Rewrite the Star Wars prequels. Yes you

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repeating integers

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Slycne said:
Dr. Cakey said:
Delete The Phantom Menace.

Not because it's "the worst" one (I actually think it might be the "best"), but because it has absolutely nothing to do with the other two movies. The only contribution to the entire series is that Anakin and Padme meet in it. Otherwise it contributes to the plot in no way.
Coincidentally enough, we actually came to a very similar conclusion here in The Escapist office. The prequel trilogy can be greatly improved by simply dropping the first movie. You loose most of Jar-Jar, the incoherent political plot concerning the trade federation, kid Anakin, awkward teenager/child budding romance, etc.

We ultimately don't need several hours to introduce how Obi-Won and Anakin met, you can simply cold open on the stern master and his reckless student, that's a simple concept/trope that an audience grasps already. You'd loose some of the world building necessary to introduce new people to the series, but that's easy enough to layer and it's not like there aren't a few other parts from the later two worth tossing as well.
Just like to quickly say that "loose" should be "lose", otherwise great post.

Not thought of it like this before - think of it, if we just drop the first movie then that would leave us space for another at some other point in the timeline. What sort of awesome stuff could you do with that?
 

Scarim Coral

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For one thing I will keep it far more connected to 4,5,6 (how did Leia even remember Padme face during Return of the Jedi? She only had a glimpse at her at best during the birth scene) and no extra bits like pod racing and Jango Fett. The Gungan would still be in the film (since that word was actually mention in The Empire Strike Back) but not Jar Far.
 

Dangit2019

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Mostly the same with the annoying crap cut out and the 2nd movie focusing on Anakin and Obi-Wan strengthening their relationship in Jedi Missions instead of focusing on...whatever they were focusing on.
 

JagermanXcell

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Everything Pliskin hated about the films, take. them. out. All his opinions and ideas are practically mine. With that you have a prequel trilogy that can be on par with the originals.
 

WhiteFangofWhoa

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Story is actually pretty solid at least in Episode 3. It's the presentation most people had problems with. To wit; the romance, the single absolute cosmic trigger that causes the turning of Anakin and the subsequent birth of the Empire is handled by actors and directors who clearly have no experience doing romantic dialogue. Granted it's not common for sci-fi to do this terribly well and they wouldn't want to rip-off Han and Leia, but you'd think they'd give that more of a quality treatment given its importance.

Some things that might have helped to touch on more instead of putting in so many goofy CGI side characters:
-Much like psychic characters, how hard it is on one's mental stability to be SO powerful in the Force you can read people's thoughts before you're even trained.
-Backstory for Obi-Wan Kenobi.
-Backstory for Dooku and more scenes with him showing the difference in ethics between himself and his master.
-A visit to Mandalore to see Jango's clan, possibly have that be the location of Episode 2's climactic battle instead of bug-ville (or have them fighting over the planet with Geonosians). Maybe have a Mandalorian character as leader of a resistance opposed to Jango 'selling out' and helping create the clone army.
 

Sutter Cane

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Episode 1:

Have dooku play soe part in the story as part of the jedi coucil
remove the scene where they go through the planet core
reduce Jar Jar's Screen time by about 33%
punch up the dialogue a bit

Episode 2:
Make anakin more of a stumbling over himself kind of awkward around padme rather than how he was depicted (this is more of a directing thing than a writing thing)
Come up with a different setpiece for the climax to replace the arena and factory scenes.
Find a way to work general grevious in, even if he only has a minor role

Episode 3

Is exactly the same, except Padme dies from the injuries she received from anakin rather than from a broken heart.
 

Epicspoon

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I would turn it into porn. Everything would be the same but with sex. Also JarJar dies from some sort of space STD.
 

Epicspoon

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Hardcore_gamer said:
JoJo said:
Here's a short list of all the changes I would make:

1) Jar Jar Binks becomes the protagonist and is Anakin's Jedi Master
2) Insert a pod race into Episodes II and III
3) Padme turns out to be Anakin's long-lost sister
4) Episode I contains a fifteen minute lecture on Midichorlians
5) Anakin is a little kid for all three prequels
6) Young Han and Chewbacca also feature prominently
7) More trade disputes
8) Obi Wan has only appears for five minutes in Episode III
9) Jar Jar Binks turns out to be the future Emperor in the end
10 All the characters are animated using CGI, even the humans
11 Give the Jedi stronger force powers
12) Even more trade disputes
13) One of the Jedi is a sentient lemon
14) Anakin and Padme are involved in a three-way love triangle with the afore-mentioned lemon
15) Eventually Padme chooses the lemon over Anakin, causing him to fall to the dark side
16) ???
17) Profit!
You forgot to add a scene where Lucas personally appears on screen at farts into the audience's face.
I think that's where the unknown step comes in.
 

Veylon

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The core idea was solid, the execution was just botched at every opportunity.

First off, put Anakin on Naboo instead of Tatooine and make him a teenager. He's pissed about the occupation and wishes he was a Jedi so he could do something about it. So when Obi Wan and Qui-Gon (arguably, Qui-Gon is redundant) are on a fact-finding mission and run into trouble, he can link up with them and help them get off-planet back to Coruscant. When they get to Coruscant, he's deeply disillusioned at all the politicking when his peoples' lives are at stake. Anakin links up with Palpatine, who's shown as a charismatic figure, and rounds up the forces necessary to liberate Naboo without the Republic's help, but comes back to Coruscant for Jedi training so this never happens again. So the first movie sets up the galactic scenerio, shows us the disfunctional Republic, and plants the seeds for Anakin's turn to the dark side.

Second movie doesn't need too much fixing. We establish that the Galactic Civil war is getting going, we show Obi Wan and Anakin being close, and we show Anakin increasingly torn between his duties as a Jedi to be balanced and aloof and his desires as a human to just smite the bad guys. He's still got an ax to grind with the Trade Federation, supports Palpatine's efforts to smash them, and doesn't much care about the finer details, whereas Obi Wan is dubious but helps Anakin out anyway as a friend. And, yeah, there's the love story that's hopefully less sand-related this time.

There's even less to say about the third movie. Palpatine moves towards dictatorship on the wings of victory and Anakin finally and completely breaks with the Jedi and with Obi Wan, blaming them for all of his problems and zealously working towards their destruction.
 

Uszi

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The prequels should be reduced to one, long, protracted light saber fight against 10,0000 robots. For 6 hours, across frozen tundras, erupting volcanoes and even in the cold void of space.

The vast sums of money that would flow into the coffers of Disney/Lucas arts would be dwarfed only by the vast sums of ejaculate released by the new generation of Star Wars fans in theaters. The tears shed by fans born before 1997 will seem infinitesimal relatively speaking, and they'll still buy action figures and see the movies anyway, so who cares.
 

newfoundsky

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A complete and total reboot. Make Anakin less of a *****. I mean, he was for the most part in the OT silent, methodical, and a dick. MAKE THAT ANAKIN. And make him older. And fix that fruity haircut. And keep Panda Bear from dying over something idiotic like a "broken heart". She just had two kids, for fucks sake. Selfish *****.
 

snave

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Remove the star wipes.

And have the other characters remove Jar Jar once he has outlived his usefulness, naturally.
 

Rendahli

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Quazimofo said:
I have a very simple edit, nothing huge. Just make this comic series cannon.

http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html
I agree, this would be great and solve many of the obvious flaws.

However, I have adissertation to finish and you've just provided me with oodles of procrastination material. Damn you!
(But also thank you very much for introducing this to me.)
 

Something Amyss

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I'm not going to go into a detailed rewrite for some fantasy post, but here's my highlights:

1. Make Anakin likable.

As prequel trilogies we know how it's going to turn out. People who have never seen Star Wars might be shocked, but honestly, even then he needs to be someone we give a damn about. Make us care that he falls from grace. It's dumb that he was always the bad boy of the bright side.

2. Make people less stupid.

The Jedi Council, the Senate, the protagonists, the villains. Everyone is an idiot. The Empire needs to rise, but don't have that happen because everyone else is going "herpaderp." They should be clever and manipulative. Palpatine might as well have gone around in his Emperor hoodie for all the subtlety he offered.

3. Intergalactic Civil War v Trade Disputes.

The blockade could have still been useful. Those racist fish people could still be useful. political diatribes are boring. They're boring to kids, they're boring to adults, they're even boring to politicians.

4. No Jedi Gambling.

Jedi are supposed to be diplomats and ambassadors as well as space samurai with awesome powers. Maybe this is part of the whole "No stupid people" thing, but why they opted for gambling instead of trying other options was insane. If you wanted a chase scene, throw in a chase scene. I guarantee you, it would entertain the kids as much as a Pod Race. And motivation? Bad guys are out to kill you. Hutts, Sith, Trade Federation, pick one. Or more. I don't care.

5. More Jar-Jar.

Screw you, Jar-Jar is awesome. >.>

EmperorSubcutaneous said:
For unknown reasons.
I think you mean, "because ponies."
Quazimofo said:
I have a very simple edit, nothing huge. Just make this comic series cannon.

http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html
I think it technically already is canon. It explains EVERYTHING.

Uszi said:
The prequels should be reduced to one, long, protracted light saber fight against 10,0000 robots. For 6 hours, across frozen tundras, erupting volcanoes and even in the cold void of space.

The vast sums of money that would flow into the coffers of Disney/Lucas arts would be dwarfed only by the vast sums of ejaculate released by the new generation of Star Wars fans in theaters. The tears shed by fans born before 1997 will seem infinitesimal relatively speaking, and they'll still buy action figures and see the movies anyway, so who cares.
When Star Wars 2 was announced (though we already knew it was going to happen), I suggested it be 90 minutes of lightsaber fights. I maintain this would be the best route.
 

mattttherman3

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Keep episode 1 the same except remove jarjar and the gungans, have some militia of the nabooians instead. Then during episode 2, Obiwan gets drunk and does a light saber dance, accidently cutting off Aniken's mom's head. And he's just broken up over this and the movie ends, then the same thing happens to padme in episode 3 and that's when he goes all darth vader, luke and leia survive by some force cocoon created by yoda. And when Aniken gets his legs cut off, obiwans speech is thus: I loved you bro, we could have been fuck buddies, so that's why you're mom and girlfriend had to go. BUT NOOO, YOU JUST HAD TO GO CRAZY. Well now you have no legs, so good luck getting a new gf!
 

Lovely Mixture

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There's so much that could be done story-wise, that goes without saying. I'd just like to point out that visually the prequels also needed some work, everything looks too fucking clean.

Posting this for those who haven't seen it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgICnbC2-_Y
 

Neverhoodian

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Time to trot out an old post of mine from a similar topic (I hope you're comfortable, because it's long):
If I was in charge, "Episode I" would actually be where Episode II starts. Stuff that happened in The Phantom Menace wouldn't be brought up, or if it did it would only be through vague allusions. The character of Anakin would be radically different from how he was portrayed in the "official" prequels. First off, there would be no bullshit "Chosen One" prophesy. None of that "virgin birth" stuff either, as I just thought that was creepy (I still like to think Shmi just didn't want to discuss the father, and Qui-Gon was gullible enough to believe her lie).

After watching the Thor movie last week, I couldn't help but think to myself that the main character was almost exactly how I envisioned Anakin to be before the prequels ruined my image of him. I imagined a brave, strong warrior that relished action and excitement, yet still cared about those around him. He would exude confidence and charisma, easily forming lasting bonds with his friends and colleagues. He would be prone to theatrical displays, yet still manage to deliver genuine words of wisdom and stir the hearts of those who heard them.

There would be one major weakness however; he would have a burning need to see justice prevail. To that end, he would begin to dabble with powers of the Dark side, tempted by its promise of power. Thinking he could control it, he would delve deeper and deeper until it would ultimately consume him. By the time anyone realized the full extent of his fall, it would be too late.

When it comes to the Jedi Order, I would definitely change a few major things about it. First off, they would be cool with love and raising families. As Jolee Bindo pointed out in KOTOR, love doesn't lead to the Dark side. Passion can, but only if you let it. Indeed, was it not love that ultimately redeemed Anakin in the end? Also, the Order wouldn't be snatching babies away for training. I always felt that such actions were tantamount to kidnapping, something you wouldn't expect a supposedly noble organization like the Jedi to practice. At least wait until they're adolescents before you begin training.

Oh yeah, and no midichlorians either.

Warning: the following is kind of long.

As for the story, it would begin with the Clone Wars. Palpatine secretly creates a vast clone army to fight (not protect) the Republic and begins by launching devastating assaults on many key worlds. Faced with such a ferocious onslaught, the Senate grants Palpatine emergency powers to enact such measures as drafting vast numbers of soldiers from the population to bolster defenses and increasingly invasive monitoring of Republic citizens in the interest of "security." The effects of the war begin to take their toll, and soon the Republic is faced with additional crises like an influx of refugees along with hunger and poverty. Appalled with this turn of events, the Jedi Order agrees to assist the Republic in their military endeavors, but it's still an uphill battle. As the war drags on, Palpatine continues to consolidate his position as supreme ruler.

It is against this backdrop that the tale of Anakin Skywalker is told. While campaigning with his master Obi-Wan, he takes pity on a sick and weak refugee woman and nurses her back to health. Pity turns to friendship, and eventually blossoms into genuine love. With the Council's blessing, they are married. War calls Anakin away however, and is forced to leave his pregnant wife back on Coruscant. It is while he's away that he eventually succumbs to the Dark side and becomes Darth Vader. When he returns for a brief home leave, she is horrified at the man he has become. After he leaves again she flees to a faraway planet and gives birth to twins.

It is around the same time that the full extent of Palpatine's plan finally reveals itself. Knowing that the Jedi Order will challenge any attempt at complete power, Palpatine orders his secret police to destroy the Senate building. Claiming that the Jedi were responsible for this act of sabotage (along with phony evidence to bolster his claims), Palpatine declares them to be enemies of the Republic and orders that they be hunted down and annihilated. The Jedi, already severely weakened by the war, find themselves caught in the crossfire. The remaining number scatter to the far corners of the galaxy, where most of them will eventually be hunted down by Vader.

With the Jedi seemingly out of the way, Palpatine declares that the Republic will be reformed into an Empire in the interest of maintaining security. All of his "temporary" powers are now permanent, along with a whole slew of new ones that grant him total control of the Empire. Palpatine secretly orders the production of clones to be stopped, resulting in the cessation of hostilities (Imperial propagandists are quick to label it a victory). One conflict leads to another though, as a small group of appalled Senators and activists secretly form a Rebel Alliance to stop Palpatine's tyranny. In some ways this plays to Palpatine's advantage however, as it provides the necessary pretext for maintaining his iron grip on the galaxy. Warfare simply becomes a way of life in the Empire.

To wrap up Anakin's personal story, Obi-Wan tracks him down to Mustafar in order to confront his former pupil. The resulting fight plays out much like the one in Revenge of the Sith, but much shorter and more of a focus on the emotions at play than the set pieces. Vader is left for dead, but manages to survive due to his new Dark side powers. Donning his iconic suit of armor, he becomes the Emperor's second-in-command and a not-so-subtle reminder for the military commanders to remain loyal. On a final tragic note, Anakin's wife is unable to support her children while in hiding. She makes the heartbreaking decision to give the twins to foster parents on Tatooine and Alderaan. The deed done, she dies shortly thereafter due to hunger brought about by abject poverty. Knowing that he can do no more at this time, Obi-Wan decides to keep an eye on the boy Luke, for he may yet be the galaxy's new hope...