Sexual relationships. I don't get them.

[Neflame]

I did read that right, didn't I? You don't get aroused by real human beings? If that is the case, then you might want to consider seeking help in the form of a psychological therapist. As much as I get what you're saying, I'm being completely serious here.

 

[nerdsamwich]

You can blame the 14th century, dude. If you think today's relationship standards are jacked, take a look at a medeival romance. They are positively chock-full of gallant knights rushing off to certain doom to defend the reputation of a woman they've never even met. That's right, these dudes fell hopelessly "in love" with a description. Take comfort in the fact that we, as a society, have progressed to the point of over-idealizing girls we can actually see. This is all just to say that the concept of romantic love is still in the development phase. Hopefully, in a few more centuries, things will start to make a little more sense.

 

[riskroWe]

So I had a couple of brief things with girls but it never felt right.

There we go again, generalising the opposite sex.
You go out with half a dozen girls, all of whom are the attractive partygoing type, and you find them all boring. Correlation?

 

[Guitarmasterx7]

The thing is, I don't get aroused by real people. However, I am not asexual either. Perhaps I was very ambiguous in my original post. Oh, well.

I feel like a total fag for pointing this out to a dude, but maybe you have an extreme fetish. Basically the only thing that arouses you is buffy, so try to find a hot blonde who looks like her and likes twilight, it's probably close enough to where you could fantasize while you're doing her. If that doesn't work just pound it out with your hand a few times and be glad you aren't wasting your time trying to get laid like the rest of us idiots.

 

[Actual]

Cliche: find the right girl.

The special relationships (IMHO) are with someone who is a great mate.

If you have fun and care enough to look after each other then sex is just a pleasant additive.

No relationship is going to be like in the movies, but sometimes they can feel even better even though they're real and flawed.

So that's all lovely bullcrap, some real advice...you seem to have it all right, I'd say just focus on having fun, if you happen to meet someone who fits the bill give it a go, until then don't let all the casual sex get you down.

 

[Klagermeister]

Let me see if I'm understanding your point...
You don't understand purely physical relationships because they don't feel that good to your emotions...
Well, if that's the case, it's perfectly normal. We, as humans, need an emotional aspect to the opposite sex to make it work.
Sometimes it makes you feel better to have someone listen to your problems than it does to sleep with a random college girl.
In my opinion, sex is quite overrated. The truly most pleasurable feeling you can have is your love fast asleep in your arms...
Not when you have a few cheap drinks and spend the night with someone you barely know.

Love > Lust, plain and simple.

 

[Syndef]

This is interesting. So what do you plan to do now, OP?

 

[JIst00]

Maybe this comes down to ur libido? Some people naturally have a higher sex drive than others.

As for relationships, yes I think we all suffer from some sort of conditioning on that subject. We are led to believe that we must find relationship nirvarna, the perfect one. And for some lucky souls that happens, for some it doesnt.

Being someone that has been in a steady relationship for a few years I can tell u that love is not what u see in the movies, I dont believe that kind of love really exists other than in the imagination, yes u can use the cliche's to describe it, and quite accuratly too, but to me, well love, is a lot more than romantic meals etc etc

Love is having that someone who is ur best friend as well as a lover in a sexual sense, its someone who u give a shit about and care for their well being more than u can do ur own. Love is arguments, I mean blazing row's, that dissolve into u both just laughing at each other over how silly ur being arguing over something that is so trivial. Not being able to stay mad at each othetr for very long, even for me, and im reknowned for bearing a grudge.

Most of all, its personal, and is likely to be different for each of us.

Back to the OP tho, I think maybe its a sex drive thing, and that in its self is very natural, just cuz everyone else wants to bury their end in every obliging gash, doesnt mean u have to feel the same way. Ive known those with overly high drives and those with virtually none exsistant ones.

All in all, I wouldnt let it sweat u. Props for banging the hot chicks dude, tho I aint supprised none of them made u desire them in any other way but sexual, cuz in a general sense hot chicks are just fuck toys, blow up dolls with a pulse and not really relationship gold material.

 

[Chrislt]

Well I must admit, I feel quite similar. As I am right now, I understand what love feels like, but whenever I look for the traits in girls' personalty that I find attractive, they are conspicuously absent.
Then again I'm Sixteen, so perhaps the traits I'm looking for will develop later. But as for right now I am single. But what the hell, I'm content, and definitely not desperate.
My advice: Think about what your looking for, and unless your expectations are wildly unrealistic, you'll probably find what you're looking for, one day. (Unless if your very unlucky.)

 

[HE Starwind]

Relationships are fake. Human males are supposed to find a mate, fuck it and leave them with a baby.

 

[Sad Robot]

You seem like too un-superficial of a person to want sex for sex's sake. And good for you. Have you ever been in a serious realtionship that led into sex? Please don't interpret that as an attack.

No, I've never been in a serious relationship. That's kinda the issue, or at least a part of it. I've never felt like what I assume people ought to feel like for them to be able to be in a relationship like that. I have nothing against the idea of cheap, pornographic sex without any kind of emotional attachment, I have nothing against more serious relationships that may be lackluster in the sex department and treat it more as a means of showing affection towards another, I have nothing any combination of these. I just feel like I lack the emotional range to participate in any of these.

I'm just thinking that maybe if you came to care/love somebody first, then sex might actually mean something more than this make-believe Hollywood cliche we have programmed into our heads. But then that leads to a discussion about true love and whatnot, and if you're not sure whether you believe in that kid of thing, I don't think sex can have much more meaning to you either.

I don't think anything has inherent meaning, that's not what I'm looking for. Rather I feel like I'm incapable of sort of getting into these sexual and romantic relationships people seem to take for granted. I don't feel like I can get sexually aroused by these people and as for love, the only people I feel I love are my family. I care about a lot of people, but it's different.

If you're landing yourself some models and or exotic dancers, more power to you (and mentor me...kidding).

Be a good looking, unfunny, annoying faux intellectual. Worked for me...

But maybe you're doing this out of order. Sex first probaly won't change your opinion on sex or relationships.

It sort of elightened me, made me realise how wrong I was about everything.

Oh, and I wouldn't think for a moment that you were gay. You seem very aware on your opinion on sex, and you don't come off as confused about your sexuality at all. Plus, all the gay people I know were aware of it long before age 19.

Yeah, I know, it just seems to be the standard deduction people make when one is analyzing their sexual identity and or sexual behaviour.

By the way, I'm gonna be 24 the day after tomorrow. I feel really old.

 

[Frankydee]

So basically what you're saying is that you're essentially just looking for "miss right."

Anyway, I've never really understood the appeal of sex based solely on physical attraction. I grew up with friends who constantly had that on their minds and it was uncanny, it basically just boiled down to finding someone of relative physical attractiveness and thrusting forth your manhood. Maybe I'm a prude or I just got knocked around one too many times in dodge ball but it seems like they put their relationships entirely on the primal level where they'd willingly flock to the first mildly good looking girl who'd spread her legs for 'em.

Now I know you've probably heard it all before about having deep, meaningful, intimate emotional bonds with your partner so I won't go off on that. From personal experience, I found myself enjoying the simple company and conversation with various women that I found common interests with. Essentially that is what I would expect out of a potential life partner. Common grounds and goals, working for the betterment of one another. That's not the sort of thing you can really expect on a relationship built entirely on physical attraction.

Spoiler: basically....

If she turns out to be hot too, that's a nice extra on the side.

 

[Yuno]

True. What makes us more human than other species is the biochemical reaction called love, the ability to care for someone unconditionally and the bitter truth is not everyone will find it. Sexual relationships on the other hand anyone can have (paid or otherwise) but love, you can't pay for that.

I think this pretty much sums up what I was going to say. I don't really understand the need for a friends with benefits kind of thing... Well, then again, I'm one of those people who disagrees with casual sex, so. Point is... yeah, I don't quite understand it either; & well said, Skarin.

 

[HE Starwind]

Relationships are fake. Human males are supposed to find a mate, fuck it and leave them with a baby.

That's gonna make me smile all day.

Human instincts are to survive and reproduce, not watch Twilight.

I swear Charles Darwin said something along those lines.

 

[Sad Robot]

Whoah, I got a lot of replies.

I feel like you just (flawlessly) put into words this discontent I've been feeling

Now, with that said, Marry me?

Er, thanks, I guess. I will put it into consideration.

I did read that right, didn't I? You don't get aroused by real human beings? If that is the case, then you might want to consider seeking help in the form of a psychological therapist. As much as I get what you're saying, I'm being completely serious here.

I've been to a few, I've either felt they can do nothing to help me (help myself) or, like in one case, the shrink actually told me I've exhausted all my options which I thought was rather insulting even if he could've been right.

Maybe this comes down to ur libido? Some people naturally have a higher sex drive than others.

I tend to think I have a very high sex drive.

As for relationships, yes I think we all suffer from some sort of conditioning on that subject. We are led to believe that we must find relationship nirvarna, the perfect one. And for some lucky souls that happens, for some it doesnt.

Being someone that has been in a steady relationship for a few years I can tell u that love is not what u see in the movies, I dont believe that kind of love really exists other than in the imagination, yes u can use the cliche's to describe it, and quite accuratly too, but to me, well love, is a lot more than romantic meals etc etc

Love is having that someone who is ur best friend as well as a lover in a sexual sense, its someone who u give a shit about and care for their well being more than u can do ur own. Love is arguments, I mean blazing row's, that dissolve into u both just laughing at each other over how silly ur being arguing over something that is so trivial. Not being able to stay mad at each othetr for very long, even for me, and im reknowned for bearing a grudge.

Most of all, its personal, and is likely to be different for each of us.

I get what you're saying on an intellectual level, it's just that what you described there completely eludes me on an emotional level.

Well I must admit, I feel quite similar. As I am right now, I understand what love feels like, but whenever I look for the traits in girls' personalty that I find attractive, they are conspicuously absent.
Then again I'm Sixteen, so perhaps the traits I'm looking for will develop later. But as for right now I am single. But what the hell, I'm content, and definitely not desperate.
My advice: Think about what your looking for, and unless your expectations are wildly unrealistic, you'll probably find what you're looking for, one day. (Unless if your very unlucky.)

I don't think I'm all that unrealistic in terms of personality traits, even if my ideal woman would be someone who's intellectually similar to... my brother, actually.

So I had a couple of brief things with girls but it never felt right.

There we go again, generalising the opposite sex.
You go out with half a dozen girls, all of whom are the attractive partygoing type, and you find them all boring. Correlation?

As much as I hate the fact that I probably do end up generalising everything in one way or another, I've also dated girls who were the shy bookworm liberal arts major type and the video gaming nurse with a life philosophy akin to George Carlin.

*snip

You've spent too much time thinking about it all, its become an intelluctal exercise rather than a simple event to be experienced.

Intellect is a double-edged sword, just ask any of the well know intellectuals who have suicided because of their grasp on reality. That's why simple people live the happiest lives.

Chill out, relax, and just socialise. And remember, sometimes its better to say nothing than something smart, particularly when you find yourself surrounded by morons.

Fine points, and I agree. I do feel like my entire life is little more than an intellectual exercise.

I could quote this song by heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDlC7oG_2W4

 

[Good morning blues]

I still don't get your problem. Could you try putting it in different terms? Right now it just sounds like you're saying you just don't find people attractive, and that just doesn't make any sense to me.

 

[Sad Robot]

I still don't get your problem. Could you try putting it in different terms? Right now it just sounds like you're saying you just don't find people attractive, and that just doesn't make any sense to me.

That's part of the issue, yes, even if it wasn't the particular point I was trying to raise in my original post. But what do you mean it doesn't make sense to you?

 

[Good morning blues]

I still don't get your problem. Could you try putting it in different terms? Right now it just sounds like you're saying you just don't find people attractive, and that just doesn't make any sense to me.

That's part of the issue, yes, even if it wasn't the particular point I was trying to raise in my original post. But what do you mean it doesn't make sense to you?

Basically, I mean that it's just a long way outside of my experience and I just can't sympathize with or understand it. It doesn't make sense to me that someone can sit down and have a chat with someone that they find beautiful and interesting and without some sort of apparently major defect and just not find them attractive. Do you not know anybody like that? How do you feel when you meet someone like that?

The more important part to me, however, is what you were originally trying to express. Maybe you could rephrase it?