Sexual Guilt
- Thread starter Mossberg Shotty
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Is that a terribly rude thing to do? It's a bit late for that now, though I guess that would've been the gentlemanly thing to do.nuttshell said:
But like I said, in that moment all I wanted to do was bail. Which I know is wrong, but retrospect is 20/20.
It's natural to have mixed emotions about first-time stuff and overthink things ("omg, she said I was cute! That means I have to propose, right?").
My advice would be to relax, be flattered that this girl liked you enough to make all the moves, and get in touch with her to apologise for over-reacting. Play your cards right and you could get to lose your virginity for real. Use a condom.
My advice would be to relax, be flattered that this girl liked you enough to make all the moves, and get in touch with her to apologise for over-reacting. Play your cards right and you could get to lose your virginity for real. Use a condom.
Why the guilt? There's nothing wrong here at all (jeez, you're old enough to drive, you're old enough to not feel bad about getting a blowjob from someone you're own age). It's not like it wasn't consensual.
Sex shouldn't be this weird scary thing, that doesn't strike me as particularly healthy. I understand why it might feel that way if you've never had it, but once you've had a few experiences it really stops being quite such a big deal. It's just a blowjob man, consider it a compliment, the rest of us aren't lucky enough to get surprise blowjobs like that.
Also, you climbed through the bedroom window of a girl who was grabbing at your crotch. Come on man, couldn't you seeyou this coming?
Sex shouldn't be this weird scary thing, that doesn't strike me as particularly healthy. I understand why it might feel that way if you've never had it, but once you've had a few experiences it really stops being quite such a big deal. It's just a blowjob man, consider it a compliment, the rest of us aren't lucky enough to get surprise blowjobs like that.
Also, you climbed through the bedroom window of a girl who was grabbing at your crotch. Come on man, couldn't you see
Did she get off after only a few minutes? I'd say give him a medal.Reeve said:
I think it's better to think about how when it happens to a guy it's okay but the phrasing of this we would assume the guy was being devious if it was the same happening to a woman.
It's like women aren't allowed to enjoy sex and men are perverted for attempting to initiate.
As for the OP? Er, dude, you got head. So your virginity is still intact. Does she want to see you again? Hell, climb back in that window and get your full membership rights/rites.
Sex is great, people should do it more often (with protection) and stop being so prudish about something that feels great.
Mine would be much the same. As I said, if you climb through the person's window after they've been grabbing at your crotch all night I'm not sure what you were expecting.Reeve said:
I appreciate all the feedback, it's definitely given me something to think about.
Honestly it seems like an awful lot of effort (not on my part, in this case) to feel so empty. But maybe that's just stems from not knowing the person for more than a day?
It's not so much about what I was expecting, and more about what I wasn't expecting. If that makes any sense. Probably not. Anyways, I don't see sex as some scary, unhealthy, forbidden thing, my thought process was more along the lines of: "So that's what the big deal is about?"TheRightToArmBears said:
Honestly it seems like an awful lot of effort (not on my part, in this case) to feel so empty. But maybe that's just stems from not knowing the person for more than a day?
You're adding details that weren't given. You know he didn't protest as much as I know he did. I'm however using previous actions to establish the mood and fill in the gaps of later events.Spot1990 said:
That's called sexual assault where I'm from and is illegal.Spot1990 said:
What expectations do you have for your first time? Do you expect it to be with someone that you've formed a relationship with, perhaps for some time, and that it would be a fulfilling experience that would ultimately consolidate your relationship and drive it to a whole different level?Mossberg Shotty said:
Or to put it more crudely, did you expect your first time(though I could certainly debate if oral sex counts as a first time but that is a whole different discussion) to be more than getting oral sex from a girl you barely even knew?
Perhaps you felt robbed of your virginity because you expected that you'd lose it to someone you have an attachment to?
And that's really what's colouring my whole perception of the incident. The fact that there was no mention of whether or not the OP was ok with it brings into my mind at least, the question of consent for the entire incident. That and the fact the OP felt guilty for getting a blowjob makes me think there was more going on that what was told.Spot1990 said:
I don't have any experience with this, but based on what your telling us it seems you were the one taken advantage of more than anything.
I mean, she could've just given you back your inhaler.
Heck, she could of just told her parents that you left your inhaler at her house and that you would be coming over to retrieve said item.
Now this all banks on the fact that her parents are aware that you guys were hanging out in her bedroom yesterday. If not, then I guess that was why she did things that way.
Either way, it's clear that she used your inhaler as a way to get you close to her.
Perhaps you should of stopped. But how am I to know?
Perhaps sexual drives can be stronger than one expected.
Perhaps you should talk this over to her in person in private.
I mean, she could've just given you back your inhaler.
Heck, she could of just told her parents that you left your inhaler at her house and that you would be coming over to retrieve said item.
Now this all banks on the fact that her parents are aware that you guys were hanging out in her bedroom yesterday. If not, then I guess that was why she did things that way.
Either way, it's clear that she used your inhaler as a way to get you close to her.
Perhaps you should of stopped. But how am I to know?
Perhaps sexual drives can be stronger than one expected.
Perhaps you should talk this over to her in person in private.
Dude. Don't feel bad about this. In now way shape or form did you "take advantage" of her. I don't know if your religious, because that could be where some of the guilt is coming from? I don't know what you think on premarital sex. But honestly. She wanted this just as bad, if not a lot more then you did. Don't feel bad. And if you decide you want more, see if you can be F-buddies. Not the worse thing in the world to have someone who you can have stress relief sex with.
Of what I can see, this girl seems like a bit of a slut; so in terms of harm done to her, I don't think you've done any. I'd get yourself tested for any diseases she may have passed onto you -- if she's had multiple partners, it's possible she could have passed on something.
In terms of your guilt and shame, I think it's right. Some people have no reservations regarding casual sex, they seeing it as harmless fun. But a conservative man like yourself will feel the need to indulge in sex in the context of a relationship only. It's a shame you lost your quasi-virginity to a harpy like that, but you can learn from this.
Try to only sleep with romantic partners from hereonin. Remember the guilt and shame if and when you're in a scenario similar to this. Try to prevent lust from clouding your rational judgement.
That's all I can say, really.
In terms of your guilt and shame, I think it's right. Some people have no reservations regarding casual sex, they seeing it as harmless fun. But a conservative man like yourself will feel the need to indulge in sex in the context of a relationship only. It's a shame you lost your quasi-virginity to a harpy like that, but you can learn from this.
Try to only sleep with romantic partners from hereonin. Remember the guilt and shame if and when you're in a scenario similar to this. Try to prevent lust from clouding your rational judgement.
That's all I can say, really.
BAH! Don't listen to those telling you sex isn't what it is hyped up to be. Mechanical lacking passion sex is better not happening at all, because it isn't even in the same ballpark with actual passionate sex. However, you didn't have actual passionate sex, you didn't stop her, but you were not actively participating by any means. No, there really isn't anything to feel guilty about, instead you learned something important, you don't want to have sex with people you are not really interested in, which is a GREAT thing. People who settle for " anyone willing" have no idea what they are missing out on. You just have to gain the backbone to separate yourself before the act next time, which considering this was your first time in a sexual experience, it is common to not know how to react.
Actual passionate sex is when there is no question about your participation because you are so involved in the act you can break things around you and not even realize it until afterwards. LOL When you have these passion feelings for someone you are so excited about someone that you can climax just thinking about them, uncontrollably at times. No, not everyone ever finds someone that " does it for them" but many of us do. Not all sex is lacking passion, and if you don't want mechanical bland sex, you are better waiting until someone makes you feel that level of passion than just having sex with someone because they are willing. Waiting until your sure, and they share the same feelings for you as you have for them is so much better than jumping the gun and attempting to "find out" during.
Now, I am female, however, this isn't just limited to male or female. Mechanical, lacking passion sex is lame no matter who you are. "Going through the motions" isn't worth the regret.
Actual passionate sex is when there is no question about your participation because you are so involved in the act you can break things around you and not even realize it until afterwards. LOL When you have these passion feelings for someone you are so excited about someone that you can climax just thinking about them, uncontrollably at times. No, not everyone ever finds someone that " does it for them" but many of us do. Not all sex is lacking passion, and if you don't want mechanical bland sex, you are better waiting until someone makes you feel that level of passion than just having sex with someone because they are willing. Waiting until your sure, and they share the same feelings for you as you have for them is so much better than jumping the gun and attempting to "find out" during.
Now, I am female, however, this isn't just limited to male or female. Mechanical, lacking passion sex is lame no matter who you are. "Going through the motions" isn't worth the regret.