Silly Insecurities

[HoneyVision]

Without sounding like an utter asshole, I do appreciate myself a little more after reading this thread.

I'm extremely insecure about my appearance. Not just physically but also racially. I live in a Western country but I'm of middle eastern decent and I feel like I'm inferior in my looks because I'm not white. People here haven't completely accepted outsiders just yet, even though we're probably the most peaceful country on the planet. I don't necessarily feel ugly, I think my face is relatively nice to look at, but I'm very underweight and I'm much hairier than most guys which means I never show skin below my neck. I'm just very insecure about looking too 'gross'. But I do have confidence. I dress great, I'm an excellent speaker, I'm a great flirter and I can talk about anything with anyone without rambling.
But for me it's not so much about attracting a partner, I've never felt the need for one and I do much better on my own. It's more just wanting to be good looking and desirable, even if I don't necessarily want to be with anyone.

 

[grey_space]

I feel unlovable.

I'm smart, funny, artistically talented, stable, gainfully employed, low maintenance, and financially secure (meaning if I lost my job tomorrow I could take the summer off before looking for work, a year if I cashed in my IRA.) I'd like to think I would be understanding, patient, and supportive, but I've never been able to test that because:

Unfortunately I also suck at conversation, don't have a prestigious job or lots of money, and my body resembles an eclair. Consequently, women don't say yes to me. It just isn't something that happens.

I got tired of asking a long time ago. I've been turned down, put down, stood up, lied to, lied about, and made into the butt of a number of extremely unfunny practical jokes -- but affection? Companionship? Not so much. I can't help thinking I'll die without ever once being loved. There is more to life, obviously, but I see how happy it seems to make people. I feel left out, unworthy.

Of course, this feeds on itself. Women can smell confidence a mile away, which means they can also smell poor self-esteem. Being alone becomes a self-perpetuating situation.

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but if you're going to respond to this, please don't use trite little nothings like "oh don't be silly, of course you're worthy" or "there's someone for everyone." I've heard them all. I find them insulting. Put some thought in or don't say anything. Thank you.

I felt almost exactly the same as you when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. I really upset a female acquaintance of mine once when I told her that I felt that I would never ever find a girl and that I was pretty ok about it. She tried the 'it's ok you'll find someone someday' bullshit and I laughed in her face.

Some of the girls in my school were...horrifying in their treatment of me. One used to stick chewing gum in my hair on a regular basis and another cellotaped a used tampon to my jacket when I was on my way to class. To the hilarity of my classmates. I was a pretty pudgy kid and was never good at dressing or looking very well.

I'm not giving you advice because you are not me.

But I left my hometown after getting some money when school finished up and I travelled. Walked the earth like Kane in Kung Fu. (but less martial-arts and more fat-young-guy-getting-into-awkward-situations-in-foreign-places)

I lived and worked abroad. Came home and went to college. My romantic situation suddenly...changed.

Because I had.

If you have money, you can change your situation and yourself.

But its kinda up to you.



OT; I'm still that fat insecure geeky guy in class that gets bullied by everyone in my own head sometimes.

 

[Mr.Squishy]

It depends on the day, but right now I'm a ball of neuroses and insecurities. Well, that's exaggerating, I have gotten much less insecure as the years have gone by, but I feel inadequate and friendless a lot of the time, and by extension kinda lonely, and don't even get me started on my academic or creative performance. I *loathe* my own work and can never seem to find it in me to like it. And I feel like a dumb shit compared to everyone else at uni.
Captcha: what if?
Yeah, that seems to encapsulate it pretty well.

 

[Johnny Impact]

I feel unlovable etc

I felt almost exactly the same as you when I was a teenager and in my early twenties etc

That is hands down the best response I've ever gotten upon explaining my situation. You have cheered me immensely, not kidding. Thank you!