So, as the title suggests i had a look at myself not too long ago, paired with a girl straight out telling me that im a huge jerk. Usually this wouldnt bother me very much, but considering it wasnt the first time i heared it, i actually want to do a bit of a self reflection and figure this out. And im shamelessly asking you for opinions, escapist. Wall of Text incoming:
So, in my free time i play a lot of WoW. Now, before the mental image of a fat Neckbeard chilling in a basement enters your head: I do it mostly for roleplay (and not 24/7 "i dont need food and/or sleep im totally fine" raiding) and also im doing an apprenticeship as a Computer-Techie, so im employed and have an overall stable live. Not the issue here. x)
While i greatly enjoy WoW as a roleplaying platform (since i find LARP a bit too awkward. Nothing against LARPers, but im just uncomfortable doing this stuff live. Pen & Paper is about as much as i can handle being "In Character" around other people.), Roleplayers tend to be a rather angry bunch. Flame Wars between people are common, and tehre are a lot of different "Cliques" around the server, who dont have a particularly good opinion of each other. Its basically a mess of caalling each other "Fails" or "Elitists", so arguments are common, and _usually_ nothing to worry about. I've met a few people trough the whole thing, were things would escalate. And some of this stuff stuck to me for a while and got me thinking, if i reacted wrong or was too harsh.
The first example was a girl that joined our guild. We played Jungle Trolls, a race where things can get bloody and very hostile very fast. One of the most important rules of roleplay is to strictly seperate IC, so stuff that happens while roleplaying, and OOC, stuff that happens out of character. As long as people stick to that, everything usually runs smoothly. We had some people that had problems with this however, and the Newcomer was no exception. We had a lot of arguments, basically the new girl and a few others insisting that the seperation rule should have less priority over the well-being of characters. Whenever something bad happened to one of their toons, or whenever their toons were treated badly IC, a whole big drama would go on. I especially took a lot of fire because my Voodoo-Doc could be a bit of an a**hole, and had a pretty big Arsenal of nasty stuff he could unleash on others. He didnt do that on a whim tough, he needed a reason. And i wasnt sitting behind my desk maliciously rubbing my hands and going "Yes, yess, im gonna RUIN all of your Roleplaysssss!", so i would usually get annoyed very fast if the Dramaparade rolled trough town.
The new girl couldnt let go tough. I would usually abandon the discussion when I felt I was wasting my time or getting too annoyed. It's my free time after all, and who would want spending that arguing over stupid stuff like this? It was established in the rules, and had worked fine before. To me it was clear, they and especially Newgirl were overly dramatic and whiny. So the fact that she would spend hours bringing the topic back up, complaining about everything and generally spending time being upset. Eventually, i got so fed up that i pretty much told her i wasnt interested in dealing with her or the Drama-Parade anymore. I would only interact with her Characters IC and had no interest in any sort of communication other than that. Her reaction to this was pretty much throwing her hands up in the air in dissapointment, but she left me alone after that. Only a few weeks later i left, as the atmosphere wouldnt recover anymore. I hear from a lot of people that the "Drama-Parade" is convinced to this day that im a huge jerk, wo enjoys torturing other players out of their fun. Just for clarification, i really tried to reason with them first, and tried to find common ground. But it was just getting me nowhere, and since they started the whole thing i didnt see a reason to ruin my whole experience just for their sake.
The second example was antother chick i met trough the game. We played in the same Noblehouse and eventually our characters started a relationship. At first it was cool, i liked her Character and she was generally nice to talk to, but eventually things got sour. When i wasnt in the mood to play for a day or two, she would start to get angry. To me that was absolutely normal, sometimes i want to do something else, sometimes i did stuff with other mates. She wouldnt have it, started huge arguments over my "inactivity" as she called it. She argued that it was _necessary_ that i played more, since we were together IC. I was ruining her fun, sabotaging her Roleplay, yadda yadda. I saw paralels to the first thing, so i put a lot of effort into the thing and played more. Eventually it was too much, and i actually started to loathe the evenly sessions. Making up excuses so i didnt have to show up. Whe she caught wind this time, i didnt even try to make up anymore. I basically told her that she could either respect my view and time management, or fu*k off. She took the latter option, and just as the above group, still hates me to the core.
Last but not least, a girl i actually didnt interact with trough WoW and her buddy. I have no idea why, but for some reason she jumped from "Buddies" to clingy "Im his best friend!" in a few days. Also she was very "sensible" as her buddy called it. This translated to her pretty much being depressed all the time, getting upset over nothing and also requiring constant words of encouragement. She was basically the MS. Depressed with a giant leak, and the only thing keeping her from sinking were compliments and comforting words. Eventually i got annoyed at the whole thing, only rolling my eyes if she answered to a simple "Hey, how're you doing?" by whining into the Chatbox for 2 hours, about problems who could've been solved by simply lifting her lazy ass, instead of crying all day. I tried to slowly push her into a direction where she would make things better, she wouldnt have it tough. Eventually i just figured she was attention-hugging and didnt WANT to improve anything. So i slowly started to cut ties. She reacted by being even more dramatic, eventually even writing that she would start to cut herself, if i wouldnt pay more attention to here. This got me pretty mad. Actually threatening me into taking her bullsh*t? It got me angry enough to start a big argument whereafter we didnt talk to each other anymore. Same scenario as before.
I talked about the whole thing with my cousin, and she just shrugged and told me i was a jerk. Nothing unusual, she said. When i asked her to elaborate she told me that i was a "user", just haning around with people as long as its uncomplicated, and dropping them if it gets uncomfortable for me. I have a hard time believing that, i get along great with my other friends, and yes, they arent dramaqueens. But isnt that a quality? Am i really a di*k for not wanting to deal with stuff like the above? I have simliar experiences with people being "offended" about stuff. Jokes or the like, for example. I just dont care. Its not okay, in my eyes, to ruin something for others, because YOU have a problem with it. And i also find it unfair if you expect me to be invested in your well-being, despite you not actually doing anything to deserve it. Is that really so egoistic, and does that really make me into an a*sshole? Im generaly wondering, so go crazy.
So, in my free time i play a lot of WoW. Now, before the mental image of a fat Neckbeard chilling in a basement enters your head: I do it mostly for roleplay (and not 24/7 "i dont need food and/or sleep im totally fine" raiding) and also im doing an apprenticeship as a Computer-Techie, so im employed and have an overall stable live. Not the issue here. x)
While i greatly enjoy WoW as a roleplaying platform (since i find LARP a bit too awkward. Nothing against LARPers, but im just uncomfortable doing this stuff live. Pen & Paper is about as much as i can handle being "In Character" around other people.), Roleplayers tend to be a rather angry bunch. Flame Wars between people are common, and tehre are a lot of different "Cliques" around the server, who dont have a particularly good opinion of each other. Its basically a mess of caalling each other "Fails" or "Elitists", so arguments are common, and _usually_ nothing to worry about. I've met a few people trough the whole thing, were things would escalate. And some of this stuff stuck to me for a while and got me thinking, if i reacted wrong or was too harsh.
The first example was a girl that joined our guild. We played Jungle Trolls, a race where things can get bloody and very hostile very fast. One of the most important rules of roleplay is to strictly seperate IC, so stuff that happens while roleplaying, and OOC, stuff that happens out of character. As long as people stick to that, everything usually runs smoothly. We had some people that had problems with this however, and the Newcomer was no exception. We had a lot of arguments, basically the new girl and a few others insisting that the seperation rule should have less priority over the well-being of characters. Whenever something bad happened to one of their toons, or whenever their toons were treated badly IC, a whole big drama would go on. I especially took a lot of fire because my Voodoo-Doc could be a bit of an a**hole, and had a pretty big Arsenal of nasty stuff he could unleash on others. He didnt do that on a whim tough, he needed a reason. And i wasnt sitting behind my desk maliciously rubbing my hands and going "Yes, yess, im gonna RUIN all of your Roleplaysssss!", so i would usually get annoyed very fast if the Dramaparade rolled trough town.
The new girl couldnt let go tough. I would usually abandon the discussion when I felt I was wasting my time or getting too annoyed. It's my free time after all, and who would want spending that arguing over stupid stuff like this? It was established in the rules, and had worked fine before. To me it was clear, they and especially Newgirl were overly dramatic and whiny. So the fact that she would spend hours bringing the topic back up, complaining about everything and generally spending time being upset. Eventually, i got so fed up that i pretty much told her i wasnt interested in dealing with her or the Drama-Parade anymore. I would only interact with her Characters IC and had no interest in any sort of communication other than that. Her reaction to this was pretty much throwing her hands up in the air in dissapointment, but she left me alone after that. Only a few weeks later i left, as the atmosphere wouldnt recover anymore. I hear from a lot of people that the "Drama-Parade" is convinced to this day that im a huge jerk, wo enjoys torturing other players out of their fun. Just for clarification, i really tried to reason with them first, and tried to find common ground. But it was just getting me nowhere, and since they started the whole thing i didnt see a reason to ruin my whole experience just for their sake.
The second example was antother chick i met trough the game. We played in the same Noblehouse and eventually our characters started a relationship. At first it was cool, i liked her Character and she was generally nice to talk to, but eventually things got sour. When i wasnt in the mood to play for a day or two, she would start to get angry. To me that was absolutely normal, sometimes i want to do something else, sometimes i did stuff with other mates. She wouldnt have it, started huge arguments over my "inactivity" as she called it. She argued that it was _necessary_ that i played more, since we were together IC. I was ruining her fun, sabotaging her Roleplay, yadda yadda. I saw paralels to the first thing, so i put a lot of effort into the thing and played more. Eventually it was too much, and i actually started to loathe the evenly sessions. Making up excuses so i didnt have to show up. Whe she caught wind this time, i didnt even try to make up anymore. I basically told her that she could either respect my view and time management, or fu*k off. She took the latter option, and just as the above group, still hates me to the core.
Last but not least, a girl i actually didnt interact with trough WoW and her buddy. I have no idea why, but for some reason she jumped from "Buddies" to clingy "Im his best friend!" in a few days. Also she was very "sensible" as her buddy called it. This translated to her pretty much being depressed all the time, getting upset over nothing and also requiring constant words of encouragement. She was basically the MS. Depressed with a giant leak, and the only thing keeping her from sinking were compliments and comforting words. Eventually i got annoyed at the whole thing, only rolling my eyes if she answered to a simple "Hey, how're you doing?" by whining into the Chatbox for 2 hours, about problems who could've been solved by simply lifting her lazy ass, instead of crying all day. I tried to slowly push her into a direction where she would make things better, she wouldnt have it tough. Eventually i just figured she was attention-hugging and didnt WANT to improve anything. So i slowly started to cut ties. She reacted by being even more dramatic, eventually even writing that she would start to cut herself, if i wouldnt pay more attention to here. This got me pretty mad. Actually threatening me into taking her bullsh*t? It got me angry enough to start a big argument whereafter we didnt talk to each other anymore. Same scenario as before.
I talked about the whole thing with my cousin, and she just shrugged and told me i was a jerk. Nothing unusual, she said. When i asked her to elaborate she told me that i was a "user", just haning around with people as long as its uncomplicated, and dropping them if it gets uncomfortable for me. I have a hard time believing that, i get along great with my other friends, and yes, they arent dramaqueens. But isnt that a quality? Am i really a di*k for not wanting to deal with stuff like the above? I have simliar experiences with people being "offended" about stuff. Jokes or the like, for example. I just dont care. Its not okay, in my eyes, to ruin something for others, because YOU have a problem with it. And i also find it unfair if you expect me to be invested in your well-being, despite you not actually doing anything to deserve it. Is that really so egoistic, and does that really make me into an a*sshole? Im generaly wondering, so go crazy.
