Several problems happening at once.

[pyrosaw]

My life as it is, has hit a snag, a increasingly large snag. A month ago my girlfriend, whom I've been dating for six monthes, has come out to be pregnant. She is sixteen. I am fifteen. Her parents are aware of the situation, and sort of resent me.

The thing is, she and her family will be moving out to California at the end of May, because my girlfriends stepdad is really poor, and they need to live with family. My parents are not aware, and for two reasons. First off, I have no clue if I want to stay. I'm fifteen. I'm so scared to become a father this soon in my life, I really don't know if I want to stay. Because my girlfriend is an extremely compassionate soul, she will let me decide what I want to do. But I still feel an immense responsibility for this child, and I would feel immense shame If I were to just get up and leave. Secondly, my parents are not big fans of me right now.

I was caught shoplifting two weeks ago.(Please, call me an idiot. I'm full aware.) Because of my full cooperation and because of how cheap the item is, and because its my first offense, we get charged with a small fine. Regardless, my parents are not happy. Also, my grades are in piss-poor condition. Less than three weeks left of school, and I'm not sure I can pass. They are not to happy about that either. On top of all of that, I seem to have missed ten classes in my second period, meaning I have to appeal to make sure I can pass the class. But because I have a D in the class, it is very likely I will not get the credits I need in that class.

I just feel like I'm at the end of my ropes. Even if I stay with her, I won't get o see it born. I won't be able to see three monthes AFTER its born. My grades are rising, but not fast enough to where they need to be. I just need something, some kind of advice. I'm doing all I can do.

 

[pyrosaw]

So get an abortion. After all your life is not going to be fun anymore if you have a kid with her. Loathe the people that say that you should have to pay for it because you had sex. Everyone has that desire and people make mistakes when they are horny. Shoplifted when I was 17 and and got the wrath of god beaten into me by my mom. Make school the number one in your life and get rid of this kid. Ah man your going to hate yourself if your a dad at 15. No shit her parents hate you, I would hate you to if you got my daughter prenant.

I've talked to her about it, but she doesn't believe in abortion. And she won't go for adoption either.:l

 

[Sam Eskenazi]

I have to agree with Shawn; get an abortion.

This is half your decision as well, and having a baby will do nothing but bad things for the two of you. People seem to have this idea (which is, sadly, reinforced by television) that if you have sex and make a baby, you should keep it because it's the "right thing to do". Hell no it's not! What's right is to realize that you should be mkore careful in future, abort the baby and move on with your live. You're 15 for god's sakes.

Perhaps you need to speak to the girls parents about having an abortion; get them to see your side of it, and why it would be best.

 

[IndomitableSam]

<- Woman.

Have her speak to a doctor/counsellor/someone she trusts and make the decision together. I'm with the others, I would have an abortion.

However, that is not an option for many people, so she needs to see medical professionals and people who will explain what life is going to become for her. (It's going to be hell and she may even resent the child for her entire life.)

That said - if you (and your family, as you're a minor) think that an abortion is the way to go, there may be some legal recourse to stepping away from the situation. I have no idea what it would be, but if you can document the fact that you don't want it and she's forcing it, there may be something there.

Again - that said - you're a moron. Use protection - I can't believe both you and her would be that dumb. Too busy having unprotected sex to go to class? What are you going to do if you decide to keep the kid? Pay for it and feed it with your McDonald's salary? I sincerely hope someone has smacked you upside the head.

... There, that's out of me.

The very first thing you need to do is man up (and keep it in your pants.) Get your grades up, find at least a part time job (full for the summer) and start saving some money. If she keeps the kid, you're going to have to pay for it, and if you don't want your family to disown you, you better make the effort instead of them bailing you out.

Even if you never see the kid, set an example for it. Live a good life and do what you can for it. Offer to be there for the mother, but don't let her abuse you or take you for a ride - her family may try (with legal recourse) to dig you into a hole of debt you'll never get out of. Be careful what you say to them and probably get a lawyer right away. This will get messy.

Good luck - and keep a pack of condoms in your wallet, and if you end up sleeping with a girl again, you make damn sure she takes the pill. I'd even make her sign a peice of paper saying she does take contraception. Not that it does too much good, but it may help later on if there are legal issues.

 

[Mad Maniac with axe-firing chainsaw]

First of all, you need to realise that there have been tens of thousands of people in your position. You're not alone in this, and people have worked through it and managed.

First off, focus on your exams. I know it seems like bigger things are happening right now, but if your girlfriend will not abort the baby, and it sounds like you've already had that discussion, throw everything you have into passing those exams. I suggest you take up running in the mornings and evenings to burn up some of the stress; it'll clear your head because of the endorphins that build up after heavy aerobic exercise. Get your more studious friends to help you build a revision plan. If you don't think you can prepare for all your exams in time then choose the ones that are most important to where you want to go. Remember that the qualifications you gain now will help you be a supportive father in the future, whatever happens.

If you cannot avert the birth, you have to realise, now, that you and your girlfriend are not going to be able to support that child. You have neither the financial nor the emotional resources for that. Realise right now that even if the child is not put up for adoption, your girlfriends parents will probably play the largest role in looking after the kid.

You need to decide what role you are going to play in the childs life. You will probably be expected to make some contribution to the childs upbringing later on, but right now, there's a limit to what you can do, and if one of you can go off and get a degree or diploma, and get a high-paying job, then you will both have an easier time when it's time for the child to go off to school. Realise that if the child is not adopted or aborted then you are playing a long game where the child will probably be looked after primarily by older figures, and you will both have to ease into the role.

My final word would be to keep calm, and seek help. There is probably a school councillor that you can talk to; in fact I would be astounded if there wasn't. Look to see if there are any schemes for supporting young parents in your area. And above all, think long term.

But for the moment, get your head down, put everything out of your mind, and pass those exams. And don't torture yourself over the shoplifting, guilt will do nothing except burn you down. Just swear never to do it again and focus on what you need to do.

You're not alone.

 

[CruisingForBiddies]

Again - that said - you're a moron. Use protection - I can't believe both you and her would be that dumb. Too busy having unprotected sex to go to class? What are you going to do if you decide to keep the kid? Pay for it and feed it with your McDonald's salary? I sincerely hope someone has smacked you upside the head.

I know is is VERY unlikely, but he did not mention anything about protection so maybe he could have just been unlucky? Or more likely, due to his age, that they may be stuck in this situation because of a lack of education in say, the proper way to put on a condom (or something along those lines).

Also, I don't think talking to him in that tone is very helpful. If anyone has the right to talk to him like that is is his family, not a stranger on the internet where he has reached out for help. I'm not saying that your points are wrong, just that we are not the ones to be saying it to him.

 

[Limecake]

-snip-

a Baby is a huge responsibility, even the hardest working 15 year old would find it difficult to finish high-school and land a decent job while taking care of a baby. This has to be your main concern, I understand you want to be there for her but in all honesty sending her child support would help her out more than a high-school dropout who is 'there for her'

You cannot force a woman to get an abortion but It is your choice as well, you should let her know that, focus on your school work while you can.

this is the best advice, you cannot and absolutely should not pressure her into an abortion. Regardless of how crazy terrible this baby would be for her and you an abortion isn't a simple decision to make. It can have long-lasting psychological effects on her, just like losing a pregnancy that was actually planned will effect the mother.

like I mentioned though, money is the most important thing if you are actually going to raise this child, it will roughly cost you $180,000 to raise your child till they are 18 and that doesn't take into account your expenses or any post-highschool education for the child.

that's roughly $10,000 a year for your child alone and since you're still a kid yourself I'd say there is another $10,000 for each person in the household who needs to be supported. This is extremely conservative in terms of expenses and doesn't include luxury items like video games, movies, new clothes or a wedding.

so you need a fairly decent job (it won't be easy without a high-school education) to just survive.

and that's why you shouldn't follow her, there is no possible way for you to raise this child in a safe environment especially since you mention you aren't very good at school. you need to tell your parents too, because you fucked up.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad but taking responsibility for your actions is a big part of growing up (which you're going to have to do pretty quickly) even if she doesn't keep the baby this needs to be a wake up call for you, pay attention in school so you can actually support another human being.

a little off topic but I was wondering if you were taught Abstinence in school as the sex-ed program. I've heard that teens taught Abstinence only sex-ed are less likely to use condoms if they do decide to have sex.

 

[manic_depressive13]

You should start by telling your parents. Yes, they'll be angry, but what's done is done and seeing as it's their grandchild they may be willing to provide some support. I really think it's best to have a serious conversation with them about this before doing anything hasty like bailing out.