Hmm, I sincerely hope that isn't the case. I was given fairly explicit instructions about where to post my writing, so if it lands me in any trouble I shall be quite miffed to say the least.Jewrean said:
So i started writing...
- Thread starter The_Blue_Rider
- Start date
Recommended Videos
Hmmm The Great One sounds a little cheesy... But besides that its was pritty good. If this is the first time you have tried to seriously write something then its not bad at all 
But you can only get better with practice so keep it up!
But you can only get better with practice so keep it up!
The tone that is given off at the start is good, but there's a lot of repetition throughout the story. Vary your words (something that's hard for me), like when you use "making it seem" twice; try to use that only once, and merge the two together.
Try to leave some space between events--you don't want to rush things, because that's when your ideas might run out, and you find out that parts of your story are too short when they can be expanded on.
I liked the_root_of_all_evil's advice and his criticism, too.
There's not much else I can say, but the writing is good, and so is the style. Just keep writing and editing. Show some friends, show us, ask for advice from a lit. teacher. All criticism is good and can only help you improve (unless of course it's some to discourage you or pointlessly rip on your writing).
Try to leave some space between events--you don't want to rush things, because that's when your ideas might run out, and you find out that parts of your story are too short when they can be expanded on.
I liked the_root_of_all_evil's advice and his criticism, too.
There's not much else I can say, but the writing is good, and so is the style. Just keep writing and editing. Show some friends, show us, ask for advice from a lit. teacher. All criticism is good and can only help you improve (unless of course it's some to discourage you or pointlessly rip on your writing).
I'll freely admit I'm quite new to the Escapist as far as actual participation goes, so I appreciate all the advice I can get. So thanks very much!RAKtheUndead said:
Having said that, we should probably get back on topic.
Prologue's a bit short, but i'm loving the detail you put in there. Really lets me imagine the scene you're portraying.
In a dark cathedral, high upon a hilltop, a woman's cries were lost in the torrent of rain and thunder. I like this line, but Cathedral is a little odd. Small Church maybe?
The midwives and the doctors did all they could to help, but the woman knew her time was coming. With a final push she delivered the child into the world, and with her dying breath whispered Expand on this, describe the inside of the Cathedral, the woman giving birth, the doctors and midwives, the lighting in the room even. Paint me a word picture
"Go forth, my son, Gariah..." This line is lame, its not something id expect a mother to say either.
And with a final flash of lightning, the woman was no more. I like this line, but you should describe her final breaths in more detail.
Still, I really want to read more
Sorry if i come across as a prick.
In a dark cathedral, high upon a hilltop, a woman's cries were lost in the torrent of rain and thunder. I like this line, but Cathedral is a little odd. Small Church maybe?
The midwives and the doctors did all they could to help, but the woman knew her time was coming. With a final push she delivered the child into the world, and with her dying breath whispered Expand on this, describe the inside of the Cathedral, the woman giving birth, the doctors and midwives, the lighting in the room even. Paint me a word picture
"Go forth, my son, Gariah..." This line is lame, its not something id expect a mother to say either.
And with a final flash of lightning, the woman was no more. I like this line, but you should describe her final breaths in more detail.
Still, I really want to read more
Sorry if i come across as a prick.
It's nice, also I have a question to writers of thEscapist, is there a poetry themed user group to be found?
It's fairly good. Well written, if that's what you're asking for. However, I can't even comment on the concept or whatever idea you're trying to write considering how vague the opening is. Apparently, one of those destiny-babies was born today. That's all I got really. You can't even truly figure that the baby being born will be our main character. You see how little you gave us to work with?
It's important to work out the plot before putting anything finite down. People in the education system would tell you that you should get your ideas out and just start writing. Well, a creative writing story is different than an essay. What you need to do is to start writing, but whatever you're writing will not be your story. Write you're entire concept of the story you want to convey out in the plainest terms. When you're finished, write it again adding specified details. Plan out plot points and do entire character studies for your characters. It all can't just be from your head.
From what I can tell, you plan to get this all out in one go. Write out one page or one chapter at a time and build on that. I figure that simply because I used to do the same thing when I was a freshman in high school. Well, that's really what you can't do. You can't just start writing your story and try to sound as fancy and well-written as possible. That comes after you get your story out on paper. Seriously, multiple rewrites are your friend, and I don't mean making small changes. I mean, blank paper in front of you and completely rewrite your story. I know it doesn't sound fun, but that's the way you need to do it in creative writing. And, this subject is a creative writing matter, not composition. Those are two different classes. Perhaps if you tell us the actual story you wish to write, I could help you better than with just this vague opening.
It's important to work out the plot before putting anything finite down. People in the education system would tell you that you should get your ideas out and just start writing. Well, a creative writing story is different than an essay. What you need to do is to start writing, but whatever you're writing will not be your story. Write you're entire concept of the story you want to convey out in the plainest terms. When you're finished, write it again adding specified details. Plan out plot points and do entire character studies for your characters. It all can't just be from your head.
From what I can tell, you plan to get this all out in one go. Write out one page or one chapter at a time and build on that. I figure that simply because I used to do the same thing when I was a freshman in high school. Well, that's really what you can't do. You can't just start writing your story and try to sound as fancy and well-written as possible. That comes after you get your story out on paper. Seriously, multiple rewrites are your friend, and I don't mean making small changes. I mean, blank paper in front of you and completely rewrite your story. I know it doesn't sound fun, but that's the way you need to do it in creative writing. And, this subject is a creative writing matter, not composition. Those are two different classes. Perhaps if you tell us the actual story you wish to write, I could help you better than with just this vague opening.
Cool, this is a very rough draft so the end product will look quite different, i think i need to have a look at where the story actually leads before i write anymoreFire Daemon said: