Seriously, why do some guys pull this shit?

[Kermi]

I'll be honest. I did that to a girl once.

I barely knew her, had met her once, we'd barely chatted online. I maybe had a major crush. Then she announced she was dating someone. I was shocked! I believed I was right for her! Dormant feelings that had been ebbing away suddenly flared into live, and my response was "Um, but what about us?".

She, quite rightly, asked me: "What do you mean 'what about us'?". We discussed it and in the end I accepted it - not because I understood I was crazy and that she really didn't have any feelings for me, but because I begrudgingly accepted that if I cared about her, I would care about her happiness more than mine, and therefore I should give her my blessing to keep seeing this other guy.

Without even being aware of it I allowed a passing infatuation to develop completely inside my mind to the point that I was sure she felt the same way even though I had given her no reason to think I was interested in her or been given any indication she was interested in me - and when she became unavailable I became obscenely jealous.

I was young and foolish. I grew out of it. Your guy friend will grow out of it too - explain to him there's nothing between you and give him a chance to redeem himself by not being a creepy jerk. If he keeps it up, cut him off from you completely.

 

[TheDooD]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

 

[Herr Uhl]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

 

[zama174]

Snip

Sounds like a lonely man, or a serial rapist. If you don't accept him things may get very ugly.

Or I am completely wrong and he is just a loser and you will be perfectly fine so long as seeing an occasional peeping tom doesn't bother you to terribly much..

 

[Gothproxy]

Because, generalization aside and for lack of a better term, guys are dumb. That's not to say that all of them are, nor is it to say that all girls are not. But trying to understand WHY a guy/girl does something stupid like this is about pointless as trying to understand Lady Gaga's fashion sense. Men don't understand women and women don't understand men. They also (both sexes)don't seem to understand themselves either else why continue to do stupid stuff...meh.

Just tell the boy who got stupid that he's a douchebag and that he can be your friend again when he grows up.

Or something along those lines.

 

[zama174]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

No dumbass! Girl's only like the rich guys or the jackasses! *roles eyes* People these days...

 

[TheDooD]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

Would this also mean that if the guy friend is bi, he has a crush on all his friends?

Most likely which would cause quite a lot of emotional strain.

Does this also apply to girls?

its a bit different girls can have more a neutral relationships.

Edit

Which pretty much circles back to the OP's current problem. She thought it was a neutral relationship because she's use to doing such with her girlfriends. Yet with a guy you have to be damn direct and blunt with them. You're either gonna let us fuck around or you're not but you better not fucking keep us in the middle while you're complaining about you're gonna to or are putting out to.

 

[esperandote]

Kids do crazy stuff and the grow up to realize how stupid they were. Is the reasons why you don't like him that caught my atention, "he doesn't have a job or a car". Is that what you want in a guy? If he did have one, then you would be less inclined to reject him?

No I wouldn't. I'd reject him no matter what because I barely know the guy for as long as I actually have known him, but him being close to 30 and never gone to college, not having a real job, or a car aren't exactly factors that work to change my opinion of him either.

Good to know. He's that old? Well, i guess he is one of those guys with little social skills (specially with women) and introverded. Give it some time and hell realise that he's wrong or resignate to the fact that you're not atraccted to him.

I had some things in common with this guy once. I was completely infatuated with someone at a time when I wasn't emotionally mature enough to deal with those feelings properly. I didn't persist after she told me she wasn't interested, but I did wallow in self-pity to a degree that now makes me cringe a little bit whenever I think back on it, and I'm sure that I annoyed the hell out of her at times. Thankfully with time and introspection I got better. It helped that soon after, a friend was complaining about this guy who was doing the same thing to her, so I got to see what it's like from the other side.

I think a lot of it comes from being socially inept, some of it comes from a lack of confidence, and a great deal of it comes from getting your education in romance from the wrong places (mostly movies and TV). I dread to think what kids of similarly limited understanding take from Twilight.

In the end I think what really did it for me was seeing for myself just how annoying and immature this behavior is. The best advice I can give is to minimize contact with him and make sure he knows that you are absolutely uninterested in him. This is important; he seems to still think that given enough time you'll change your mind. I hoped for the same for a couple months (though I never tried to persuade or harass her as this guy is doing to you) but she reminded me often to not get the wrong impression, and I soon accepted this and it became a semi-friendship that lasted as long as we were at the same school, after which we parted ways and neither of us made an attempt to stay in touch.

Unfortunately he's going to have to do most of the work in pulling his head out of his ass, and that will probably take a while. He needs to see how annoying he is, how wrong his ideas on romance are, realize that you're not going to change your mind, and get to the point where he asks himself "Why would she or any other woman be interested in me anyway?". When he does that maybe he'll get better, or at least stop pestering you or whoever else he might be obsessed with by then.

You must be like a thousand years old because that pure wisdom. I did something like this too, I used to fall "in love" with girls that i found pretty and then proceded to make them like me by doing the stuff you seen in movies and hear in songs. The biggest crash I suffered was when the girl started dating one of my best friends and when they split she started dating my brother.

 

[ultrachicken]

Well, popular culture tends to hammer in the idea that persistence will eventually yield sex and/or love. This guy doesn't sound like he can function socially, so he's probably latching onto that, consciously or not.

Cut off ties with him, because I don't see how being associated with him will work in your favor. Especially when he tries to cyber or whatever with you over IM.

 

[The Random One]

Because some people don't know how to pick up girls and can't even accurately gauge their success.

I tell girls I'm horny over IM all the time. It weeds out the weak.

 

[Insanum]

-snip-

Just cut him loose like a bad smell. He's weird, cannot control his emotion(or testicles), doesn't respect the fact that you have a boyfriend and are happy & is terrible in social situations.

Why do you even associate with this guy? He's not your responsibility.

Tell him what he's done, why its annoying you & give him one last chance to correct his ways, failing that block him from IM and ignore him. He'll get the hint.

 

[McMullen]

*Removed, quote mismatch*

 

[TheDooD]

You must be like a thousand years old because that pure wisdom. I did something like this too, I used to fall "in love" with girls that i found pretty and then proceded to make them like me by doing the stuff you seen in movies and hear in songs. The biggest crash I suffered was when the girl started dating one of my best friends and when they split she started dating my brother.

That's some dirty skank shit right there. Shit right there is why women like that get killed in those cheesy drama movies. You plan old just don't do shit like that to a close circle, where most likely rage is gonna build. A ***** like that wouldn't be allowed near me and or in my house because I wouldn't know where she's been.

Sounds like a lonely man, or a serial rapist. If you don't accept him things may get very ugly.

Assumptions like that are part of why some socially awkward teenage males are so afraid of interaction with the opposite sex; they're afraid that simply looking at a woman, let alone talking to them, will result in them being accused of being a stalker or some such. For that reason I used to have such trouble making eye contact with women that, ironically, they thought I was creepier for it.

If you're a woman, you should know that your assumption really doesn't help the situation. Try not assuming that men are all creeps. Most just don't know how to talk to you. Partly because they're afraid you think they're creeps.

Gotta love dat catch 22 right?

 

[Peteron]

Eh, I would try not talking to that guy ever again. Sounds like a loser/jerk. He doesn't have the right to act so selfishly.

 

[ultrachicken]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

What utter bullshit. If you're male and you think like that, you have some problems. If you're female, you have some problematic misconceptions about males. I have female friends who I wouldn't mind getting it on with and some who imagining sex with causes revulsion, and many in between. And I detest the notion that girls have an inherent responsibility to ask all of their male friends out to "give them a chance." If they don't speak up, that's their problem, and they don't necessarily have a crush.

In short, that's a stereotype pulled out of thin air.

 

[pppppppppppppppppp]

So long story short, I've recently started dating a guy who I met and he's awesome. We always enjoy spending time together, we're getting to be very close and we have a lot in common. Everything's going great...

But one of my guy friends is straight-up being an outright ass almost. When I first mentioned that I was dating someone new his first reaction was "I'm happy that you're happy, but I know that I could make you happy too" and launches into this whole sob story about why no one hangs out with him. I'm not very close with this guy at all, but he's constantly telling me how attracted he is to me and all this other shit and he barely even knows me because any time I saw him in person he just sat in a corner and didn't talk to anyone. Just a little bit ago when he was talking to me on IM he mentioned that he was feeling really horny... Why the fuck would I want to know that?! Seriously, this guy doesn't know shit about me and yet he's making all these comments as if he could convince me to dump my boyfriend and instead date him when he doesn't have a real job and no car and constantly whines about crap...

Why do guys pull this shit?!

Edit: Yea I know not all guys are like this, just when some of them do I'm completely unable to grasp as to why they think crap like this will work in their favor.

Dude, get away from this guy, sounds like a real creeper.

And yeah, remember that one douche doesn't speak for the 3.5 billion of us.

 

[Taunta]

Unfortunately, I have a feeling that people who do this are some of the same people that complain about "girls always friendzone nice guys etc etc". In his mind he's being oh so chivalrous and knightly, because he thinks that's all it takes to win a girl, so he's dumbfounded when it doesn't work. But in reality, he's being a super creep. (Actually, that reminds me of a comic I saw that pretty much says the same thing.)

Just sounds like someone needs a reality check.

Would you rather have a guys who doesn't tell you how he feels and instead stone walls you while lying and telling you everything is alright? Women always say they want to hear the truth, the reality is that you want to be lied to, all the time. You want to feel comfortable and happy, reality doesn't work that that way.

Incorrect. First of all, making blanket statements is a big no-no. Secondly, there is such thing as a happy medium between honest to the point of hurtfulness, and constantly deceiving.

The truth is, that honesty is obviously important. I can't tell you how much lies piss and/or turn me off. But there is such thing as knowing when and to what degree it is appropriate. It's called having a social filter.

And if you honestly think that lying about problems and shoving them under the rug, instead of actually communicating is a healthy M.O, then you have a lot to learn about serious relationships.

 

[TheDooD]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

What utter bullshit. If you're male and you think like that, you have some problems. If you're female, you have some problematic misconceptions about males. I have female friends who I wouldn't mind getting it on with and some who imagining sex with causes revulsion, and many in between. And I detest the notion that girls have an inherent responsibility to ask all of their male friends out to "give them a chance." If they don't speak up, that's their problem, and they don't necessarily have a crush.

In short, that's a stereotype pulled out of thin air.

Ok so you won't be mad if a girl you know that knows you're crushing on her for a while just falls for some outsider just because she can. You can't tell me you won't be jelly as fuck man.

Plus I'm not saying she has to go out with ALL her male friends. She does have to give the ones that admit that they love her a legit chance or completely make it it an neutral relationship none of the in between shit.

If a woman knows you're crushing on her and she's just not that into him. She better END it there completely, cover all holes or a guy is gonna think he still has a chance. When she doesn't get it through his head when she does gets a boyfriend causes problems because he thinks he been queued up to be the next lover. When he was never really in line in the first place.

You say I'm putting shit out of the air but I've seen and been though shit like this and overall it's one of the most annoying things a person can do. Which is why I make sure I get my point across when I'm dealing with a woman I find attractive.

 

[Taunta]

If you have guy friends and they aren't gay. They all have a crush on you and should have gave them a chance before tossing them into that friend bin. He's pissed off because he feels betrayed that you can fall for an outsider and not somebody who stood at your side.

What utter bullshit. If you're male and you think like that, you have some problems. If you're female, you have some problematic misconceptions about males. I have female friends who I wouldn't mind getting it on with and some who imagining sex with causes revulsion, and many in between. And I detest the notion that girls have an inherent responsibility to ask all of their male friends out to "give them a chance." If they don't speak up, that's their problem, and they don't necessarily have a crush.

In short, that's a stereotype pulled out of thin air.

Ok so you won't be mad if a girl you know that knows you're crushing on her for a while just falls for some outsider just because she can. You can't tell me you won't be jelly as fuck man.

Plus I'm not saying she has to go out with ALL her male friends. She does have to give the ones that admit that they love her a legit chance or completely make it it an neutral relationship none of the in between shit.

If a woman knows you're crushing on her and she's just not that into him. She better END it there completely, cover all holes or a guy is gonna think he still has a chance. When she doesn't get it through his head when she does gets a boyfriend causes problems because he thinks he been queued up to be the next lover. When he was never really in line in the first place.

You say I'm putting shit out of the air but I've seen and been though shit like this and overall it's one of the most annoying things a person can do. Which is why I make sure I get my point across when I'm dealing with a woman I find attractive.

While I agree that leading people on is a bad thing, the feminist in me find the idea "She does have to give the ones that admit that they love her a legit chance or completely make it it an neutral relationship none of the in between shit." extremely offensive.

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, and just because this guy has made his feelings known doesn't mean she should feel obligated to go out with him. From what I understand of your argument, you're saying that the first guy should feel cheated that she voluntarily chose another man, which is untrue. The first guy is not entitled to her in any way, and it's pretty obvious why she has no interest in him. He completely lacks tact.

And while I can agree with you that leading people on is not a good practice, from what I've understood from the OP, she hasn't flirted with him at all, and in fact has insulted him to his face. "Leading someone on" implies that she was flirting back with him in the first place, but had no interest in dating him. Sounds to me like she wasn't leading him on, he just has a terrible talent for picking up not-so-subtle hints, and now he's trying to guilt trip her because she has this whole "free will" thing goin on.

 

[Baneat]

and no car .

Yeah! Guys are so shallow!