As you might be able to grasp purely from a glance of this text, this will be long. Be warned.
I am nineteen. My second year of college will begin this coming September. I am madly in love with a young woman that we will call Ramona for purposes of Anonymity. I'm sure of this because I can confidently say there is no other person on this planet I would rather be with. I can easily think, as everyone might agree, that the swill of teenage hormones might still be in effect when I say this, but I believe it to be true. I would not change her, nor would I feel different if she, herself, changed. I would love her the same if she were severely crippled, mentally stunted, horribly disfigured, or what have you. There is literally nothing that would change my feelings.
However, she has a boyfriend. But it gets better.
I have worked closely with her boyfriend, who we will call Matthew for anonymity as well. Matthew is a cold, boring, man with few emotions if any. I have spoke many a time with him, Ramona, and mutual friends with the couple. They seem relatively happy together. Still, close companions of mine who are familiar with both Ramona and Matthew have told me of their relationship. From what I have seen first hand as well as from rumors told by others, Matthew does not treat her as a significant other. He often neglects her and, albeit rarely, belittles her as a student. I have met and worked with him, and he seems very unaffectionate, even to his girlfriend. Ramona, however, believes that she is in a completely healthy relationship, just as other dominated women may.
I believe she is perfection. Perhaps quite innocent as well. She has recently turned twenty, but I do not believe that she understands that this is a relationship that is completely healthy.
I have expressed to her, quite calmly and plainly, that I have strong feelings for her. However, I have strongly pressed that it is her happiness that I desire rather than demanding a change in her life by requesting she leave her boyfriend, Matthew. I took my time to emphasize that I did not want her to come running to me if she indeed was happy. Her reaction was that of a half-surprised half-anticipated speechlessness. She believed that I told the truth, embraced me for it, teared up a bit, smiled, and said nothing more. Therefore, I still do not know her own feelings, nor am I confident enough to assume one thing or another.
Both before, during, and after this, we have been close friends. We have taken dancing lessons together, spent time with one another, and worked closely in both classes and theatrical affairs. I have noticed that we share similar interests, and she has returned a good amount of the attention I have given her. I expressed my feelings quite plainly, though not to make her overly uncomfortable at the time. This was approximately six months ago, if not less.
EDIT: I broke up with my current girlfriend, "Kim." It turns out she had a similar mentality about our relationship together, and we mutually, healthily, happily ended it together. Still good friends.
Now for the true dilemma.
I'm sure some would simply call me impatient and selfish, and I would agree, but I am still burning to show Ramona how I really feel. I think of myself as a romantic - I believe in grand expressions of infatuation like serenading from a moonlit balcony and all of that other wild grandeur. This lady deserves more than what she is getting. I want to be that man to make her life wonderful - to tell her every day how special she is to me. Ramona currently works at the Sterling Renaissance Fair - a perfect example of our mutual interests in medieval history, culture, and theatre. I have found the opportunity to visit her - something she has suggested once or twice (but such fairs are expensive, particularly to a college student over a summer vacation, and so such a visit must be carefully planned and what have you).
Being the thespian and musician I am, I have an acoustic nylon-string guitar that is beaten-up enough to resemble an older-aged stringed instrument, and I have access to costumes used by the local Shakespearean society.
Knowing where she works, I could dress up and serenade her at the very fair she works without disturbing the atmosphere around me. I feel the need to tell her that she deserves more than what she has, and I want to be the one that gives that affection to her.
Obviously, my actions have a myriad of severe consequences.
If I do not break up with Kim immediately, Ramona will resent the idea of me coming to her with a girlfriend of my own. If I break up with Kim at all, she will be devastated, and I will lose respect for myself as well as a surprising amount of my friends.
If she does not fawn over me like I hope, or if she is too loyal to the scoundrel, Matthew, I will have lost the friend I was so hoping to swoon, as well as allow her voice my exploit, causing my close ones to disrespect me for my selfishness.
And even if my plan works, and she returns my affections (a completely slim and unlikely outcome) I will have stripped two people of their significant others for our own happiness.
But I am young. In my heart, there is only one person I want in this world, and it is Ramona. I want her to know that. I would do nearly anything, short of killing someone or the like, to make her happy. This could be a critical mistake, a life lesson, or the greatest thing I've ever done in my pitiful life.
Fellow Escapists, I am at your mercy. I beg of your insight.
I am nineteen. My second year of college will begin this coming September. I am madly in love with a young woman that we will call Ramona for purposes of Anonymity. I'm sure of this because I can confidently say there is no other person on this planet I would rather be with. I can easily think, as everyone might agree, that the swill of teenage hormones might still be in effect when I say this, but I believe it to be true. I would not change her, nor would I feel different if she, herself, changed. I would love her the same if she were severely crippled, mentally stunted, horribly disfigured, or what have you. There is literally nothing that would change my feelings.
However, she has a boyfriend. But it gets better.
I have worked closely with her boyfriend, who we will call Matthew for anonymity as well. Matthew is a cold, boring, man with few emotions if any. I have spoke many a time with him, Ramona, and mutual friends with the couple. They seem relatively happy together. Still, close companions of mine who are familiar with both Ramona and Matthew have told me of their relationship. From what I have seen first hand as well as from rumors told by others, Matthew does not treat her as a significant other. He often neglects her and, albeit rarely, belittles her as a student. I have met and worked with him, and he seems very unaffectionate, even to his girlfriend. Ramona, however, believes that she is in a completely healthy relationship, just as other dominated women may.
I believe she is perfection. Perhaps quite innocent as well. She has recently turned twenty, but I do not believe that she understands that this is a relationship that is completely healthy.
I have expressed to her, quite calmly and plainly, that I have strong feelings for her. However, I have strongly pressed that it is her happiness that I desire rather than demanding a change in her life by requesting she leave her boyfriend, Matthew. I took my time to emphasize that I did not want her to come running to me if she indeed was happy. Her reaction was that of a half-surprised half-anticipated speechlessness. She believed that I told the truth, embraced me for it, teared up a bit, smiled, and said nothing more. Therefore, I still do not know her own feelings, nor am I confident enough to assume one thing or another.
Both before, during, and after this, we have been close friends. We have taken dancing lessons together, spent time with one another, and worked closely in both classes and theatrical affairs. I have noticed that we share similar interests, and she has returned a good amount of the attention I have given her. I expressed my feelings quite plainly, though not to make her overly uncomfortable at the time. This was approximately six months ago, if not less.
EDIT: I broke up with my current girlfriend, "Kim." It turns out she had a similar mentality about our relationship together, and we mutually, healthily, happily ended it together. Still good friends.
Now for the true dilemma.
I'm sure some would simply call me impatient and selfish, and I would agree, but I am still burning to show Ramona how I really feel. I think of myself as a romantic - I believe in grand expressions of infatuation like serenading from a moonlit balcony and all of that other wild grandeur. This lady deserves more than what she is getting. I want to be that man to make her life wonderful - to tell her every day how special she is to me. Ramona currently works at the Sterling Renaissance Fair - a perfect example of our mutual interests in medieval history, culture, and theatre. I have found the opportunity to visit her - something she has suggested once or twice (but such fairs are expensive, particularly to a college student over a summer vacation, and so such a visit must be carefully planned and what have you).
Being the thespian and musician I am, I have an acoustic nylon-string guitar that is beaten-up enough to resemble an older-aged stringed instrument, and I have access to costumes used by the local Shakespearean society.
Knowing where she works, I could dress up and serenade her at the very fair she works without disturbing the atmosphere around me. I feel the need to tell her that she deserves more than what she has, and I want to be the one that gives that affection to her.
Obviously, my actions have a myriad of severe consequences.
If I do not break up with Kim immediately, Ramona will resent the idea of me coming to her with a girlfriend of my own. If I break up with Kim at all, she will be devastated, and I will lose respect for myself as well as a surprising amount of my friends.
If she does not fawn over me like I hope, or if she is too loyal to the scoundrel, Matthew, I will have lost the friend I was so hoping to swoon, as well as allow her voice my exploit, causing my close ones to disrespect me for my selfishness.
And even if my plan works, and she returns my affections (a completely slim and unlikely outcome) I will have stripped two people of their significant others for our own happiness.
But I am young. In my heart, there is only one person I want in this world, and it is Ramona. I want her to know that. I would do nearly anything, short of killing someone or the like, to make her happy. This could be a critical mistake, a life lesson, or the greatest thing I've ever done in my pitiful life.
Fellow Escapists, I am at your mercy. I beg of your insight.
) is just take a step back and let go. I know it's hard, but you don't want to spend your life pining over someone who doesn't share your feelings: if she felt the same way as you do, she would be with you, not this other guy. You've probably heard this cliche a thousand times, but there are *plenty* of other women out there, and you might be *VERY* surprised what you're missing out on while fighting a losing battle for the attention of someone things will never work out with.
