Self Harm and You

[Reaper195]

Went through a mad depression when I was a teenager. Cut myself once, cursed at the sudden blood flow (Ruined a decent shirt) and pain, then never did it again. As someone who has been to the bottom of the barrel and stayed there for a long time....self-harm makes no fuckin' sense.

 

[The White Hunter]

Snip

(addendum to my post)
Out of curiosity is hearing these kinds of stories cathartic or helpful to you? I've always found this sort of thing just makes me cut more, but some of my friends like to hear about it to make them want to do it less.

It's not cathartic for me and no is it particularly helpful. I was blackout drunk so I made a thread about what was on my mind.

Sometimes it's interesting to provoke discussion.

 

[Angelowl]

24, transgirl. Been emotionally unstable, paranoid and suicidal since the onset of puberty. So half my life now.

No I never done such a thing, for a simple reason. When I feel an anxiety attack or wirse coming I stay as far away from sharp objects as possible. I also refuse to drive a car or similar. Despite being bombarded by thoughts and impulses that are beyond my control. I usually curl up and cry while chatting with my friends for a few hour, unless one of them is available in real life. My best friend usually is, and he is the primary reasom to why I'm still here.

Current situation is gender issues are under control, I have real friends who do not just brush things off. My mother is less hostile and try to be understanding novadays. Can't handle the pressure of studying due to the anxiety attacks, I live in the worst town in the country when it comes to jobs and my last attempt to get help started february.

I am basically in a limbo with body and social life under control but no income to speak of and no means of attaining one. Failed college three times. My plan while trying to sort this out is to slowly build up a collectiin of things that are good for my mental health, train martial arts, try out a course in german or writing. And most of all, not rushing things.

 

[The White Hunter]

Well since we are sharing, I attempted suicide around 16. Oddly I think this post will be among the few where sexual orientation comes makes sense. I had recently come out, and well, I lived in a republican suburb in ohio. Some of my best friends stopped talking to me. That combined with watching everyone else go through their first romances, losing their virginities ect. It was actually really hard for me to see I would ever have it for myself, so the depression led me to slit my wrists. I recovered naturally, I guess I did it becuase I was too stupid to understand my life would change after highschool. Now I'm married and have made peace with all but one of my friends. We were all immature back then, if I could attempt suicide I could forgive them for their unworldly beliefs.

24, Male, Gay

I was kind of expecting there to be a trend between non-hetero individuals and instances of self harm/attempted suicide. I can empathise with it to a degree.

 

[SckizoBoy]

snip

Yeah... one of the reasons I'm into BDSM... :|

I'm not a raging masochist, I'm not even a masochist in the literal, literary or traditional sense, but I do often feel better after having been in pain, just not when I've been doing it to myself. So self-harming has never really been an issue for me. Getting someone else to do it, though, has been.

My ex-girlfriend (who was also my sub), however, had it quite severely, to the point of self-flagellating, and given her personality, I'm amazed I managed to do anything about it. An inadvertent trauma as a child, manic depression, a slash attack and a miscarriage just does not help...

Nowadays my anxiety attacks usually just leave me nearing tears and needing to remove myself from crowds more than anything.

Rhetorical question: how bereft of your heart your chest feels, as though it beats at nothing... :/

Yeah... happens a lot when I'm at the nadir (or not even that) of a depressive episode... reason? FUCK REASONS!

19, female, straight, but i'd tottaly screw females if they had dicks. Shame really.

To add some levity to my post, despite myself... uh... strap-on not an option?! '

Anyway... info-stuff:

Male, 27, straight (if mostly)

Now if you'll excuse me...

 

[Fractral]

Only ever out of morbid curiosity as to how much it would hurt. It hurt a lot, so I'm not trying that again. I don't get down often, and when I do I just get some comfort food and watch anime all day. Which is how I spend a lot of my uptime as well.
If I am down doing maths tends to help me more than self pity. Nothing like shredding integral calculus problems to get you back on your feet.
17, Male, Straight.

 

[Artina89]

I'm 24, female, straight.

I haven't cut myself, but I am in a high stress job, but I use stress busters and I get off my bus a couple of stops early both going to and coming back from work so I can walk and "de-stress" as well as try and take stock of my day and to help me re-evaluate my priorities, especially if it is at a busy time of the year. I also play Resident Evil 4 and Persona 4: Arena as I find them very cathartic to play.

 

[Casual Shinji]

I'm more of a pick and poker.

Whenever I have a scab, callus, or fuild accumulation I just can't help but tear away at it. I can seriously fuck up the soles of my feet during summer if I'm not careful. So I guess you could call it a form of self-harm, not because I like the pain, but because I'm a bit obsessed with whatever protrusion is on my skin.

31-year old hetero male.

 

[Lieju]

Nope. I say this in the nicest way possible, but I fail to understand how self-harm can ever make you feel better.

I can only speak for myself, but if you feel really horrible mentally, making the pain physical and clear instead can help.

Especially since there is often a stigma against mental issues, so people who are depressed can feel like they are sad over nothing. Physical pain, which is far more acceptable to be sad over, can help alleviate the quilt.

26, female, lesbian.
I would never cut, leaves marks.

But I have hurt myself in other ways.

Well since we are sharing, I attempted suicide around 16. Oddly I think this post will be among the few where sexual orientation comes makes sense. I had recently come out, and well, I lived in a republican suburb in ohio. Some of my best friends stopped talking to me. That combined with watching everyone else go through their first romances, losing their virginities ect. It was actually really hard for me to see I would ever have it for myself, so the depression led me to slit my wrists. I recovered naturally, I guess I did it becuase I was too stupid to understand my life would change after highschool. Now I'm married and have made peace with all but one of my friends. We were all immature back then, if I could attempt suicide I could forgive them for their unworldly beliefs.

24, Male, Gay

Unfortunately, I know several people with similar stories to yours.
With me, being straigth would have probably helped (because it's likely I would have gotten into a relationship), but my Aspergers and difficulty in social relationships was a bigger problem for me.

Although if I weren't someone with Asperger's I might have cared more about people being shitty to me over being gay.

 

[The White Hunter]

... Whow ...

I'm deeply sorry to hear- literally, that got me worked up when reading. I know I am just an online user who's quite limited but... if you want, please feel free to PM me. I'll listen and give you whatever advise I can. That is entirely your choice of course, plus I would hate to see someone suffering. Wow, I am truly sorry for whatever is causing you to inflict yourself man.

Hopefully others have offered their help but regardless, I promise to be here for you if you'd like that. No one deserves to suffer and I sure won't sit idly by as crap happens to yah. So again I am all ears if you want to talk. God bless you..

OT: I never cut myself before, but one time it was accidental. Thought a small pink knife was a toy- only to find out it was a small kitchen knife meant to cut turkey. Boy did it sting really badly and bled out quite a bit.

A large part of what causes it is my own madness, don't worry about it. Thanks for the offer of help though.

 

[doggy go 7]

I haven't, but my now girlfriend used to. She stopped around the time she started going out with me (apparently those two things are related, which is a nice thought), but we were friends beforehand when she was going through some of the worst of it, and talked to me about it quite a bit, which made me quite aware of the world of depression and self harm and things like that, stuff that'd never really been part of my life before then.
If people are wondering, her reasons for doing it fell something along the lines of feeling she was worthless, and that she deserved it, and should be punished for her supposed transgressions. Obviously I didn't think she did, but the state her mind was in meant that it was so hard for her to see the good things in her life.
I'm, 18 male straight, she was 17 (is now 18) (and on the bias point, when I was googling this stuff, supposedly 90% of the people that self harm in the UK are teenage girls)

 

[MeChaNiZ3D]

I put a knife to my arm once. Then I put it back. I think had I not done so things would be different now, but I have never self harmed. Straight male, typical age.

 

[default]

... Whow ...

I'm deeply sorry to hear- literally, that got me worked up when reading. I know I am just an online user who's quite limited but... if you want, please feel free to PM me. I'll listen and give you whatever advise I can. That is entirely your choice of course, plus I would hate to see someone suffering. Wow, I am truly sorry for whatever is causing you to inflict yourself man.

Hopefully others have offered their help but regardless, I promise to be here for you if you'd like that. No one deserves to suffer and I sure won't sit idly by as crap happens to yah. So again I am all ears if you want to talk. God bless you..

OT: I never cut myself before, but one time it was accidental. Thought a small pink knife was a toy- only to find out it was a small kitchen knife meant to cut turkey. Boy did it sting really badly and bled out quite a bit.

A large part of what causes it is my own madness, don't worry about it. Thanks for the offer of help though.

I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times before (because God knows I have) but it will get better my friend. It may not be for a while, but you will get there.

Are you seeing anyone professional at the moment? I hated the idea for years but after I nearly died 10 months ago it has really helped. And it's not because of the cognitive therapy (I still feel about as fucking awful as ever, Christmas was anguish), it's having that person completely out of your social sphere to just... talk to. It's such a release in a way that not even the closest of friends can replicate.

 

[Multi-Hobbyist]

Christ. I just wanna bash the self-harmers in this thread, but I just can't bring myself to care anymore.
Welp, that and I've done far stupider crap in this lifetime so I have no place for judging. 23, Male, mostly straight.

 

[AVATAR_RAGE]

21, Male, Straight.

Have not self harmed. Though I can't say for sure I did go through a time in my late teens where I became incredibly depressed, it is possible I could have considered it but honestly I can't remember.

Though I do accidentally cut my head when my nails are too long. Long story but to summarize, dry scalp, occasionally scabby and that gets itchy. Kinda gross but it does get hard to to scratch.

 

[The White Hunter]

... Whow ...

I'm deeply sorry to hear- literally, that got me worked up when reading. I know I am just an online user who's quite limited but... if you want, please feel free to PM me. I'll listen and give you whatever advise I can. That is entirely your choice of course, plus I would hate to see someone suffering. Wow, I am truly sorry for whatever is causing you to inflict yourself man.

Hopefully others have offered their help but regardless, I promise to be here for you if you'd like that. No one deserves to suffer and I sure won't sit idly by as crap happens to yah. So again I am all ears if you want to talk. God bless you..

OT: I never cut myself before, but one time it was accidental. Thought a small pink knife was a toy- only to find out it was a small kitchen knife meant to cut turkey. Boy did it sting really badly and bled out quite a bit.

A large part of what causes it is my own madness, don't worry about it. Thanks for the offer of help though.

I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times before (because God knows I have) but it will get better my friend. It may not be for a while, but you will get there.

Are you seeing anyone professional at the moment? I hated the idea for years but after I nearly died 10 months ago it has really helped. And it's not because of the cognitive therapy (I still feel about as fucking awful as ever, Christmas was anguish), it's having that person completely out of your social sphere to just... talk to. It's such a release in a way that not even the closest of friends can replicate.

Ehh not at the moment, going to in the new year but willing to wager my GP will be dismissive or throw drugs I won't take at the problem, since that's the quality of medical care in my area.

 

[default]

... Whow ...

I'm deeply sorry to hear- literally, that got me worked up when reading. I know I am just an online user who's quite limited but... if you want, please feel free to PM me. I'll listen and give you whatever advise I can. That is entirely your choice of course, plus I would hate to see someone suffering. Wow, I am truly sorry for whatever is causing you to inflict yourself man.

Hopefully others have offered their help but regardless, I promise to be here for you if you'd like that. No one deserves to suffer and I sure won't sit idly by as crap happens to yah. So again I am all ears if you want to talk. God bless you..

OT: I never cut myself before, but one time it was accidental. Thought a small pink knife was a toy- only to find out it was a small kitchen knife meant to cut turkey. Boy did it sting really badly and bled out quite a bit.

A large part of what causes it is my own madness, don't worry about it. Thanks for the offer of help though.

I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times before (because God knows I have) but it will get better my friend. It may not be for a while, but you will get there.

Are you seeing anyone professional at the moment? I hated the idea for years but after I nearly died 10 months ago it has really helped. And it's not because of the cognitive therapy (I still feel about as fucking awful as ever, Christmas was anguish), it's having that person completely out of your social sphere to just... talk to. It's such a release in a way that not even the closest of friends can replicate.

Ehh not at the moment, going to in the new year but willing to wager my GP will be dismissive or throw drugs I won't take at the problem, since that's the quality of medical care in my area.

Meh, just do your best to insist for a referral. I know what the pill poppers are like, throwing them at every problem. I went through about 8 different kinds of medication over 3-4 years before just giving up on it. Much better for it too, I fucking hated facing every day with a head full of bees and clouds.

 

[Eamar]

I have bipolar disorder, and I've self-harmed (some minor cutting, but mostly burning/branding my arms) in the past. My experiences are slightly different from the stereotypical ones in that it's never been habitual or even deliberate for me. It's like I go into a trance and just find myself doing it - I've never actually want to. Then I snap out of it and completely freak out when I realise what I've done. It's absolutely terrifying and deeply upsetting. I'm immediately filled with an overwhelming sense of shame and go to great lengths to keep the marks hidden (the whole trance thing means I don't have the forethought to do it somewhere like my thighs or upper arms). Fortunately I haven't been left with any obvious scars, and the few I do have aren't really "suspicious."

That said, the fact that it's such a rare occurrence means that I can use it as an indicator that I really need to do something about my illness. The first time I did it was when I was first running into serious problems with the bipolar (though it wasn't diagnosed until years later), and no one around me was taking me seriously. I was completely overcome with anger and frustration and ended up burning myself. However, that made me realise that I needed to talk to someone, so I started to open up about the problems I was having to a trusted teacher. The last time I did it, last summer, the bipolar meds I was on at the time just weren't helping at all and the side effects were awful, but I denied there was a problem for months (I'm sure lots of you with experience of mental illness will know the feeling). When I found myself cutting, it was the kick up the backside I needed to go to the doctor, get referred to a psychiatrist again and change the medication.

I was also bulimic as a teenager, and I think that plays into the same self-destructive mindset, which can also be a feature of bipolar.

For the record, I'm 22, female and bisexual, so I guess at one point I fitted in with the teenage girl stereotype. I was all too aware of that at the time and felt so disappointed in myself for becoming stereotypical, what with the eating disorder and everything as well. Stupid way to think about mental illness, but I was young and uneducated about this stuff back then.