Sexuality and Relationship Questions

[DrgoFx]

So the other night I was playing Reach with my friends, one of which was a girl, and with the fact of my humor with this group of friends, they all asked me one question jokingly: How does your girlfriend not think she's only your cover up?

To give backstory, depending on who I'm with to prevent offending people or anything, I will acting like I'm homosexual. Not in a stereotypical sense, but in many ways it could just be jokingly, it could be disturbing, or it could be serious. By serious, I mean a guy complimenting a guy, which there's nothing wrong with it.

So with all that, what keeps me from seeing other men when I'm with my girlfriend? For one, I think cheating is wrong and so I'd stay with her and only her no matter what sexuality I am. But the other reason is that guys just don't turn me on. I mean, I've been attracted to a guy's personality, I even thought he was rather attractive, but I never found him SEXUALLY attractive, same with every other guy I've met thus far.

TL;DR: I like to pretend I like guys, but I don't find them sexually appealing.

I've asked my girlfriend this question a while ago and she just laughed and said she doesn't worry because she knows how I feel about her. And to give some information on that, I'm highly considering to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

And this brings me to my next question. Why is it that so many people see relationships as a "temporary" thing, rather than an attempt to be with someone. This question came to my mind when my girlfriend and I went to a bar and I got up to use the bathroom. Well, I don't know if the guy saw me or not but when I got back, a guy was talking to my girlfriend, she looked rather peeved and when I was in ear shot, she told him to get lost.

Apparently he was hitting on her and when she said "I have a boyfriend, no thanks." He insisted she'd leave me for him, and that our relationship wouldn't last. I'm not so much confused or annoyed with him hitting on my girlfriend; I kind of like the idea of being the envy of other guys; but it's more so what he said with the "It won't last" thing. Have we really come to a point where we automatically assume all our relationships won't last and we don't even try to make them work?

TL;DR: Why do so many people think "It's a relationship, it won't last" and don't put any effort to make it last?

 

[Irridium]

That guy was just trying to have sex with her and said "it won't last" to try and make her doubt you so she'd go home and have sex with him.

It obviously didn't work, so don't worry too much about it. I doubt he cares if it'd last or not, he just wanted sex.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Well, alot of them don't last. The person you are now is often not the person you are in a few years time, and the same applies to your partner.

Having said that, people "learn" far too much from crappy movies, and many believe thet your One True Love is guaranteed to bring eternal happiness and sunshine or whatever, and if there's imperfect about it, the relationship is doomed to failure

 

[Tragedy's Rebellion]

Depends on how old you are. Obviously, if you are 18-29 they won't think it will last and 98% of them don't. It's just simple observation, but if you are 18-29 and you actually spend your entire life with this girl then great.

 

[JoJo]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking with the first question, do you want people to think you're gay/bi, or is it a joke? I don't really see the point of pretending to be something you're not.

The second one is easier though, the guy was just trying to find any excuse to get with your girl, I doubt he actually meant anything about your relationship by it. Bask in the fact that you are one step ahead in the relationship game than him currently.

 

[DrgoFx]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking with the first question, do you want people to think you're gay/bi, or is it a joke? I don't really see the point of pretending to be something you're not.

What I'm not exactly asking anything it's more of a confession. If at anything I'm asking "Is this weird?" It's all merely a joke, at least among my circle of friends, but at times I really do I have to stop myself and ask why I do such things. Am I closeted but my method of hiding it is to openly express it...? I don't really know...

The second one is easier though, the guy was just trying to find any excuse to get with your girl, I doubt he actually meant anything about your relationship by it. Bask in the fact that you are one step ahead in the relationship game than him currently.

My means of that story was just a "Here's an example." I've heard plenty of other situations like it, or at least just a simple "Relationships don't last." So my question is why do so many people believe that alone?

 

[Zoe Castillo]

--

 

[Smooth Operator]

Pretending to like guys... well let's just say that homosexuality isn't a black and white split, it took my friend really long before he could see a clear picture of his attractions.
But the piles of clothes, shoes and hair products that would put Madonna to shame gave it away far sooner.

The guy in the bar, he just learned that's the thing you need to say to make the girls consider some side action, and it does work quite often.
No he doesn't know anything about you or your relationship he is just pushing buttons until he scores.

 

[Batou667]

TL;DR: I like to pretend I like guys, but I don't find them sexually appealing.

Well why bloody do it then? For fun? Most straight guys won't thank you for flirting with them, and most gay guys wouldn't appreciate being led on "for a joke". So knock it off.

Unless you actually are bi, in which case carry on, but at least be honest with yourself.

 

[JoJo]

What I'm not exactly asking anything it's more of a confession. If at anything I'm asking "Is this weird?" It's all merely a joke, at least among my circle of friends, but at times I really do I have to stop myself and ask why I do such things. Am I closeted but my method of hiding it is to openly express it...? I don't really know...

I don't think it's that weird really, me and my friends often joke by pretending to be racist, we aren't actually and wouldn't do it around people we didn't know well, just for fun. Since you've already said "I don't find [men] sexually appealing", I very much doubt you are actually gay since that's sort of a prerequisite.

My means of that story was just a "Here's an example." I've heard plenty of other situations like it, or at least just a simple "Relationships don't last." So my question is why do so many people believe that alone?

Probably because a relationship they cared very much about in the past failed and they've decided that all relationships don't last to excuse their own guilt about it not working.

 

[DrgoFx]

TL;DR: I like to pretend I like guys, but I don't find them sexually appealing.

Well why bloody do it then? For fun? Most straight guys won't thank you for flirting with them, and most gay guys wouldn't appreciate being led on "for a joke". So knock it off.

Unless you actually are bi, in which case carry on, but at least be honest with yourself.

Let me rephrase that "TL;DR" I normally only do it when I know no one will be offended. I never flirt with a random guy, and if I do "flirt" It's normally with friends that understand me, such as the friends I was playing Reach with.

I'm just asking is it really too weird? Is it a weird way of being a closet gay? At the rate things are going, I'm most likely just going to be a straight guy that's really comfortable with gays, or bisexual.

 

[Something Amyss]

I know many straight guys who jokingly flirt with men. I've never seen their SOs have a problem with it.

Though my sample is small and biased, but I still don't see the problem.

 

[Batou667]

Let me rephrase that "TL;DR" I normally only do it when I know no one will be offended. I never flirt with a random guy, and if I do "flirt" It's normally with friends that understand me, such as the friends I was playing Reach with.

I'm just asking is it really too weird? Is it a weird way of being a closet gay? At the rate things are going, I'm most likely just going to be a straight guy that's really comfortable with gays, or bisexual.

Well, it's probably harmless enough then. You wouldn't be the first person in history who has used humour to excuse sexual experimentation or "testing the water", and from what you've said you're in all probability straight.

 

[badgersprite]

To be honest, I'm more concerned with people who think relationships are the most important thing in life, that if one ends it's a disaster, and that if you don't last forever or get to the marriage stage it's a failure and the worst possible thing that you didn't make it. Like, seriously, isn't there some kind of middle ground between emotionless one-night-stands and obsessive co-dependence bordering on psychosis?

And lightheartedly flirting with people of the same sex without anything sexual behind it is totally normal heterosexual behaviour, at least among the straight men and women I know, just like I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to jokingly banter with straight guys who know I'm gay. That's like normal friendly behaviour.

 

[Robert Ewing]

I always get annoyed when people say a relationship started at 16 - 21 won't last. I know loads of people in which it has. My parents met when they where 12 years old, and married at 16, they are still together perfectly happy. Exactly the same story with my grandparents. 70 years on, and they're still happy.

 

[Philip Petrunak]

If a girl walked around hijab and spent her free time reading the quran, but wasn't a muslim, is it her fault or yours if you assume she's a muslim? Fact is dude, you're sending the wrong message. If the idea that some people think you are gay bothers you, don't pretend to be gay. It's that simple.

Sexuality is spectrum, and not just of one measure. A person can sexually be attracted to boys a little, but girls a LOT. At the same time, there is also the aspect of emotional attraction. A person could for example, be sexually attracted to both boys and girls equally, but only emotionally attracted to boys.

Now, are you gay? I really, really doubt it. You're not expressing some kinda of subconscious desire. Just because you can tell a man is attractive, doesn't mean you're attracted to him. I can tell a painting is good, doesn't mean I want to fuck it. Honestly, it doesn't mater. You're in love with someone. Keep loving them.

As for why many people don't think your relationship will last? You're what, about 16? That's why. People don't start taking you seriously about a lot of shit until you're 25, or have some nice accomplishments in life under your belt.

 

[gulkash]

People date for different reasons some do it for fun, some do to ?find the one? and some just want to have sex . if you are in it for love then that?s great just make sure the other person knows it and don?t give a fuck what other people think .

+1, and I would add that if you're just in it for the sex, that's fine too, given that everyone is on the same page w/ it. IMHO, make your relationships in a way that makes you happy, and to hell with what anyone else tells you is "right" or "wrong".

As to the OP's "liking guys" thing, no that's not weird, it's just undefined, and that's OK. I always get frustrated when people start getting pissy and clinging to labels and definitions in terms of sexuality. Be what and who you are, be attracted to what and who you want, and let others do the same.

I always get annoyed when people say a relationship started at 16 - 21 won't last. I know loads of people in which it has. My parents met when they where 12 years old, and married at 16, they are still together perfectly happy. Exactly the same story with my grandparents. 70 years on, and they're still happy.

Props to them, that's a serious accomplishment, but it's worth mentioning how rare that is. You're not the same person at 16 that you will be at 26, hell, you're not the same person at 16 that you will be at 17 by and large, and no two people advance and mature at the same rate or in the same way. I'm /very/ glad that all my highschool relationships fell through, because I'm siting here now wondering how I tolerated the people I was with at the time. Some people can find someone that early on in life and grow and mature together, and all goes well, but the fact of the matter is we live in a day and age with a divorce rate of over 50%, and who knows how many people "staying together for the kids". So while young love /can/ last, it /generally/ will not. Sure, we all know of people who were highschool sweethearts and are still together, but I also know of a guy who fell 110 feet onto solid rock and lived, and I don't plan on attempting that or insisting that it's the norm any time soon.

 

[Rin Little]

The guy's a douche who was trying to get with your girl and wouldn't take the hint to get lost. End of story.

 

[Susan Arendt]

I'm not quite sure what you are asking with the first question, do you want people to think you're gay/bi, or is it a joke? I don't really see the point of pretending to be something you're not.

What I'm not exactly asking anything it's more of a confession. If at anything I'm asking "Is this weird?" It's all merely a joke, at least among my circle of friends, but at times I really do I have to stop myself and ask why I do such things. Am I closeted but my method of hiding it is to openly express it...? I don't really know...

The second one is easier though, the guy was just trying to find any excuse to get with your girl, I doubt he actually meant anything about your relationship by it. Bask in the fact that you are one step ahead in the relationship game than him currently.

My means of that story was just a "Here's an example." I've heard plenty of other situations like it, or at least just a simple "Relationships don't last." So my question is why do so many people believe that alone?

To your first point, no, it's not weird at all. It wouldn't be weird if you found them sexually attractive, either, it would just make you bisexual. But being attracted to people of the same gender is not that big a deal, really, and why should it be?

As for your second question, because, in many peoples' experience, they don't last. It's relatively rare to find people in college whose parents are still married, for example, and just the way that relationships are viewed has changed a great deal. Marriage used to be the typical destination for long term relationships, because it was scandalous to, for example, have kids together and not be married. Now, that's not really true. Couples stay together, have kids and homes, but don't get married because they don't feel overly obligated to tie the knot. If you're not a religious person, getting married can seem pretty pointless.

And it must be said that some people just plain put on a front. Rather than risk rejection or hurt from losing a long term relationship, they act as though they don't really want one in the first place because, hey, they're all just doomed anyway.

Bottom line, don't worry about what others think or do. If you and your lady are happy together, that's all that really matters.