"Return the slab... or suffer my curse."

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Trivun

Stabat mater dolorosa
Dec 13, 2008
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Xeros said:
Trivun said:
First curse: You begin to feel things much more. All your senses become overhyped and too strong, literal torture. Anyone who thinks that having really powerful senses is a good thing (like, better sex, or whatever) should read the Well of Echoes novel series, by Ian Irvine. In that series is a character called Ullii (pronounced ooh-lee), who is hypersensitive.

She's only 18, yet has lived her life in pretty much total darkness and constant pain for ten years, since her abilities manifested. Even a candle-light is too strong for her, she needs to keep her eyes closed all the time just to see normally and is blinded by normal light, until special goggles are later made for her. She can smell things from massive distances away, even better than a dog, which is torture when you can smell things like the waste from next-door's toilet, or someone walking a hundred metres away who hasn't bathed for ages.

Ullii also has overhyped taste. She can't eat anything more than bland gruel and vegetables, she can rarely even stomach fruit, and can't even be near strong flavours like spices, because of the smell. She has overhyped hearing and a whisper is like someone shouting directly into her ears unless she has goggles on. And finally, worst of all, she can't touch things because her sense of touch is too strong. She has to wear special clothes and gloves made of a substance in the series called spider-silk, and even holding someone else's hand is like hooks tearing into her skin.

So yeah, hypersensitivity is a really bad form of torture.

So as I say...

First Curse: Hypersensitivity.

Second Curse: Succubi from the underworld come to you and pleasure you in all sorts of different sexual ways. Remember the hypersensitivity, so it's literally a world-shattering good sensation, but mixed with really bad pain, from the touch and from the sound of their moans of pleasure.

Third Curse: A series of knives plunge themselves into you, starting in the least sensitive areas, justb pricking at first, and slowly cutting your body over time. Moving towards the more sensitive parts of the body, and causing even more agony, always leaving you alive by not cuting or stabbing any vital parts. This carries on for as long as possible, until you finally succumb and die.

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Bloody hell, I've just thought, this could be the new idea for my next short story! I've had writer's block for a fair while now, so this can be my new idea. In the style of Clive Barker, perhaps... ;)
Dear god... it's a little early, but I'm gonna have to award (current) most torturous slab to you.
Oh believe me, you aren't going to get anything worse than that. I'd like to meet the person who does beat me. Seriously, when it comes to thinking up fiction, I have an excetionally twisted and sick mind. You should have seen some of the stuff I posted on the Short Story Thread, or indeed on the Saw Traps thread ages ago (not sure if you'd be able to find that one in the searchbar, can't remember if it was locked or 403ed...). That is some messed up shit there...
 

Xeros

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Aug 13, 2008
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Rawker said:
1. You have to beat "I wanna be the guy" without rage quitting.
2. Navi follows you around IRL, and if you kill her two more pop up.
3. You are sent to the parallel universe where everyone speaks in puns.
Heh, I'd have the time of my life in number 3. You might want to switch 3, with 1. Having to beat 'I wanna be the guy' without rage quitting while Navi's pissing you off? It'd be absolute madness.

Velvo said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
What if you is a lady? Are ladies in the clear? Can they just have the slab?

In any case

1. Total deafness
2. Constant banana-phone song
3. An occasional pause in the music accompanied by a stern "You gonna give it back yet?"
Wouldn't the deafness negate the other plagues?
 

zombiejoe

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Sep 2, 2009
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Xeros said:
Search Bar Approved!

"Tonight, you will be visited by three plagues, each one worse than the last".

Originally, it was a flood (which made no sense, but what the hell, I can dig it), then it was very loud, and annoying (albeit, quite hilarious) music, and then the ridiculously overpowered locusts.

So, if it were your slab, what three plagues would you put on it? (And remember, that the plagues have to progress so that each one is worse than the last.)

I would have:

1. Pitch black darkness, that even the most powerful of light sources could not pierce.

2. A hoard of insects, of varying shapes, sizes, and creepyness.

3. A great flood, summoning with it the worst underwater horrors of the fantasy world.

I dunno about you, but I'd give that damn thing back at the very beginning of the second plague.

Side note: I would say "cookie for the reference", but if you don't get this reference, I pity you.
Was that second curse something like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7THfwjstNr8

KING RAMSES!

THE MADNESS NEVER ENDS! *Slams head into oven*
 

Cheery Lunatic

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Aug 18, 2009
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Courage the Cowardly Dog made my childhood. If there was a DVD release, I would have it. :(

My Plagues:
1. Millions of mosquitoes with their infuriating buzzing.
2. Be surrounded by screaming yaoi fangirl weeaboos.
3. Have hot sauce consistently shot into your eyes.
 

Velvo

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Jan 25, 2010
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Xeros said:
Velvo said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
What if you is a lady? Are ladies in the clear? Can they just have the slab?

In any case

1. Total deafness
2. Constant banana-phone song
3. An occasional pause in the music accompanied by a stern "You gonna give it back yet?"
Wouldn't the deafness negate the other plagues?
Since it's magic anyway, the deafness does not effect the song or the stern voice. I should have noted that they are all just in your head. Nothing to do with the ears, so you can't just plug em or something.
 

T3h Merc

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Dec 24, 2008
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1. A man appeares behind you, warns you of the curses to come. Before he leaves, he punches you in the throat and knees you in the groin.

2. A constant, infinitely, increasing in volume, and horrifying shriek follows you. Only you can hear it.

3. The man returns and tells you that you have failed. Your body is racked with such pain that you can do nothing but howl.
 

Paksenarrion

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Mar 13, 2009
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Ornate, gold funeral slab. Much like an ancient Egyptian sarcophagus, it bears my likeness, down to the finest details. Anyone who touches the slab bears my mark: a slight discoloration, like a recently healed scar, on one side of their mouth. In the coming weeks, those who came in contact with my slab will suffer the following curses:

1. Heightened senses, to the point of preternatural ability. (1 week after contact)

2. Increased strength and stamina, gradually reaching superhuman feats. (1 month after contact)

3. I take over your body. (1 year after contact) ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL.
 

Skullmaster123

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Dec 18, 2009
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My slab is made of plutonium.
1. You lose your legs.
2. You lose your arms.
3. You are given an eternal erection that for every second you aren't jackin' off, burns at 1000 degrees celsius.

Have fun.
 

The Shade

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Mar 20, 2008
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1. Fire from the sky
2. Fire from the ground
3. Profit.

I mean, Fire from the oceans.

Everybody loves fire, right?
 

Xeros

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Aug 13, 2008
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zombiejoe said:
Xeros said:
Was that second curse something like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7THfwjstNr8

KING RAMSES!
XD Indeed it was.

Cheery Lunatic said:
Courage the Cowardly Dog made my childhood. If there was a DVD release, I would have it. :(

My Plagues:
1. Millions of mosquitoes with their infuriating buzzing.
2. Be surrounded by screaming yaoi fangirl weeaboos.
3. Have hot sauce consistently shot into your eyes.
I have to say that second one made my laugh hysterically. Thank you for that.

Velvo said:
Xeros said:
Velvo said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
What if you is a lady? Are ladies in the clear? Can they just have the slab?

In any case

1. Total deafness
2. Constant banana-phone song
3. An occasional pause in the music accompanied by a stern "You gonna give it back yet?"
Wouldn't the deafness negate the other plagues?
Since it's magic anyway, the deafness does not effect the song or the stern voice. I should have noted that they are all just in your head. Nothing to do with the ears, so you can't just plug em or something.
Got'cha. Thanks for clarifying.

Skullmaster123 said:
My slab is made of plutonium.
1. You lose your legs.
2. You lose your arms.
3. You are given an eternal erection that for every second you aren't jackin' off, burns at 1000 degrees celsius.

Have fun.
Hahaha! Well played, but what if you're long enough to blow yourself, would that count? I'm not, so I'd still be pretty fucked (or, not fucked depending on how you look at it), but if you we're, would that be a way out?
 

Logic 0

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Aug 28, 2009
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1) you will be only able to play online games for the rest of your life.

2)You will be only be able to hear things very loudly.

3) your hands will fall off.
 

LordWalter

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Sep 19, 2009
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Sun Flash said:
1. They will have to sit through the entire run of Everybody Loves Raymond.
2. They will be given bubble wrap to play with, but all the bubbles will be popped.
3. They will get an itch all over their body, which will, but boxing gloves will be surgically attached to all limbs.


I don't know. I'm not very good at this.
ARE YOU KIDDING!? THIS IS GENIUS!

My version:
My slab would be an iPad (which is slightly less useful than a granite slab)

1. All video games are warped into the ether. As a prelude to this, all your save files will be corrupted one day beforehand.

2. All books disappear into another dimension. As a prelude, they are all translated into a mysterious and esoteric language which none can understand (Let's go with Spanish.)

3. The deadliest and most horrendous of all plagues. Foreshadowed only by the ominous disappearance of your neighbors unsecured WiFi network called "LinkSys" (which you have been using to download liberal amounts of debased hentai pornography). The day after, in an instant, The Internet disappears.

Forever.

And everyone knows it's your fault.
 

GLo Jones

Activate the Swagger
Feb 13, 2010
1,192
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My slab would be made of swirly marble.

Curse/day 1: Everyone goes about their lives, but whenever you speak to them, they don't acknowledge you, they just repeat you.

Curse/day 2: The next day, everyone continues with curse 1, but they all have your face, and they scowl at you.

Curse/day 3: People now stop what they're doing, and just come over to stare at you. While they would cause you no harm, you'd find people everywhere, staring at you through all windows. When you leave the house, people are everywhere, all with you're face, all scowling. Over the next few weeks, you then have to watch everyone, with your face, slowly wither and die.
 

Redalert9r9r

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Apr 9, 2010
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SextusMaximus said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.
How do you tie up a testicle?
By not returning the slab.
 

Eggsnham

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Apr 29, 2009
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You are cursed to be living in a world which can only be compared to something along the lines of a permanent acid trip.

Next, you will be overrun by thousands upon thousands of un-dead warriors, all maiming and torturing you, one by one, but you never die.

Then, if you fail to comply with giving back the slab, you'll be condemned to your personal hell until you give it back.

Also, that episode scared the shit out of me way back when.
 

arcticphoenix95

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Apr 30, 2010
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1. a deep fried banana is placed in your rectum. 2. all movies are now made by tyler perry. 3. everything (except you) will be covered with ZADR fan art. (p.s, your eyelids will disappear.)
 

swolf

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May 3, 2010
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SextusMaximus said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.
How do you tie up a testicle?
Do you really want to know? I would imagine you just pull and tie.