Silly Childhood Beliefs
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THIS IS NOT SILLY DAMMIT. I WILL HAVE THE GREEN RANGER'S POWERCOIN.geK0 said:
*ahem*
OT: For some reason, I believed zordon was coming alive out of one of my coloring books as a child, and it scared the fuck out of me, so I beat it with the top side of a broom 20 times then I threw it in the fire. No idea why the hell I believed that, but it happened.
I believed that when I dreamed something about myself, it really happened while I was sleeping (I sleepwalk/talk 10x more than anyone I've ever met, so it seemed logical to me, which is why I believed so many weird things like I that I could fly, monsters were real,etc..)
I believed the moon was a giant ball of cheese covered in flour. I used to watch my grandma cook and she would have a TON of flour in the cabinets, and she would get the flour all spread out across the countertop and it looked like moon dust to me, so I figured that we shipped spaceship loads of flour from the moon to earth.
I believed animals could understand us speak just fine, and they would respond but it would just come out very dyslexic so I couldn't understand it.
I remember reading books about the warm/magma center of the earth, so I literally thought hell was in the center of the earth which is why we buried the dead underground. (I wasn't too optimistic on people getting into heaven at the time.)
mm that's all I can think of off the top of my head...
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When I was a kid I thought that tornados came from space. They just sorta flew down, wrecked shit, and then vanished.
Even earlier than that, evidently a childhood game I place once (ONCE) was to attempt to dig a hole straight down to Hell. Because Hell is apparently a fun place for kids. I must have been fucking bonkers. Anyway, I accidentally shoveled a scoop of dirt right into my eyeball and cried. I legitimately blamed Satan for a while.
Even earlier than that, evidently a childhood game I place once (ONCE) was to attempt to dig a hole straight down to Hell. Because Hell is apparently a fun place for kids. I must have been fucking bonkers. Anyway, I accidentally shoveled a scoop of dirt right into my eyeball and cried. I legitimately blamed Satan for a while.
Up until a point way too far into my life to admit, I thought black markets were actual physical places in every city, and was completely baffled as to why they could continue to operate if they were both so wildly illegal and so widely known.
Then, having boatloads of free time and an over-active imagination, I proceeded to "invent" that which basically amounts to how this stuff actually works in the real world.
Once I found out about it, I sat still for minutes on end trying to figure out whether or not this means I'm a criminal mastermind, or criminally stupid.
I also thought that when people died in TV or Movies, the actor would actually die (this led to the conclusion that Sean Bean is a cat. Seriously).
I thought that when males turned 18, thus becoming legally adults, they would "grow" a suit, since kids didn't tend to wear them.
I also thought that the titles associated with parenthood would be passed on. Meaning a mother would only be a "mother" as long as her daughter gave birth, at which point the daughter would be the "mother", and the mother would cease being the "mother".
I had no grasp of time-zones or climate regions, so if it was 12:00 am where I was then it must be 12:00 am everywhere. Same with weather phenomenon. Because of this, the first time I flew from europe to australia, I was convinced we traveled through time.
Then, having boatloads of free time and an over-active imagination, I proceeded to "invent" that which basically amounts to how this stuff actually works in the real world.
Once I found out about it, I sat still for minutes on end trying to figure out whether or not this means I'm a criminal mastermind, or criminally stupid.
I also thought that when people died in TV or Movies, the actor would actually die (this led to the conclusion that Sean Bean is a cat. Seriously).
I thought that when males turned 18, thus becoming legally adults, they would "grow" a suit, since kids didn't tend to wear them.
I also thought that the titles associated with parenthood would be passed on. Meaning a mother would only be a "mother" as long as her daughter gave birth, at which point the daughter would be the "mother", and the mother would cease being the "mother".
I had no grasp of time-zones or climate regions, so if it was 12:00 am where I was then it must be 12:00 am everywhere. Same with weather phenomenon. Because of this, the first time I flew from europe to australia, I was convinced we traveled through time.
When I was a kid I thought priests had powers, like shooting lightning bolts out of their hands. I thought that because I figured there had to be SOMETHING to convince to become a priest.
Ha, I actually heard from some dumb girls at my elementary school that you could either be born from your mom or your dad. I decided for myself that I was born from my dad because I thought he was cooler.T0ad 0f Truth said:
I also heard from the neighbor kid that there was such a thing as sand dollars, and they appeared in the lake in our backyards but only at night. I was determined that night to stay up, rake in the jack, and be super rich. My parents were alright with it, but then cockblocked me when it was actually getting dark like I told them, and I decided they were dumb, jealous, short-sighted bedtime nazi haters that didn't want me to be rich if it meant I didn't do what they said.
I use to think all TV was a record of actual event, even cartoons. Cartoons took place in another world that we filmed on like I don't know the moon or something and that if I went there I would become a cartoon. I also thought seeing the same actors were actually just twins/triplets/quadruplets.
Before I understood aging I thought that eventually me and my mother would change bodies and that we could change back and forth. Duh.
I thought the blue sky was a ceiling because space is black and we had to break through the blue ceiling to get there.
When I first saw a bit of the Truman Show I thought that happened for everyone. So, I thought people in other countries would watch me and people in TVs were in other countries.
I thought that video game characters lived in the N64 cartridges and I had to help them. I also made up conversations between them and enemies and thought they projected thoughts in my brain. I also thought the physical lines on the globe separating states and countries physically existed in reality
And sadly until about 5 minutes ago I thought that women peed out of their vaginas.
Before I understood aging I thought that eventually me and my mother would change bodies and that we could change back and forth. Duh.
I thought the blue sky was a ceiling because space is black and we had to break through the blue ceiling to get there.
When I first saw a bit of the Truman Show I thought that happened for everyone. So, I thought people in other countries would watch me and people in TVs were in other countries.
I thought that video game characters lived in the N64 cartridges and I had to help them. I also made up conversations between them and enemies and thought they projected thoughts in my brain. I also thought the physical lines on the globe separating states and countries physically existed in reality
And sadly until about 5 minutes ago I thought that women peed out of their vaginas.
I remember quite clearly one time when a much younger me came to the "brilliant" conclusion that all people "thought" in English and for whatever reason chose to translate into other languages. Not that they simply refused to speak in English, but they were physically incapable of forming the sounds. They HAD to perform superfluous conversion for...reasons. It was weird. Thing is, I remember that event fairly clearly and recall (with a smile on my face now) just how proud I was of my impeccable deductive skills.
When I was around five somehow heard about cops pulling people over and I immediately imagined cops ripping cars from the road with their bare hands. In disbelief of my own imagination I asked my mom if cops were really powerful enough to pull people over while they were driving she scrunched her face in confusion and said yes. It cemented in my mind until I was ten that police were given super human powers. It didn't help that both mom and dad were counter culture and had a general distrust avoidance policy regarding authority.
When I was ~12, I had the Christian concept of heaven and morality explained to me 'fully'. But it didn't make sense to me. So this is what I came up with instead:
When you die, you get one ticket. That ticket lets you get past the 'pearly gates' and into heaven. But the catch is that you can't use the ticket for yourself. So you have to pick someone to give your spot in heaven to. That is, you have to decide the one person that you love above all others. The one person who, despite their flaws, you couldn't imagine anyone that was more important to you. Since that was the requirement, tickets could be 'wasted' if more than one was given to the same person. Most of the people who never received a ticket just sat outside of heaven and did a whole lot of nothing. A special few were sent to hell. But these weren't people who sinned persey. The people who went to hell were simply the complete undesirables. The ones that nobody could bring themselves to love, or care for, regardless of how they behaved as a person. Of course, now I don't believe in an afterlife at all. Not sure which is better.
When you die, you get one ticket. That ticket lets you get past the 'pearly gates' and into heaven. But the catch is that you can't use the ticket for yourself. So you have to pick someone to give your spot in heaven to. That is, you have to decide the one person that you love above all others. The one person who, despite their flaws, you couldn't imagine anyone that was more important to you. Since that was the requirement, tickets could be 'wasted' if more than one was given to the same person. Most of the people who never received a ticket just sat outside of heaven and did a whole lot of nothing. A special few were sent to hell. But these weren't people who sinned persey. The people who went to hell were simply the complete undesirables. The ones that nobody could bring themselves to love, or care for, regardless of how they behaved as a person. Of course, now I don't believe in an afterlife at all. Not sure which is better.
I believed that too, if it makes you feel any better. I remember the day care supervisor getting really confused when I suggested that was the case in response to some question that she asked (Don't remember what it was)conmag9 said:
On that religious note; when I was a kid, we never ever went to church or prayed, or did anything religious, or took any stance at all, we just never cared about any of that, we were probably godless heathens by some standards.
When told about god, I thought man, that seems to make some sense, and then one day when we actually visited a church because my cousin got baptized or something, imagine my surprise when I found out that it wasn't mostly about god, but they kept droning on about some jagoff named Jesus, and I thought that seemed weird and could have just been made up. So I thought that for the longest time until somebody bothered to explain the son of god thing and blahblahblah, bob's your uncle, and now I'm agnostic. I don't know anything more for sure than I did then.
[sub]I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying[/sub]
When told about god, I thought man, that seems to make some sense, and then one day when we actually visited a church because my cousin got baptized or something, imagine my surprise when I found out that it wasn't mostly about god, but they kept droning on about some jagoff named Jesus, and I thought that seemed weird and could have just been made up. So I thought that for the longest time until somebody bothered to explain the son of god thing and blahblahblah, bob's your uncle, and now I'm agnostic. I don't know anything more for sure than I did then.
[sub]I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying[/sub]
I assumed radios worked by breaking the barrier between this ethereal realm and the next, tampering with the very nature of the despotic cosmos.
So when someone explained it to me, I was all like "wut? my hole 4 year old lief iz a lie".
On a similar note, I believed the great God up in the sky had an afro. Don't ask about this one, I don't get it either.I lived in a household that jumped between Christian, Agnostic, and Jewish depending on how my mother's mid-life crisis was going, so until I was 16, my view of religion was like a patchwork merging of warped ideas and stories about bloody battles and incest. Man, the Bible is a fucked-up book.
So when someone explained it to me, I was all like "wut? my hole 4 year old lief iz a lie".
On a similar note, I believed the great God up in the sky had an afro. Don't ask about this one, I don't get it either.I lived in a household that jumped between Christian, Agnostic, and Jewish depending on how my mother's mid-life crisis was going, so until I was 16, my view of religion was like a patchwork merging of warped ideas and stories about bloody battles and incest. Man, the Bible is a fucked-up book.
I remember attaching a towel to my collar and swinging fast and jumping off.
I wanted so desperately to be Superman, and I believed.
Or when my parents made a few mentions of stuff disappearing and reappearing and how they thought we might have a poltergeist.
(Example, apparently: they start talking about moving house and some wine bottles go missing, they realise it's not financially viable and the wine reappears.)
I spent the next few months trying to be as still as possible in my bed at night in case the fucking poltergeist was in my room.
Kids are impressionable.
That's all I can remember that's distinct.
I wanted so desperately to be Superman, and I believed.
Or when my parents made a few mentions of stuff disappearing and reappearing and how they thought we might have a poltergeist.
(Example, apparently: they start talking about moving house and some wine bottles go missing, they realise it's not financially viable and the wine reappears.)
I spent the next few months trying to be as still as possible in my bed at night in case the fucking poltergeist was in my room.
Kids are impressionable.
That's all I can remember that's distinct.
Here's one that's timely. You know that Christmas carol, "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"?
I always thought the angel's name was Harold.
I always thought the angel's name was Harold.
I used to think "Diet" was a flavor of soda like cherry or vanilla. A flavor I prefer over the regular soda. I thought this for longer than I care to admit, long after I knew what calories and diets were. I didn't learn the truth until a friend gave me crap for getting a Diet Coke with the typical "What are you watching your weight" which confused me and led to a long overdue realization that diet soda had zero calories.
A friend of mine thought shampoo was only for women. He had been using bar soup on his hair for his whole life. He only learned his mistake in High School when group showers were a thing and someone asked him for shampoo and he thought they were joking.
A friend of mine thought shampoo was only for women. He had been using bar soup on his hair for his whole life. He only learned his mistake in High School when group showers were a thing and someone asked him for shampoo and he thought they were joking.