Self Improvement, Sexism

[StBishop]

Hey guys,

I've been having a little think tonight about one of my lecturers. She's the third lecturer that I've had problems with in 3 years and all of my other lecturers have been amazing (3/24).

I usually really, really like all of the faculty at uni because they're incredibly intelligent, interesting, and helpful. They all seem to demand respect as well.

But I find that my opinion of this lecturer is quite... low, to be polite.

I find my self having negative things to say about her which doesn't happen often of anyone and I actually thought to myself before "It must be because she thinks she's smarter than me, which she's not." which surprised me. Admittedly, she's probably the least academic lecturer I've had, and she does make mistakes regarding physics and biomechanics (not to mention draws comparisons which are incorrect and based on assumptions equally incorrect) but I'm concerned because other people don't seem to have a problem with her and she's obviously very knowledgeable in her field.

I am concerned that I have issues taking female authority figures seriously. It's not a good idea to be that way and as I'm looking at a career in the military (not something I really want to argue about but I'm happy to answer questions) I think it'll go down very poorly if I fail to show respect to a female who's command I am under.
This is more than likely going to be the case at least some of the time as I'm aiming for medical officer, which has a much more reasonable distribution of males:females than other parts of the military.

I don't think I am overly sexist in all areas of my life, but this is one I recall having trouble with as a child too, I always behaved more in classes where the teacher was male as a kid. Any suggestions or ideas on how to work on this.

NOTE: I've had a number of female lecturers who I respect greatly but I'm still concerned.

 

[Phasmal]

Well... how's your relationship with your mother?

Kidding. I honestly don't know what to say, but I'm obviously against sexism, so I'll give it a go.

Do you understand why female authority bothers you?
Do you just think women are not as smart?
Do women smarter than you bother you? (If she is a lecturer, she probably is smarter than you).

As for how to tackle it, I guess the best way would be to think of everyone as a person first, rather than a gender. Sounds simple but you have no idea how many people I meet everyday just want to pidgeonhole me into their idea of `woman`. Try to understand exactly what it is that bothers you.

 

[StBishop]

Well... how's your relationship with your mother?

Kidding. I honestly don't know what to say, but I'm obviously against sexism, so I'll give it a go.

Funnily enough, it's shit.

Do you understand why female authority bothers you?

I don't know, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, I just don't seem to respect it in the same way as I would a male authority figure. One of my current bosses (multiplw jobs) is female and we get along well and I'm plenty respectful, hell she's the same age as me too (never had a boss my age before). But that said, I don't work on the assumption she'd fire me, I've had a male boss in the same job and I always assumed that he'd fire me if I fucked up. I don't know how much of that is based on them personally versus their gender though.

Do you just think women are not as smart?

I know women are smart, on average they are more educated and more intelligent than men. I have had a couple of lecturers who're female who've been incredibly intelligent and more knowledgeable than I can comprehend. So I don't think that's the problem.

Do women smarter than you bother you? (If she is a lecturer, she probably is smarter than you).

No, I like people who're smarter than me, I don't feel guilty talking how I like to talk, I feel I can use my full vocabulary and I don't need to explain myself. I much prefer speaking to women who're smarter than me, than women who aren't as smart as me.
Without being the most narcissistic person of the day, I really don't think she's smarter than me. I'm sure that in her area of expertise (netball) she's competent, but as far as her general knowledge of the fields surrounding her specific skill set (training theory, biomechanics, etc.), she seems a lot less knowledgeable than the undergrads in her class. Which is fine, she's a specialist, she's not meant to know everything we know and visa versa, but she also seems disorganised and vague, which don't help.

Thanks for the reply.

As for how to tackle it, I guess the best way would be to think of everyone as a person first, rather than a gender. Sounds simple but you have no idea how many people I meet everyday just want to pidgeonhole me into their idea of `woman`. Try to understand exactly what it is that bothers you.

I don't know if I'm just looking for a problem here to explain why I don't like this lecturer, or if this is an actual problem, because I certainly didn't have any assumptions about her based on gender before I knew her. I've known her about 2 and a half months now, and I didn't come to dislike her until about 2 weeks ago.

 

[MyFooThurTS]

She's probably an idiot, like you suspect, but that's just going to leave the concern that you'll each believe you're smarter than the other.

On another point, I worry you might have a skewed idea of what sexism actually includes. Socially reinforced, behavioural dichotomies do exist, and you don't have to like people who fall in the other group. You just need to appreciate the dichotomies for what they are; that is arbitrary, and externally constructed. In short, it's quite possible to like a 'masculine' personality trait, yet dislike the 'feminine' trait diametric to it, and to do so without being sexist.

 

[Terminal Blue]

snip

Assuming you actually do have these behavioural traits, the fact that you recognize them shows that you'll never be that bad.

Sexism is where you believe (consciously or unconsciously) that a person's sex possesses intrinsic traits which can be valued in relative terms, and you clearly don't believe that women are stupid or less able than you so I don't think you're being sexist. If you simply don't get on as well with some women, then that's not necessarily a problem as long as you don't allow it to translate into concrete discrimination.

Do you have many female friends? Do you spend a lot of time hanging out with members of the opposite sex just for fun? This isn't meant to be a negative comment on your personality, my point is that actually most people are homosocial. They relate better to people of the same sex irrespective of other factors, and that's not really "sexism" except in the broadest possible sense that it emerges from a society in which sex is considered important and in which certain behavioural traits tend to align with sex.

It sounds like what you're reacting to is certain assumptions which you've picked up about women over the years based on the behavioural traits of people around you. That's not necessarily bad, as long as it doesn't lead you discriminate against people, but if you want to change it you just have to check yourself sometimes. If you notice that you don't like someone, for example, and you can't pick out any reason other than the fact that they're female, just make sure you don't act in a way that makes it an issue. As long as you can be professional, it shouldn't matter how you actually feel about anyone.

In uni and work, you'll eventually find people you don't like, be they male or female. If you can treat those people with basic courtesy irrespective of your personal feelings, that's all anyone will ever ask of you in a professional capacity.

 

[Doclector]

Could it possibly be that you're afraid of coming across as sexist? I remember once at uni I had to work with a guy who was paralyzed from the neck down for a while. It was a nightmare, I had to do literally everything that was even slightly practical, but I didn't feel I could say anything because he was disabled, and I'd look like, well...a jerk.

 

[bernardblack]

Well the fact that you're even questioning whether you're being sexist or not is a pretty big deal in itself.

Basically, it's okay to dislike certain people, regardless of what gender they are. You're not automatically sexist if you don't like one woman. What wouldn't be okay is to assume that based on your experience with this woman that ALL women are unintelligent, or if you automatically assumed that woman=less intelligent. But you don't seem to be doing that.

 

[Galletea]

I have noticed that occasionally with women in positions of authority, and it's almost always women, they seem to go out of their way to be obnoxious. It's as if they feel they have something to prove in a male dominated area and this makes them truly unbearable. Of course there are awful men in these positions as well, but they don't seem to have quite the same chip on the shoulder as the women, they are just idiots.
The thing with sexism is that if you don't treat both sexes the same then it's deemed as sexist. But we are not the same. Statistically we react differently to different things and I am a little sick of the treading on eggshells to avoid controversy about such things.

 

[Johndo]

Why are you asking us? Ask your friends this, they know you more. Ask a classmate in the same class and see if something is odd with your professor. We got no clue who you are.

 

[Oirish_Martin]

Based on the information you have given us you only find this one female lecturer troublesome. And you seem to think she has made some genuine errors in what she's presented.

That doesn't seem like much grounds to think you are being sexist. Criticism of a woman for genuine mistakes does not make you sexist.

Now, your attitude to other professional women may well show a sexist trend, and I guess you'd know that better than anyone, but based on what you've shown here I don't think you're necessarily being sexist at all.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

I am concerned that I have issues taking female authority figures seriously. It's not a good idea to be that way and as I'm looking at a career in the military (not something I really want to argue about but I'm happy to answer questions) I think it'll go down very poorly if I fail to show respect to a female who's command I am under....
I don't think I am overly sexist in all areas of my life, but this is one I recall having trouble with as a child too, I always behaved more in classes where the teacher was male as a kid. Any suggestions or ideas on how to work on this.

A lot of people have written this off as just a personal thing with the lecturer, but I think that if you have identified this as a (potential) problem in yourself, we should show you the respect of taking your self-evaluation seriously. I think it shows self-awareness and courage to face something like this in one's character. My perspective on this is influenced by two things: I'm a feminist, and I believe we live in a culture that undermines and devalues women. Not as bad as it used to, but it still does. I'm also, much to my dismay and disgust, a racist.

Wait, what?

Let me explain. I grew up in a culture that has, by means both direct and indirect, told me all my life that people of color, especially men of color, are dangerous, violent, and not to be trusted. In my head, I know this is not true. In my actions, in my words, and in my conscious thoughts, I actively try to counter this upbringing--I'm deliberately anti-racist. But in my basic instincts, those years of conditioning still show their effect, when I'm walking down the sidewalk, when meeting strangers, when dealing with stress and conflict, I'm more likely to be alarmed (for lack of a better word) by people of color. As much as I've worked towards being honorable and just to all people, the racist impulse still exists in me.

You (and I) have grown up in a culture that provides us with very few positive models of real female authority. I believe our culture also does a very bad job of teaching women how to effectively wield authority, which further complicates the issue. Our cultural archetype of women in authority is generally either The ***** or The Mother, or some combination of both. The images of female leadership that aren't either frigid or maternal are few and far between. So I'm not surprised that you have issues with women in authority so much as I'm surprised that you noticed.

My suggestions for you on how you deal with women in authority is based on how I deal with my racist impulses.
--Acknowledge it. Name it. Denying it only makes it stronger. "This impulse (to cross the street, blow this person off, etc.) is a racist/sexist impulse."
--Question it. "Why am I reacting like this? Would I be reacting like this if this person were male/white?" Be honest with your answer. Sometimes that answer is, "Yes, I would be reacting the same way no matter who I was dealing with." Being honest with yourself plays both ways.
--Act like the person you want to be, not the person our culture conditions you to be. If you want to be a person who does not have a problem with female authority, act like that person. You will change as you de-condition yourself, but as the 12-steppers say, fake it 'til you make it.

It's possible to be an anti-racist person with racist impulses. It's possible to believe in sexual equality, or even be a self-identified feminists, and still have sexist reactions. We are all products of our culture, but we are more than just products. We can change.

 

[Cyntac Wong]

You dont respect her because you think rightly or wrongly that your smarter than her.

In your mind that puts her below you. It may also irk you that no one else sees it. Perhaps a more objective approach to her intelligence might help you see that perhaps she deserves to be a lecturer.

 

[Angie7F]

Could it be that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the smartest, your past professors are a 9, your friends are a 5, you are a 7 or a 8 and the lecturer in question is a 6?
That way, the lecturer could be smarter and intriguing to your friends but look dumb to you.

Because, that could happen you know....

Sometime lecturers are specialist of a certain topic, and may not necessarily be smarter or more intelligent.

I had the same problem all through high school. All my teachers were so....dumb?
It was only after I got to university that I felt the were people I could really learn off of.

I think, regardless of the level of intelligence you have to show a bit of respect ( which I know you are ),
And as for the sexism thing, don't even worry about it.
I think the whole anti racism and anti sexism thing is over done and making people paranoid,
I mean, the amount of anti sexism and sexual harassment lectures a CIO has to go through in major companies is ridiculous.
As long as you have basic manners and politeness, you needn't worry too much,
From what I have read so far, you seem fine