So my girlfriend and I broke up...

[Gaz6231]

as much as the above WORDS WORDS WORDS are all well and good, the answer is short and simple; let her go.

Accept that it is over and let her go.

 

[Chogg Van Helsing]

*SLAPS* Pull! *SLAPS* Yourself! *SLAPS* Together!

Now that that's done. You need to just move on. It won't work as friends if you desperately want her back. She'll just grow to hate you. Sorry, but it's the hard truth. You gotta let it go.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Sorry to disappoint but no. If she doesn't feel the same way any more then it's done. Just let it go and time will help you get over her.

 

[DYin01]

The thing is, there are ways to ''fix'' this if you try real hard. The only problem is that once you've broken up once, it will never be or feel the same again. You don't want to find yourself in that position. Right now, it may feel like it's worth it but in the long run you'll waste a lot of energy on a lost cause.

 

[MelziGurl]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Not right now, no. This sounds all too much like my own break up, though I was with mine for 4.5 years and engaged for 10 months before telling me he didn't feel the same anymore. Give her space, lots of it too until the shock of the situation wears off. You might be luckier than I was.

 

[Serenegoose]

You've got to respect her decision here - but I don't think that means you can't ask again, as long as you don't become a pest about it. What I'd do is to give it a while - maybe as much as a week without bringing it up, just to give space - and then see if she feels the same way. If she does, that's it, and it would not be cool of you to continue trying. If she doesn't, then sit down and talk about how you can fix things. I don't know the specifics, but I wouldn't pressure the situation, because I can't see that doing anything other than pushing her away, and making the worst of a bad lot.

 

[Magic Cheese]

Worst thing is I'm falling apart to the point where my body is taking a gigantic punch. I'm having stomach issues, soaring headaches and frequent nosebleeds. I'm going through constant minor panic attacks. I appreciate all your advice but the thing is that I need to find a solution, some way to live with myself after she moves tomorrow if I am to avoid having to put myself into the insane asylum or something. This is quite literally becoming the end of me.

Dude, I know exactly how you feel right now. my 5-year+ relationship ended back in July. My father passed away in January. He and I were very close, and I shut down emotionally. She tried to be there for me but I pushed her away and it came to a head in July.

At first I felt like I'd lost the only other person in my life. I went through the nausea, headaches, depression. But, honestly, assuming you don't have any pre-existing mental health issues (clinical depression and such) you will get over this. It took me over two months before I felt like leaving the house again, and not long after, I met someone new.

Now armed with a better understanding of what not to do (in my case, don't shut the other person out and let them know you care) this new relationship is going well so far. There will always be a part of you that loves her, a part of you who still misses her, but you can't force her to feel the same way. Trying to will only push her away more.

If you love her, you will let her go. If it's meant to be, she may eventually come back to you, but don't be afraid to try to move on with your own life. When you think back on the happiest times of your relationship, you ask yourself "Will I ever have that again?". The answer is yes and no; You will probably never be that happy with her again, but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness with someone new, you just have to be willing to try.

Good luck.

 

[knight steel]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Not right now, no. This sounds all too much like my own break up, though I was with mine for 4.5 years and engaged for 10 months before telling me he didn't feel the same anymore. Give her space, lots of it too until the shock of the situation wears off. You might be luckier than I was.

I'm sorry for your loss

OP:Give it a few weeks and if you still love her then tell her that you want another chance.

 

[Saltyk]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

I know exactly how you feel. I was dating this girl for about 6 months and she told me that she wanted to end the relationship, but remain friends. She said that we are not compatible and she can't she herself being happy in a long term relationship with me. Despite me being a really nice person. Actually that seems to be the problem. I want to help her and be there for her, but she is too independent.

Keep in mind, this is according to her. I have my own thoughts on why she feels this way, but she disagrees with me.

I told her that I can't just be friends. Which is what I recommend for you. Why? Because you still have feelings for her. Those feelings will always be there and possibly cause you pain during your friendship, because there can't be anything more. Imagine what will happen if she starts dating someone new. How will you feel? Could you possible be friends with someone you love and not hate their new boyfriend?

For your own benefit, break it off. If there is truly no way you can salvage the relationship, you would probably be better off ending it completely.

 

[sabbat]

Sorry, dude, but I think it's time to move on. If she doesn't feel that way about you anymore, she never will again. Find someone else and don't make the same mistake next time round.

 

[MelziGurl]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Not right now, no. This sounds all too much like my own break up, though I was with mine for 4.5 years and engaged for 10 months before telling me he didn't feel the same anymore. Give her space, lots of it too until the shock of the situation wears off. You might be luckier than I was.

I'm sorry for your loss

OP:Give it a few weeks and if you still love her then tell her that you want another chance.

It's all good hey. Happened 2 months ago, feels like longer because of the shit that went down. It's like grieving a death. But I became an aunty last night and I get to meet my nephew sometime today, by the best thing to top of a fucked up year

 

[natster43]

Tell here how you feel. If that doesn't work, just move on. If you do truly love her, respect her feelings. Don't ruin your friendship with her because she doesn't feel the same.

 

[SimuLord]

It sucks, doesn't it. You just walk around shell-shocked for awhile, then the trust issues submarine a new relationship, then next thing you know you've been single for awhile and start lowering your standards.

Women suck.

 

[Arawn.Chernobog]

Nope, man up, get over it and stop looking for comfort from random online strangers.

All you get is a bunch of generic "Women these days suck" comments from hapless nitwits who fail to realize that the core reason why they can't be in a healthy relationship is due to their own hapless and nit-witted ways in the first place. So, here we go in steps:

1) Man-up and suck it up;

2) Get over it, do some hobbies and try not to pester her too much like a hapless nitwit would;

3) Stop going on-line to find comfort from random strangers


PS: Anyone who pulls out a "It's her loss"/"It's not your fault"/"You can still try in the name of love"/etc. type comments and/or suggestions is just sugar coating it, there's nothing you can do, move on, suck it up.

 

[The Scythian]

Heartaches by the number...

But, seriously, I would try to win her over once more, and if it doesn't work, she's not the only woman in the world.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

If you love her, you will let her go. If it's meant to be, she may eventually come back to you, but don't be afraid to try to move on with your own life. When you think back on the happiest times of your relationship, you ask yourself "Will I ever have that again?". The answer is yes and no; You will probably never be that happy with her again, but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness with someone new, you just have to be willing to try.

Good luck.

Ok. There's this thing I need to tell you all. Especially since some of you asked about mental health.

First off, thank you all, you all help in your own ways. But anyways, there's this thing I have. I can't handle memories. Memories pain me like you wouldn't believe, even little petty memories, happy or sad, cause me incredible pain to think of, and therefore anything that triggers memories is just hopeless for me to be around.

During the last year, she has actually started curing this. I've been at the point where I could reminisce about the things we've done, without feeling sad. I've been having happy memories for the first time in my life. It's been incredible.

Now that she's gone, it's all striking back exponentially. Everything in this room and in this house, in my school and in my entire life has specific memories of her, and it's killing me. I'm at the point where I actually am considering and weighing back and forth very seriously whether I need to leave school and start working full time so I can get a new place to live.

Anyways, the last evolution is that she just basically did the leaving "for real" a few hours ago. That now it's really over. I told her what I've been saying here. I told her that I won't let this fuck over our relationship as friends, but that this is what I have to offer, and that she is welcome to leave it, but that for the time to come it's there if she wants to take it. For those of you who have suggested the clean break, I have decided with myself that I love her so much, regardless of whether it is as a friend or a girlfriend, I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all, and I am willing to work for that.

Thank you guys so incredibly much for taking an interest in helping me out, you are amazing human beings.

 

[wolf92]

As they say in Aliens
GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER
But seriously, if you truly care about her, you have to let her go.
Sucks, I know, cause I'm dealing with the same thing

 

[dark-amon]

Bad news, the 'love'-relation between people have two essentials needed for it to be a functional relation: 1) It has to be uniqe. Both people has to feel like they are closer to each other than other relations. 2) Positive tension. Sometimes refered to as exitment. There need to be a thrill in the relation that makes it worthwhile. Most open relationships lack the uniqeness and tries to compensate with thrills. (They usually don't work in the long run)

I think your girlfriend in a very rought expression lost interest as one or both of these essentials became lacking as time went by.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

Nope, man up, get over it and stop looking for comfort from random online strangers.

All you get is a bunch of generic "Women these days suck" comments from hapless nitwits who fail to realize that the core reason why they can't be in a healthy relationship is due to their own hapless and nit-witted ways in the first place. So, here we go in steps:

1) Man-up and suck it up;

2) Get over it, do some hobbies and try not to pester her too much like a hapless nitwit would;

3) Stop going on-line to find comfort from random strangers


PS: Anyone who pulls out a "It's her loss"/"It's not your fault"/"You can still try in the name of love"/etc. type comments and/or suggestions is just sugar coating it, there's nothing you can do, move on, suck it up.

You know what, frankly you shouldn't be one to talk, because all you're doing right now is being a dick. I've had much more GOOD advice from "random strangers" than you've offered up in your post. People here have been opening up and shared experience of their own to help me, all you've just done is generalise and insult both me and a lot of others in this thread. Stay out unless you wanna play nice. I realise these are your views, but I'm at a point where I need a positive outlook, not cynicism to the point of ridicule.

Sorry for being so harsh, but I dont need that right now.