So this happened last year when I was in a larger university instead of my little technical college that I am in now. I only had morning classes so I got off of class early and I was basically available to work all day. So this one day I get home from school and I am just relaxing when I get a phone call from my boss.
"Hey jeff, would you be able to work from 3-5? Mrs. Marini (my boss' wife who also works a few hours) has to do some work at the hospital and bobby (my Co-worker) doesn't get off of class till 5." My boss told me. "Sure I can do that." I replied since I am unable to deny my boss because I am too nice of a person. "Thanks jeff." He said before hanging up. "Shit I don't want to work." I said to myself before looking at the clock and seeing that I had about 10 minutes to get ready for work.
So I get to work at 2:50 (10 minutes early like always) and I take over for my boss' wife. Now if you do not already know I work at a beer distributor and I get to bring my laptop and play around on the escapist in the back room when no customers are there. So about an hour passed with nothing cool happening and a customer walks in. I go to the front and on my way there I start to hear wings flapping for a split second but when I looked I didn't see anything so I dismissed it as just a noise. I dealt with the customer and I walked back into the office in the back and I hear the flapping noises again and when I look I see a pigeon flying through the little office room.
It then saw me walk into the little room and started flying around faster until it took up position at the edge of the room standing on the little curtains we had. I was in shock since I couldn't believe that a pigeon got in the building without me knowing, but not only that it got into the office as well. So I was caught in a minute long staring contest with the pigeon until I grabbed my phone and called my boss.
"What is it jeffrey?" My boss asked when he picked up the phone. "Uhm you're probably not going to believe me but........there is a pigeon in the office." I told him. "Wait wait wait, let me get this straight. A PIGEON is in the office?" my boss asked really placing emphasis on the word pigeon. "Yeah, there is a pigeon in the office and it's just sort of standing on the curtains. what should I do?" I asked since my mind was kind of blank at the moment. "Catch it, what do you think I pay you for? Just make sure it doesn't shit on any of my papers." My boss said. "Okay then, I'll try and catch it." I responded not thrilled about what I had to do. "Atta boy, go get him." my boss said before hanging up.
So now I knew what I had to do but no idea how to do it. I spent another 2 minutes just staring at the pigeon trying to formulate a plan to catch it, after 2 minutes I had nothing. I looked around for something to catch it with but I couldn't find anything so I thought the best course of action was to try and scare it out the door. So I got a little closer to the pigeon and the closer I got to it the more a thought in my head got louder. "THIS FUCKING THING IS GOING TO ATTACK ME!" My mind kept screaming at me the closer I got to the pigeon.
I got about 4 feet away from it and I kind of did this wussy cat like air slap trying to scare the bird into flying away. It sadly didn't work but the pigeon started to back away from me a little and I was about to get closer but then I heard the bell from the door so I had to leave the pigeon and go deal with the customer. After I dealt with the customer I go back to the office and something about me must have changed because I then became the equivalent of the pigeon grim reaper in the pigeons eyes since it started to fly away the second I walked into the room.
Again the ever present thought "THIS THING IS GOING TO ATTACK ME" was still screaming at me so I was cautious to approach the pigeon. It started hitting the walls like a drunk driver at the daytona 500 and finally flew into the little bathroom that have in the office. "NOW!" my mind shouted at me and then I closed the door trapping the pigeon in the bathroom. "Haha I got you now you fucking pigeon." I said to the pigeon from the other side of the door, feeling triumphant for some reason. But then the reality sunk in. "Shit, I still have to catch this thing." I said to myself (yes I talk to myself >.>).
I don't know what I was thinking next but I charged into the bathroom to battle the vicious pigeon beast. The second I walked in and closed the door the pigeon started to freak out and started to fly around very quickly and feathers were flying everywhere. After many attempts to try and bear hug it or something I hit it and it almost fell into the toilet. It barely missed falling into the toilet and it hit the ground but got up quickly and tried to fly away again. And then in a feat of complete badassness I grabbed the pigeon out of mid air like a ninja with my bare hands. And in that moment I felt like a complete bad ass until I remembered that I was holding a pigeon with my bare hands.
Now I don't know if any of you guys have grabbed a pigeon before but they do not just sit there and say "Oh damn you caught me, I'll just sit here like a good boy until you release me." They really struggle and scream "OH SHIT OH SHIT LET ME GO LET ME GO!" and it was hard to keep my grip on the pigeon. Fearing it getting away again and having to go through that again I ran to the front door and I managed to open the door with my elbows and I literally threw the pigeon out of the door. The pigeon hit the ground and then quickly got up and flew to it's other pigeon friends, most likely to talk about how it survived a fight with me.
I then walked back into the office, washed my hands a few times and called my boss. "Did you get the pigeon jeffrey?" my boss asked the second he picked up. "Yeah I managed to get it out." I responded not telling him how. "Good man, also your father is laughing at you now. (my boss and dad work out of town at the same place and are good friends) I told him it seems like all the weird stuff happens when you're working." He told me and I could hear my dad laughing in the background. "Well it's not my fault that all this stuff happens to me when I'm working." I said a little tired from the even that just happened. "Well that's a shame but I do have to tell you something. You see bobby was pulled over since he was speeding and he was on a suspended license so he won't be able to make it to work so you're going to have to close tonight." my boss told me. "That's alright." I said but I was really kind of irritated that I had to stay longer. "Good man, well don't let anymore pigeons in the distributor!" my boss said jokingly before hanging up.
I then spent the next few hours at work and it turned out to be pretty busy that day too. Not one of my better days but I got a funny story out of it at least.
