Should I tell my girlfriend?

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Scott Pilgrim

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May 16, 2011
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A couple of months back I discovered/realised that I'm kinda bisexual (basically, I pulled a guy. Twice.)

Now I've somehow managed to get a girlfriend, but I have no idea whether or not this is something I should tell her... I've been told you guys are good at advice here, so any suggestions?
 

Not-here-anymore

In brightest day...
Nov 18, 2009
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...I dunno. Is it the sort of thing that's likely to come up? I guess you'd have to gauge her opinion on gays first somehow, then decide whether telling her is the right thing to do or not?

On an unrelated note, how was there not already a user called Scott Pilgrim before today?
 

Zantos

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Jan 5, 2011
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You should tell her at some point by virtue of "She'll probably figure something out sooner or later and be pissed that you kept it from her". When you're into the relationship and really trust each other then you can judge the right time to mention it. Don't make a big deal, but let her know it's something important to you that you wanted to share (EmotionaLAD). It'll show you really trust her and she'll appreciate that.

And for the love of jesus christ and all his digimon do it tactfully! When I found out my ex was bi she decided the best way to tell me was to get drunk and list off girls we knew that she wanted to sleep with. I don't care what people say, it was quite upsetting. Just plan it out, and make it so that its revealing a big secret to her because you love her, it's the sort of thing that could bring you much closer together.
 

gyllybug

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Apr 29, 2011
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Ideally, it's your business and it shouldn't really matter to her, because right now SHE is who you're interested in. Nevertheless, couples are supposed to share stuff with each other so she should probably know, since it's one of the basic check-boxes of our "personal profiles".

Do you think she'd react badly? If you do, how so? Would she feel threatened, or homophobic? The first is easily combated with just reassuring her that she's who you want right now. If it's the second, is that really someone you want to be with? Someone who can't accept you for who you are?

If you want to tell her, I'd suggest starting the conversation with something like "Something's been bothering me lately, there's something I need you to know" Sure it'll be out of the blue, but she'll appreciate you being open with her, and kinda sets out a precedent of openness towards each other in the relationship.

Good luck to you! :)
 

ChuQue37

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May 16, 2011
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Yes.

It's a matter of trust, and it's a matter of sex.

If you trust her, then you should have no inhibitions against telling her.

Also, if you tell her, 10 to 1 odds she'll be excited/turned on by this. Hell, maybe you'll even get to pull another guy into the bedroom. Win/win, right? Maybe she'll open up and reveal that she's bi, too.

At that point, you're rollin' in bitches and life is great.

If you don't trust her, you have to ask yourself: Is she really worth it?
 

zombiesinc

One day, we'll wake the zombies
Mar 29, 2010
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I've never gone into a relationship without the other person already knowing my sexuality, so this isn't something I've ever had to decide on.

As already mentioned above, if you decide against telling her, and she finds out down the road, it's very likely she'll be upset. Likely not about your sexuality, but over the fact that you never told her. If you feel this is a serious relationship, I'd say it's in your best interest to tell her. But what's more important to consider is whether or not you want to tell her, feel comfortable and confident about your sexuality, and whether you think it's right to either hold it from her or let her know. There's nothing wrong with any sexuality, so that shouldn't be a reason holding you back from telling her. There's the risk that it'll change things between the two of you and/or that she'll have a negative reaction if you do decide to tell her, but quite honestly I think that'd be a very good indication of whether or not your relationship is going to work.

Overall, I think it's always best to be honest and open within a relationship. If you can't be either, there's hardly a point in being in the relationship to begin with. Regardless though, best of luck.
 

Aurgelmir

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Nov 11, 2009
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Scott Pilgrim said:
A couple of months back I discovered/realised that I'm kinda bisexual (basically, I pulled a guy. Twice.)

Now I've somehow managed to get a girlfriend, but I have no idea whether or not this is something I should tell her... I've been told you guys are good at advice here, so any suggestions?
I assume you still want to stay with your girlfriend? In that case you should at least put it nicely, and do your best not to make it sound like you are considering someone else over her.

I do think it is something you should tell her though :)
 

Anjel

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Mar 28, 2011
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If you were a gay man (just realised) in a relationship with a woman then of course I would say yes, be honest. But you are bisexual, so you still have an interest in her, so my advice is this: when you are comfortable.

You've only just realised it yourself so take the time to adjust. Feel confident before you speak to her, if you come across as nervous she may think you're telling her because you've done the dirty on her.

Personal opinion based on the little information you gave: Are you sure you're bisexual and not just flattered? These days it seems more common for people to know very young, even if they admit it far later on in life. I knew when I was 11 and admitted in to a friend at 15, family at 16.

http://www.google.com/recaptcha/api/image?c=03AHJ_VuuVNsvn2XDBqaA19HvFc4lqYtHYLoriQhfbsZTh1A7JmFXs-vzVZxHm7S8zN529tH3DV5AumLN9BIZJf0fqKyHNTK_Gi1YySnOCRCsIfcqBXV_ycfekk7XMvyW1i3I0xOWTGNflTZNqWZHHjimfIDoYVs2qeQ

So much win.
 

gazumped

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Dec 1, 2010
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Like someone just said: you're bi, not gay, it's not going to affect your relationship with her at all so it's not like a major secret you need to confess to her.

With my first boyfriend I didn't make a big deal out of it, I just happened to mention having crushes on girls in relevant conversation. We were actually a few months in when he said "wait, are you actually bi, then? I thought you were joking about those girls before."
I'm not saying that's necessarily the best way to go about it, but it was comfortable for me to not be like I LIKE GIRLS because I didn't see that as particularly important for him to know, I just didn't hide my past from him was all.
 

Scott Pilgrim

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May 16, 2011
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ChuQue37 said:
Also, if you tell her, 10 to 1 odds she'll be excited/turned on by this. Hell, maybe you'll even get to pull another guy into the bedroom. Win/win, right? Maybe she'll open up and reveal that she's bi, too.

At that point, you're rollin' in bitches and life is great.
Awesome as this sounds in principle, I have a feeling I'd be really uncomfortable in any kind of threeway. I'm a fan of the whole commitment thing, weird as that may be

Anjel said:
Personal opinion based on the little information you gave: Are you sure you're bisexual and not just flattered?
What do you mean by flattered?
I've been joking about various guys being hot for as long as I can remember, but in the last couple of months I've come to realise that I meant that a little more seriously than I thought.
Ended up getting with a guy a couple of times, even went on a couple of dates with him. At the time I just wasn't ready to come out, but now I'm more certain about the whole thing

Once I'm in a relationship I'm committed/faithful and all that, presumably regardless of gender, so there's a fair chance my bi-ness may never actually come up. Y'know, if I really want to wuss out of the whole thing
 

Anjel

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Mar 28, 2011
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Scott Pilgrim said:
ChuQue37 said:
Also, if you tell her, 10 to 1 odds she'll be excited/turned on by this. Hell, maybe you'll even get to pull another guy into the bedroom. Win/win, right? Maybe she'll open up and reveal that she's bi, too.

At that point, you're rollin' in bitches and life is great.
Awesome as this sounds in principle, I have a feeling I'd be really uncomfortable in any kind of threeway. I'm a fan of the whole commitment thing, weird as that may be

Anjel said:
Personal opinion based on the little information you gave: Are you sure you're bisexual and not just flattered?
What do you mean by flattered?
I've been joking about various guys being hot for as long as I can remember, but in the last couple of months I've come to realise that I meant that a little more seriously than I thought.
Ended up getting with a guy a couple of times, even went on a couple of dates with him. At the time I just wasn't ready to come out, but now I'm more certain about the whole thing

Once I'm in a relationship I'm committed/faithful and all that, presumably regardless of gender, so there's a fair chance my bi-ness may never actually come up. Y'know, if I really want to wuss out of the whole thing
Flattered... like when a girl chats me up I appreciate that they appreciate me and can sometimes feel a little excited by it. If you're comfortable with it... tell her, and pray she is cool with it ;)
 

ddrfr33k

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Nov 11, 2010
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I recently started dating a girl, and she's quite the onion. (In the Shrek sense) Anyways, I'm slowly peeling back layers off of her shell, and I peeled off a big one yesterday. She was worried that it would be a deal breaker for us, but it's actually brought us closer. We all have our flaws. I suspect that if you told her, she'd see that as a sign that you trust her and she might open up more to you, too. There's always the possibility that this could backfire, in which case, she'd see it as a reason to break up with you. Then again, why would you want to stay committed to someone who doesn't return the favor?

Either way, Mr. Pilgrim, I wish you the best of luck.
 

The SettingSun

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Oct 4, 2010
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Depends, only tell her if you feel close enough. It could pull you closer together, personally i don't think she'll be that bothered by it. Yet again I don't know the girl. Once again, only tell her if you feel comfortable and you feel close enough to her.

Good Luck
 

Shycte

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Mar 10, 2009
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If it's a serious relationship you're in then Yes. It is relevant and I believe that in a loving relationship one must be able to talk about this.
 

BonsaiK

Music Industry Corporate Whore
Nov 14, 2007
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Scott Pilgrim said:
A couple of months back I discovered/realised that I'm kinda bisexual (basically, I pulled a guy. Twice.)

Now I've somehow managed to get a girlfriend, but I have no idea whether or not this is something I should tell her... I've been told you guys are good at advice here, so any suggestions?
Yeah, tell her. Only the most insecure of girlfriends would be upset or freaked out by it - and better she knows sooner rather than later, because she's gonna find out eventually.