So my girlfriend and I broke up...

[19]

No, sorry, you're done. Anyone who's been in that situation (including me) can tell you, you get one chance and then that's it. It sucks (trust me, it REALLY sucks) but deal with it.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

How the hell do I move on though? I know it's clicheed and one can say as much as they want about young love, but there are a lot of issues in my life that she's basically fixed, that are now coming back worse than ever, and I am truly stumped as to how I am supposed to handle this.

Your problem is highlighted.

You've become too dependent on her to solve your problems. Both emotionally and practically.

What you need to do is to find other people(not just girls but FRIENDS) to help you with this shit. By the time you do that, you will also find that you've moved on as well.

It's painful at first, but it will be over eventually.

^^ This

Out of every comment in here, this one is absolutely spot on

If shes spent the whole relationship fixing problems for you then she may feel like more of a commodity to you
You need to get everything i your life back on track before bothering with relationships

Well, I mean, I have done that, but this hasn't been one sided. We've done as couples and been there for eachothers, but I've leaned too much on her in ways that have caused her a lot of suffering she didn't realise until recently she had. I do know it's still my fuckup, but just don't see it as that evil.

I also appreciate that advice and agree, and that is also why it's so important to me for her to be one of my friends. I would really like that, and we've agreed we both do.

I think I might need therapy, though.

 

[J-meMalone]

How the hell do I move on though? I know it's clicheed and one can say as much as they want about young love, but there are a lot of issues in my life that she's basically fixed, that are now coming back worse than ever, and I am truly stumped as to how I am supposed to handle this.

Your problem is highlighted.

You've become too dependent on her to solve your problems. Both emotionally and practically.

What you need to do is to find other people(not just girls but FRIENDS) to help you with this shit. By the time you do that, you will also find that you've moved on as well.

It's painful at first, but it will be over eventually.

^^ This

Out of every comment in here, this one is absolutely spot on

If shes spent the whole relationship fixing problems for you then she may feel like more of a commodity to you
You need to get everything i your life back on track before bothering with relationships

Building on this, I can speak from experience that you can never remain with someone until you learn to sort out your own problems. In doing this you will also help yourself become a better, happier person and move on because you'll have learnt you DON'T neet her. Those who will help you the most are those who help you help yourself.

I know the thought is more painful than anythign else right now, but you HAVE to move on. Staying in your old place may be painful, but stick with it, it will help you get stronger. Have friends over often to help ease you in and make the place seem more comfortable. Stay in school, you'll only hurt your career prospects by leaving.

Remember that though she's gone, you WILL find someone else. Time heals all wounds and you will eventually find someone new. Trust me, you're at the hardest part now and when you get through it you'll be a better man.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

You should know the answer to that yourself more than strangers online.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

Staying friends is never a good idea, man. You can't truly move on when someone's still got their hooks in you. Instead, stonewall her, start being more active with your friends, start looking for a couple of meaningless post-relationship hookups, and get in contact with a guy who can sell you some decent weed. Alcohol is a terrible choice and will only amplify your misery, so cannabis will be your bestest friend in the entire world (often proving itself to be more useful than your human friends).

That's my technique, anyway. If it worked for a once-codependent wreck like me, it should work for you.

 

[The Seldom Seen Kid]

My only advice is "DON'T STAY FRIENDS".
It's harder to get over someone if they're still hanging around.

Also, don't hit the bottle and start seeing your friends more.

 

[astrav1]

Nope, man up, get over it and stop looking for comfort from random online strangers.

All you get is a bunch of generic "Women these days suck" comments from hapless nitwits who fail to realize that the core reason why they can't be in a healthy relationship is due to their own hapless and nit-witted ways in the first place. So, here we go in steps:

1) Man-up and suck it up;

2) Get over it, do some hobbies and try not to pester her too much like a hapless nitwit would;

3) Stop going on-line to find comfort from random strangers


PS: Anyone who pulls out a "It's her loss"/"It's not your fault"/"You can still try in the name of love"/etc. type comments and/or suggestions is just sugar coating it, there's nothing you can do, move on, suck it up.

Thank you. Not the most tactful way of putting it but it's the truth. You have to fight it on your own, and if you are lucky you'll come out of it stronger.

 

[tunderball]

Maybe it's worth ONE last shot? I know everybody on here will probably just tell you to move on and get over it... well sometimes you just can't can you?
If you really care for her show her how romantic you can be, do something special for her, if you've been dating for 2 and a half years you should know her better than anybody yes?

Do something amazing even if it's just a meal you've cooked yourself, put a load of effort into it: fine French cuisine, a choice of wines, dress nice, hit the gym for a few days before so your feeling good about yourself.

I'm not saying dedicate yourself to this whole thing but if you care that much for her it's got to be worst one last attempt. She might think its romantic and spontanious or she might not. But even if it doesn't work out for the best atleast you can then move on knowing that you did everything you could.

Hope everything works out for you.

 

[Faladorian]

Nope, man up, get over it and stop looking for comfort from random online strangers.

All you get is a bunch of generic "Women these days suck" comments from hapless nitwits who fail to realize that the core reason why they can't be in a healthy relationship is due to their own hapless and nit-witted ways in the first place. So, here we go in steps:

1) Man-up and suck it up;

2) Get over it, do some hobbies and try not to pester her too much like a hapless nitwit would;

3) Stop going on-line to find comfort from random strangers


PS: Anyone who pulls out a "It's her loss"/"It's not your fault"/"You can still try in the name of love"/etc. type comments and/or suggestions is just sugar coating it, there's nothing you can do, move on, suck it up.

Quoted for truth, in every sentence. It's over,deal with it. If you really need somebody to talk to get a therapist or something. nobody needs to hear about your relationships, but you'll probably realize just how fucking annoying it is to hear people complain about their relationships once it's not you doing it

 

[AceAngel]

I don't mean to come off rash, but why the hell are you asking a bunch of online strangers, who care less about another online stranger, about romantic advice?

 

[binvjoh]

Nope. Sorry dude, your gonna hear it a thousand times, but, if you truly love her, you'll let yourself and herself move on and support her with what she does.


Cliche, I know, but the truth.

Listen to this man.

 

[fulano]

1.-Bang other chicks.
2.-Stop using her as a crutch and get your shit together.
3.-Stop using her as a crutch and get your shit together.
.
.
.
n.-Stop using her as a crutch and get your shit together.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

When a former Significant Other wants to be friends, observation has told me that means the spark is gone, and wants to let you off easy, and ease out of it.

Well, come on, move on. Don't jump back into game just yet, I know you won't feel up for it.

"Love is that spark you hopes that doesn't turn into a flame and burn down everything."

 

[zombiesinc]

A little too late, it seems. If she has lost the feelings she once had for you, it's best you move on. It'll hurt, and you'll struggle, but if it's not mutual, it's not going to work, period. Sorry dude.

 

[Sacman]

That sucks... if it was me I would sit in my closet carving bible verses into my arm and have cry for a few days like my old teachers told me too...

 

[Erja_Perttu]

If you love her, you will let her go. If it's meant to be, she may eventually come back to you, but don't be afraid to try to move on with your own life. When you think back on the happiest times of your relationship, you ask yourself "Will I ever have that again?". The answer is yes and no; You will probably never be that happy with her again, but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness with someone new, you just have to be willing to try.

Good luck.

Ok. There's this thing I need to tell you all. Especially since some of you asked about mental health.

First off, thank you all, you all help in your own ways. But anyways, there's this thing I have. I can't handle memories. Memories pain me like you wouldn't believe, even little petty memories, happy or sad, cause me incredible pain to think of, and therefore anything that triggers memories is just hopeless for me to be around.

During the last year, she has actually started curing this. I've been at the point where I could reminisce about the things we've done, without feeling sad. I've been having happy memories for the first time in my life. It's been incredible.

Now that she's gone, it's all striking back exponentially. Everything in this room and in this house, in my school and in my entire life has specific memories of her, and it's killing me. I'm at the point where I actually am considering and weighing back and forth very seriously whether I need to leave school and start working full time so I can get a new place to live.

Anyways, the last evolution is that she just basically did the leaving "for real" a few hours ago. That now it's really over. I told her what I've been saying here. I told her that I won't let this fuck over our relationship as friends, but that this is what I have to offer, and that she is welcome to leave it, but that for the time to come it's there if she wants to take it. For those of you who have suggested the clean break, I have decided with myself that I love her so much, regardless of whether it is as a friend or a girlfriend, I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all, and I am willing to work for that.

Thank you guys so incredibly much for taking an interest in helping me out, you are amazing human beings.

I'm not sure how harsh this will sound, but from what you've said, it's over between you two. A lot have people have said that before me, so what I have to add is this.

I know a man who is in love with me, and I'm not in love with him. We're great friends, but every time we spend time together, it hurts both of us, him because he starts thinking maybe, just maybe I'll give him a chance, and it hurts me because I know he's thinking that and I know it wouldn't work.

Being friends when you're still in love with her will be hard. It'll hurt you, and you'll think to yourself, at least she's still in my life; but in reality that's not enough, and it shouldn't be enough. From someone in that position, I can safely say, I wouldn't recommend it.

Moving on from her would be a lot better for you.

 

[OriginalError]

How the hell do I move on though? I know it's clicheed and one can say as much as they want about young love, but there are a lot of issues in my life that she's basically fixed, that are now coming back worse than ever, and I am truly stumped as to how I am supposed to handle this.

mrmidas, thanks for those words, I'll try that. I sort of have, but I think it might help to put it as bluntly as you just did. The thing is, the entire world basically agrees we're the perfect couple, and that just amplifies how bad I've fucked up.

Dude, its hard. I was with a girl for 5 1/2 years and really... you never let go completely. There is always that little piece of yourself that you gave to that person that will be there until the end of time.

I couldn't actually be friends with her, because it killed me inside every time I saw her with other guys. Give it one last shot, tell her how you feel, do something romantic and sweep her off her feet.

Go all or nothing, because being friends hurts more in the end then just losing her altogether.
//J.