Should I stay or should I go. . .?

[LemonMelon]

You'll have to excuse the silly Clash reference. I'm sure it's way overused.

There seems to be a lot of "my relationship sucks baww" posts around here so I'll do my best to make mine as brief as possible to avoid offending the sensibilities of anyone else who decided to browse these forums for light-hearted entertainment and to not play therapist to anymore angst filled bullshit.

I have a boyfriend (I suppose EX boyfriend, though this seems to happen every few weeks and then the relationship resumes as normal) who is, well, kind of a dick lately.

But when things are calm and good, they're REALLY good. Dickishness is not a normal part of his behavior (and I've known him for well over 5 years). In fact, to celebrate a belated anniversary, he told me to buy VERY expensive tickets to a concert of an artist he really likes. I bought the tickets and he said he'd pay me back. Everything is good. However, a couple weeks later, his attitude changed and suddenly he says "I haven't loved you for months."

So OBVIOUSLY I'm upset that he's just now getting around to telling me this after I've bought expensive tickets and an expensive hotel, but I think this statement is a lie. If he hadn't loved me for months, why would he go out of his way to tell me he loves not only me, but also my family? And also, why would he admit he hasn't felt happy since our split?

Agh! I'm just confused. Does anyone have even the slightest idea of what is going on or what I should be doing at this point? I still have feelings for him, but he's suddenly intent on cutting me out of his life.

Thanks for reading this ridiculous post. Cheers!

 

[Benefactor]

I feel like the fact that you seem to keep breaking up and getting back together implies that there's something pretty wrong with your relationship overall. Maybe you should take a break and step back, and think if it's really worth the aforementioned "dickishness" and ups and downs in breaking up and getting back together.

I will say this before I finish my post though, there are a lot of couples that are "those couples" that do the whole breaking up and getting back together thing, and it rarely works out. If it does for you, good, but generally it doesn't.

 

[hyperhammy]

Now I'm confused, did you break up at some point and then got back together?

 

[El Poncho]

Hmm, you could be a right cock about it and take one of his friends to the concert with you then go back to the hotel and A) Tell the friend to go home B) Let him stay but don't let him do anything C) Get it on

But if you seem to break up often then I suggest you leave it for good.

 

[LemonMelon]

Well I should elaborate more on the breaking up. It's never really been a "break up". It was more of a him getting angry for no reason, me getting confused, then him apologizing and saying he only acted like that because he was angry at himself.

I suspect this is one of those instances, but I've never known what to do then and I certainly don't know what to do now.

 

[BonsaiK]

You'll have to excuse the silly Clash reference. I'm sure it's way overused.

There seems to be a lot of "my relationship sucks baww" posts around here so I'll do my best to make mine as brief as possible to avoid offending the sensibilities of anyone else who decided to browse these forums for light-hearted entertainment and to not play therapist to anymore angst filled bullshit.

I have a boyfriend (I suppose EX boyfriend, though this seems to happen every few weeks and then the relationship resumes as normal) who is, well, kind of a dick lately.

But when things are calm and good, they're REALLY good. Dickishness is not a normal part of his behavior (and I've known him for well over 5 years). In fact, to celebrate a belated anniversary, he told me to buy VERY expensive tickets to a concert of an artist he really likes. I bought the tickets and he said he'd pay me back. Everything is good. However, a couple weeks later, his attitude changed and suddenly he says "I haven't loved you for months."

So OBVIOUSLY I'm upset that he's just now getting around to telling me this after I've bought expensive tickets and an expensive hotel, but I think this statement is a lie. If he hadn't loved me for months, why would he go out of his way to tell me he loves not only me, but also my family? And also, why would he admit he hasn't felt happy since our split?

Agh! I'm just confused. Does anyone have even the slightest idea of what is going on or what I should be doing at this point? I still have feelings for him, but he's suddenly intent on cutting me out of his life.

Thanks for reading this ridiculous post. Cheers!

Answered in the Relationship problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=40#7129577

 

[LemonMelon]

Hmm, you could be a right cock about it and take one of his friends to the concert with you then go back to the hotel and A) Tell the friend to go home B) Let him stay but don't let him do anything C) Get it on

But if you seem to break up often then I suggest you leave it for good.

Oh that would be excellent, but as I'm not sure of his feelings for me I don't know that it would have the right effect.

Plus none of his friends are real..uh..lookers. :/

 

[El Poncho]

Hmm, you could be a right cock about it and take one of his friends to the concert with you then go back to the hotel and A) Tell the friend to go home B) Let him stay but don't let him do anything C) Get it on

But if you seem to break up often then I suggest you leave it for good.

Oh that would be excellent, but as I'm not sure of his feelings for me I don't know that it would have the right effect.

Plus none of his friends are real..uh..lookers. :/

What about someone he hates, they have to be nice looking, right?

 

[Fallen-Angel Risen-Demon]

I couldn't help it...
OT: I'm not too good with relationship advice but...
If he acts like a dick go?
I dunno.

 

[LemonMelon]

Answered in the Relationship problem thread, at the following link: ----> http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.117161-Relationship-problem-thread?page=40#7129577

Thanks for the redirect. I'm still getting used to navigating. [:

 

[Rarhnor]

Well I should elaborate more on the breaking up. It's never really been a "break up". It was more of a him getting angry for no reason, me getting confused, then him apologizing and saying he only acted like that because he was angry at himself.

I suspect this is one of those instances, but I've never known what to do then and I certainly don't know what to do now.

Until he admits he is angry at himself, also considering that he said "i haven't loved you for months", you should break up with him definite. Or else: (somehow) let him realize the source of his anger, and deal with it.

Edit: I saw the linked thread and notices it's basically what i just said. However, as a guy I like to resolve my feelings and issue by myself without letting other get involved.
You could break up, till he is ready to face the problem with your help, or wait to get together, until he has resolved his anger as well as his feelings for you.

 

[Doctor What]

I've gotta say, like most other people here, leave him for good. He's not going to change, and if he was, he would've done it by now.

 

[zehydra]

Uh, he used you. Plain and simple. Leave him. He obviously doesn't care about you. at all.

 

[LemonMelon]

I've gotta say, like most other people here, leave him for good. He's not going to change, and if he was, he would've done it by now.

Well the thing is he already has changed from this really incredible guy to someone I can't even recognize. I still have a gut feeling that he's only doing this out of his own insecurities, and that if I gave it a little bit of time and let him find the source of all of this, that things would be okay.

But I dunno. [x

 

[LemonMelon]

Take him to small claims court, get your money back.

I plan on doing that if I don't get payment. He's already said he'll pay me but I don't know if I can trust him on that.

 

[Diligent]

I'm no brain-meats expert, but if he's on this wavy pattern of happy, sad/angry, happy, sad/angry, maybe he's got some bi-polar action going on.
It sounds like you should leave regardless, because a relationship (while they can have their hardships) doesn't need to be a constant struggle, and I think both parties can agree on that.

 

[Breaker deGodot]

Dump him, as far as I'm concerned. From what info you've given, he's either using you, or has some more serious mental issues that you don't know about. Either way, it's a losing battle.

 

[LemonMelon]

I'm no brain-meats expert, but if he's on this wavy pattern of happy, sad/angry, happy, sad/angry, maybe he's got some bi-polar action going on.
It sounds like you should leave regardless, because a relationship (while they can have their hardships) doesn't need to be a constant struggle, and I think both parties can agree on that.

I really think he has some bipolar issues. I brought it up once but yeah.. there's no right way to accuse someone of being bipolar. Didn't go over so well.

I agree that it doesn't need to be a constant struggle. Maybe I'm just hoping that things will go back to how they were a few months ago, when there wasn't this weird emotional free fall.