REPORT: Greenpeace Celebrates Earth Day by Burning Human Effigies

[PsychicTaco115]

[Img_Inline width="250" height="300" Caption="It's like Burning Man but more with more guilt-tripping"]http://i.imgur.com/o2oiT6p.jpg
[/Img_Inline]

Earth Day is usually a time when that one Facebook friend shames everyone about not being environmentally conscious as they are. Not wanting to be out of the spotlight for a few minutes, Greenpeace today decided to help add to global carbon emissions by burning human effigies in protest for how humans treat their home planet.

"Humans are the disease and we're the cure! By cure, I mean we usually pester others to donate to our cause but that's besides the point. With this giant monument to our sins, the necessary conversations can begin to hopefully bring some much needed change ASAP. This great feat was made possible by contributions from on-lookers like you. Thanks suckas! You just got gipped" said Greenpeace CEO Kumi Naidoo

Naidoo also voiced her displeasure at the current environmental policies and the future of the organization.

"At this rate, humans will be the only animals left in the world. The rate of extinction has been increasing almost several billion percent since the world started. How much longer can this continue without karmic justice being met out by some Egyptian snake god? You don't want to mess with snake gods, they will wreck you."

"Really, just f*ck this gay earth in general. I'm hoping to run a Kickstarter to help fund a rocketship so that our organization can help cultivate a healthier planet. We don't want fascist governments to get their grubby hands on space colonization. As the forerunners of humanity, we need to pick the best among the best so obviously that means me. I for one welcome peaceful interactions with our new alien allies. At least they don't intentionally poison the very core of their planet for a few bucks" said Naidoo.

At the time of writing, the #NotAllHumans has been trending for a few hours with fierce 'debate' happening on both sides.

Stay tuned for shock of this event to die down and an even crazier act of political activism to take place.

<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzwYGE4VGE0>Source

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[Albino Boo]

I think Greenpeace have become a piece of conceptual art subverting the idea of protest. Its the only way to explain Greenpeace's damaging of the 1500 year old Nazca lines http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-30422994 or allowing a senior executives to fly the 250 miles to work from his home in the taxhaven of Luxembourg http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/23/greenpeace-defends-top-executive-flying-to-work

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Hypocrites. The long term consequences of human burning will make things WORSE, not better.

You have to freeze humanity with Liquid Nitrogen for the best results. It's scientifically proven.

 

[RJ 17]

The funniest part about this one is that I could actually believe Greenpeace doing this.

 

[BrokenTinker]

As a former greenpeace volunteer circa 97-02... I can't say I'm surprised. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the grassroot members are in it to help the environment and saving shit. But when actual information get twisted and printed onto a pamphlet to serve as propaganda, something is definitely off.

I still remember the fake information regarding the seal hunt, how the locals -including the natives- were treated by these so called 'activists' for trying to survive off the land. How they were accused of clubbing baby seals (even now), when that practice had been outlawed for years. How they were accused of hunting the seals closer to extinction (not even the right species, the species being hunted were at an all time high at that point that even a aerial shot can tell you as much).

So all the less radical members started to drop off, leaving the ones that does stunt like this to remain :\ Can't say I'm surprised. It's like everything I ever tried to help with came to bite me in the ass

 

[Knight Captain Kerr]

There actually are people who think humans should become extinct because they see it as the morally correct thing to do. They might sound like a Final Fantasy villain or the machines from The Matrix but from what I've gathered their plan appears to be more along the lines of the film Children of Men except we all have to agree to do it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voluntary_Human_Extinction_Movement

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Hypocrites. The long term consequences of human burning will make things WORSE, not better.

You have to freeze humanity with Liquid Nitrogen for the best results. It's scientifically proven.

Do you know how much carbon is used storing liquid nitrogen for mass human freezings? We would be better sticking to good old stonings. Rocks are a renewable source of human genocide and it has the bonus of allowing the earth to give some punches in payback.

 

[Pirate Of PC Master race]

Do you know how much carbon is used storing liquid nitrogen for mass human freezings? We would be better sticking to good old stonings. Rocks are a renewable source of human genocide and it has the bonus of allowing the earth to give some punches in payback.

I agree. But only with human powered sources.

I cannot express how inefficient those electricity/gas operated rock shooters are.

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

Do you know how much carbon is used storing liquid nitrogen for mass human freezings? We would be better sticking to good old stonings. Rocks are a renewable source of human genocide and it has the bonus of allowing the earth to give some punches in payback.

I agree. But only with human powered sources.

I cannot express how inefficient those electricity/gas operated rock shooters are.

That is a problem. Especially since human rock throwers have a tendency to get emotional about the issue and lose sight of the greater good self inflicted extinction can bring to the environment. I did once suggest at we could use timber to construct catapult to fling the rocks... that did not go down well.

 

[PsychicTaco115]

There actually are people who think humans should become extinct because they see it as the morally correct thing to do.

I guess that explains why some guy gave me a pamphlet telling me to "Literally Kill Yourself"

The funniest part about this one is that I could actually believe Greenpeace doing this.

Does that make me a knowledgeable writer or does that make Greenpeace that much crazier?

 

[RJ 17]

Does that make me a knowledgeable writer or does that make Greenpeace that much crazier?

Those aren't necessarily two mutually exclusive ideas. :3

I mean hell, PETA made a Pokemon game and they're just as crazy - perhaps a bit more crazy, to be fair - than Greenpeace.

 

[Fox12]

Well, of course they did. How else are they supposed to regain their humanity so that they can summon in help for the final boss?

Incidentally, I'll just... I'll just leave this here.
https://youtu.be/EyQt9wT82No?t=2m28s

 

[marioandsonic]

There actually are people who think humans should become extinct because they see it as the morally correct thing to do. They might sound like a Final Fantasy villain or the machines from The Matrix but from what I've gathered their plan appears to be more along the lines of the film Children of Men except we all have to agree to do it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voluntary_Human_Extinction_Movement

Makes you wonder why they don't just engage in a mass suicide to show how dedicated they are to their cause.

 

[Anti-American Eagle]

Something Something Save the World Kill Yourself Something Something... Oh Greenpeace, if you jumped into the arms of the Church of Euthenasia I'd... I'd actually be scared. They'd find a way to go beyond humans and decide that everything needs to die. Likely by pouring bleach into everything and pumping it into the atmosphere.

Thinking about it, with the Nazca lines incident from awhile back I could actually see them doing this.

 

[Bob_McMillan]

I wouldn't be surprised if this was true.

I remember when my teacher had me do a report on Greenpeace years ago, supposedly in a positive way, but all I could think was that these guys were huge dicks.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

Why is that hilarious accidents like the burning man falling over and onto these clowns never happens? I feel like we're being cheated.

 

[Darks63]

Well maybe they just wanted to reverse their hollowing. I mean it will be had to get new members if everyone looks like a zombie.

 

[lacktheknack]

I can't tell if this is too on-the-nose or not on-the-nose enough, but I know it's one of those things.

 

[wass12]

Well maybe they just wanted to reverse their hollowing. I mean it will be had to get new members if everyone looks like a zombie.

Nah, burning an effigy prevents the joining of new players.