So, I'm asexual, and I feel like that's going to make me die alone.

[MajorTomServo]

I'm not interested in sex. Maybe once in a great while as something to do or for procreation, but I don't desire it at all. I still want to date women though, get married, have babies, and all that. (That's a bit down the line though obviously, I'm only 20) As horribly lame and corny as it sounds, I'm able to feel love for women, but I don't feel lust for them. I feel like my aversion to sex would be a deal-breaker for 90% of women in this day and age.

I guess my biggest concern is finding someone else like me. I mean, it's not like they have asexual bars. What do I do? Just sit back and hope I stumble upon a like-minded girl? I can't really think of any way to be proactive about it...

 

[Keoul]

Having no "drive" per say I see you're only option is to chill, sit back, and wait for her to appear.
Though if you're really itching for a girl/companion to be with, just take some initiative and hang out at locations where people of the same interests would coagulate.
Like reading? spend time at the library.
Like gaming? go to a convention.
I assume you're past the highschool-university stage of your life so meeting a girl on campus is no longer an option.

Either way, good luck mate.

Also take this for a laugh!

 

[gazumped]

Not asexual bars, no, but I imagine that some dating sites may cater to asexuals? Considering that it's not that rare (1 in 100 people in the UK identify as asexual http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173 ) I'd be surprised if at least some of them didn't have asexual members.

Also, as it's the 21st century, you may not have to have an asexual partner. Depending on how you feel about the issue you could have an open relationship so that your girlfriend can satisfy those needs elsewhere, or you may find someone who actually prefers doing these things for herself and by herself.

 

[Myndnix]

Not asexual bars, no, but I imagine that some dating sites may cater to asexuals?

There are plenty of those sites, yes. In fact I used to help moderate one.
Unfortunately, OP, I don't have much advice, but I can safely tell you that asexuality is not unusual nor is it rare, judging by my six or seven asexual friends. You're definitely not alone.

 

[Musette]

I'm asexual myself, but I lack romantic interest in others as well as a desire for marriage/children, so I can't fully relate apart from the issue that I might become isolated over time once others around me start to marry and leave me behind. (I'm 19 though, so I have some time before that happens.)

Anyways, from what I've seen, there are some decent Asexual communities online, and I've seen at least one with meetup forums that help connect asexual people living closeby each other. I've personally never tried it, but I've generally heard good things about the meetups. Other than that, sometimes Pride/GSM/LGBTQ groups at colleges/universities have asexual communities within them, which might help. Also, as others have mentioned, there are asexual and asexual-friendly dating sites online if you're open to that, though I can't say I know any really good ones, as Acebook goes up and down apparently, and okCupid sometimes has users that are pretty rude to asexual people. I'm not sure whether or not you are interested in such sites, but they could be helpful if you're open to that sort if thing.

However, if you're open to dating a non-asexual, then the pool opens up a bit, so long as you have some willingness to make compromises. Different people have different libidos and strengths of sexual desire, so there are people out there that wouldn't consider an aversion to sex a complete deal breaker. In fact, I have heard more about asexuals being in "mixed" relationships than in Ace-Ace relationships, and sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.

From what I've seen, there are more asexuals interested in romance than those who are not, so you're definitely not alone. Hope that helps a bit!

 

[Galletea]

I think the main thing is not to worry about your ideal life too much. You are unlikely to find the perfect asexual other, but then you are also highly unlikely to end up alone. You just have to be open in what you are looking for.

You may well have to make some compromise some way down the line, and when you meet the right person they will meet you half way in that. The main thing about relationships is trust and respect, and you will find someone who is prepared and happy to make those compromises for you.

However the tricky part (assuming you don't find a perfect asexual other) will be making sure that they know that your lack of drive is not due to a lack of interest in them, and when you start dating someone you'll need to break that issue before you get too far in.

 

[Vegosiux]

First thing would be to realize not being in a relationship is not all doom and gloom. After all, you're free to do what you want with your time, but you do need to actually do something with it.

Shifted back into my lone wolf state recently, after years in which two relationships blew up somehow (and I ain't casting blame). Yes, being single has its downsides. You're alone, you get lonely. But the worst thing you can do is go out to try and find "someone" when you're actually looking for "just anyone". Don't do that, it's not gonna end well.

All in all, a good relationship may beat a good single life, but any kind of single life always beats a bad relationship.

So don't go out there thinking "I need fo find a girl". Go out there thinking "I'm just going to do what I like doing and see if I can meet someone interesting."

 

[BloatedGuppy]

I'm not interested in sex. Maybe once in a great while as something to do or for procreation, but I don't desire it at all. I still want to date women though, get married, have babies, and all that. (That's a bit down the line though obviously, I'm only 20) As horribly lame and corny as it sounds, I'm able to feel love for women, but I don't feel lust for them. I feel like my aversion to sex would be a deal-breaker for 90% of women in this day and age.

Are you just generally disinterested in sex, or do you find it actively off-putting and traumatizing? Is it something you could do, you know, for her? Like giving a back rub? That's somewhat enervating for the rubber, but people do it anyway, as an act of affection.

Dan Savage's "GGG" theory (good, giving, game) is a good thing to ascribe to as far as sexual relationships go. You don't necessarily need to share your partner's kink so long as you're game to indulge them, and in your case the "kink" is sex in the entire. Now, naturally this goes out the window if you find sex impossible to stomach...Savage certainly doesn't suggest we just indulge everything, we all have limits...and if that's the case you'll really need to find a fellow asexual to date.

 

[Johnny Impact]

You might find a lady who thinks it's a relief to be with a guy who isn't trying to jump her all the time. If she can initiate when she wants, and not have to worry about providing when you want (since you won't want), that might be a good thing.

 

[Avistew]

Have you tried AVEN? Seems to me like online ace communities would help you meet other aces, and even if you don't end up falling for any of them, you'd feel less lonely, and it would be people to relate to.
Plus they have a "sexual/asexual relationships" section if you end up meeting someone who is sexual and want to try and give it a go.