"Return the slab... or suffer my curse."

[Xeros]

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"Tonight, you will be visited by three plagues, each one worse than the last".

Originally, it was a flood (which made no sense, but what the hell, I can dig it), then it was very loud, and annoying (albeit, quite hilarious) music, and then the ridiculously overpowered locusts.

So, if it were your slab, what three plagues would you put on it? (And remember, that the plagues have to progress so that each one is worse than the last.)

I would have:

1. Pitch black darkness, that even the most powerful of light sources could not pierce.

2. A hoard of insects, of varying shapes, sizes, and creepyness.

3. A great flood, summoning with it the worst underwater horrors of the fantasy world.

I dunno about you, but I'd give that damn thing back at the very beginning of the second plague.

Side note: I would say "cookie for the reference", but if you don't get this reference, I pity you.

EDIT: I know it's a tad late to add this in, but whatever. For any new poster in the thread, and for those revisiting it:

At which plague would you give the slab back?

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

The idea is, you wake up and find the slab. Decide to drop it somewhere so it's gone. Then you find out the second punishment, so you go with it. Then comes number 3.

 

[eggy32]

First of all you lose all of your sense except for pain, which becomes more intense.
Then everything on the world becomes engulfed in fire.
Third you are granted immortality.

 

[SextusMaximus]

An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

How do you tie up a testicle?

 

[MissGinaKid]

First. A swarm of angry hornets to attack the people.
Second. A large fire to distroy the plants.
Third. A earthquake accros the planet to take care of the building.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

How do you tie up a testicle?

Do not question the torture slab.

Real answer: I dunno, but my guess is it'd be painful. It's from an old joke anyway.

 

[Kajin]

Ahh, Courage the cowardly dog. Been awhile since I watched that show.

An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

The idea is, you wake up and find the slab. Decide to drop it somewhere so it's gone. Then you find out the second punishment, so you go with it. Then comes number 3.

Dude... That's just cruel.

 

[silver wolf009]

Courage the Dog for the win dude!

OT:
1: Freezing cold for hours, but not enough to kill you
2: Wildabeast. SO many wildabeasts
3: Your worst enemy has complete control over you and your surroundings

EDIT: slab of mica, enscribed with ancient words that open portals to a sort of pocket dimension where you are god.

 

[Sun Flash]

1. They will have to sit through the entire run of Everybody Loves Raymond.
2. They will be given bubble wrap to play with, but all the bubbles will be popped.
3. They will get an itch all over their body, which will, but boxing gloves will be surgically attached to all limbs.


I don't know. I'm not very good at this.

 

[Blasphemous Rex]

1. You know exactly what's going to happen next, but have no ability to change it.

2. You start knowing other things that happen next, but they don't come true. That is, you expect them, and now you can't trust anything.

3. Every other perception is of you dying.

 

[flaming_squirrel]

1) All programs are replaced by reality tv.

2) Millions of tracksuit wearing halfwits who hurl abuse and threaten innocent people for no logical reason.

3) Crane flies.



OH SHI-

 

[crimson5pheonix]

First curse, loud explosive pop sounds come randomly in the day. (85 db)
Second curse, loud high pitched tones all day. (115 db) (18,000-22,000 Hz)
Third curse, ear splitting white noise until deaf. (140 db)

 

[johnman]

A Plauge of biting ants and mosqutios
A Plague of lava rain
Cuthulu

 

[Macgyvercas]

First curse: All your electronic devices stop working.
Second curse: All your electronics explode when you touch them
Third curse: Cthulhu appears and destorys you.

Lack of imagination on number 3. So sue me.

EDIT: Ninja'd on 3 by the guy above me. Nuts.

 

[Tireseas_v1legacy]

The slab of the dying d--k.
1) the shrinking of the genetalia.
2) perminant ED.
3) the full falling-off of the genetalia.

 

[Impluse_101]

Kthulu
Godzilla
Kthulu V.S. Godzilla...on your bed...with your mother.

 

[VincentX3]

I only need 1 curse!

1) Britney Spears



Cant get worse than that

 

[Redratson]

I would probably have mine be a dull iron slab, curses as follow:

1. A angry spirit of myself would harrass the people who have my slab to return it at once or face my wrath.
2. Big ghostly Irish Wolfhounds would stalk them and kill their pets and harm, not really so much kill, their friends or loved ones and they would claw on the wall "Return"
3. If they are not smart enough to return it then they would recieve death via a shadow, but not before it kills the people who are close to them before it gets them. Then the shadow will return my slab.

 

[The Maddest March Hare]

1. You will wake up in the morning with the words "iPads suck" tattooed on your forehead and a ravenous horde of Apple fanboys outside your house.

2. You will be forced to play Battletoads on 40x normal speed over and over, only being freed from the second curse when you complete the game. Twice.

3. Elevator music will begin playing in your head, drowning out all other sounds. The only break from this will be brief moments of "cheapo company on hold" songs.

 

[manythings]

King RAMESES! *the man in cloth, the man in cloth*

1. Eternal Unease
2. Prostate Swelling up like a ballon/An eternal period cramp
3. No reprieve even if it is returned.