"Return the slab... or suffer my curse."

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arcticphoenix95

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Apr 30, 2010
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wait, i have another one. 1. your ears will become hypersensitive, and you'll have a short temper. 2. you are teleported to a justin bieber concert (front row). 3. the stadium is filled with screaming, yaoi fangirls who are on their periods, and every time you scream (angrily) 2 fridge sized bouncers will beat the shit out of you. this continues FOREVER.
 

Combined

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Sep 13, 2008
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My slab would be made from the dried and sown together faces of a thousands slain enemies, constantly shifting and contorting, all arranged in layers so that the least-threatening would be on the outside, while the most hideous on the inside. Inside this thick protective coating of ever-shifting flesh would be a single blood-stained stone of steel.

Well, it's a great conversation piece. ~ Citizens on the Slab of Bloody Murder.

It would bestow exactly three terrible curses.

The curses it would bring upon you would be three - no more, no less. The number of curses that shall be upon you if you do not return it shall be three. Not four or two, or any other number, but three. Three is the number of curses that shall be upon you. Exactly three. Not three and one tenth, but exactly three. ~So it is said and that's how it shall be.

The first curse shall be a powerful warning. From the mountains shall descend a rain of fish. And it shall rain fish for 40 days and 40 nights, not a second more. This period will provide such numerous amounts of fish that entire countries will be buried underneath the hail of fish and all those billions of fish that land shall be not only inedible, but also invincible, flopping around for an eternity.

The second curse shall be a plague of giant rabbits that shall cover the surface of the earth and destroy most human life in the process, wiping out all thinking life along with them and remaining the rulers of earth, completely backwards in the time and space continuum.

The Final Curse is one most foul. There will be a single hard to reach spot on your body that will constantly feel like it needs to be scratched. And every time you reach for that spot, it will become more and more itchy, constantly moving from one place to another nver letting you scratch it. Oh, and a meteor drops on the world, but that's not as bad.

I'd consider stealing it, but that last curse really put me off.~Thief on Slab of Bloody Murder.
 

firedfns13

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Jun 4, 2009
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The first will be transporting you to the Zone in Stalker.
The second will be the Wish Granter from Stalker.

There is no third because ...
 

Blimey

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Nov 10, 2009
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Wait, is this for my cursed slab? If so...

First: Hot women massage the body.

Second: Hot women feed me cake whilst massaging my body.

Third: Sex.
 

Czargent Sane

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May 31, 2010
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Simriel said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
1. all your internets are belong to me
2. 50 of me appear and begin to harass you
3. starwars christmas special.
The Star Wars whatmas special?
you've heard of so bad it's good? the star wars christmas special is so bad it's horrible.
No, you don't understand, The Star Wars whatmas special?
your right, I dont.
This movie does not exist.
sure, you can go on ignoring the horrible truth.
No he is right. And there is only one matrix movie, and Alien Resurrection never happened. neither did Starship Troopers 2.
but, I loved the last matrix movie. one of my favorite films.
 

Aesir23

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Jul 2, 2009
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VincentX3 said:
I only need 1 curse!

1) Britney Spears



Cant get worse than that
Of course you can.

1: Britney Spears
2: Paris Hilton
3: Lindsay Lohan

By the end of it all, your brain will be unusable mush. Just like the portion of the teenage girl population who follow those little [insert random derogatory insult here] as if they were the heads of a religion.
 

IMrAngryPantsI

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Jun 8, 2009
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Okay. Slab time.

1. Everything edible in the world is replaced with raw sewage.

2. Your ears constantly ring with elevator music.

4. You have to take a shit, but you aren't able to. You just sit there, hunched over in pain, with your sphincter locked shut.
 

Kraj

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Jan 21, 2008
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1st plague: A hated ex-girlfriend will continue to ruin your mood every time you become happy.
2nd Plague: A hated ex-wife will continue to ruin your mood every time you become happy.
3rd Plague: You are given a mansion and a lot of money, and become life-room-mates with both formers.
 

IHateDaManSkirt

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Nov 21, 2009
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Courage the Cowardly Dog reference, eh?( I used to think he was saying "slack"

Anyway my three plagues would be:
1)All of the previously stated plagues(a whole load of Cthulu in there), besides death, at once.
2)Death.
3)Your corpse is reanimated and returns my slab.

I believe mine are the most severe.
 

Simriel

The Count of Monte Cristo
Dec 22, 2008
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Czargent Sane said:
Simriel said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
1. all your internets are belong to me
2. 50 of me appear and begin to harass you
3. starwars christmas special.
The Star Wars whatmas special?
you've heard of so bad it's good? the star wars christmas special is so bad it's horrible.
No, you don't understand, The Star Wars whatmas special?
your right, I dont.
This movie does not exist.
sure, you can go on ignoring the horrible truth.
No he is right. And there is only one matrix movie, and Alien Resurrection never happened. neither did Starship Troopers 2.
but, I loved the last matrix movie. one of my favorite films.
Leave Now. And NEVER COME BACK!
 

Lord Thodin

New member
Jul 1, 2009
1,218
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Cookie for Courage.

1) It would rain blood for 4 days straight.
2) Black tendrils would come frothing outta ever faucet across the nation home and attack the occupants
3) Every video game disappears except Superman for the N64.

Top that? I think not
 

interspark

New member
Dec 20, 2009
3,272
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Trivun said:
That wasn't specified as a binding rule. Therefore I choose not to use that rule. Besides, it's my slab, I get to specify the curse parameters, and I have done so here. If you don't like them, then get'cha greasy mitts off mah slab, sucka!
well if youre gonna be like that then maybe i just wont steal your slab! :p

oh wait, thats the whole point isnt it?
 

Czargent Sane

New member
May 31, 2010
604
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0
Simriel said:
Czargent Sane said:
Simriel said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
crimson5pheonix said:
Czargent Sane said:
1. all your internets are belong to me
2. 50 of me appear and begin to harass you
3. starwars christmas special.
The Star Wars whatmas special?
you've heard of so bad it's good? the star wars christmas special is so bad it's horrible.
No, you don't understand, The Star Wars whatmas special?
your right, I dont.
This movie does not exist.
sure, you can go on ignoring the horrible truth.
No he is right. And there is only one matrix movie, and Alien Resurrection never happened. neither did Starship Troopers 2.
but, I loved the last matrix movie. one of my favorite films.
Leave Now. And NEVER COME BACK!
*snarl* wot did you say??
 

Baby Eater

Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!
Aug 27, 2009
24,173
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0
1:Sharks
2:Landsharks
3:LASERSHARK! (With testicle tracking technology)
 

joshthor

New member
Aug 18, 2009
1,274
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1. you wake up to find your mother even fatter than she is now and very sexually attracted to you.
2. its national nut tap this guy [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] day - everyone rushes to this guys [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] house to nut tap this guy [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view] and get free candy
3. the government decides you can only play nancy drew video games.
 

The Iconnorclast

New member
Mar 31, 2010
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Ah Courage the Cowardly Dog, good show, back when cartoon network didn't fail.

Anyways the trick seems to be to get the plauges to be bad enough to get the theif to return your slab, but not prevent the theif from doing so either. Here's what I got...

1. You are immortal and unkillable, but can feel pain, so you may forever regret your decision to steal the slab, until you return it.
2. Your physical body gradually gets more and more repulsive, you get uglier, smell awful etc. Until even those that care about you most can't stand to be anywhere near you, and you can't stand to see yourself in the mirror.
3. Every time you sleep you get horrible nightmares that you can't forget, always begining with you stealing the slab, and ending with a voice saying return the slab. Also your genitalia fall off, just for the hell of it.
 

The Bum

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Mar 14, 2010
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Cpt_Oblivious said:
An oldie, but a but goodie...

My slab would be made of granite.
The first plague would be the slab on your chest when you wake up.
The second, the slab is tied to your right testicle.
The third, your left testicle is tied to the bedpost.

The idea is, you wake up and find the slab. Decide to drop it somewhere so it's gone. Then you find out the second punishment, so you go with it. Then comes number 3.
MONSTER!

OT: first you get disentary then you are forced to eat lots of high fiber food and last you get lock in a room with *DUN DUN DAA!* A THOUSAND FAT CHICKS!

Don't know where that last one came from.....