Sick of these feelings.

[EeveeElectro]

Hullo Escapist!
I'm usually on hand to dispense advice whenever I can but today it's me that needs someone to turn to.

Basically, I'm harbouring some very intense feelings of hatred towards a couple of people and I can't stand it any more.
I don't WANT to hate them at all. It feels like there's a black mark on my heart because I just have these horrible feelings a lot of the time.
Most times I realise there's horrible people out there and I get over that pretty quickly. I don't care about the little bitchy ones.

They were a big part of my life and I actually regret my time with them.
I was hoping for some kind of sincere apology for the things what happened between us and how they treat me (I wasn't an angel and I'd apologise for what I did wrong too) but I'm not holding my breath because they're pretty terrible human beings and don't really care.

I've come to terms with that but I still get angry and upset over everything what happened and I don't understand.
I am happy, I have a wonderfully loving boyfriend and I haven't been this happy for a good year and a half. My last serious relationship which lasted 2 and a half years made me pretty badly ill towards the end of it because of what he turned into.
Now I'm safe and happy and with someone who loves me. I've even grown stronger as a person after the last couple of years but sometimes I feel so weak.

The thing is, I don't want to feel so much hatred. I don't like hoping they'll get hit by a bus. I want them to hurt, I want karma to fuck them up so badly. It's not like me at all to think so horrible and dark thoughts. I'm actually a really nice person most of the time.

I know some things are still bugging me. How long will it take to forget about it? I've tried getting into anime again to distract myself (But I have to wait until next month for more English Fairy Tail episodes -sob-) and that worked pretty well but when it comes to bed time and I'm trying to sleep I get pissed off about things.

(as a side note: A while ago I literally couldn't cope with these feelings and went to get some anti-depressants. It knocked me out for SIXTEEN hours and made me worse when I came round. I'm far too scared to try another brand D

What else can I do? Do I need to be slung in a padded cell for a while? I feel like no one else shares my feelings right now ;~;
Feel free to message me if you need any more details, I'm sure this sounds pretty stupid to some people.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

[Tiger King]

Time is a healer, unfortunately some things take longer to heal than others.
If you have a lot of anger inside, you need to burn it off somehow.
I often exercise when I'm angry, I'll keep pushing myself till I'm exhausted and too tired to care about the issue making me angry anymore.
The mind can be your worst enemy sometimes, if you think something over too much you can drive yourself wild. Do as much as possible to keep whatever is upsetting you off your mind, either that or talk to someone close and get it off your chest.

That's very admirable attitude you have to those you felt wronged you, I respect that a lot.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Time is a healer, unfortunately some things take longer to heal than others.
If you have a lot of anger inside, you need to burn it off somehow.
I often exercise when I'm angry, I'll keep pushing myself till I'm exhausted and too tired to care about the issue making me angry anymore.
The mind can be your worst enemy sometimes, if you think something over too much you can drive yourself wild. Do as much as possible to keep whatever is upsetting you off your mind, either that or talk to someone close and get it off your chest.

That's very admirable attitude you have to those you felt wronged you, I respect that a lot.

Thank you very much. I just want to let go because I can't be as happy as I should.
I actually have some things I could show one of their girlfriends that would probably break them up and I haven't yet despite wanting him to hurt as much as I did.
I suppose that's good, although I have to seriously fight the urge sometimes.

Exercise is a good option. I do go swimming, I should take up karate or invest in a punching bag xD

 

[Miyenne]

There's nothing wrong with wishing the worst on people. It's a totally normal thing to do, as much as people will deny that fact. Everyone imagines the people they hate dying in painful, graphic ways. Don't feel bad about it.

But to move on from it, I'll echo Carlsberg. Time. Time does heal all wounds. Not completely, but enough that you can function without thinking about it eventually.

As for me, if I ever run into the girl my ex was cheating on me with who pretended to be my friend just to make the break up all the worse for her own entertainment, meanwhile she didn't love him either and was leading him on too... Even though it's been eight years, oh the things I'd do to her.

 

[endnuen]

Take a deep breath and do a shrug?
You've obviously moved on in every sensible way, so either get your revenge and get it over with, or throw it away, live and let live.

Drawing it out surely won't help, be decisive and stick to whatever you choose.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Sometimes you never get over the feelings. There are quite a few people I'd like to beat to death if we were ever in a situation where I wouldn't ever get caught, but there's one person I want to stand infront of and scream at and shame until I'm hoarse. I want him to realise how awful he is and tell him he doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of happiness every again and I hope he loses everything he loves.

It's cathartic to play the scenario out in my head from time to time. Running into him and just letting loose in a public place and watching him shrink into this tiny little pathetic being while I explain to him everything he's ever done wrong and why he deserves to be miserable.

Not like that would happen in real life. But an imaginary dressing down and humiliation makes me feel a whole lot better.

In real life I'd probably walk up to him, slap him across the face, tell him I hate him, and walk away.

Captcha says 'mend fences' ... Fuck you, Captcha, I hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe.

 

[endnuen]

Sometimes you never get over the feelings. There are quite a few people I'd like to beat to death if we were ever in a situation where I wouldn't ever get caught, but there's one person I want to stand infront of and scream at and shame until I'm hoarse. I want him to realise how awful he is and tell him he doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of happiness every again and I hope he loses everything he loves.

It's cathartic to play the scenario out in my head from time to time. Running into him and just letting loose in a public place and watching him shrink into this tiny little pathetic being while I explain to him everything he's ever done wrong and why he deserves to be miserable.

Not like that would happen in real life. But an imaginary dressing down and humiliation makes me feel a whole lot better.

In real life I'd probably walk up to him, slap him across the face, tell him I hate him, and walk away.

Captcha says 'mend fences' ... Fuck you, Captcha, I hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe.

Does it enrich your life to have such hate dragging around?
Like all the energy spent being angry and hateful, isn't it exhausting?

 

[IndomitableSam]

Sometimes you never get over the feelings. There are quite a few people I'd like to beat to death if we were ever in a situation where I wouldn't ever get caught, but there's one person I want to stand infront of and scream at and shame until I'm hoarse. I want him to realise how awful he is and tell him he doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of happiness every again and I hope he loses everything he loves.

It's cathartic to play the scenario out in my head from time to time. Running into him and just letting loose in a public place and watching him shrink into this tiny little pathetic being while I explain to him everything he's ever done wrong and why he deserves to be miserable.

Not like that would happen in real life. But an imaginary dressing down and humiliation makes me feel a whole lot better.

In real life I'd probably walk up to him, slap him across the face, tell him I hate him, and walk away.

Captcha says 'mend fences' ... Fuck you, Captcha, I hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe.

Does it enrich your life to have such hate dragging around?
Like all the energy spent being angry and hateful, isn't it exhausting?

It's not always there - like I said, I imagine a scenario where I can let it all out and it helps. A lot. Until something reminds me of them again and I get angry again, so then I usually imagine everything I'd say to them and the catharsis helps.

Some things you never get over, but they're never first and foremost in my mind. They're there, they flare up now and again, and I think about how I'd handle the situation and then forget about it again.

It doesn't happen all the time. Everybody sits back and imagines how they'd deal with a situation if it arose. Hell, I like to daydream that my neighbours get evicted because they're incredibly loud and don't clean up after their dog.

I also like to daydream that I cross paths with Chris Hemsworth and he throws himself at me.

It's how I deal.

 

[Griffolion]

Well I can only tell you what I think, and you can take it or leave it.

Holding what you're holding in your heart towards them is like taking a cup of poison and expecting them to die from it.

Recognising that you don't want to hate them, and that you want to be free of this actually makes you far closer to recovery than you think you are. It's good your life has moved on, and that you've found safety and happiness. I encourage you to always keep in mind that you've come a long way and things are always moving forward.

As far as this goes, have you tried writing a letter? I don't mean one to literally post (unless you want to), but essentially type out everything they did to you, how it made you feel, and then explicitly tell them you forgive them for it? This method allows you to formally get everything out, down on the record. And you can then choose to do what you want with it. The catharsis from it can be tangibly beneficial.

You indicate that they don't seem to care, and that a chance of an apology is slim. Intuition would tell us that this is reason to hold a grudge and only wish them ill, but really it's the best reason to let it go. They're free and clear (in their own conscience, or lack thereof) of any of this, you're left in the mire. It makes no sense to stay there simply because they aren't.

You may think forgiving them is doing them a favour, it isn't. Again, you've indicated they don't care. I'm advising this for the sake of you. From one internet stranger to another, I don't want to see you burdened by this.

 

[Jux]

Best revenge is living well. Cliche, I know, but it's also true. I was in a position for a long time where I had some unforgettable hatred for a few people. I still hate them today, but I just don't think about them. I came to the realization I have my own life to live, and I'm not going to let them rob me of time and happiness that would be wasted thinking about them.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Sometimes you never get over the feelings. There are quite a few people I'd like to beat to death if we were ever in a situation where I wouldn't ever get caught, but there's one person I want to stand infront of and scream at and shame until I'm hoarse. I want him to realise how awful he is and tell him he doesn't deserve even the slightest bit of happiness every again and I hope he loses everything he loves.

That's scarily similar to how I think. I'm relieved, I was worried I need to be sectioned.

I don't spend every waking minute thinking of it. Maybe a small amount of time a day but enough for it to bug me, even more so when I know they don't care at all.

Well I can only tell you what I think, and you can take it or leave it.

Holding what you're holding in your heart towards them is like taking a cup of poison and expecting them to die from it.

Recognising that you don't want to hate them, and that you want to be free of this actually makes you far closer to recovery than you think you are. It's good your life has moved on, and that you've found safety and happiness. I encourage you to always keep in mind that you've come a long way and things are always moving forward.

As far as this goes, have you tried writing a letter? I don't mean one to literally post (unless you want to), but essentially type out everything they did to you, how it made you feel, and then explicitly tell them you forgive them for it? This method allows you to formally get everything out, down on the record. And you can then choose to do what you want with it. The catharsis from it can be tangibly beneficial.

You indicate that they don't seem to care, and that a chance of an apology is slim. Intuition would tell us that this is reason to hold a grudge and only wish them ill, but really it's the best reason to let it go. They're free and clear (in their own conscience, or lack thereof) of any of this, you're left in the mire. It makes no sense to stay there simply because they aren't.

You may think forgiving them is doing them a favour, it isn't. Again, you've indicated they don't care. I'm advising this for the sake of you. From one internet stranger to another, I don't want to see you burdened by this.

I've wrote something and it did help a bit. I know I just need time and hopefully I'll be okay in the end.
At least I can still feel. One of the people in question is a heartless emotionless twat and he can't keep girlfriends happy because of it.

Thanks everyone for your advice, it really helped.

 

[Beat14]

Any way to use that hatred to get on and do other things?

It's been awhile since I've wanted to hate others but when I do I try use it as fuel that makes me more proactive. Guessing now would be a good time to dig out a quote about bottled hate rotting people from the inside. I don't know how insidious your hatred is, regardless hope it's easily diffused.

Like other have said, maybe try a martial art. Personally I got more enjoyment out of the rhythm aspect of boxing than sticking a face on a punch bag. Surely that makes you think about your hate all the more? Don't see the point imagining the source of your hatred in something you could be enjoying. Can still use it as a fuel without concentrating on it so narrow mindedly.

Ramble is all I'm capable of in this section of the forum, hope part of it helped.

 

[Albino Boo]

The word violence/violent comes from the Latin life force, or so I believe.

Sorry to disappoint you but the latin for violence is violentus and the stem is viol (violence, violation)
whereas the latin for life is vita with the stem vit (vital, vitamin). They are not related

 

[Beat14]

The word violence/violent comes from the Latin life force, or so I believe.

Sorry to disappoint you but the latin for violence is violentus and the stem is viol (violence, violation)
whereas the latin for life is vita with the stem vit (vital, vitamin). They are not related

Oh that is a disappointment, I took that from something Hubert Selby Jr wrote as an afterword to Last Exit to Brooklyn.

"I recently found out that the word "violent" comes from a Latin word that means Life Force"

Going off of google and what you said it appears so very wrong

 

[EeveeElectro]

Any way to use that hatred to get on and do other things?

It's been awhile since I've wanted to hate others but when I do I try use it as fuel that makes me more proactive. Guessing now would be a good time to dig out a quote about bottled hate rotting people from the inside. I don't know how insidious your hatred is, regardless hope it's easily diffused.

Like other have said, maybe try a martial art. Personally I got more enjoyment out of the rhythm aspect of boxing than sticking a face on a punch bag. Surely that makes you think about your hate all the more? Don't see the point imagining the source of your hatred in something you could be enjoying. Can still use it as a fuel without concentrating on it so narrow mindedly.

Ramble is all I'm capable of in this section of the forum, hope part of it helped.

I've heard people who have taken their anger and turned it into motivation to do something like art or exercise. I'm struggling on how to do that, although I find the faster I swim the less angry I feel so I suppose I'm getting there.
One of the guys I'm remaining civil with because I took in one of his cats and I tell him how she's doing.
The other one I just want him to suffer for not even apologising for everything he did to me. I want to destroy his nice guy reputation on here mostly but I know that will gain me nothing in the long run.

I don't think it's fair that people can get away with being so horrible. That's life I suppose? I'm trying to stay positive and hope karma will get them but I'm not holding out much hope.

I know I just need time. Hopefully it won't take too long, life is already looking up which I'm grateful for.

 

[Albino Boo]

Oh that is a disappointment, I took that from something Hubert Selby Jr wrote as an afterword to Last Exit to Brooklyn.

"I recently found out that the word "violent" comes from a Latin word that means Life Force"

Going off of google and what you said it appears so very wrong

Authors are allowed poetic license and the quote, having read the book, does reinforce his world view. It's always worth remembering writers of fiction are prone to warping the mundane reality to suit their own dramatic purpose.

 

[Beat14]

I've heard people who have taken their anger and turned it into motivation to do something like art or exercise. I'm struggling on how to do that, although I find the faster I swim the less angry I feel so I suppose I'm getting there.
One of the guys I'm remaining civil with because I took in one of his cats and I tell him how she's doing.
The other one I just want him to suffer for not even apologising for everything he did to me. I want to destroy his nice guy reputation on here mostly but I know that will gain me nothing in the long run.

I don't think it's fair that people can get away with being so horrible. That's life I suppose? I'm trying to stay positive and hope karma will get them but I'm not holding out much hope.

I know I just need time. Hopefully it won't take too long, life is already looking up which I'm grateful for.

Good to hear for the most part. You seem to have a good outlook, guess that's half the battle of letting time do the healing. Hope it goes well.