Sell the user above you!

[Extra-Ordinary]

Neurmancer!

Tired of those days when you don't know what to do with the brain of your recently-revived corpse?
Buy the neuromancer!
The only necromancer fully trained in neurology, here's his degree!

 

[Dr.Susse]

Spambot!

Do you have spam? Do you have bots? Do you have either?

Well throw them away because this guy is the new version and I know you. Yes you! The guy who buys a new iphone every year because it's "new".

You make me sick!.........By maysqpnk now!

 

[Neuromancer]

Do you need a doctor and a driver, but can't afford both? Look no further! Here we have Dr.Susse*! An expert Doctor** and excellent driver!*** He is also a reknowned writer, and we'll give you all his books as a present****! Get him while you can, folks!

[sub]*Car, medical equipment and avatar sold seperately, you goddamn leeches![/sub]
[sub]** We are not responsible if he is not the kind of doctor you want.[/sub]
[sub]*** We are not responsible if he causes car accidents.[/sub]
[sub]**** We are not responsible if the amount of books is zero.[/sub]

 

[Launcelot111]

Do your parties look more like a ghost town than Funky Town? Are your friends cancelling on you because they have to "balance their checkbook" or "pulverize a kidney stone?"

Introducing the new and improved Rhizhim! Just give him some rustic earthenware and 6 D batteries and your parties will be the talk of the town!

*Batteries and cobra venom not included

 

[EeveeElectro]

Ladies and gentlemen, step right up! Our newest, sleekest version of Launcelot111 is what you've all been waiting for! With movable limbs, a whole body of skin and if we turn him upside down we see he even comes equipped with his own charging port!
Would you like to test him, fine sir? Just 4 easy payments of £99.99 and he's all yours!

[sub]batteries not included[/sub]

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Boobs, short skirt, and cannot let go of a relationship no matter how beaten she is.*

[sub]*Not the relationship she will have with you.[/sub]

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Not having a name makes for a great tax write off, plus you can trust him to be careful about not dispensing sensitive information. If you need a faithful companion who won't tell the police about your meth lab, then Not G. Ivingname is the man for you! Available for just £299.99! (Alternatively, you can pay me in 300 quids worth of bacon.)

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Don't know the answer for the last question of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Call omnicient ostrich! There's nothing it doesn't know!

 

[Neuromancer]

Want a forum goer, but can't afford the big 'uns? Fret not, my dear friend, because do I have a deal for you! Introducing devinakbv, somebody who is also a nobody. Get him now, because the more he posts, the more the price will be!

 

[Neuromancer]

Too late, he's already gone.

[small] Shuuuush, just play along![/small]

*Ahem* Well folks, wasn't that a great demonstration of how efficient TopazFusion* is? He's the forum mod to end all forum mods! Buy him now for your forum and receive free new members**!

[sub]* No, you still have to buy the avatar seperately, you faux-communistic dogs![/sub]
[sub]**We are not responsible if said members are bots[/sub]

 

[Not G. Ivingname]

Want a parent who will leave you alone, never stopping you from doing what you wish? He will intentionally

You want to be covered by chicks? You will get a harem of an ultra submissive, an girl that gives nothing but hot angry sex, and a woman that is so drunk I think she even slept with her penguin.

Spoiler: Want to pilot giant robots?

YOU GET A GIANT ROBOT.

Bidding will begin at five million dollars.

*[sub]Warning, may cause trauma, feelings of isolation, never being loved, insanity, and may make you fight elderich horrors bent on eliminating the human race. Also the robot may suffer from similar symptoms, and may be made out of your mother.[/sub]

 

[Headsprouter]

Not G. Ivingname people! He's not giving his skills, attributes or any other selling points, but unfortunately for you, my name is Not G. Ivinghimawayforfree! So give me money, fools and you get the wacko!

[sub][sub]See what I did there?[/sub][/sub]

 

[kailus13]

Come get a Headsprouter, he may not be good at sword swallowing, but heaven knows he tries! Call now, and get a free sword and blindfold!

 

[OmniscientOstrich]

Well...he's certainly feisty. You gotta love that right? Right? C'mon, please take him, Ol' Gil needs to make just one more sale, help me out will ya?

Captcha = cupid's arrow

Ya see, love at first sight, it's destiny I tells ya!

 

[EeveeElectro]

HI I'M BARRY SCOTT. Today I'm here to talk to you about OmniscientOstrich! Why would you NOT want to own and all knowing flightless bird? Are you mad? COS I SURE AM.
Just look how well he cleans my ca- NO, GET YOUR HEAD OUT THE SAND YOU DUMB BIRD. When you've had enough and want to kill him, you can use his feathers as a duster! Consider him a swiss army knife! All yours for the low price of £5.99 or two for £15!
Call 0800 80085 now!

 

[Scarim Coral]

Now just look at the gif! She know she want you and best of all when you buy one EeveeElectro, you get a free set of pens aswell that is worth £9.99!!!

 

[thenageone]

look into the images eyes. dont look around the images eyes; look into the images eyes. youre almost as hypnotized by these eyes as you would by hypnotoads. you will buy scarim coral for no less than 3 payments of $24.99

[sub]plus shipping, vat, and a series of hidden charges [/sub]

 

[username sucks]

This is user here to tell you about thenageone. If you order right now you can have him absolutely free for only $666.66! That is 50% off of the usual price of $10, so call now, and please leave a message after your phone explodes in your ear and kills you!

 

[kailus13]

Do you like EXPLOSIONS? Get a username sucks today! He comes with free explosions, and we're giving him away 'cause we can't afford to keep repairing the shop! Please take him!