Serial Killer Round 59: Wake Up Machine (Game over)
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- Mar 31, 2010
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I looked out from the waiting chairs across the cloudy expanse, a long grey wall stretching from one horizon to the other. Behind, maybe sunlight? It was difficult to tell through the barbed wire, I tried to ignore a screaming baby in the background as I waited for my number to be read out.
"Ah, Captain von Sexy," the voice called me forward, hesitantly I walked up, "this is quite the file you have here," the man said with a raised eyebrow, leafing through a heavy stack of papers on the desk in front of him. He had a long white beard but was dressed in a neat suit, resembling some sort of biblical office worker. "I've never seen quite so many references to orphans in my afterlife,"
"Eh... so, you're Saint Peter?" I asked, not able to think of much else to say.
"Indeed," he replied, glancing briefly up at me in a bored fashion. "Not what you expected?"
"Well," I said honestly, "It's better than nothing, which is what I expected, but it isn't quite what I imagined heaven would be like,"
"It does look better on the inside," Saint Peter admitted with a shrug, "Our department's budget has been slashed almost fifty percent since last year, cuts from upstairs. Pffh, all in this together He said..."
"So... can I go in?" I inquired hopefully.
"There's something missing in here," he replied, looking up at me suspiciously, "First you need to tell me exactly how you died,"
"Well," I exclaimed matter-of-factly, "Funny you should ask..."
A few hours earlier, I was running across sets, diving between mounted cameras and vaulting over desks, my cloak billowing behind me. The mob was on my tail, Tizzy at their head being flanked by Sir Derpy and Sky, with the rest following up at the rear. Angry as wasps, understandably. Why had I framed T0ad and by extension, caused his and Schizzy's deaths? For the laughs I suppose, I never really believed he was the Kira but it seemed like an amusing game to play at the time. Of course, I hadn't really thought it through that far ahead, since once he turned out to be innocent the mob was screaming for my blood next.
Back in my quarters, when they had arrived I had quickly presented the note from Tizzy, praying it might earn me some last minute reprieve. They studied it for a while skeptically, before tossing it aside and motioning towards me.
"You're coming with us," Kumquat sneered.
"You'll have to catch me first!" I quipped back, ducking under his arm and tearing down the corridor. I'd had enough of this stupid game show anyway, if I could just find an emergency exit I'd be safe. That led to my present situation, running through the studios as I desperately searched for a way out, even an open window would have done. Every door I found however seemed to be jammed shut, almost as if someone was deliberately preventing us from escaping...
"Damn you, Aerosteam!" I muttered under my breath. I came across a security cache but to my dismay I found all the weapons had already been taken, no doubt by my pursuers. One remained, a singular grenade left carelessly at the bottom of the cupboard. I picked it up with a sigh and put it under my cloak, perhaps it would come in handy.
"There he is!" the cry came as the mob turned the corner, armed with a motley collection of swords and axes. I took off again down the corridor and burst through the nearest door, finding myself on the set of what looked like a forest. I sheltered behind a tree made out of plaster as I tried to catch my breath, praying that I wouldn't be found.
"Where is he?" one of the group called from somewhere in the distance. I looked around and then up at the ceiling, finding myself staring into a small CCTV camera. The red light on it flashed and somehow I knew I was looking into the soulless yellow eyes of our host, probably laughing as he watched my pursuers close in on me.
"Fuck this game!" I exclaimed as the mob appeared out of the trees, surrounding me in a circle of death. This time there would be no ducking under arms or miraculous escapes. My meagre bomb clutched beneath my cloak wouldn't even take out half. I realised at that moment this whole game had been set up from the start, those bastards in the studio wanted this to happen. Well, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing another one of us executed on live television.
"It's over, JoJo," Tizzy smirked as the circle closed in on me, their swords raised above them. I shook my head and with a final rebellious cry, pulled the pin out of my grenade as I hugged it close to my chest.
"So you aren't the Kira then?" Saint Peter asked after I concluded my story, making a note in his files.
"No, I may a killer but I'm not the Kira," I looked down through the clouds at where my treacherous fellow contestants stood around my corpse, presumably searching for some sort of evidence. "Good luck finding the real Kira suckers," I grinned with a malevolent twinkle in my eyes, "I was innocent!"
"Ah, Captain von Sexy," the voice called me forward, hesitantly I walked up, "this is quite the file you have here," the man said with a raised eyebrow, leafing through a heavy stack of papers on the desk in front of him. He had a long white beard but was dressed in a neat suit, resembling some sort of biblical office worker. "I've never seen quite so many references to orphans in my afterlife,"
"Eh... so, you're Saint Peter?" I asked, not able to think of much else to say.
"Indeed," he replied, glancing briefly up at me in a bored fashion. "Not what you expected?"
"Well," I said honestly, "It's better than nothing, which is what I expected, but it isn't quite what I imagined heaven would be like,"
"It does look better on the inside," Saint Peter admitted with a shrug, "Our department's budget has been slashed almost fifty percent since last year, cuts from upstairs. Pffh, all in this together He said..."
"So... can I go in?" I inquired hopefully.
"There's something missing in here," he replied, looking up at me suspiciously, "First you need to tell me exactly how you died,"
"Well," I exclaimed matter-of-factly, "Funny you should ask..."
~
A few hours earlier, I was running across sets, diving between mounted cameras and vaulting over desks, my cloak billowing behind me. The mob was on my tail, Tizzy at their head being flanked by Sir Derpy and Sky, with the rest following up at the rear. Angry as wasps, understandably. Why had I framed T0ad and by extension, caused his and Schizzy's deaths? For the laughs I suppose, I never really believed he was the Kira but it seemed like an amusing game to play at the time. Of course, I hadn't really thought it through that far ahead, since once he turned out to be innocent the mob was screaming for my blood next.
Back in my quarters, when they had arrived I had quickly presented the note from Tizzy, praying it might earn me some last minute reprieve. They studied it for a while skeptically, before tossing it aside and motioning towards me.
"You're coming with us," Kumquat sneered.
"You'll have to catch me first!" I quipped back, ducking under his arm and tearing down the corridor. I'd had enough of this stupid game show anyway, if I could just find an emergency exit I'd be safe. That led to my present situation, running through the studios as I desperately searched for a way out, even an open window would have done. Every door I found however seemed to be jammed shut, almost as if someone was deliberately preventing us from escaping...
"Damn you, Aerosteam!" I muttered under my breath. I came across a security cache but to my dismay I found all the weapons had already been taken, no doubt by my pursuers. One remained, a singular grenade left carelessly at the bottom of the cupboard. I picked it up with a sigh and put it under my cloak, perhaps it would come in handy.
"There he is!" the cry came as the mob turned the corner, armed with a motley collection of swords and axes. I took off again down the corridor and burst through the nearest door, finding myself on the set of what looked like a forest. I sheltered behind a tree made out of plaster as I tried to catch my breath, praying that I wouldn't be found.
"Where is he?" one of the group called from somewhere in the distance. I looked around and then up at the ceiling, finding myself staring into a small CCTV camera. The red light on it flashed and somehow I knew I was looking into the soulless yellow eyes of our host, probably laughing as he watched my pursuers close in on me.
"Fuck this game!" I exclaimed as the mob appeared out of the trees, surrounding me in a circle of death. This time there would be no ducking under arms or miraculous escapes. My meagre bomb clutched beneath my cloak wouldn't even take out half. I realised at that moment this whole game had been set up from the start, those bastards in the studio wanted this to happen. Well, I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing another one of us executed on live television.
"It's over, JoJo," Tizzy smirked as the circle closed in on me, their swords raised above them. I shook my head and with a final rebellious cry, pulled the pin out of my grenade as I hugged it close to my chest.
~
"So you aren't the Kira then?" Saint Peter asked after I concluded my story, making a note in his files.
"No, I may a killer but I'm not the Kira," I looked down through the clouds at where my treacherous fellow contestants stood around my corpse, presumably searching for some sort of evidence. "Good luck finding the real Kira suckers," I grinned with a malevolent twinkle in my eyes, "I was innocent!"
