"Return the slab... or suffer my curse."

[ragestreet]

1) I would replace all media on the TV and Internet with Jersey Shore
2) I would cause clones of the cast and crew to film it with the victim
3) Then I'd throw Justin Bieber in there.

 

[Simriel]

1. all your internets are belong to me
2. 50 of me appear and begin to harass you
3. starwars christmas special.

The Star Wars whatmas special?

you've heard of so bad it's good? the star wars christmas special is so bad it's horrible.

No, you don't understand, The Star Wars whatmas special?

your right, I dont.

This movie does not exist.

sure, you can go on ignoring the horrible truth.

No he is right. And there is only one matrix movie, and Alien Resurrection never happened. neither did Starship Troopers 2.

 

[interspark]

Second Curse: Succubi from the underworld come to you and pleasure you in all sorts of different sexual ways. Remember the hypersensitivity, so it's literally a world-shattering good sensation, but mixed with really bad pain, from the touch and from the sound of their moans of pleasure.

you know, that doesnt actually sound that bad, true, i could do without the slow torturous death but i could give the slab back after curse 2

Bear in mind that you keep the effects of Curse 1 for the rest of your life. I really should have stated that earlier, but I'm too lazy. So you'd basically suffer for the rest of your life in the same way Ullii does in the Mini-Wall'O'Text that I posted...

That said, I'd probably do the same as you, even with that problem

you cant do that! the whole point of the curses is to persuade the thief to return the slab in exchange for them being lifted!

 

[chibitenshin]

Made an account for this thread.

1)You would wake up next to someone you don't know, a man if you dig womans or a woman if you dig man. And when you want to leave, assuming you drank too much last night, you see a picture on the wall of you + the person that lay besides you + 2 (adopted?) kids.
Everything in your life will be gone and replaced, except for your feelings and memories.

2) Every night you will be back in your normal life, but everytime you want to talk with someone in that real life you will wake up and face your new reality.
EDIT: Ofcourse, this will happen just before you're getting used to you new life. extra painfull.

3) You will get everlasting life, but when you start to love someone their life will get shorter than a year. You'll love and lose, heartbroken and no way to quit.



Can't imagine something worse.

 

[xXAsherahXx]

Search Bar Approved!

"Tonight, you will be visited by three plagues, each one worse than the last".

Originally, it was a flood (which made no sense, but what the hell, I can dig it), then it was very loud, and annoying (albeit, quite hilarious) music, and then the ridiculously overpowered locusts.

So, if it were your slab, what three plagues would you put on it? (And remember, that the plagues have to progress so that each one is worse than the last.)

I would have:

1. Pitch black darkness, that even the most powerful of light sources could not pierce.

2. A hoard of insects, of varying shapes, sizes, and creepyness.

3. A great flood, summoning with it the worst underwater horrors of the fantasy world.

I dunno about you, but I'd give that damn thing back at the very beginning of the second plague.

Side note: I would say "cookie for the reference", but if you don't get this reference, I pity you.

Courage the Cowardly Dog!!!!

 

[crimson5pheonix]

An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

How do you tie up a testicle?

With a clove hitch. Or a bowline if you're a show off.

 

[Cain_Zeros]

1. The same hypersensitivity as with Trivun's slab. This continues throughout the other two plagues.

2. You wake up to find yourself lying on a beach (one of those ones that's normally painful to walk on) naked, and you can't move.

3. Crabs start walking across your body.

The slab is made of obsidian, and has the meaning of life on it in Latin, meaning you'd need to take it and translate it if you want the meaning of life.

 

[Blatherscythe]

Curse 1, listening to elevator music for 2 hours, second part, the music gets louder and your locked in a dark room for 2 hours, third part, the music stops and the light turns back on only to reveal a monster ready to devour you in a horrific and disgusting fashion. The moral of the story, return the god-damn slab! Don't even ask for 1 million dollars!

 

[GLo Jones]

Made an account for this thread.

1)You would wake up next to someone you don't know, a man if you dig womans or a woman if you dig man. And when you want to leave, assuming you drank too much last night, you see a picture on the wall of you + the person that lay besides you + 2 (adopted?) kids.
Everything in your life will be gone and replaced, except for your feelings and memories.

2) Every night you will be back in your normal life, but everytime you want to talk with someone in that real life you will wake up and face your new reality.
EDIT: Ofcourse, this will happen just before you're getting used to you new life. extra painfull.

3) You will get everlasting life, but when you start to love someone their life will get shorter than a year. You'll love and lose, heartbroken and no way to quit.



Can't imagine something worse.

The first too are pretty damn creepy, while the third is just plain horrible.

Plus, welcome to the Escapist! Get comfortable, avoid moderator wrath, and don't order the fish!

 

[mr.aravaro]

I would just return the slab. Nothing good happens if you keep it anyway.

 

[ParkourMcGhee]

3. A great flood, summoning with it the worst underwater horrors of the fantasy world.

... but he's fhtagn! And the euclidian nature of our world would confuse him!

1. Plague of stomach upset... everybody has dhiorreah and vomits continuously - there is no respite and no way to get to sleep either.

2. Plague of skin ailment. People develop nasty sores, blisters, nails start falling off and finally extremities start rotting.

3. Plague of Fluid. The once blisters burst and don't form crusts, other pores start leaking blood, and people literally drown in their own bodily fluids.

Those are pretty bad, right?

I'd say that's how the law works anyway, there to punish, not to correct the problem.

 

[ObsessiveSketch]

RAAAAAAAAAAMSEEEEEEEEEEEES. the man in guaze, the man in guaze
<youtube=NhR-HPDKYkc>

 

[crimson5pheonix]

Oh wait, how about this.
1. A floating finger pokes you at the base of your skull constantly.
2. A floating hand slaps you across the face constantly.
3. A floating foot kicks you in the shin constantly.
All the curses stack.

 

[Snarky Username]

Well, I'll make it extra challenging and try to relate each of my plagues to the original ones.

1. Instead of the natural disaster of a flood, let's have a tornado!

2.

Spoiler: Lets have a little more of this

3. Last but not least, instead of being eaten by a storm of locusts, I vote a swarm of those bugs from the film starring Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones that came out in 2008. (I simply can't bring myself to call it the fourth Indiana Jones movie...)

EDIT: It turns out embedding was disabled on the last one. Oh well, it's everyone's lucky day!

 

[GodofDisaster]

1. The person you love most dies, in a horrible accident and you are there to see it.

2. A ghost shows your loved one's death 100 times over and over again, every time you see it a chunk of flesh is ripped from your body.

3. You die in a painfully slow motion as your body explodes.

 

[Trivun]

Second Curse: Succubi from the underworld come to you and pleasure you in all sorts of different sexual ways. Remember the hypersensitivity, so it's literally a world-shattering good sensation, but mixed with really bad pain, from the touch and from the sound of their moans of pleasure.

you know, that doesnt actually sound that bad, true, i could do without the slow torturous death but i could give the slab back after curse 2

Bear in mind that you keep the effects of Curse 1 for the rest of your life. I really should have stated that earlier, but I'm too lazy. So you'd basically suffer for the rest of your life in the same way Ullii does in the Mini-Wall'O'Text that I posted...

That said, I'd probably do the same as you, even with that problem

you cant do that! the whole point of the curses is to persuade the thief to return the slab in exchange for them being lifted!

That wasn't specified as a binding rule. Therefore I choose not to use that rule. Besides, it's my slab, I get to specify the curse parameters, and I have done so here. If you don't like them, then get'cha greasy mitts off mah slab, sucka!

 

[Xeros]

You are cursed to be living in a world which can only be compared to something along the lines of a permanent acid trip.

Next, you will be overrun by thousands upon thousands of un-dead warriors, all maiming and torturing you, one by one, but you never die.

Then, if you fail to comply with giving back the slab, you'll be condemned to your personal hell until you give it back.

I dunno, rainbow zombie apocalypse sounds pretty cool.. well, at least until the torture.

Also, that episode scared the shit out of me way back when.

It scared the shit out of all of us my friend.

1. a deep fried banana is placed in your rectum. 2. all movies are now made by tyler perry. 3. everything (except you) will be covered with ZADR fan art. (p.s, your eyelids will disappear.)

Here's your slab back.

Made an account for this thread.

That's actually pretty cool, my first persuasion to join the Escapist. Welcome, obey the rules, and enjoy your stay.

1)You would wake up next to someone you don't know, a man if you dig womans or a woman if you dig man. And when you want to leave, assuming you drank too much last night, you see a picture on the wall of you + the person that lay besides you + 2 (adopted?) kids.
Everything in your life will be gone and replaced, except for your feelings and memories.

2) Every night you will be back in your normal life, but everytime you want to talk with someone in that real life you will wake up and face your new reality.
EDIT: Ofcourse, this will happen just before you're getting used to you new life. extra painfull.

3) You will get everlasting life, but when you start to love someone their life will get shorter than a year. You'll love and lose, heartbroken and no way to quit.



Can't imagine something worse.

And... that's a... horrendous first post. Here's your slab back. Just the waking up next to someone I don't know is a good enough reason for me to return it. Well played.

I would just return the slab. Nothing good happens if you keep it anyway.

"But he said a million dollars. And that means I get a million dollars! And you know what a million dollars means!? That's right! New lawn chairs!"

3. A great flood, summoning with it the worst underwater horrors of the fantasy world.

... but he's fhtagn! And the euclidian nature of our world would confuse him!

Ahh, he'll be fine. He's only here to rip the slab holder to shreds and leave anyway.

 

[Xeros]

-snip-

-snip-

-snip

That wasn't specified as a binding rule. Therefore I choose not to use that rule. Besides, it's my slab, I get to specify the curse parameters, and I have done so here. If you don't like them, then get'cha greasy mitts off mah slab, sucka!

It may not have been stated as a rule in the OP, but it's a rule from the episode, and since the OP is directly based off of the episode, I think it's pretty safe to say it's one of the rules.

 

[Altar]

1) You will be forced to play Pokemon for 100 hours straight, however your team can only consist of Bidoof, Geodude and Zubat

2) You will be forced to play Superman 64 for 100 hours straight

3)You will be forced to play E.T for 100 hours straight (Then you repeat the 3 curses over and over, forever... or until you return the slab

You'll be able to sleep for 4 hours every 24 hours however you will dream about playing those games, but it will be even worse...

Not a very good slab of evilness but, meh

 

[micky]

1. beat up by very old women in public
2. crap pants in public
3. the worse of any! have Kenny G play in your head for the rest of your life!