Rip Apart A Movie, ANY MOVIE

[cojo965]

300 THREE THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!

I've been waiting so long for an excuse to display my loathing for this movie in full online, and now you've given me it. Thank you.

- Why are we supposed to care about the main character whose character arc goes: he's badass, he's badass, he's badass and then he dies? In fact, why are we supposed to care about any of the characters?
- Why do people praise its visuals when it looks like it was made by 10 people with a green screen in someone's living room? Seriously, it looks like shit!
- Why is it said to be super-violent and gory when all the blood spatter looks like someone edited it in with MS Paint's spray tool in post-production?
- Why is the movie almost 2 hours long? All that happens in it is this: the spartans get cross, and then they go fighting. They go fighting and then they die. That's it.
- Why are we supposed to think the persians are evil? The only direct evidence we have is that weird "tree of corpses" bit. Everything else we hear is spoken by the spartans, who throw weak babies down cliffs. Yeah, totally the good guys. And Xerxes actually treats the misformed guy decently, rather than dismissing him as some lower form of human being.
- The fight scenes are even less exciting than in Sucker Punch. At least in SP (a boring piece of shite also) you had some sense that the characters were in possible danger. In 300, all the spartans have basically god mode on. It's boring.
- I know it's based on a Frank Miller comic book, but its philosophy is still repulsive. The men who want to help them are viewed as second class citizens and the only role they serve is being a distraction to the Immortals. And all the spartans act like 13-year olds watching a super-violent movie "WHOOAAA ISN'T THAT COOL AREN'T WE BADASS PHWOAAAARRR??!?!?!!!"

For the record, I tried watching it again with a twist: every time I thought the movie wasn't any good, I took a shot of absinthe. It ended with me vomiting on my friend's floor without finishing the movie. 300 is probably the worst film I have ever seen, competing with Sex and the City 2.

You're welcome? I guess.

 

[Bezthor]

me'sa says Star wars: the Phantom Menace

Why?

Just Why??

 

[Verlander]

I feel like cheating and pasting a link, just because this is the funniest film critique I've ever heard:


"You're not going to get a rant about this...", ha!

Ummm, one of my own... has nobody said Prometheus yet?

Ok, here's my issue: it doesn't have a plot. What it is is a collection of side-plots. None of the characters have any kind of development. You've got all sorts of tiny little themes going on - Fassbender's status as a lifeform and the analogy of him being engineered by humans, Theron's relationship with her father, the general theme of motherhood particularly with respect Rapace's character - none of this developed or focused on. There is no conclusion. Nothing amounts to anything. The whole sequence of events feels utterly irrelevant, and that's exactly how you end up feeling about the film.

Reginald D Hunter did a hilarious skit in a stand up show on the same film, I couldn't find it on youtube, but it's near the end of his live in London DVD

 

[Living Contradiction]

A slasher film called "Killers in the Woods." I had a phase in my life a few years back where I gorged on cult/gonzo low budget horror and action flicks. I stuck to the light stuff at first like Andy Sidaris flicks, the odd bad 80's anime, grindhouse films, and blaxploitation. I thought I was so hip. Then this....thing got sent to me.

Please tell me you killed it. Please tell me you killed it and burned the remains so that the horrors could not be inflicted upon the unsuspecting or the naive. Because otherwise I'm going to live in fear that one day someone will slip it into my computer and leave me permanently scarred.

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

The Expendables 2

-Boring
-Old guys shooting form the hip and not aiming
-stupid jokes, with terrible timing
-stupid fight's
-the only real action hero leaves 15 minutes in
-again boring

 

[SmoothGlover]

As much as I enjoyed the actual film, The Dark Knight Rises really annoyed me at the end with the whole Bane/Talia reveal. The whole film he is built up as this super genius, perfect anti-Bat character, and then right at the end. Bang. He gets completely de-clawed.

 

[Outcast107]

Blindness.

Interesting plot but done STUPIDLY. In the movie, this one city has a epidemic of people going blind. So they are quarantined in this abandoned mental hospital which a small group decide to hold up all the food they were given from the others so the others have to pay them in tribute. With whatever they have left, and forcing woman to please them.

But the main reason why no one does anything is due to one of the guys having a gun. Thats right, a newly blind guy is going to use a gun...BULLSHIT! Oh get this, one of the group, a woman can see. She does NOTHING at all but let all these horror acts happen. Until the very end when they start a fire and burn mostly the other guys.

Just..retarded.

 

[deadagain33]

The last two movies I saw (zabriskie point and la vallée) weren't great. But I've seen worse. Evil bong 3 was a pile of turd and I've probably seen movies with (albeit slightly) less merits than that! But, being a gaming forum I thought I'd mention an Uwe Boll film that sucked:
Alone in the dark.

At least the title is fitting. It has action scenes where you CANT SEE ANYTHING because its shot IN THE DARK. Mainly, its so generic with its chase scenes and absurd plot that its just TOTALLY FORGETABLE. Which is the worst thing when watching a film. Hells, I've seen house of the dead multiple times as its so bad its funny. Alone in the dark is just bland. You cringe without laughing. You watch Tara Reid with glasses on trying to act smart (and it doesn't work). The monsters are ripped out of predator. Its just...urgh

 

[Tropicaz]

Two things that always wound me up was in Harry Potter when the big old Wizard war was going on.

From the good guy side - where were the other wizards in the world? We see that other countries have wizards (quidditch world cup and the other schools in the triwizard tournament) but no one turns up to help try and stop Voldemort from the rest of the world.

From Voldemort's side, why did he particularly go after Britain to begin with (in the first war) when it was where Dumbledore, the only wizard who could match him, lived? Surely he should have taken over the rest of the world first...?

 

[Verlander]

Two things that always wound me up was in Harry Potter when the big old Wizard war was going on.

From the good guy side - where were the other wizards in the world? We see that other countries have wizards (quidditch world cup and the other schools in the triwizard tournament) but no one turns up to help try and stop Voldemort from the rest of the world.

From Voldemort's side, why did he particularly go after Britain to begin with (in the first war) when it was where Dumbledore, the only wizard who could match him, lived? Surely he should have taken over the rest of the world first...?

First point is very valid.

Second point was covered in the books (didn't watch the films, so can't say) - Voldemort was the descendant of Slytherin and wanted to be as involved in the school as possible.

Effectively, the whole conflict stems from a failed job interview. I know that feeling.