I was sitting in my room late one night, watching the Discovery channel on top of the new furniture I'd crafted out of hopeneverdies, Sentinel10, ChromewarriorXII, and Sage42, when a knock came at the door.
Now, my usual manner of dealing with interlopers was just to ignore them and send the dogs out, but I was in a good mood. I felt like giving this invader of my time a more personal touch.
On my way to the door, I grabbed my shotgun, and made sure it was loaded.
Taking a deep breath, I kicked down the door, and bellowed "I DON'T WANT ANY!"
The instant I finished that statement, I shot the person who was laying on the ground in front of me right in the face. It was an unfamiliar person, and I walked over to the body to see if they had any identification on them.
Three steps off my porch, my plans changed as Lothae, eTuners, Metric Monkey, Rhyno435, Pm0n3y, XIII's number XIV, and Darkenergy134 stood from the brush around my stoop and trained assault rifles on me.
"Uh...hey guys. What's up?"
I stalled for time as I slipped my shotgun and hands behind my back, trying to chamber another round.
eTuners was the first to speak.
"Nine people are dead because of you, you sick shitbag! And not just stupid random people either! People who we actually kinda sorta cared about!"
I shrugged, hiding the slide movement on my shottie, and fidgeted.
"You sound surprised. Why?"
This time, XIII addressed me.
"Fine, I was kinda glad you killed some of them, but still. You don't kill anyone you know by name! It's just not right!"
"Oh, come on. It's not like you didn't see this coming. There's no way it took you by surprise, right?"
I had stalled enough. If I was going down, I was going to try and take one last person with me.
Whipping the shotgun back around, I trained it on Metric Monkey, and shot him right in the chest. As he fell back, my celebration was short lived, as the rest of the group opened fire.
When they stopped, and the pain receded, I was stunned as I realized I was still alive.
"What, you pansies can't even aim right?"
"No. We aimed perfectly, Neon. We need you alive a little longer."
I looked at Pm0n3y, confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Take a look. You're cut off from all weapons."
I surveyed my body, and realized he was right. They had shot my limbs off at the joints.
"...clever. I'll give you that."
"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet."
Weakening from blood loss, I could do nothing as the group picked me up by the stumps, and carried me over to their cars.
On the way, Metric Monkey stood up from where I'd shot him, grimacing.
"THE FUCK?! I shot you!"
"Yes. Yes you did. And it hurt like fuck."
He shed his shirt, revealing the bulletproof vest underneath, and I sighed in exasperation.
"For fuck's sake..."
"NO. For my sake, Neon."
Metric walked over, holding his side, and gave me a solid kick in the ribs.
I felt a rib snap, and couldn't hold in a groan of pain.
"Don't pass out now, fuckhead. The fun is only starting."
They threw me in the middle of the ring of vehicles, and I heard them rummaging around in something metallic.
"You can't seriously be thinking about just dragging me around. That's just droll."
"Shut up!" was the chorused response.
"Fine. See if I'll try to help you be original," I muttered to myself.
It was a good five minutes before the group came back, with four incredibly pointy hooks and two plates attached to chains on two sides.
Rhyno got right in my face, and his face lit up with a smile as he said the one thing I was expecting.
"This is gonna hurt."
"Get some new lines already," I replied.
His face warped into a mask of anger, and he swung the hook he held right into my left arm stump. The shock kept me from feeling much of the pain, but it still hurt like a ***** and a half. While I was still reeling from the first blow, the other three hooks were set in place, and I yelled in pain this time.
"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCK YOU ALL!" I roared.
Of course, this made them laugh for a while. When they recovered, Metric Monkey and Lothae put the two metal plates into place on either side of my head, and ran the attached chains to their cars.
After they took some pictures, they all went to their cars.
The first pressure I felt was from my arms, and then my legs started being pulled apart. As my pelvis broke, I noticed that the plates on either side of my head were squeezing together.
The last thing I heard was six engines being floored, followed by a bit of a squish.
In heaven
Uh...hey guys.
Can we let bygones be bygones?
*nine feet kick me into hell*
Owwww. Guess not.
I got nine of ye to die! I'm happy with that. >:-D
Now, my usual manner of dealing with interlopers was just to ignore them and send the dogs out, but I was in a good mood. I felt like giving this invader of my time a more personal touch.
On my way to the door, I grabbed my shotgun, and made sure it was loaded.
Taking a deep breath, I kicked down the door, and bellowed "I DON'T WANT ANY!"
The instant I finished that statement, I shot the person who was laying on the ground in front of me right in the face. It was an unfamiliar person, and I walked over to the body to see if they had any identification on them.
Three steps off my porch, my plans changed as Lothae, eTuners, Metric Monkey, Rhyno435, Pm0n3y, XIII's number XIV, and Darkenergy134 stood from the brush around my stoop and trained assault rifles on me.
"Uh...hey guys. What's up?"
I stalled for time as I slipped my shotgun and hands behind my back, trying to chamber another round.
eTuners was the first to speak.
"Nine people are dead because of you, you sick shitbag! And not just stupid random people either! People who we actually kinda sorta cared about!"
I shrugged, hiding the slide movement on my shottie, and fidgeted.
"You sound surprised. Why?"
This time, XIII addressed me.
"Fine, I was kinda glad you killed some of them, but still. You don't kill anyone you know by name! It's just not right!"
"Oh, come on. It's not like you didn't see this coming. There's no way it took you by surprise, right?"
I had stalled enough. If I was going down, I was going to try and take one last person with me.
Whipping the shotgun back around, I trained it on Metric Monkey, and shot him right in the chest. As he fell back, my celebration was short lived, as the rest of the group opened fire.
When they stopped, and the pain receded, I was stunned as I realized I was still alive.
"What, you pansies can't even aim right?"
"No. We aimed perfectly, Neon. We need you alive a little longer."
I looked at Pm0n3y, confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Take a look. You're cut off from all weapons."
I surveyed my body, and realized he was right. They had shot my limbs off at the joints.
"...clever. I'll give you that."
"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet."
Weakening from blood loss, I could do nothing as the group picked me up by the stumps, and carried me over to their cars.
On the way, Metric Monkey stood up from where I'd shot him, grimacing.
"THE FUCK?! I shot you!"
"Yes. Yes you did. And it hurt like fuck."
He shed his shirt, revealing the bulletproof vest underneath, and I sighed in exasperation.
"For fuck's sake..."
"NO. For my sake, Neon."
Metric walked over, holding his side, and gave me a solid kick in the ribs.
I felt a rib snap, and couldn't hold in a groan of pain.
"Don't pass out now, fuckhead. The fun is only starting."
They threw me in the middle of the ring of vehicles, and I heard them rummaging around in something metallic.
"You can't seriously be thinking about just dragging me around. That's just droll."
"Shut up!" was the chorused response.
"Fine. See if I'll try to help you be original," I muttered to myself.
It was a good five minutes before the group came back, with four incredibly pointy hooks and two plates attached to chains on two sides.
Rhyno got right in my face, and his face lit up with a smile as he said the one thing I was expecting.
"This is gonna hurt."
"Get some new lines already," I replied.
His face warped into a mask of anger, and he swung the hook he held right into my left arm stump. The shock kept me from feeling much of the pain, but it still hurt like a ***** and a half. While I was still reeling from the first blow, the other three hooks were set in place, and I yelled in pain this time.
"FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCK YOU ALL!" I roared.
Of course, this made them laugh for a while. When they recovered, Metric Monkey and Lothae put the two metal plates into place on either side of my head, and ran the attached chains to their cars.
After they took some pictures, they all went to their cars.
The first pressure I felt was from my arms, and then my legs started being pulled apart. As my pelvis broke, I noticed that the plates on either side of my head were squeezing together.
The last thing I heard was six engines being floored, followed by a bit of a squish.
In heaven
Uh...hey guys.
Can we let bygones be bygones?
*nine feet kick me into hell*
Owwww. Guess not.
I got nine of ye to die! I'm happy with that. >:-D
