So... I just found out my brother is gay.

[FuzzyRaccoon]

I can't really tell you why he has kept it secret, it's very individual and people need to take it as they feel comfortable.

As a gay guy I havn't really gotten into that role, but I can tell you the different reactions I've gotten:

Most needed to get over the initial shock, as I'm not what you would call flaming, but after that it's either "Am I handsome?", "Then you could help me do my shopping!", "I know another, you should hook up", "It's ok, as long as you don't hit on me", "Yea right" or they just say they're cool, and awkwardly change the subject.

I have no idea how my brother will react, but I havn't told him or my family anything since I feel like I'm stuck with them, and I don't really talk much with my parents other than practical things.. On other people I have this attitude "If they don't like it, then they're not my type of people", but that doesn't really work on family.

Sometimes it has to. I recently realized that my family members are shitty members who I don't need support from. I'm not saying it's going to happen to you, but regardless of if they're related to you by blood, it's nice to have someone to support you. At the same time, I can't pretend to really advise on the subject. I'm not gay, I reaaaaaally like guys. I just wanted to say you know, family is who you make it. You don't have to take it from them if they take it badly. In that case, they equally don't deserve to hang out with you.
:3.

 

[Homo Carnivorous]

one of my mates went from being rather rough around the edges to become a feminine gay. The transformation was slow but I will never forget the conversation in which he broke the news. He invited me down to our local oasis and after some usualy casual pleasantries this dropped:

"So, I have gotten a new lover"

"well thats great"

"hot as hell"

"ye?"

"at first I thought he wasnt my type, I mean IM not like that right, but man I am so in love"

"well thats great how is sh....wait....what?"

"..,well his name is Kurt and I think we will be moving in together soon"

"..."

It didnt change anything other than my mate became more of a girl friend as time went by. I dont really mind, I actually think I like him better like that. He used to be so stuck up all the time.

 

[FuzzyRaccoon]

Oh also. I had a case of this. I'm a girl, but I've got this broish relationship with a friend of mine. Out of all his college friends, he came out to me first. Prolly because he knew I'd be fine with it. But I ROYALLY cocked it up at first. I was so surprised that he actually admitted it and that he had a boyfriend that he wanted me to meet very soonish that I sort of said something lame, laughed nervously and QUICKLY changed the subject. I fixed it later, but maaaan, we still laugh over how terribly I responded, even though he knew I didn't mean anything bad by it and promptly forgot about just how bad my response was.

 

[CrashBang]

I have a lot of gay friends (I'm a drama student) and some of them kept their gayness a secret for a long time and others never tried to hide it. It depends on where and how they grow up, the kind of family and friends they have etc. My one mate told his sister and then told me, even before he told his parents. I was touched. He then reassured me that he'd never try to sleep with me... like I ever thought he would...

One of my friends in drama came out as gay to his dad (who is a psycho religious nut job). His dad kicked him out unless he would go to a "Gay Cure" camp. My friend flipped him off, left with his boyfriend, came back three days later when his dad wasn't home, and they fucked on his dad's bed. Hasn't gone back since.

I thought it was funny as hell.

That's one of the best stories I've ever head. Your mate massively wins!

 

[Mikeyfell]

Today I was talking to one of my younger brothers and the topic of relationships came up, and after him mocking my non-existent love life, we started talking about his. He's always been fairly neutral when it comes to sex, so I've never really given much thought about it but when I asked him if he had a girlfriend, he instead told me that he was, in fact gay. Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret, perhaps some of the homosexual users of the Escapist can give me some insight on that.

For discussion, have you ever had an experience like this, how did you react?

He kept it secrete? You asked, he told you. he's a really bad secret keeper.

I have had a similar experience. A friend of mine is gay (lesbian to be precise). I thought she was joking when she said it but later I was like "Oh...awwww."

But it just came up naturally in conversation and I realized that I don't go around introducing my self like "Greetings madam, I am strait. Allow me to motorboat your titties in order to demonstrate confidence in my sexual orientation." although that would be funny. If I ever do that I'll make sure to record it for Youtube. There's no reason people should go around advertising their sexual orientations

 

[tehweave]

My cousin is a bookworm, and she's going to medical school in Chicago. I've known her pretty much my entire life, but not once have I ever seen her with a boyfriend or have I ever heard of her being in a relationship. Now, she could just be asexual, but she has a 'best friend' that she does everything with, including sharing a dorm while in college, and they're both going to the same medical school.

It could just be a coincidence, but I've long suspected her of being gay. It wouldn't bother me, nor would it bother my/her family. (We're all very progressive.) But maybe boyfriends/sex is just something she doesn't want to talk about.

 

[Cap'n Ninja]

Well my brother didn't really come out out to myself and oldest brother as such, more that just whenever my oldest brother made gay jokes about my other brother, he said "And? So what?" and it just became a fact over time "Yep, he's gay. He's also kind of a prat"

Not sure if thats qualification for being gay on its own thats just sort of taking the piss since no one really knows how to respond to that

Yeah, it isn't necessarily that that made him gay, it's just the first concrete thing I can lay my finger on. Like I said, it just became a fact over time, there wasn't a "Oh my goodness, he's gay" moment, it's just a fact about him.
Unless you're saying he might not be gay and I might be assuming too much. I don't think so though, considering I set him up with a guy a few months back. They've broken up since, but his sexuality isn't in question.

 

[thedeathscythe]

One of the members of our group of friends came out to us. We all suspected he was gay, and he started hanging out with this guy and eventually he told us they were dating and we were like "Cool, we kinda knew, hey, did anyone get that map pack?" (we pretty much shrugged it off). He's now much more comfortable around all of us, not that he was uncomfortable, but we could all tell a big difference in how he was when he just hung out with us after he came out to all of us. So to me, that was awesome because I'm glad he felt close enough to us to do that.

 

[wolas3214]

well being bisexual myself it obviously doesnt bother me much. nobody ahs ever really 'come out" to me beforehadn but i do get hit on alot.

 

[tigermilk]

it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret

It may not have been not telling you that was difficult for him but coming to terms with it himself. I think your reaction is really cool (not having a problem with it) but remember before he told you he had to tell himself.

 

[tigermilk]

about as much a surprise as if Snoop Dogg were to announce that he is, in fact, black.

Whaaattt Snoop Dogg is black, Wow... No wait I am thinking of Snoopy

 

[Dango]

Yes. The one time I ever hung out with a certain boy in my grade, he told me and a couple friends he's bi. One of my friends (who knew him better than me) said "That doesn't change how I think of you at all," and my other friend agreed, while I just kind of sat there, which in retrospect probably made him feel pretty awkward and wasn't a very smart thing to do. It doesn't help that I never hung out with him again.

 

[eggmiester]

Well, I am not out to my own brother, despite how close we are. It is mainly because we are so close that it scares me to tell him. I doubt he has no idea though, but still.

corny as it sounds, if your bro really loves ya as much as you say he does, it shouldn't matter to him: he'll still love ya.

as for myself,i've came out ( as bi, probly not the same, but...) to my mam and dad, my two best friends, and my cousin. they haven't burned me at the stake yet, so i reckon they're ok with it.

also, again, even though this is incredibly clichéd: " be yourself, and speak your mind: because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind".

 

[Sarpedon]

I have absolutely no problem with gay people. I have friends who came out to me and I took it in stride. In these days and times it's nothing strange, and I feel the world just needs to suck it up and adapt. They're here, they're queer, get used to it, I say.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Personally, it doesn't bother me so much that he is gay, more that he felt that he needed to keep it a secret, perhaps some of the homosexual users of the Escapist can give me some insight on that.

Coming out is one of the more interesting things a gay person will probably end up doing in their lives.

The thing is that when you pop out of the womb everyone mostly just assumes you're straight, and you aren't really in a position to correct them until you're quite a bit older. By that time they've had years of thinking of you as a little straight boy or girl (or rather, not even thinking about it at all) and then.. it can change a lot of things about your relationship with someone. It's not always easy.

For me, telling my mother was the hardest, because it was obvious she'd always had this fantasy that I'd grow up and find a lovely woman and give her lots of grandkids, and I guess that might still happen, but the mere thought that I might end up in an infertile relationship with a man for the rest of my life destroyed her in a lot of ways.. I had to come out to her about 3 times in total because she kept pretending it hadn't happened, and even then it took a couple of years before she acknowledged it. She's a bit better now, in fact I'm going to introduce her to my boyfriend soon, but it was a real wedge in our relationship for a while.

 

[eggmiester]

A friend of mine came out to me when we were younger, I was a bit shocked, mainly because he'd always been a bit of a ladies man. I just stood there for about 30 seconds, and he got really really defensive, until I told him to shut his gob and give me a few seconds to get accustomed to the new reality, then I called him a poof and hugged him.

We're still fairly close.

I think the problem is when people drop huge news on you, they've worked themselves up into a lather about everything that can go wrong, that if you take a few seconds to answer they assume the worst and make a pre-emptive strike, when all they need to do is hold on for a few seconds to see how others will react. I know a few mates have had their GFs/Wives get really stroppy when they've told the guys about pregnancies, the women have had days/weeks to get use to the idea, the guys need a few moments to adjust, rather then being lambasted for not being on the same page right away.

agreed. my dad told me a similar story: he went to visit his mam and dad one year, and met an old friend in the pub. when his friend went to the bathroom, a few lads sitting nearby told him his friend was gay( in a really offensive way, i might add.). my dad was really surprised: he'd known his friend his whole life, and never suspected he was gay. when his friend came back, he saw dad's expression, assumed the worst, and got up to leave.

my dad grabbed him, gave him a hug, and told him it didn't make a difference. and they stayed at the pub all night and got SMASHED! they're still friends to this day.

i know a few situations in my own life where i was really worked up about telling someone something, and when they didn't respond straight away, i panicked. it's all good now, though.

 

[TehCookie]

Well at least he told you, my brother was giving oral to another guy and my mom walked in on him and called the rest of the family over to laugh at him. Then he said he didn't like the taste of cock and went back to being straight. He still doesn't know how to lock doors or do his business when everyone isn't home. The last thing I want to see when I wake up to take a piss in the middle of the night is him chasing some girl down the hall naked.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Just in case any really cares, my brother has now come out to the rest of my brothers (I was the second to last to know) and my mom. I don't know how he plans on telling my dad, that could be unpleasant for him, but if he needs me I'm more than happy to be there to help him through it. I still shudder to think how my dads family will take it...

Also anyone who thought it was in poor taste for me to make this thread about my brother who was keeping his homosexuality a secret, he actually told me I should, he even commented on it back on page two, so he was fine with it.

 

[bluewolf]

I don't understand why people bellieve that there is a gay cure still. this is the 21st century!