Ruin-A-Wish Foundation.

[Eumersian]

Granted, but the chain rule materializes as a chain, which strangles you.

I wish for a face.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. You get shot for raising an eyebrow at the wrong comment.

I wish for a kangaroo's bifurcated penis.

 

[The Thinker]

Granted. It is it's own punishment.

I wish for my digital consciousnesses to be uploaded into my dead tea-cup based bod.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. Unfortunately the enamel on the cup transmits the burning sensation of scalding hot tea every time someone drinks out of you.

I wish to be a member of Sealab 2020.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted have fun waiting eight more years till it starts.

I wish for a piece of art.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. You buy Jan Vermeer's "The Concert" off the black market. Then you tell your art-gallery owning friend. Then they tell the police. Then you get raped in prison.

I wish for steaming pile of steam.

 

[Dr.Susse]

Granted someone set fire to Valve.

I wish I could stop driving this bus.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. It breaks down, but your bus company provides you with another bus. You only get 2 days respite before being forced back on the road.

I wish for the Snoppy doll right in front of me to stop staring at me with judging eyes so I can masturbate in peace.

 

[Mau95]

Granted: it leaves, taking your peni5 with it.
I wish for omniscience.

 

[Mau95]

Granted: it leaves taking your peni5 with it.
I wish for omniscience.
Edit: damn, ninja'd by post.

 

[Robert632]

Granted. You become all-knowing, but your brain simply can't handle it. As a result you only retain your omniscience for a little bit before brain damage sets in that leaves you with little memory of who your are or what you know.

I wish I could actually give a cookie to someone who knows what I was referencing.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. The Doctor and Donna Doctor show up and steal it from you.

I wish for MEUS to become an active writer again. (Bonus points to anyone who knows what I'm talking about. Hint: Location specific.)

 

[Robert632]

Granted. Everything that is newly written by MEUS is shit.

I wish that Doctor Who wasn't as popular, so that the real reference I was making would have been the one known.

 

[Isaac The Grape]

Granted. Doctor Who becomes so popular that it becomes it's own world power. It then takes over all English speaking nations.

I wish for a cat that makes rainbows.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, It flies away.

I wish for more Memebase referances

 

[Robert632]

Granted. that's all anyone can do, resulting in memes getting so overused that we all just quit the escapist.

I wish that I could shove my fist down a sink.

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, It has one of those bender thingies.

I wish for nothing.

 

[steeple]

granted, you still have to pay for the delivery and shipping-costs

I wish to know ancient-greek (the language, of course)

 

[Diablo1099_v1legacy]

Granted, no one cares.

I wish to have all that cool shit Dr. Doom has in MVC3

 

[Robert632]

Granted. you have all his stuff...as plastic pieces of shit.

I wish for...I don't know, surprise me!