Sci-Fi smack talk

[MichaelAB]

They had a pretty good run going on over at io9.com about the best space battle smack talk. http://io9.com/369491/best-space-battle-smack-talk

I wanted to see what good smack talk you could think of from books/TV/film/games. Throw enough good ones up here and I might put a poll up with the top ones.

 

[Saskwach]

Did you set phasers to suck this morning?

Here, have a time machine. Because that's what you'll need to see how I wtfpwned your ass.

I slept with your mum - You can't tell me this insult will die out before the space age.

Your mum so fat people see her and go "That's no moon!"

Edit: Oh, you meant put downs that HAVE been in a sci-fi. Whoops.

 

[The Franco]

Anything from Bender, Zaphod, or Ford Prefect.

those or this little piece of awesomeness from professor Farnsworth:
(at a horse race track)
Announcer: Oh this is going to be close folks, looks like it's going to be a Quantum Finish. And Kepler wins!"
{The professor leaps out of his chair, tearing up his tickets}
Professor: NO FAIR! You changed the outcome by measuring it!

 

[Scolar Visari]

"Hey your the perfect hight to kiss my ass" "Is his skull as soft as that made it look?" "Hey if I get injured be sure to give me lots of drugs" "They're in standard formation, little basterds up front big ones in the back, good luck" Got to love those UNSC marines.

 

[Nugoo]

"You have no chance to survive. Make your time."

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

"Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive."

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

"You lose."
"Hardly. Look around you. The Justice League is completely defeated, and so are you. For all your efforts, you have but inconvenienced me, speck. But I'm still just human enough to enjoy taking my revenge."

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

"If it bleeds, we can kill it."

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

My favorite:

"Hey Vasquez, you ever been mistaken for a man?"
"No, have you?"

 

[ReepNeep]

Damn near everything that came out of Shodan's mouth (speaker?). The woman is a digital incarnation of contempt.

A choice tidbit from the intro:
'Look at you, hacker. A Pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?'

 

[Jeroen Stout]

Morden: If restoring the Centauri Republic means nothing to you, what does? What do you want?
Vir Cotto: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I would look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this.
* * He gives Morden a mockingly cheerful finger waggle.
Vir Cotto: Can you and your associates arrange this for me, Mr. Morden?

How the story later unveils itself makes this moment so treasurable.

 

[GloatingSwine]

B5 is full of these.

Delenn: This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw?or be destroyed!
Captain Drake, EarthForce: Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship.
Delenn: Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.

Also:

Nia: Even if we were to be enslaved in the galaxy's cycle of rebirth,
Yoko: the feelings that were left behind will open the door!
Leeron: Even if the infinite Universe were to go against us,
Viral: our burning blood will cut through fate!
Simon: We'll break through the heavens and dimensions!
Everyone but Simon: We'll show you our path through force!
Simon: Tengen Toppa... Gurren-Lagann! ("The heaven-shattering... GURREN-LAGANN!")
Everyone: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Dedicated to Yahtzee

Hate.
Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live.
There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex.
If the word 'hate' was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant for you.
Hate.
Hate.

A.M. from I have no mouth but I must scream.

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Great shot kid, now don't get penis-y. - Blue Harvest

Bats : That Killer Robot doesn't look like it wants us to go in.
Supes : Truly, you are the world's greatest detective.

The Great Hyperlobic Omnicognate Neutron-Wrangler can talk all four legs off an Arcturan Mega-Donkey but only I can persuade it to go for a walk afterwards. Molest me not, with this, pocket calculator stuff!

And of course, a whole load of Kerr Avon.

"Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity I can no longer manage."
"You're just being modest."

"I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes!"
"Have you tried amputation?"

"Where are all the good guys?"
"Could be looking at them."
"What a depressing thought."

I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm not going.

It's considered bad manners to kill your friends while committing suicide.

Avon's idea of diplomacy is breaking someone's leg and saying 'lean on me'.

 

[dekkarax]

hmm

"smeg head"
pretty much all you need

 

[TomNook]

Your mum so fat people see her and go "That's no moon!"

/thread over.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

"My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." - Firefly

"You're cute. I can see why she likes you...."
"Who?"
"...Not too bright, though."
- The Matrix

 

[Same River New Water]

You can't go past Firefly for a good put-down:



"Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command!"


"Mercy is the mark of a great man." (stabs helpless opponent.) "Guess I'm just a good man." (stabs him again) "Well, I'm alright."


"This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would it?"


"The girl knows things. Things she shouldn't. Things she couldn't."
"Wha-? Are you- are you sayin' she's a witch?"
(pause) "Yes, Jayne. She's a witch. She has had congress with the Beast."
"She's in Congress?!"
"How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious."


Captain: "Zoe, the ship is yours. Remember: if anything happens to me, if you don't hear from me within the hour, you take the ship -- and you come and you rescue me."
Zoe: "What? Risk my ship?"


"Do you really believe that?"
"I do."
"You willing to die for that belief?"
"I am." (pulls out a gun) "Course, that ain't exactly Plan A."

 

[GloatingSwine]

Mal: Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir!
Mal: Ain't we just?

 

[Aetmos]

Ahh, Futurama.

"Is he stupid, or just ugly?"

"That's impossible."
"Nothing's impossible if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about."
"No, that's what being a magical elf is all about."

"From now on, you'll be in charge of coordinating the Professor's bodily functions."
"That's a full-time job."