-two shoes c:
 

mad825

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Mar 28, 2010
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Well, there's another reason why The Order: 1886 sucks, Jan is an arsehole who needs to be sacked.
 

Mister K

This is our story.
Apr 25, 2011
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PEOPLE! Jesus Christ! This topic is made by Taco! It's FAKE! It's a JOKE!
 

Evil Smurf

Admin of Catoholics Anonymous
Nov 11, 2011
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This only confirms my suspicions that you're all robots, people don't see in FPS, and if you can all see my dick in 60FPS, than you're all robots and must be destroyed.
Mister K said:
PEOPLE! Jesus Christ! This topic is made by Taco! It's FAKE! It's a JOKE!
You're fake, just like the moon landing!
 

Teoes

Poof, poof, sparkles!
Jun 1, 2010
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Hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.

Schlong is pronounced as if there's no 'c' in there. "Shlong". Sssshhhlong.

Thanks Taco - now any time people talk about game length I'm going to be thinking about penises and sexual performance. Going to be spending a lot of time adjusting my crotch in case I have to walk anywhere..
 

Mutant1988

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Sep 9, 2013
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The general education has failed you if you can't confirm sources or recognize satire.

I mean, come on.
 

Mutant1988

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Teoes said:
Hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.

Schlong is pronounced as if there's no 'c' in there. "Shlong". Sssshhhlong.

Thanks Taco - now any time people talk about game length I'm going to be thinking about penises and sexual performance. Going to be spending a lot of time adjusting my crotch in case I have to walk anywhere..
"What the game lacked in length, it made up for in girth and a good pace. I also found this particular gameplay aspect very ballsy, but I found the difficulty a bit hairy at times and they could probably have shaved that down a bit to appeal to the casual crowd, that prefers a smooth experience"
 

Caiphus

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Mar 31, 2010
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So presumably everyone stays away from Bethesda in the locker room.
 

Evonisia

Your sinner, in secret
Jun 24, 2013
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Mutant1988 said:
Teoes said:
Hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.

Schlong is pronounced as if there's no 'c' in there. "Shlong". Sssshhhlong.

Thanks Taco - now any time people talk about game length I'm going to be thinking about penises and sexual performance. Going to be spending a lot of time adjusting my crotch in case I have to walk anywhere..
"What the game lacked in length, it made up for in girth and a good pace. I also found this particular gameplay aspect very ballsy, but I found the difficulty a bit hairy at times and they could probably have shaved that down a bit to appeal to the casual crowd, that prefers a smooth experience"
Upon reflection, however, it seems that the atmosphere produced by the game was somewhat lacking and made me feel uncomfortable, which I'm not sure was the intention given the solid design at the base of it all.
 
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Even on the basis that this argument is valid, that it's "how one uses it", they used it for cutscenes and QTEs. So, in this comparison The Order 1886 is a chode.
 

Mutant1988

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Evonisia said:
Mutant1988 said:
Teoes said:
Hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times.

Schlong is pronounced as if there's no 'c' in there. "Shlong". Sssshhhlong.

Thanks Taco - now any time people talk about game length I'm going to be thinking about penises and sexual performance. Going to be spending a lot of time adjusting my crotch in case I have to walk anywhere..
"What the game lacked in length, it made up for in girth and a good pace. I also found this particular gameplay aspect very ballsy, but I found the difficulty a bit hairy at times and they could probably have shaved that down a bit to appeal to the casual crowd, that prefers a smooth experience"
Upon reflection, however, it seems that the atmosphere produced by the game was somewhat lacking and made me feel uncomfortable, which I'm not sure was the intention given the solid design at the base of it all.
"It felt like it was about to reach a climax towards the mid point but after a short breather, the game resumed at the previous pace, making for a much more cathartic and satisfying finale for the player. The ending is especially impactful if you play the game in co-op all the way through and are equally invested in the gameplay. However, the game really isn't one that can be replayed immediately after you have finished it. It needs to be given a pause before you return to it, due to the considerable drop in hardness in the early game, compared to the late game. However, watching gameplay footage or discussing the game, especially with prospective co-op partners, does entice you to return to it. Quite often too. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a co-op partner though, but it can be plenty enjoyable in your lonesome as well. If you play it in co-op, there is a wide variety of modes with various settings and there is possible to play with any configuration of peripherals. Be vary of the age rating as well, as it's not a game suitable for minors. But for an adult audience, it's highly recommended and playing it in co-op on a regular basis can improve your relation to your co-op partner. It is generally frowned upon to play the game with different players in co-op however, since you can lose all your persistent progression (Across the series) and lose your regular co-op partner. But then again, some players prefer to just pick up and play with anyone, and the game works for them too. It's also not a good idea to upload gameplay footage of the game unless you have the permission of both players and know that you can't control how that footage is used and where once it's uploaded. Make sure that you have a firewall on your network though, as there has been instances of nasty malware infecting player systems through the game."

This was fun. The world needs more sex jokes.
 

Evonisia

Your sinner, in secret
Jun 24, 2013
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I just realised that the newest Rayman games have a good length for kids, and I want to burn myself at the stake for it. No, I shall burn the developer for giving the comparison!
 

Dragonbums

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May 9, 2013
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Baffle said:
Bad Jim said:
Of course, the question is, does it satisfy the ladies? What do the female escapists think?
Apparently it's five hours long at the minimum, so possibly they'll just be kind of sore. And maybe worried about all the stuff they meant to get done that day.
Watchu talking about? The fans of Iron Bull and Garrus Vakarian says otherwise
 

CannibalCorpses

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Charli said:
Bad Jim said:
Of course, the question is, does it satisfy the ladies? What do the female escapists think?
Well according to this scientific research I like 30+ Long dicks.


AINT NO MAN BIG NUFF FOR ME.
That's what fisting is for...when all else fails...

Wizards sleeve or budgies tongue? :p
 

Dornedas

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As usual discussion is completely fruitless without a specific definition where to start and where to end with measurement.
Does the tutorial count into the length ?
What about the unskippable intro sequence ?
And when does the game end ?
Is it once you killed the endboss or only after the credits are over and everybody thanked their pets for the emotional support.

You guys can't just start a discussion without clear definitions.
 

Jandau

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Dec 19, 2008
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*sigh* The problem isn't the game length - it's the price point and the level of quality. Ask people to pay full AAA release price for a 5-6 hour mediocre corridor shooter with no replay value and they'll be pissed. You need to either drop the price, increase the quality or provide more content at the same level of quality. But it would appear that Dana Jan is too mesmerized by his own dick to realize that...
 

Teoes

Poof, poof, sparkles!
Jun 1, 2010
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Dornedas said:
As usual discussion is completely fruitless without a specific definition where to start and where to end with measurement.
Does the tutorial count into the length ?
What about the unskippable intro sequence ?
And when does the game end ?
Is it once you killed the endboss or only after the credits are over and everybody thanked their pets for the emotional support.

You guys can't just start a discussion without clear definitions.
Lemme take a stab at these; see if we can't put some notions to bed..

1) Yes. It is the foreplay of the experience. Gets you ready to go and gives you an idea of what you're in for.
2) No, you have to start from the base of the shaft. Maximum insertable length.
3) When the guy falls asleep.
 

Barbas

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Oct 28, 2013
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EternallyBored said:
I'm afraid that directly contradicts this powder-encrusted dispatch I've just been handed. I'm sure you can understand that I'd rather take the word of industry professionals. Now if you'll excuse me, Molyneux is using Kickstarter money to throw another opulent buffet and I have it on good authority that there will in fact be mousse.

Caiphus said:
So presumably everyone stays away from Bethesda in the locker room.
Our sources report that "Tupac would be proud".
 

seris

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Oct 14, 2013
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Saying game length is equal to dick length is such an idiotic comparison. If I were to spend 60 dollars on a game it better be worth the 60 dollars I spent on it. I spent 10 dollars on garrysmod and I have 4350+ hours over 5 years of playing