Serial Killer Round 37: The Special Holiday Edition (Get those votes in.)
- Thread starter axle 19
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YAY riot! i want equal rights for the living impaired. it reminds me of episode 1 of Red Dwarf, where Rimmer goes on a rant about discrimination against the dead.
and after we can have cookies.
and after we can have cookies.
In celebration of this being my 2000th post I have decided to stop slacking on my duties as the pun killer and to do my execution at the same time. So without further waiting.
Element?s phone started buzzing on the table. The sound of its vibrations woke him from his sleep. Groggily waking up, Element looked at the scene only to see nineteen missed messages. ?Nineteen missed messages? Seriously?? Element asked to himself as he started to look through them. Why the fuck am I only getting these pun notifications now?
Getting off of the couch and standing up Element started shifting through the apps on his Blackberry. Finally he came to the app that he was looking for, ?Pun Killer Event Session: Nineties Arcade Throwback.? After selecting the app, the phone dematerialized and the area in front of Element resembled a late nineties arcade skateboarding screen. Next an overzealous voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere announced, ?You have selected NINETIES ARCADE THROWBACK! Please select your level!?
Element quickly tapped the arrows in front of him till the JIB level appeared in front of him. Pressing at the space between the two arrows the level was selected and the voice returned. ?Level selected! Now select your board!? Again Element tapped the arrows, passing through all of the Skateboards and surfboards, until he reached the human bodies and selected RaNDM G?s.
?Board selected! Lean back to Ollie!?
?Skip the fucking tutorial!?
?I can?t! This is based on nineties arcade games remember! To reload shoot away from the screen!?
?I fucking mean it!?
?Remember combos can be used for??
?I WILL MURDER YOU AS WELL!?
?START!?
Element was launched and started to fly through the air landing with his feet planted into RaNDM G?s back, sending him face first into the ground, before sliding through the clouds of the JIB. Element spied one of the punners right away. Selecting a bat for his weapon, Element directed the body below him towards SkyeNeko. Leaning back caused the corpse to launch into the air.
A second later Element and the body were flying down towards a table. Swinging the bat down, Element caught the top of SkyeNeko?s head, sending her face into smashing into the table; killed her instantly. RaNDM G?s body was impaled by pieces of glass and bone from the food on the table upon landing. After throwing the bat away and grabbing the chainsaw SkyeNeko had beside her, the Voice returned and declared, ?First Blood! New weapon acquired!?
Revving the chainsaw, Element continued to move forward on RaNDM G. The next closest target was Link_to_Future and Element was gunning for him hard. Element turned RaNDM G along the edge of the table so his neck was grinding alone the wood, as he was chasing down the fleeing punner. Picking up speed fast, Element raced past Link, slicing off his legs at his knees as he passed. The table ahead curved back around and Element severed Link?s left arm and head.
?Combo two! Gruesome Guillotine!? The Voice broadcast as Element continued his rampage towards Staika. Meeting the man before he could run away, Element cut open his stomach and grabbed his large intestine. Within a second Staika was being dragged by his inners. Shift across the top of the table Staika was pulled through a mess of food before being swung forward into another target, SteakHeart.
Upon contact the intestines wrapped themselves around the two so they couldn?t separate. Element continued towards the two, grabbing a spear from a pig that was supporting it over an open fire. ?New weapon acquired!? Blared the voice as Element cast aside the chainsaw in order to hold the spear properly. With one quick thrust, Element impaled the spear through SteakHeart?s spleen, lung, and neck; before continuing through the bottom of Staika?s mouth and into his brain. ?Combo three! Combo four! Double Dispatch!? The Voice publicized.
Spotting CounterAttack, Element quickly grabbed him and slammed him into one side of a long table before launching himself, and RaNDM G?s body into the air. Landing on the other side if the table?s edge, RaNDM G?s nuts first of course, Counter attack was launched into the air. Stealing a bow and quiver of arrows Element took aim as the Voice announced, ?New weapon acquired!? Firing an arrow into each of CounterAttack?s eyes and five into his mouth, Element produced an arrow smiley face out of the back of CounterAttack?s head. ?Combo five! Projectile Party!? Announced the Voice as the body fell to the ground.
The next target in line was TrilbyWill. As RaNDM G?s body was slid across another table, leaving trails of skin and blood at this point, Element grabbed a Halo off of the top of an angel. ?New weapon acquired!? Divulged the Voice as Element slid it around his neck while passing. The halo was choking TrilbyWill out as Element kept moving forward on RaNDM G. Finally just as TrilbyWill was about to pass out, Element pulled him up and over, slamming his head into RaNDM G?s, collapsing both into their necks.
?Combo six! Combo seven! Board demolished! Depraved destruction! Next level!? The Voice announced as Element fell from the JIB. Picking up an incredible amount of speed, Element fell down and landed on top of Zero_ctrl. Element tried to wipe the puddled flesh from the soles of his shoes as the Voice called out, ?Combo eight! Squish!?
After climbing out of the impact hole, a large red ?FIGHT!? flashed to the left of Element and the Right of Mortis Nuncius; who was standing, facing Element directly. Element charged him and punched him in the face, before turning him around and kicking out the back of his knees. As Mortis fell to his knees Element grabbed the top of his head and pulled it back. A loud crack could be heard as Element?s knee drove into the back of Mortis? neck. ?Combo nine! Death one!? A new announcer announced; this one grimmer sounding.
?Now I remember why I hated the nineties arcade games. The announcers were so fucking repetitive.? Element said before being teleported to where he was standing after exiting the hole. ?Round 2!? Proclaimed the Announcer as Mortis was back alive and standing in front of him. ?You?ve got to be kidding me.? Element stated as Mortis charged him, swinging his fist for Element?s face. Sighing, Element blocked the punch and Mortis? forearm. A quick turn was made as Element pulled Mortis over his back, and threw him into the impact hole.
?Combo?? The Announcer tried to yell before Element interrupted him. ?Save that shit till I kill him for the last time. The Announcer complied as both people were returned to their starting positions. Element charged again at Mortis and avoided a kick before pulling his leg out from beneath him. Jumping on his chest, Element slammed his fist into Mortis? nose breaking it. After taking a punch to the side of his face, Element slipped his hand under Mortis? guarding arm and slammed his palm into the base of his nose. The broken cartilage from the nose traveled up into Mortis? brain, killing him instantly.
Returning again to the starting positions both sides charged. This time they both charged at each other. Mortis was getting a bit better and landed a kick to Element?s stomach before Element managed to get behind him. With a quick heave, Element gave Mortis a suplex. A loud crack could be heard as Mortis? skull cracked open and his neck was pushed in on itself.
Within a second both fighters were facing each other. Element was starting to get tired wasting his time continually killing the same person. Quick work was made as Element ducked a punch and drove his hand into Mortis, below his ribcage. Forcing his hand forward was hard, but eventually Element grabbed hold of Mortis? heart and squeezed it. It took a few seconds but Mortis stopped struggling to get Element away from himself. ?Combo 13! Unarmed annihilation!? The grim voice blasted.
There was a flash of light as Element was teleported back into the JIB. A Heckler & Koch USP appeared in his hand and Element came under fire. ?Action!? Said a slightly robotic voice. Quickly ducking behind an overturned table, Element peered out beyond it. RaNDM G, Link_to_Future, Mr. Omega, SteakHeart, and Fragrance of Mtn Dew were taking aim at him.
After silent shifting along the table, Element moved up from cover and shot Mr. Omega in the arm. When the bullet hit Mr. Omega?s finger pulled the trigger and shifted backwards, spraying Link_to_Future?s legs with bullets. After ducking back down into cover, Element lifted the table a little bit and saw Link?s head on the floor. He quickly took aim and finished him off.
As more fire rained back onto him, Element made a dash for another table. Behind it he found a Tavor Assault Rifle. After turning the flipping the safety off, Element rose again and shot Fragrance of Mnt Dew in the head killing him instantly in a bloody mess. Element retreated under fire and slid along the table, until he reached the end and found a butcher?s knife.
Turning around the end of the table Element came face to face with Mr. Omega before plunging the knife into his throat, severing the jugular. The corpse worked great as a shield, taking the impact of the bullets fired from RaNDM G. Lifting his gun around Mr. Omega?s corpse, Element fired two quick bursts into RaNDM G?s knees. Another bullet a second later pierced his kidneys. A few second later RaNDM G was dead.
Ditching the corpse Element hid behind another table. A flamethrower awaited him this time. Element checked for SteakHeart again as soon as he readied the flamethrower. His check was greeted with a hail of bullets. Not waiting to take it lying down, Element stuck the barrel of the flamethrower over the top of the table and sprayed a wall of flaming tar. Element listened to two sets of screams coming from the other side. When he looked again he saw the burnt bodies of SteakHeart and Link_to_future.
Element?s phone returned to him and displayed a finished screen. All of the punners had been served the justice for their crimes against Serial Killer. As a breath of relaxation came out of Element, Axle 19 appeared before him and declared, ?You still owe us an execution pun killer.? ?And you are here to deliver it for them?? Element asked. ?Yes,? Axle 19 replied as a hundred swords appeared in the air and impaled Element at the same time. It was well known that he wasn?t the killer at this point, but the injustice still had to be done.
Getting off of the couch and standing up Element started shifting through the apps on his Blackberry. Finally he came to the app that he was looking for, ?Pun Killer Event Session: Nineties Arcade Throwback.? After selecting the app, the phone dematerialized and the area in front of Element resembled a late nineties arcade skateboarding screen. Next an overzealous voice that seemed to be coming from everywhere announced, ?You have selected NINETIES ARCADE THROWBACK! Please select your level!?
Element quickly tapped the arrows in front of him till the JIB level appeared in front of him. Pressing at the space between the two arrows the level was selected and the voice returned. ?Level selected! Now select your board!? Again Element tapped the arrows, passing through all of the Skateboards and surfboards, until he reached the human bodies and selected RaNDM G?s.
?Board selected! Lean back to Ollie!?
?Skip the fucking tutorial!?
?I can?t! This is based on nineties arcade games remember! To reload shoot away from the screen!?
?I fucking mean it!?
?Remember combos can be used for??
?I WILL MURDER YOU AS WELL!?
?START!?
Element was launched and started to fly through the air landing with his feet planted into RaNDM G?s back, sending him face first into the ground, before sliding through the clouds of the JIB. Element spied one of the punners right away. Selecting a bat for his weapon, Element directed the body below him towards SkyeNeko. Leaning back caused the corpse to launch into the air.
A second later Element and the body were flying down towards a table. Swinging the bat down, Element caught the top of SkyeNeko?s head, sending her face into smashing into the table; killed her instantly. RaNDM G?s body was impaled by pieces of glass and bone from the food on the table upon landing. After throwing the bat away and grabbing the chainsaw SkyeNeko had beside her, the Voice returned and declared, ?First Blood! New weapon acquired!?
Revving the chainsaw, Element continued to move forward on RaNDM G. The next closest target was Link_to_Future and Element was gunning for him hard. Element turned RaNDM G along the edge of the table so his neck was grinding alone the wood, as he was chasing down the fleeing punner. Picking up speed fast, Element raced past Link, slicing off his legs at his knees as he passed. The table ahead curved back around and Element severed Link?s left arm and head.
?Combo two! Gruesome Guillotine!? The Voice broadcast as Element continued his rampage towards Staika. Meeting the man before he could run away, Element cut open his stomach and grabbed his large intestine. Within a second Staika was being dragged by his inners. Shift across the top of the table Staika was pulled through a mess of food before being swung forward into another target, SteakHeart.
Upon contact the intestines wrapped themselves around the two so they couldn?t separate. Element continued towards the two, grabbing a spear from a pig that was supporting it over an open fire. ?New weapon acquired!? Blared the voice as Element cast aside the chainsaw in order to hold the spear properly. With one quick thrust, Element impaled the spear through SteakHeart?s spleen, lung, and neck; before continuing through the bottom of Staika?s mouth and into his brain. ?Combo three! Combo four! Double Dispatch!? The Voice publicized.
Spotting CounterAttack, Element quickly grabbed him and slammed him into one side of a long table before launching himself, and RaNDM G?s body into the air. Landing on the other side if the table?s edge, RaNDM G?s nuts first of course, Counter attack was launched into the air. Stealing a bow and quiver of arrows Element took aim as the Voice announced, ?New weapon acquired!? Firing an arrow into each of CounterAttack?s eyes and five into his mouth, Element produced an arrow smiley face out of the back of CounterAttack?s head. ?Combo five! Projectile Party!? Announced the Voice as the body fell to the ground.
The next target in line was TrilbyWill. As RaNDM G?s body was slid across another table, leaving trails of skin and blood at this point, Element grabbed a Halo off of the top of an angel. ?New weapon acquired!? Divulged the Voice as Element slid it around his neck while passing. The halo was choking TrilbyWill out as Element kept moving forward on RaNDM G. Finally just as TrilbyWill was about to pass out, Element pulled him up and over, slamming his head into RaNDM G?s, collapsing both into their necks.
?Combo six! Combo seven! Board demolished! Depraved destruction! Next level!? The Voice announced as Element fell from the JIB. Picking up an incredible amount of speed, Element fell down and landed on top of Zero_ctrl. Element tried to wipe the puddled flesh from the soles of his shoes as the Voice called out, ?Combo eight! Squish!?
After climbing out of the impact hole, a large red ?FIGHT!? flashed to the left of Element and the Right of Mortis Nuncius; who was standing, facing Element directly. Element charged him and punched him in the face, before turning him around and kicking out the back of his knees. As Mortis fell to his knees Element grabbed the top of his head and pulled it back. A loud crack could be heard as Element?s knee drove into the back of Mortis? neck. ?Combo nine! Death one!? A new announcer announced; this one grimmer sounding.
?Now I remember why I hated the nineties arcade games. The announcers were so fucking repetitive.? Element said before being teleported to where he was standing after exiting the hole. ?Round 2!? Proclaimed the Announcer as Mortis was back alive and standing in front of him. ?You?ve got to be kidding me.? Element stated as Mortis charged him, swinging his fist for Element?s face. Sighing, Element blocked the punch and Mortis? forearm. A quick turn was made as Element pulled Mortis over his back, and threw him into the impact hole.
?Combo?? The Announcer tried to yell before Element interrupted him. ?Save that shit till I kill him for the last time. The Announcer complied as both people were returned to their starting positions. Element charged again at Mortis and avoided a kick before pulling his leg out from beneath him. Jumping on his chest, Element slammed his fist into Mortis? nose breaking it. After taking a punch to the side of his face, Element slipped his hand under Mortis? guarding arm and slammed his palm into the base of his nose. The broken cartilage from the nose traveled up into Mortis? brain, killing him instantly.
Returning again to the starting positions both sides charged. This time they both charged at each other. Mortis was getting a bit better and landed a kick to Element?s stomach before Element managed to get behind him. With a quick heave, Element gave Mortis a suplex. A loud crack could be heard as Mortis? skull cracked open and his neck was pushed in on itself.
Within a second both fighters were facing each other. Element was starting to get tired wasting his time continually killing the same person. Quick work was made as Element ducked a punch and drove his hand into Mortis, below his ribcage. Forcing his hand forward was hard, but eventually Element grabbed hold of Mortis? heart and squeezed it. It took a few seconds but Mortis stopped struggling to get Element away from himself. ?Combo 13! Unarmed annihilation!? The grim voice blasted.
There was a flash of light as Element was teleported back into the JIB. A Heckler & Koch USP appeared in his hand and Element came under fire. ?Action!? Said a slightly robotic voice. Quickly ducking behind an overturned table, Element peered out beyond it. RaNDM G, Link_to_Future, Mr. Omega, SteakHeart, and Fragrance of Mtn Dew were taking aim at him.
After silent shifting along the table, Element moved up from cover and shot Mr. Omega in the arm. When the bullet hit Mr. Omega?s finger pulled the trigger and shifted backwards, spraying Link_to_Future?s legs with bullets. After ducking back down into cover, Element lifted the table a little bit and saw Link?s head on the floor. He quickly took aim and finished him off.
As more fire rained back onto him, Element made a dash for another table. Behind it he found a Tavor Assault Rifle. After turning the flipping the safety off, Element rose again and shot Fragrance of Mnt Dew in the head killing him instantly in a bloody mess. Element retreated under fire and slid along the table, until he reached the end and found a butcher?s knife.
Turning around the end of the table Element came face to face with Mr. Omega before plunging the knife into his throat, severing the jugular. The corpse worked great as a shield, taking the impact of the bullets fired from RaNDM G. Lifting his gun around Mr. Omega?s corpse, Element fired two quick bursts into RaNDM G?s knees. Another bullet a second later pierced his kidneys. A few second later RaNDM G was dead.
Ditching the corpse Element hid behind another table. A flamethrower awaited him this time. Element checked for SteakHeart again as soon as he readied the flamethrower. His check was greeted with a hail of bullets. Not waiting to take it lying down, Element stuck the barrel of the flamethrower over the top of the table and sprayed a wall of flaming tar. Element listened to two sets of screams coming from the other side. When he looked again he saw the burnt bodies of SteakHeart and Link_to_future.
Element?s phone returned to him and displayed a finished screen. All of the punners had been served the justice for their crimes against Serial Killer. As a breath of relaxation came out of Element, Axle 19 appeared before him and declared, ?You still owe us an execution pun killer.? ?And you are here to deliver it for them?? Element asked. ?Yes,? Axle 19 replied as a hundred swords appeared in the air and impaled Element at the same time. It was well known that he wasn?t the killer at this point, but the injustice still had to be done.
I'm too lazy to sift through the pages and see if I made any puns, but I think it's safe to assume I made many. XD
Alas, the only time I ever get mentioned in someone's death is because of my unfortunate punning talents. Such is the burden of being a Pun gent...everyone seems to want to either avoid you or murder you. :/
Oh, element, do me a favor. Never read our McBurger Planet CYOA. Even if it wasn't in the SK thread, I have a feeling you would have to kill me about eight more times just on principle.
Oh, element, do me a favor. Never read our McBurger Planet CYOA. Even if it wasn't in the SK thread, I have a feeling you would have to kill me about eight more times just on principle.
"Dammit!" Was one of the only words I could muster as I found myself, held at gunpoint by the four mopey stragglers that decided to push for the long haul, rather than die at my hands like their friends.
Goddammingmotherfuckingshittickets! I was so fucking close, and these four (finally, after all this time I might add) got around to figure out that I was the one fucking everyone over. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly as I stared into their cocked barrels.
"It's like, four of these losers. They couldn't dare take me on now, not while i'm at my strongest. Why don't I just fucking waste 'em all? Shit would be so easy-peasy!" I thought with arrogance at my most present situation, a debate with my inner self beginning to brew from within.
"You know damn well that's not how the game works. The higher ups said so. Despite the errors, they finally caught up to you, fair and square. So you gotta give up." Another part of my psyche squabbled. He was right. I had my fun, and now I have to give up the mantle. I managed to make one last glance up towards my crackling fireplace. Above the mantle was a expertly painted...painting, adorned with a frame crafted from solid gold. It was a painting of a slightly rubenesque man, standing upon a tower of familiar faced corpses. He wore a loose fitting sports jersey, with a matching toque, and was chugging a beer in the most majestic of ways. A light shone from behind his bearded face, as if he were God's half-Canadian bastard son. A message was sloppily engraved at the bottom of the frame, put there with a soldering iron I managed to acquire (and kill with) in my free time. It was only two little words: 'My Motivation'. I got so fucking close Ryan.
"So. FUCKING. CLOSE!" I yelled, shaking an agitated fist in the direction of the painting. Those last four vigilantes looked at me like I was insane. Which, when you consider all the initial guilt and paranoia that goes into being a murderer, I'm sure I wasn't too far off (seriously, I'm like a half-step away from breaking into a maniacal laughter, 's crazy).
A Few Weeks Prior...(Really thought I wasn't gonna have a flashback? Didja forget who was the one typing this? Yeah, no, fuck that.)
So okay, some time ago, I was 'presented' (as they called it) with some 'magical algorithm' shit that chose me to go around killing a bunch of people that I didn?t really know, but kinda did(?)...it?s a long story. Anywho, with me being all fresh faced and impressionable, I briefly considered not going through with it. But within that split second, I figure I?d stop being a ***** for once, and go through with the shit, y'know, gain some brownie points or whatever. I figured, hell, if anything, I?d be able to kill all the motherfuckers that decided to fuck with me years before.
...I never got around to scratching any names off my blacklist, but hey, whaddaya gonna do, eh?
So I'm going around the city n' shit, just murdering people in strangely creative ways (for some unexplained reason, like I was trying my best to become the Machiavelli of the serial killer world or like I was trying to make some type of real life Final Destination movie...now that I realize it, I should've carried around a camera with me, got this shit on tape. Swear to god, that shit would've been worse than A Serbian Film and The Human Centipede put together...wait, fuck, I'm getting off subject), y'know, just riding though on cruise control, fucking jamming out to the music (just this music happened to be the screams of those that fell at my hand). But what those bright-ass motherfuckers failed to tell me was that I was being tailed, as well there being another force in the city, killing people that they thought were the ones that were in charge of the murders. So in a way, along with the people that I actually did kill, I was inadvertently having other people killed too! Holy shit, I laughed my fucking ass off when I saw that shit in the news. Like, really guys? Y'all got so scared of me, that y'all started killing off others at my expense? Making my job easier? Goddamn. There was even this one girl, fucking self-destructed in some dude?s house because she thought he was yours truly, like on some straight-up terrorist attack shit (I wonder if she got her 72 virgins...that would be hot...). Crazy world we live in, huh?
So, it's getting down to the wire, and I'm like, making the home stretch. Some guy gets a clue to me, and gives the whole fucking city a fighting chance to find me. Half of me is cursing this douche's existence, while the other half's just taking this shit in stride. My death toll were already in the fucking double digits, and I'm feeling like Tony fucking Montana at this point. Like, I felt like I was top of the fucking world, and was strung-the-fuck-up, and I wasn?t even on the white girl like he was. Damn, I felt fucking spectacular!. But in retrospect, I should've taken that clue a bit more seriously. It was only one fucking clue, but it all they needed to finally weed me out. So there I was, caught with my pants down (literally I might add, these dudes caught me while I was on the toilet and just busted the goddamn door down, like no manners, no consideration, no nothing. I figure, shit, y'all took this long to find my ass, y'all might as well have knocked and waited for me to finish) and at the hands of the four that managed to survive.
Ok. The flashback's over, and I'm this electric chair. Wait...they still have these things in commission? I had no fucking clue, I could?ve swore everyone did the lethal injection thing nowadays. I'm not even gonna try to struggle out of this or anything, imma just ride this shit out like a boss. That guy at the controls is asking me if I have any last words. I don?t even reply. My eyes just get real wide, and then I start laughing. Like I just heard the best joke in the whole fucking world. I look towards those that managed to catch me, and I laugh even harder, like, tears are rolling down my face right now.
"IT'S NOT OVER! THE CYCLE WILL BEGIN ANEW!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" I yell at the four through my hysterical laughter, saying words that were beyond my grasp. Like, full-on spaz mode right now. Shit. I think I really did go insane. I keep laughing, up until that guy other there pulled down on that metal lever thing.
I must?ve fried up real good.
Goddammingmotherfuckingshittickets! I was so fucking close, and these four (finally, after all this time I might add) got around to figure out that I was the one fucking everyone over. I couldn't help but chuckle slightly as I stared into their cocked barrels.
"It's like, four of these losers. They couldn't dare take me on now, not while i'm at my strongest. Why don't I just fucking waste 'em all? Shit would be so easy-peasy!" I thought with arrogance at my most present situation, a debate with my inner self beginning to brew from within.
"You know damn well that's not how the game works. The higher ups said so. Despite the errors, they finally caught up to you, fair and square. So you gotta give up." Another part of my psyche squabbled. He was right. I had my fun, and now I have to give up the mantle. I managed to make one last glance up towards my crackling fireplace. Above the mantle was a expertly painted...painting, adorned with a frame crafted from solid gold. It was a painting of a slightly rubenesque man, standing upon a tower of familiar faced corpses. He wore a loose fitting sports jersey, with a matching toque, and was chugging a beer in the most majestic of ways. A light shone from behind his bearded face, as if he were God's half-Canadian bastard son. A message was sloppily engraved at the bottom of the frame, put there with a soldering iron I managed to acquire (and kill with) in my free time. It was only two little words: 'My Motivation'. I got so fucking close Ryan.
"So. FUCKING. CLOSE!" I yelled, shaking an agitated fist in the direction of the painting. Those last four vigilantes looked at me like I was insane. Which, when you consider all the initial guilt and paranoia that goes into being a murderer, I'm sure I wasn't too far off (seriously, I'm like a half-step away from breaking into a maniacal laughter, 's crazy).
A Few Weeks Prior...(Really thought I wasn't gonna have a flashback? Didja forget who was the one typing this? Yeah, no, fuck that.)
So okay, some time ago, I was 'presented' (as they called it) with some 'magical algorithm' shit that chose me to go around killing a bunch of people that I didn?t really know, but kinda did(?)...it?s a long story. Anywho, with me being all fresh faced and impressionable, I briefly considered not going through with it. But within that split second, I figure I?d stop being a ***** for once, and go through with the shit, y'know, gain some brownie points or whatever. I figured, hell, if anything, I?d be able to kill all the motherfuckers that decided to fuck with me years before.
...I never got around to scratching any names off my blacklist, but hey, whaddaya gonna do, eh?
So I'm going around the city n' shit, just murdering people in strangely creative ways (for some unexplained reason, like I was trying my best to become the Machiavelli of the serial killer world or like I was trying to make some type of real life Final Destination movie...now that I realize it, I should've carried around a camera with me, got this shit on tape. Swear to god, that shit would've been worse than A Serbian Film and The Human Centipede put together...wait, fuck, I'm getting off subject), y'know, just riding though on cruise control, fucking jamming out to the music (just this music happened to be the screams of those that fell at my hand). But what those bright-ass motherfuckers failed to tell me was that I was being tailed, as well there being another force in the city, killing people that they thought were the ones that were in charge of the murders. So in a way, along with the people that I actually did kill, I was inadvertently having other people killed too! Holy shit, I laughed my fucking ass off when I saw that shit in the news. Like, really guys? Y'all got so scared of me, that y'all started killing off others at my expense? Making my job easier? Goddamn. There was even this one girl, fucking self-destructed in some dude?s house because she thought he was yours truly, like on some straight-up terrorist attack shit (I wonder if she got her 72 virgins...that would be hot...). Crazy world we live in, huh?
So, it's getting down to the wire, and I'm like, making the home stretch. Some guy gets a clue to me, and gives the whole fucking city a fighting chance to find me. Half of me is cursing this douche's existence, while the other half's just taking this shit in stride. My death toll were already in the fucking double digits, and I'm feeling like Tony fucking Montana at this point. Like, I felt like I was top of the fucking world, and was strung-the-fuck-up, and I wasn?t even on the white girl like he was. Damn, I felt fucking spectacular!. But in retrospect, I should've taken that clue a bit more seriously. It was only one fucking clue, but it all they needed to finally weed me out. So there I was, caught with my pants down (literally I might add, these dudes caught me while I was on the toilet and just busted the goddamn door down, like no manners, no consideration, no nothing. I figure, shit, y'all took this long to find my ass, y'all might as well have knocked and waited for me to finish) and at the hands of the four that managed to survive.
Ok. The flashback's over, and I'm this electric chair. Wait...they still have these things in commission? I had no fucking clue, I could?ve swore everyone did the lethal injection thing nowadays. I'm not even gonna try to struggle out of this or anything, imma just ride this shit out like a boss. That guy at the controls is asking me if I have any last words. I don?t even reply. My eyes just get real wide, and then I start laughing. Like I just heard the best joke in the whole fucking world. I look towards those that managed to catch me, and I laugh even harder, like, tears are rolling down my face right now.
"IT'S NOT OVER! THE CYCLE WILL BEGIN ANEW!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" I yell at the four through my hysterical laughter, saying words that were beyond my grasp. Like, full-on spaz mode right now. Shit. I think I really did go insane. I keep laughing, up until that guy other there pulled down on that metal lever thing.
I must?ve fried up real good.
@Pm0: Called it. I had a feeling it was either you or Neo...so when Neo went down... >.>
(Not much of a deduction, but still...)
Too bad you didn't quite pull it off. You had all the favorable conditions for a win but alas it was swept from your fingers like the sand from the hot summer desert. The oasis of your victory seemed to be just over the next hill, but when you arrived you saw it was nothing more than a mirage.
Still, great game. Closest one I've ever been a part of.
(Not much of a deduction, but still...)
Too bad you didn't quite pull it off. You had all the favorable conditions for a win but alas it was swept from your fingers like the sand from the hot summer desert. The oasis of your victory seemed to be just over the next hill, but when you arrived you saw it was nothing more than a mirage.
Still, great game. Closest one I've ever been a part of.