So my girlfriend and I broke up...

[MelziGurl]

How the hell do I move on though? I know it's clicheed and one can say as much as they want about young love, but there are a lot of issues in my life that she's basically fixed, that are now coming back worse than ever, and I am truly stumped as to how I am supposed to handle this.

mrmidas, thanks for those words, I'll try that. I sort of have, but I think it might help to put it as bluntly as you just did. The thing is, the entire world basically agrees we're the perfect couple, and that just amplifies how bad I've fucked up.

Dude, its hard. I was with a girl for 5 1/2 years and really... you never let go completely. There is always that little piece of yourself that you gave to that person that will be there until the end of time.

I couldn't actually be friends with her, because it killed me inside every time I saw her with other guys. Give it one last shot, tell her how you feel, do something romantic and sweep her off her feet.

Go all or nothing, because being friends hurts more in the end then just losing her altogether.
//J.

Funny you should mention just that, cause it was the same with me. Though it was his idea to remain friends, I the dumpee was the one who decided I couldn't continue speaking to him (at least for a while) and he was the one who got stroppy...then proceeded to tell people to delete me off Facebook because I refused to do the deleting. My response to that, "Get fucked and go to hell you c**t" He knows that right now I hate him, that I refuse to give him an inch when he wants a mile so he just doesn't attempt to speak to me.

DO NOT settle for friends, at least while you're still healing. Maybe some months down the track when you've found someone else who heals your deeper emotional wounds you could think about starting a fresh friendship with this girl. But for now, absolutely not. I learnt this the hard way.

 

[Kruxxor]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Sorry dude, nothing you can do. Also, if you still feel that way about her, it's probably best you aren't friends, not until you're over her, at least. Otherwise it'll stop you from moving on, always thinking that there's a chance you can get back together.

Ask her to her face if there's any chance you may get back together, if the answer is no, cut all ties and try to get over her, or you'll just end up being hurt and used.

 

[Exia91]

rape is bad mmkay.

Gutz ("Gatsu") from Berserk as your Avatar?

OT:
If there is nothing 'left' that makes her love you, then you should be wise and move on with your life. Buy a new game, read a good book and get your mind away from your (if I may say) Ex-girlfriend. To me, the way you described, it is over and you should be 'happy' in a vertain way with just friendship.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

If you love her, you will let her go. If it's meant to be, she may eventually come back to you, but don't be afraid to try to move on with your own life. When you think back on the happiest times of your relationship, you ask yourself "Will I ever have that again?". The answer is yes and no; You will probably never be that happy with her again, but that doesn't mean you can't find happiness with someone new, you just have to be willing to try.

Good luck.

Ok. There's this thing I need to tell you all. Especially since some of you asked about mental health.

First off, thank you all, you all help in your own ways. But anyways, there's this thing I have. I can't handle memories. Memories pain me like you wouldn't believe, even little petty memories, happy or sad, cause me incredible pain to think of, and therefore anything that triggers memories is just hopeless for me to be around.

During the last year, she has actually started curing this. I've been at the point where I could reminisce about the things we've done, without feeling sad. I've been having happy memories for the first time in my life. It's been incredible.

Now that she's gone, it's all striking back exponentially. Everything in this room and in this house, in my school and in my entire life has specific memories of her, and it's killing me. I'm at the point where I actually am considering and weighing back and forth very seriously whether I need to leave school and start working full time so I can get a new place to live.

Anyways, the last evolution is that she just basically did the leaving "for real" a few hours ago. That now it's really over. I told her what I've been saying here. I told her that I won't let this fuck over our relationship as friends, but that this is what I have to offer, and that she is welcome to leave it, but that for the time to come it's there if she wants to take it. For those of you who have suggested the clean break, I have decided with myself that I love her so much, regardless of whether it is as a friend or a girlfriend, I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all, and I am willing to work for that.

Thank you guys so incredibly much for taking an interest in helping me out, you are amazing human beings.

I'm not sure how harsh this will sound, but from what you've said, it's over between you two. A lot have people have said that before me, so what I have to add is this.

I know a man who is in love with me, and I'm not in love with him. We're great friends, but every time we spend time together, it hurts both of us, him because he starts thinking maybe, just maybe I'll give him a chance, and it hurts me because I know he's thinking that and I know it wouldn't work.

Being friends when you're still in love with her will be hard. It'll hurt you, and you'll think to yourself, at least she's still in my life; but in reality that's not enough, and it shouldn't be enough. From someone in that position, I can safely say, I wouldn't recommend it.

Moving on from her would be a lot better for you.

I see what you mean, but the difference is I'm absolutely not hurt by or angry at her. I feel better today, and I have no problems interacting with her in a friendly way. I'm gonna give her some space but keep being friends with her for a few weeks to see how stuff works out for the both of us.

Also, you guys saying I shouldn't ask for help online because no one cares, this thread is quite good proof otherwise, the only jerks are you. And for those saying it's annoying, the name of the thread states quite clearly what the topic is, you don't need to click the freaking link. You guys are being worse whiners than I am.

 

[dogenzakaminion]

While you think there may not be any "changing myself to fit her" going on, there always is. I've been with girls who wanted this, but were sneaky and made it as if there was something wrong with me. It sucks, but you have to be honest with yourself about who you are in a relationship. If your current girlfriend isn't ok with this, then you will eventually find someone who does. That being said, people do change, and if you can in some way communicate to her that you are willing to and/or have changed then maybe she'll take you back.

Either way, chin up You'll be fine eventually, no matter the outcome.

 

[quantumsoul]

What attracted her to you in the first place? Maybe be that guy again when you hang out and don't change this time.

Though you're probably better off moving on. It'll really hurt to see her dating someone else.(attractive women rarely stay single for long) You should really try to date other women. It'll make maintaining the friendship easier and you won't look or feel like a looser(I'm not saying you are one). She might even get jealous a little.

 

[Slash Dementia]

If you love her as much as I've read from all your posts, I agree with what you're doing--about the staying friends for a few weeks to see how you feel.

Show change, even slightly, but as you said, the change is what you see wrong. It's up to you to do it, and actually, I think you can. Whether or not you get her back solely depends on her emotions, and how they'll be in time, because you seem to be sure that you want it.

Help yourself with friends, and just by your own determination to get better.

When my girlfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago, I was completely crushed. She was pretty much the first one I ever had that I took seriously (even though I was 14 at the time, and 17 when we broke up). We were together on and off, for about 3 years or so. After that, I stupidly started flirting with friends to see who I could be with, which always ended up badly (them breaking up with me). But the thing was, I didn't care that it happened. I was using it to cope with my lose, which I hate myself for.

I started feeling a lot better and fell in love with my friend, who had and has always been there for me. We've been together for a little over six months now, and despite how my mind usually tends to think about myself, I'm pretty happy with who I am.

Sorry I rambled a bit, but good luck with you friend, and I hope you do get lucky and are able to get back together.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

If you love her as much as I've read from all your posts, I agree with what you're doing--about the staying friends for a few weeks to see how you feel.

Show change, even slightly, but as you said, the change is what you see wrong. It's up to you to do it, and actually, I think you can. Whether or not you get her back solely depends on her emotions, and how they'll be in time, because you seem to be sure that you want it.

Help yourself with friends, and just by your own determination to get better.

When my girlfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago, I was completely crushed. She was pretty much the first one I ever had that I took seriously (even though I was 14 at the time, and 17 when we broke up). We were together on and off, for about 3 years or so. After that, I stupidly started flirting with friends to see who I could be with, which always ended up badly (them breaking up with me). But the thing was, I didn't care that it happened. I was using it to cope with my lose, which I hate myself for.

I started feeling a lot better and fell in love with my friend, who had and has always been there for me. We've been together for a little over six months now, and despite how my mind usually tends to think about myself, I'm pretty happy with who I am.

Sorry I rambled a bit, but good luck with you friend, and I hope you do get lucky and are able to get back together.

As I said, for my own sake I'm gonna stay on the fence for a while, and for her sake I'll try to be a good friend with her. I'll see where it goes from there. Thanks though^^

 

[Woodsey]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

This:

Nope. Sorry dude, your gonna hear it a thousand times, but, if you truly love her, you'll let yourself and herself move on and support her with what she does.


Cliche, I know, but the truth.

I do not agree with.

At least try to rectify it, I doubt she's just switched off. If that doesn't work, drink heavily and then try some more.

Then just drink heavily.

 

[LawlessSquirrel]

Similar situation I had, but 3 years and no living together. You'll get over and move on in time, just learn from your mistakes and try to grow as a person.

If you're like me, they'll probably be the ones wanting another shot down the line instead.

 

[Communist partisan]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I)fucked up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Shit happens, Suck it up and move on it's the best you can do.

And heres something funny to cheer you up.

 

[hyperhammy]

rape is bad mmkay.

Ask her to her face (Although this is probably stupid) so you feel nothing romantically?

And well that's about it. GL

but if she wants to move on... then you're probably SoL. Use this experience for your next relationship and don't kill yourself over it.

RAPE*!!!
OT: Not to be mean, but you sound like a really bad boyfriend...
A relationship should be exciting and fun, and it sounds like you're only using her.

[small]*is bad[/small]

 

[Folio]

Get over it. You learned and now it's time to move on. Maybe finding someone better suited for you. (don't give me that 'she's the only one and there is no one like her' nonsense) Yes, no one is like her. But that doesn't mean it's bad.

 

[ayailla]

As most people say, if she doesn't love you anymore, all you can do is move on. You don't want to debase yourself being in a relationship with somebody that doesn't love you, and she clearly doesn't want to be in it anymore and nothing will change her mind. No amount of begging will change it.

If you still love her, don't stay friends. It will just make it all the more painful. Maybe you'll run into her when you're over her and you'll be able to build a friendship back up again but, for now, it's not the best idea.

Good luck.

 

[Superhyperactiveman]

Dude, there are a lot of things you can do, but they're all either stupid, pathetic, or illegal... Or a combination of the 3. The best thing you can do is move on with your life.

 

[Nom Pretentieux]

I'm beginning to come to terms with it, but she's coming to pick up a lot of her stuff today, so we'll just see how that goes now... I'm starting to get over the panic of being alone, and am rather now just in deep grief about what's actually happened... it's still a pain, but at least I can live with it, I think.

Also, for those of you who think I sound like I suck, it might be true, but I know myself well enough to tell you I'm probably giving myself too much of a hard time at the same time, so take what I say about how *I've* ruined everything with a grain of salt.

 

[Zaverexus]

And really, I do not want this to happen. We've been dating for 2 and a half years, been basically living together for the last two years, and I'm not done with this relationship. I've screwed up in a lot of ways, basically neglecting the romantic side of our relationship and only been riding on the safety side, and using her as a sort of buffer in the conflicts in my family.

Now she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. She still wants to be friends, and I think we'll be able to because we still have a lot of fun together. But basically, I'm not done with this relationship, I still love her in a romantic sense, and am willing to do everything she says was wrong with our relationship more rightly to make it work. Also, this is not me "changing who I am" to keep her, I agree with her on where we(read: I) @#!*% up the relationship, and I want to change it. I want another chance but she says the thing that was there isn't any more.

Is there really nothing I can do?

Just tell her exactly what you've written here.
If that doesn't work, go with the friends thing for now and see where it leads. With a step back you'll either realize you can move on or that you can't live without her and want to try again, but take some time to decide.