After I had just completed a five hour session of playing a particular eff-pee-es that shall not be named, I decided to see what Microsoft was doling out in their online store. I quite like the Marketplace. There aren't any men with balaclavas brandishing knives and I don't have to put up with snobby sixteen year old girls flipping their phones open and then snapping them shut every ten seconds; responding to text, after text, after text, after text, after text. It's quite like a shopping mall, minus the interfacing with complete strangers and the potential for abduction and rape.
Where was I again? That's right, something about Xbox Live's store.
Upon checking the Xbox Live Marketplace the other day, I flipped through the pages of lame and sleep inducing videos, gamer pictures, themes, movies, movie clips, music videos, television series episodes, and television series clips. I was just about to go do something more fun, such as shoving my head into a woodchipper or placing my arm in a doorway and slamming the door over and over again, when I found the Devil May Cry 4 demo. I had been avidly following the production of this game and was ready to sell my non-essential organs for a chance to play it. Fortunately for me, I was presented the chance to actually play a bit of the material I had several dreams about, and the only price was five minutes of my life. I've wasted hundreds of hours of my life playing video games, so what's five minutes?
So, I downloaded the demo and played through it multiple times. Oddly enough, I've come down with a bad case of the flu, and I have a lot of free time on my hands today. So, with a laptop planted firmly on my lap, I've decided to write another review. Two in a week? I know what you're thinking, "Jagdedge, you beautiful specimen of perfection and suave, how do you fight off all the partially clothed women throwing themselves at you and manage to type up not one, but TWO reviews in the same week?" The fact that you used the word beautiful to describe me would earn you a spontaneous meeting with the back of my hand. Then, I would tell you that I possess the blood of Zeus, as I am a descendant of Hercules. I would then ask you to read it back to me, because I would have no clue what I had just said as a result of making up a different a reason every time the question is asked. Let's move on to the actual review, shall we?
I had not actually played the first Devil May Cry due to it being released when I was too busy playing my Nintendo 64, but I eventually got a chance to play it a friend's house one day, and loved every minute of it, so much to the point where I asked to borrow it. However, he would not relinquish it to me, like the tight fisted bastard that he is. I got around to playing the second one; breifly. I promptly ran to my bathroom and attempted to vomit the experience out of my system. I was slightly cautious about buying the third installment in the series, but I was young, naive, and had fifty dollars in my pocket. I booted the game up and found myself with four new assholes, freshly torn at the conclusion of the second level. However, the game was just pure fun and oozed awesome. It was a return to form for the series, so when I heard that another game adopting the moniker of "Devil May Cry" was being released, I came running; toungue flapping wildly out the side of my mouth.
The first thing I noticed in the demo was the toned down difficulty. I should say the visual step up from the last game, but I tend not to give two shits about graphics in a game. A fine layer of paint and glitter on a pile of dung doesn't do anything to mask the fact that it's still a large, steaming mountain of crap; unless you're a gibbering idiot who spends all day spouting "your mom" and "your face" jokes at complete strangers online and then cackles in a cracking voice along with his dumbass friends. So, I'll continue on with the difficulty talk. Devil May Cry 3 was extremely hard, to the point I wanted to break down and cry at certain points. However, I still thought it was great fun and persisted until the end. There was just a certain visceral sensation that you get upon beating the game on Dante Must Die which is, for intents and purposes, impossible. I could then go around and tell people that they were the external genital organs found in women, AKA pussies, because they have not done the spectacular deeds that I have done. Nevermind their larger salary or their beautiful trophy wives, I have beaten Devil May Cry 3 on the hardest difficulty.
Traveling back to the demo, I found that I could complete the 10 minute mission with no new holes carved into my keester. I don't think that I like this new, easier Devil May Cry world. It was what made the original and the third game so much damn fun. It required perfection. There wasn't any of this "Oh, okay. You made a mistake, it's alright." It was more along the lines of, "A MISTAKE!? NO MISTAKES!" and then continued to twist your balls into a tight knot before crushing them into a fine powder. I must say that the it isn't as easy as the second DMC, where I could sit in a corner and just shoot everything to Hell, but it's not as hard as the other two. It's as though it doesn't have that edge to it; I miss cursing over and over again as I pick the glass shards out of my fist.
There's also a new character in the game. The Devil May Cry series was a hoot as a result of the protagonist, Dante, being such a badass. He would sass the various bosses before ruining their shit with a blade to the head, no matter how many times larger they were than him or how many flaming body parts they had. I love the back talking, however, I don't know if I like someone who parrots him, and has the exact same condescending tone as Dante. I do enjoy anything other than the stoic, stereotypical tough guy who spouts heroic one liners. I prefer jeering one liners and funny battle quotes. Hearing Nero let out a hearty, "Craaazy!" When he does a certain attack makes me giddy, not unlike a school girl who just found out that the guy she's been texting about back and forth with her "Too hot to care" female possie likes her back and she may have a chance to hook up with him at the next school dance. ... Not that I've ever been in a situation like that.
Back to Nero. His playing style is just different enough from the Dante I know that I'm actually looking forward to playing as him in the full-length game. That nifty little disorder that is dubiously named the Devil Bringer, makes combat enjoyable. Not to say that it wasn't enjoyable in the previous iterations, barring the second one. The combat has always been fast and fluid, much like a trip to the bathroom. Don't take it as the game plays like piss, but more like it's relieving and you might even lose a few pounds, because you'll do it so often. Go see a doctor if you evacuate your bladder a lot, but if you play Devil May Cry a lot, go find your friends and force them to watch. Or you could do the latter for both if you're a freak.
The animations are polished and the attacks flow easily into each other. I find that I'm losing myself to a rhythm that I seem to be playing to. I can go from a torso splitting downward slash to a gut piercing stab without it feeling forced or a clip in animation. If you've never played a Devil May Cry game before, step back and re-evaluate your life, and then, and only then, you can come back and read the rest of this review. As I was saying, the combat, for you DMC virgins, has a style grade system. The more style and flair you fight with, the better your grade is. If you repeat the same moves over and over again, like Boring McTedious from Monontony town, found in Bland city, located in Dull land, you'll find your grade low and your parents disappointed that you aren't exhibiting your full potential. If you vary up your moves and link your combos together into a show of class and deadly elegance, you'll recieve top marks. I also think this has some bearing on the rewards you recieve from your slain foes, but I was too enamored by the slick animations and the amusing voice clips to care.
Nero's Devil Bringer opens up a whole new level of combo with its ability to pull enemies towards you and then slam them down for massive damage. If Dante was the King of combos (in a Constitutional Monarchy that is), then Nero is the President of combos, which is to say that they are equal. Different, but equal. From various trailers and such, I can say that I'm looking forward to playing as Nero, but I'll keep my opinions not concerning the gameplay or actions represented in the demo out of this review.
You know, I actually like puzzle games. I enjoy to flex the ol' grey matter every once and a while. However, Devil May Cry sidesteps all this pussy-footed nonsense by having every possible puzzle solved by the character shooting it in a cutscene. Now there are two ways to approach this; depending on your personality. If you like to break up action by doing some thinking, and then winding down with a cinematic, you'll hate this aspect of the game. If you love non-stop action and use cinematics only as a brief period to readjust your face before its blasted out of place again, then you'll love this aspect. I'm actually a member of the second group, so think what you want.
The demo also presented a scintillating snippet of the scenery. There was an ornate town, infested with rejects from clown school. Patchwork clothing and an overall Jester look that would put Clopin Trouillefou to shame. Then, there's a more rounded enemy that still retains the patchy and zany look, but instead of a leg, or a peg leg, or a slimy appendage, they have a GIANT PENDULUM BLADE FOR A LEG! HOLY SHIT! If this is just a random sampling of the enemies that I can expect to battle in Devil May Cry, then sign me up. I've always liked how diverse the enemies are and how imaginative the designs are, so it looks as though I won't be disappointed. I should probably get on with the aforementioned "scenery"; I don't want your panties to get tangled in a bunch. Aside from the town, there was a chilly, frozen wasteland with an incredibly detailed and massive castle looming before you. The enemies here were of the frozen variety, but I'm sure that you're scrambling with the Emergency Exit handle by now, and I don't want to bore you any longer, so I'll move on to the climactic boss battle that concludes the demo.
The boss fight was epic, or seemed epic at first. It was a fierce pitched battle between a human with some debilitating disorder that disfigures his digits and da rest of his arm and a giant, cranky fire Centaur... thing, brandishing a magma sword. Awesome? You bet your sweet bippies it is. Again, Nero, or Dante-II, mouths off to this giant monstrosity prompting in some display of badassery that isn't carried over to the actual gameplay, but it still elicited some joy from me. The reason I threw in the word "seemed" in the first sentence is that for all the boss' blustering and apparent power, he was easy to kill. I knocked him around for a bit and then there was a time where about six or seven button presses took away half of his life. When I was a wee lad, I was told some magnificent things about the movie "The Warriors", and I would find myself wetting my small pants in anticipation of the time when I could finally see this diamond encrusted gift from Odin. And then I actually saw the blasted thing and I walked away as though a little bit of my soul had been chipped away. The boss fight wasn't as disappointing, but it was disappointing. It just wasn't living up to its potential. I'm sure that harder difficulties will kick my ass up and down the street until my rump area is nothing but a concave mass of flesh. As of now however, this being of supreme power and might was nothing but a a pushover that I could kill by slapping at my controller with my foot.
All in all, I'll say that I cannot wait until the full game. All that money in my pocket was beginning to piss me off. Even with the difficulty being crippled, I still think I'm going to enjoy this game. This was a great demo and showcased some highlights from the game. Smooth combat, varied environments, and the diverse selection of critters to slice, stab, shoot, impale, throw, and dropkick. Three thumbs up.
Where was I again? That's right, something about Xbox Live's store.
Upon checking the Xbox Live Marketplace the other day, I flipped through the pages of lame and sleep inducing videos, gamer pictures, themes, movies, movie clips, music videos, television series episodes, and television series clips. I was just about to go do something more fun, such as shoving my head into a woodchipper or placing my arm in a doorway and slamming the door over and over again, when I found the Devil May Cry 4 demo. I had been avidly following the production of this game and was ready to sell my non-essential organs for a chance to play it. Fortunately for me, I was presented the chance to actually play a bit of the material I had several dreams about, and the only price was five minutes of my life. I've wasted hundreds of hours of my life playing video games, so what's five minutes?
So, I downloaded the demo and played through it multiple times. Oddly enough, I've come down with a bad case of the flu, and I have a lot of free time on my hands today. So, with a laptop planted firmly on my lap, I've decided to write another review. Two in a week? I know what you're thinking, "Jagdedge, you beautiful specimen of perfection and suave, how do you fight off all the partially clothed women throwing themselves at you and manage to type up not one, but TWO reviews in the same week?" The fact that you used the word beautiful to describe me would earn you a spontaneous meeting with the back of my hand. Then, I would tell you that I possess the blood of Zeus, as I am a descendant of Hercules. I would then ask you to read it back to me, because I would have no clue what I had just said as a result of making up a different a reason every time the question is asked. Let's move on to the actual review, shall we?
I had not actually played the first Devil May Cry due to it being released when I was too busy playing my Nintendo 64, but I eventually got a chance to play it a friend's house one day, and loved every minute of it, so much to the point where I asked to borrow it. However, he would not relinquish it to me, like the tight fisted bastard that he is. I got around to playing the second one; breifly. I promptly ran to my bathroom and attempted to vomit the experience out of my system. I was slightly cautious about buying the third installment in the series, but I was young, naive, and had fifty dollars in my pocket. I booted the game up and found myself with four new assholes, freshly torn at the conclusion of the second level. However, the game was just pure fun and oozed awesome. It was a return to form for the series, so when I heard that another game adopting the moniker of "Devil May Cry" was being released, I came running; toungue flapping wildly out the side of my mouth.
The first thing I noticed in the demo was the toned down difficulty. I should say the visual step up from the last game, but I tend not to give two shits about graphics in a game. A fine layer of paint and glitter on a pile of dung doesn't do anything to mask the fact that it's still a large, steaming mountain of crap; unless you're a gibbering idiot who spends all day spouting "your mom" and "your face" jokes at complete strangers online and then cackles in a cracking voice along with his dumbass friends. So, I'll continue on with the difficulty talk. Devil May Cry 3 was extremely hard, to the point I wanted to break down and cry at certain points. However, I still thought it was great fun and persisted until the end. There was just a certain visceral sensation that you get upon beating the game on Dante Must Die which is, for intents and purposes, impossible. I could then go around and tell people that they were the external genital organs found in women, AKA pussies, because they have not done the spectacular deeds that I have done. Nevermind their larger salary or their beautiful trophy wives, I have beaten Devil May Cry 3 on the hardest difficulty.
Traveling back to the demo, I found that I could complete the 10 minute mission with no new holes carved into my keester. I don't think that I like this new, easier Devil May Cry world. It was what made the original and the third game so much damn fun. It required perfection. There wasn't any of this "Oh, okay. You made a mistake, it's alright." It was more along the lines of, "A MISTAKE!? NO MISTAKES!" and then continued to twist your balls into a tight knot before crushing them into a fine powder. I must say that the it isn't as easy as the second DMC, where I could sit in a corner and just shoot everything to Hell, but it's not as hard as the other two. It's as though it doesn't have that edge to it; I miss cursing over and over again as I pick the glass shards out of my fist.
There's also a new character in the game. The Devil May Cry series was a hoot as a result of the protagonist, Dante, being such a badass. He would sass the various bosses before ruining their shit with a blade to the head, no matter how many times larger they were than him or how many flaming body parts they had. I love the back talking, however, I don't know if I like someone who parrots him, and has the exact same condescending tone as Dante. I do enjoy anything other than the stoic, stereotypical tough guy who spouts heroic one liners. I prefer jeering one liners and funny battle quotes. Hearing Nero let out a hearty, "Craaazy!" When he does a certain attack makes me giddy, not unlike a school girl who just found out that the guy she's been texting about back and forth with her "Too hot to care" female possie likes her back and she may have a chance to hook up with him at the next school dance. ... Not that I've ever been in a situation like that.
Back to Nero. His playing style is just different enough from the Dante I know that I'm actually looking forward to playing as him in the full-length game. That nifty little disorder that is dubiously named the Devil Bringer, makes combat enjoyable. Not to say that it wasn't enjoyable in the previous iterations, barring the second one. The combat has always been fast and fluid, much like a trip to the bathroom. Don't take it as the game plays like piss, but more like it's relieving and you might even lose a few pounds, because you'll do it so often. Go see a doctor if you evacuate your bladder a lot, but if you play Devil May Cry a lot, go find your friends and force them to watch. Or you could do the latter for both if you're a freak.
The animations are polished and the attacks flow easily into each other. I find that I'm losing myself to a rhythm that I seem to be playing to. I can go from a torso splitting downward slash to a gut piercing stab without it feeling forced or a clip in animation. If you've never played a Devil May Cry game before, step back and re-evaluate your life, and then, and only then, you can come back and read the rest of this review. As I was saying, the combat, for you DMC virgins, has a style grade system. The more style and flair you fight with, the better your grade is. If you repeat the same moves over and over again, like Boring McTedious from Monontony town, found in Bland city, located in Dull land, you'll find your grade low and your parents disappointed that you aren't exhibiting your full potential. If you vary up your moves and link your combos together into a show of class and deadly elegance, you'll recieve top marks. I also think this has some bearing on the rewards you recieve from your slain foes, but I was too enamored by the slick animations and the amusing voice clips to care.
Nero's Devil Bringer opens up a whole new level of combo with its ability to pull enemies towards you and then slam them down for massive damage. If Dante was the King of combos (in a Constitutional Monarchy that is), then Nero is the President of combos, which is to say that they are equal. Different, but equal. From various trailers and such, I can say that I'm looking forward to playing as Nero, but I'll keep my opinions not concerning the gameplay or actions represented in the demo out of this review.
You know, I actually like puzzle games. I enjoy to flex the ol' grey matter every once and a while. However, Devil May Cry sidesteps all this pussy-footed nonsense by having every possible puzzle solved by the character shooting it in a cutscene. Now there are two ways to approach this; depending on your personality. If you like to break up action by doing some thinking, and then winding down with a cinematic, you'll hate this aspect of the game. If you love non-stop action and use cinematics only as a brief period to readjust your face before its blasted out of place again, then you'll love this aspect. I'm actually a member of the second group, so think what you want.
The demo also presented a scintillating snippet of the scenery. There was an ornate town, infested with rejects from clown school. Patchwork clothing and an overall Jester look that would put Clopin Trouillefou to shame. Then, there's a more rounded enemy that still retains the patchy and zany look, but instead of a leg, or a peg leg, or a slimy appendage, they have a GIANT PENDULUM BLADE FOR A LEG! HOLY SHIT! If this is just a random sampling of the enemies that I can expect to battle in Devil May Cry, then sign me up. I've always liked how diverse the enemies are and how imaginative the designs are, so it looks as though I won't be disappointed. I should probably get on with the aforementioned "scenery"; I don't want your panties to get tangled in a bunch. Aside from the town, there was a chilly, frozen wasteland with an incredibly detailed and massive castle looming before you. The enemies here were of the frozen variety, but I'm sure that you're scrambling with the Emergency Exit handle by now, and I don't want to bore you any longer, so I'll move on to the climactic boss battle that concludes the demo.
The boss fight was epic, or seemed epic at first. It was a fierce pitched battle between a human with some debilitating disorder that disfigures his digits and da rest of his arm and a giant, cranky fire Centaur... thing, brandishing a magma sword. Awesome? You bet your sweet bippies it is. Again, Nero, or Dante-II, mouths off to this giant monstrosity prompting in some display of badassery that isn't carried over to the actual gameplay, but it still elicited some joy from me. The reason I threw in the word "seemed" in the first sentence is that for all the boss' blustering and apparent power, he was easy to kill. I knocked him around for a bit and then there was a time where about six or seven button presses took away half of his life. When I was a wee lad, I was told some magnificent things about the movie "The Warriors", and I would find myself wetting my small pants in anticipation of the time when I could finally see this diamond encrusted gift from Odin. And then I actually saw the blasted thing and I walked away as though a little bit of my soul had been chipped away. The boss fight wasn't as disappointing, but it was disappointing. It just wasn't living up to its potential. I'm sure that harder difficulties will kick my ass up and down the street until my rump area is nothing but a concave mass of flesh. As of now however, this being of supreme power and might was nothing but a a pushover that I could kill by slapping at my controller with my foot.
All in all, I'll say that I cannot wait until the full game. All that money in my pocket was beginning to piss me off. Even with the difficulty being crippled, I still think I'm going to enjoy this game. This was a great demo and showcased some highlights from the game. Smooth combat, varied environments, and the diverse selection of critters to slice, stab, shoot, impale, throw, and dropkick. Three thumbs up.
