So My Girlfriend is pregnant.....

[MrTub]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Abortion. If you really can't take care of a child, then it seems to be the obvious route. If one or both of you don't believe in it for whatever reason, then i suggest you start buying baby stuff.
The simple fact is, it's not a problem that's going to suddenly disappear, you need to figure out what you both want to do as quickly as you can.

That's about the best advice i can give you.

Ignore this kid. IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!

Adoption or have your family help raise him. Simple as that.

Ignore this kid.
Quoting lilani

"Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you."

 

[artanis_neravar]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Abortion. If you really can't take care of a child, then it seems to be the obvious route. If one or both of you don't believe in it for whatever reason, then i suggest you start buying baby stuff.
The simple fact is, it's not a problem that's going to suddenly disappear, you need to figure out what you both want to do as quickly as you can.

That's about the best advice i can give you.

Ignore this kid. IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!

Adoption or have your family help raise him. Simple as that.

I agree with @Tubez ignore this and don't let anyone make you feel bad about your decision. The decision belongs to you and your girlfriend, and you two alone. Your families don't even have any real say in this, but keep in mind that your parents are usually a very good judge about whether or not you are ready to raise a kid. If they don't think you can do it you might want to rethink keeping it. But again this is completely your decision, do what feels best for you.

 

[Collins254]

Well let me be the first to say congratulations(i coudlnt see anyone else say it, if i missed it im sorry)

my little boy is 13 weeks old, im 21 and my partner is 19, i work but she cares for the baby, i dont know the cost of living etc... where you are or what help you can get because i dont know where you live.

First thing i would do is get it double checked by the doc, we took no less than 17 tests before we were sure, then still went to the doctor.

Know that abortion is an option and its each persons to make, but its not a nice process, i dissagree with it but i dont dissagree with others using it, like i said every choice is your own.

if you truly feel happy with this girl, you can love and provide for this baby, preferably in a home of your own, then they are a truly rewarding experience.

Talk it over with both sets of parents and see how they feel about it, they should be able to give you good advice.

If you do decide to keep the baby heres a few other tips.

Bouncers are a godsend, get a vibrating bouncer for the baby, they love it.
Its not weird or unusual to breast feed and you should support your girlfriend if she chooses to do so.
It may just be me but if my son has a bath and a bottle just before 10 up to 6 weeks we could put him down then and next feed woult be about 3 am and then not until 7-8am only getting up once in the nights for most of the last 13 weeks =]

There are plenty of people who can offer advice and support, and if you ever want to talk about baby stuff dad to dad just message me and il answer anything i can mate.

Welcome to (potential) fatherhood

 

[geK0]

Having a child early isn't always as devastating as some people make it out to be, I know a lot of people who have had a kid before 20 and were able to attend college/university still. It certainly makes things more difficult (especially if you have to pay for daycare), but it's not impossible to live a fulfilling life while caring for a child.

 

[Ando85]

Having a child early isn't always as devastating as some people make it out to be, I know a lot of people who have had a kid before 20 and were able to attend college/university still. It certainly makes things more difficult (especially if you have to pay for daycare), but it's not impossible to live a fulfilling life while caring for a child.

I agree here. I have a friend who had not one, but two children from different mothers. Neither were planned. It didn't ruin his life at all. He is doing very well. He lives in a decent apartment and has a more robust game collection than I have (as this is a gaming site). Sure it might be a pain to coordinate caring for the children, but it isn't the end of the world. Although I don't have any children yet I do know that they can bring a lot of joy to one's life. Being a dad can be very rewarding and fulfilling.

But, anywho. If you don't want to keep the child there are options. I'm on the fence about abortion but I'm not going to impose my beliefs on you here. Adoption is something worth considering as well. There are many people who desperately want a child, but can't themselves for many circumstances. You will know that your child will grow up with loving parents.

 

[artanis_neravar]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Abortion. If you really can't take care of a child, then it seems to be the obvious route. If one or both of you don't believe in it for whatever reason, then i suggest you start buying baby stuff.
The simple fact is, it's not a problem that's going to suddenly disappear, you need to figure out what you both want to do as quickly as you can.

That's about the best advice i can give you.

Ignore this kid. IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!

Adoption or have your family help raise him. Simple as that.

Ignore this kid.
Quoting lilani

"Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you."

So you would much rather him killing a newborn/unborn child who is defenseless than simply putting the child up for adoption when he/she is born and giving another family a chance of a child?

I honestly don't get the logic in that.

EDIT:

RECaptcha - Dead Moro Ironic ><

It's not for you to get. Each person has their own reasons for what they believe and they follow their own beliefs, not yours. If he chooses to get an abortion it is not your place to tell him that he is right or wrong, unless he asks. People come to the advice forums for advice not to be judged, and not to have some else force their own political, personal, or religious ideals on them. If you can't give helpful advice without including things meant to guilt someone into making or not making a choice that you have a strong belief on then do them a favor and don't respond to their topics.

 

[artanis_neravar]

As you said:

The Advice Section is to give advice to others. MY Advice was to shy away from Abortion. If YOU don't like it, get out. Works both ways pal.

"IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!"
"killing a newborn/unborn child who is defenseless than simply putting the child up for adoption when he/she is born and giving another family a chance of a child?"

That's not advice that is trying to use all the wrong words to convince something that picking one of their choices makes them a terrible person. You are trying to push your personal opinion on the OP not trying to help him view all of his choices and decide which one is better suited for his needs and beliefs. You never advised that he shy away from abortion, you told him that he will be a terrible person if he gets an abortion.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Snip

I'm going to say this right now and make it clear: This is the ADVICE Section. He's asking for advice on what different paths he can take, how to manage the situation. What he's NOT asking for, is people shoving THEIR opinions and beliefs down his throat and giving him a guilty trip. If him and his missus are not ready for a child, then its HER body, SHE (and him) are the ones to call the shots as to how they want to go about it. Sure Abortion isn't exactly good and I do frown on it mostly because kids here get knocked up at 15, abort, repeat till 18. But he's in his 20's, he knows what he's doing.

tl;dr - If your going to give him a guilty trip, get off the Advice board.

 

[Erana]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Abortion. If you really can't take care of a child, then it seems to be the obvious route. If one or both of you don't believe in it for whatever reason, then i suggest you start buying baby stuff.
The simple fact is, it's not a problem that's going to suddenly disappear, you need to figure out what you both want to do as quickly as you can.

That's about the best advice i can give you.

Ignore this kid. IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!

Adoption or have your family help raise him. Simple as that.

Ignore this kid.
Quoting lilani

"Do him a favor by not trying to impose your personal beliefs on him and muddling the facts with bias. Abortion is as open as an option as HE and his GIRLFRIEND want it to be, not you."

So you would much rather him killing a newborn/unborn child who is defenseless than simply putting the child up for adoption when he/she is born and giving another family a chance of a child?

I honestly don't get the logic in that.

EDIT:

RECaptcha - Dead Moro Ironic ><

Do you know what its like for kids who grow up in the system? Even if they get adopted pretty early on, it can be damaging to their social development and make them less emotionally unstable for the rest of their lives. There is no shortage of parentless children out there.

If you carry a baby to term with no intentions of raising it, the responsible thing to do is to go out there and find them a good family.

And OP, if you two do decide on abortion, understand that it is not something to be taken the least bit lightly. Even without the child, it is your responsibility to provide her unwavering emotional support after something as traumatic as that.

 

[Evidencebased]

1. Do you intend on staying with your girlfriend (pregnancy notwithstanding) in the future (foreseeable and otherwise)? Yes
2. Are you financially secure? It's gonna be tough now. we both have jobs
3. Do you know if your (or your girlfriend's) parents would be willing to help in caring for your child? No idea. Probably(And by association, do you get on well with your families? Yes for the most part
4. Are you and your girlfriend in full-time employment/education? Im the only one in college
5. What does your girlfriend want to do? she has no idea either. (if she's as undecided as you, that's fair enough)
6. What are adoption agencies like where you are? Again no idea
7. Do you live with your girlfriend/own or rent your own place? Yea
8. Does your girlfriend's family have any underlying medical issues regarding pregnancy? i would have to ask.

Regarding #2 and 4, does your girlfriend have any health insurance? Pregnancy and childbirth are both incredibly expensive, and if anything went wrong you two could easily be bankrupted. I'm not trying to scare you, just mentioning it. (If your girlfriend doesn't have insurance through her employer can she get it through her parents?)

As for the abortion thing, that's definitely up to you two to decide (well, ultimately for the person with the uterus to decide, although I imagine she'll get your input!) If you guys want to find out more about your options, check out Planned Parenthood -- they can provide abortion services but actually most of what they do is women's health/gyno care, including prenatal care, and they can be a good resource for a pregnant woman no matter what she ends up doing. (But don't be fooled by "crisis centers", which pretend to give health care but are actually just fronts for pro-life people to scare the crap out of pregnant women and yell at them. Go to a proper Planned Parenthood clinic or doctor, not one of those.)

 

[Evidencebased]

This is the only forum i frequent that seems likes a trustworthy forum.

So she took a test and it came out positive. And double checked. None of this was intended. I'm scared and so is she. Were making plans to see a doctor. I need some logical advice instead of thinking I'm totally screwed all the time. Please Escapists. Help a guy out here.

Check out this link, and have your girlfriend browse around the site a bit or even call her local Planned Parenthood and talk to someone there. They aren't judgmental and they won't try to pressure her into anything, and they can provide cheap medical care/counseling if she needs it. And hell, did you know that half of pregnancies in the US are unplanned? You aren't alone!

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/pregnancy/pregnant-now-what-4253.htm

 

[Gigano]

Well, abortion will clear the whole mess up in a jiffy, assuming your girlfriend is fine with it (it's she who has final say on whether to keep or abort the fetus, after all).

If she isn't, well then your life just changed quite a bit. Massive expenses are heading your way, and planning/arranging how to handle those is probably what takes priority.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Snip

I'm going to say this right now and make it clear: This is the ADVICE Section. He's asking for advice on what different paths he can take, how to manage the situation. What he's NOT asking for, is people shoving THEIR opinions and beliefs down his throat and giving him a guilty trip. If him and his missus are not ready for a child, then its HER body, SHE (and him) are the ones to call the shots as to how they want to go about it. Sure Abortion isn't exactly good and I do frown on it mostly because kids here get knocked up at 15, abort, repeat till 18. But he's in his 20's, he knows what he's doing.

tl;dr - If your going to give him a guilty trip, get off the Advice board.

Meh, as you said. It is an Advice Section. I am giving my advice which is to shy away from Abortion. Just as others are giving advice to do abortion.

As you said:

The Advice Section is to give advice to others. MY Advice was to shy away from Abortion. If YOU don't like it, get out. Works both ways pal.

"IF you truly want to kill a defenseless babe who can't stand up for him/herself then fine. Remember the blood will be on YOUR hands!"
"killing a newborn/unborn child who is defenseless than simply putting the child up for adoption when he/she is born and giving another family a chance of a child?"

That's not advice that is trying to use all the wrong words to convince something that picking one of their choices makes them a terrible person. You are trying to push your personal opinion on the OP not trying to help him view all of his choices and decide which one is better suited for his needs and beliefs. You never advised that he shy away from abortion, you told him that he will be a terrible person if he gets an abortion.

You don't watch too many movies do you? The first one you quoted me on was a Sarcastic quote from a very well known COMEDY. I like black humor, if you don't too damn bad I will continue to use black humor. I seem to forget that 90% of the Internet can't figure out sarcasm nor can they remember quotes from movies. I forget that I am not on IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes. They really need to made some sort of Spoiler or Sarcastic Announcement plug-in for forums.

However, this will probably go over your heads AGAIN. So, fuck it. I give up.

Considering a quick Google search revealed nothing about those two quotes, they aren't nearly as popular as you might think. Also when you don't put it in quotes and don't reference it, guess what? No ones going to know it's supposed to be a quote. It doesn't matter if you are using black humor you are still using words to try to guilt the OP into avoiding a choice for your personal reasons.

Oh and only one person actually told him to go for abortion and gave a reason that wasn't affect by personal choice, and they also gave an alternative with out trying to guilt the OP into anything.

 

[MrTub]

Snip.

Good for him, guess what: I don't care. Why do you continually bring it up?

Hey. You there. You're a douche.



Oh this will probably go over your head since its just a quote from a movie.


And I honestly I do not understand your logic so I will guess that you're religious.

Wow, I thought I was bad. Not only did you insult me, you also insulted ANYONE that believes in a religion. I must say, you win the crown for biggest douche awards

Meh. I did not insult them. I just said that I cannot understand their logic. And they most likely cannot understand my logic behind not believing in a "god" and I didnt insult you since it was a quote from a movie. I like dark humor.

I will not reply to you again since I do not wish to derail this thread

 

[artanis_neravar]

Snip.

Good for him, guess what: I don't care. Why do you continually bring it up?

Hey. You there. You're a douche.



Oh this will probably go over your head since its just a quote from a movie.


And I honestly I do not understand your logic so I will guess that you're religious.

Wow, I thought I was bad. Not only did you insult me, you also insulted ANYONE that believes in a religion. I must say, you win the crown for biggest douche awards

Because you keep quoting me, don't want me to respond? then don't respond to me. For as long as you respond to me I will respond right back, 'cause guess what: I don't care whether you don't want to continue the conversation, I don't care whether you like me, I don't care whether you think you right, I am going to do my best to make sure that no one tries to strong arm the OP into making a decision rather then just talking him through a difficult situation

 

[Rin Little]

Well from my persepctive, you have three options and you're going to have to discuss each of them with your girl...
1) Like people already said, abortion. If there's no chance you want the baby then its the simplest route. I'm not going to say the easiest.
2) Find someone to adopt the baby once its born. This would be utterly heart-wrenching for both you and your girl but its still an option. There's plenty of people who would be overjoyed to take care of the baby and be eternally grateful to you.
3)Keep the baby.

Each one of the decisions have major consequences, so definitely think long and hard with your girl about what you want to do. And good luck man.