So my mom still thinks I'm gay... (A Follow-Up)

[Bullfrog1983]

Yeah, I posted another thread a while back when my mom first tried to get me to come out of the closet, but there's been some 'developments.'

One of her friends came up to me and made me "promise to never marry a girl."

Has my mom been telling her friends I'm a lesbian? Seriously, how am I supposed to react to this?

EDIT: For the record, I am in fact straight. I see nothing wrong with being gay, but some one spreading lies about their own child is, well, sketchy...


Discussion: What's the most horrifying thing your parents ever told people about you, true or not? This could be a situation like mine, an embarrassing story about your childhood, anything.

React to it like a sensible person, go up to your mother and tell her you aren't gay, and that one of her friends asking you to make a ridiculous promise is more likely to persuade you being gay is the correct lifestyle choice for you in the future because her friend is so messed up to be talking to someone else's daughter like that.

My parents haven't done anything to embarass me, aside from telling someone I didn't want to hang out with that I wasn't grounded when I was trying to avoid seeing them.

 

[RA92]

If I had a daughter, I would be glad if she was a lesbian. Let's face it - guys are assholes and she would be better off with the fairer sex.

... Right?

Really, this is all I was trying to say in my above discussions. I didn't want to get into my personal life. Really, I didn't. Men are self righteous assholes who let their egos get bruised and throw little hissyfits. I've seen it with my dad, my sister's two exhusbands, jerks I work with, and occasionally on the internet.

Well, that would make me a self righteous asshole who lets his ego get bruised and throw little hissyfits

My last post was a bit of a joke. But you have my sympathy for having huge jackasses in your life, and you've absolute right over your personal opinion based on your own experience. Even more so, one should not force you to into a relationship with someone you're not comfortable with.

But the thing is, for every experience of yours of coming in contact with an asswipe, I can give give an example of tremendously awesome dudes as well as terrible women. And this is where the limitation of personal experiences comes in - it can't really ground itself on anything solid since experiencing everything is beyond the grasps of human mortality. This is why I usually avoid opinionated broad generalization.

 

[ExileNZ]

I have a wee word of advice:

Move out! Get the hell out of dodge and don't look back.

Maybe when you're happily hitched with Bob McMasculine she'll get the point.

Or maybe she'll just admire your sacrificing "who you are" for her happiness...

Hmm... not really sure there's a winning solution here...

 

[zelda2fanboy]

Well, that would make me a self righteous asshole who lets his ego get bruised and throw little hissyfits

My last post was a bit of a joke. But you have my sympathy for having huge jackasses in your life, and you've absolute right over your personal opinion based on your own experience. Even more so, one should not force you to into a relationship with someone you're not comfortable with.

But the thing is, for every experience of yours of coming in contact with an asswipe, I can give give an example of tremendously awesome dudes as well as terrible women. And this is where the limitation of personal experiences comes in - it can't really ground itself on anything solid since experiencing everything is beyond the grasps of human mortality. This is why I usually avoid opinionated broad generalization.

Thanks for the kind words. Seems like every few forum posts I make, no matter how innocuous I intend them to be, always end up being Me Vs. The Internet.

 

[s0denone]

Thanks for the kind words. Seems like every few forum posts I make, no matter how innocuous I intend them to be, always end up being Me Vs. The Internet.

You realise he is saying exactly what someone else (for example, me) was saying, right?

If me telling you that your personal experience does not equal the whole world is "You versus The Internet", then him telling you it is, is too.

 

[mew1234321]

Make like a bad comedy and get someone to pretend to be your boyfriend to prove your sexual preference. At best everyone will believe you, and you can claim to have broken up with him after a while, and at worst, you will find yourself in a series of unlikely events in which you constantly have to prove yourself until you actually fall in love with a guy and now face the decision between going out with him and looking like you jumped quickly from one man to the next, or ignore him to maintain your image. Eventually, everyone will find out your lie and hate you, but then you can go through some series of climactic events to woo the man you love, and end up winning him and everyone else over with a cheesy speech about being true to yourself and how love overcomes all obstacles.

Best. Idea. Ever.

In any case, yeah, next time someone says something about you possibly being gay, it would probably be a good idea to just deadpan and say, 'Dude. I'm straight' and then decide what to do, like, walk away or whatever.

Oh, and, as an asian, ALL my parents ever talked about was the worst shit I did.

Asian Parents, what are you gonna do?

 

[lacktheknack]

Just say "I'm not a lesbian."

That's it. Every time they bring it up, don't try to mess with them, don't be witty, just... "I'm not a lesbian".

 

[TankCopter]

Go and find a really hot chick and pretend to make out with her within hearing of your mum and her friend. That'll fix 'em.

My mum has on several occasions thought I was schizophrenic and/or depressed. I've never been an overly bubbly or social person, but that doesn't mean I have a mental problem. Right?

 

[zelda2fanboy]

You realise he is saying exactly what someone else (for example, me) was saying, right?

If me telling you that your personal experience does not equal the whole world is "You versus The Internet", then him telling you it is, is too.

Yes, but his post wasn't an attempt to try to describe who he thought I was based off of two or three paragraphs of text and then giving me a list of assignments. A simple "I don't think you're right and here's why" would have sufficed, instead of "You're a bitter, selfish man-child" (a loose summary, not entirely untrue) and lots of capital letters.

I often rely on personal experience to form opinions and sometimes seeing the worst is seeing the truth. You can't take that away by attempting to discredit me. Historical evidence as well as your own personal experience could be used to provide an additional perspective to the discussion. Not "Seriously?" "WHAT THE FUCK?" It's not what you say, but how you say it. If anything, it comes off as insecure.

 

[s0denone]

Yes, but his post wasn't an attempt to try to describe who he thought I was based off of two or three paragraphs of text and then giving me a list of assignments. A simple "I don't think you're right and here's why" would have sufficed, instead of "You're a bitter, selfish man-child" (a loose summary, not entirely untrue) and lots of capital letters.

I often rely on personal experience to form opinions and sometimes seeing the worst is seeing the truth. You can't take that away by attempting to discredit me. Historical evidence as well as your own personal experience could be used to provide an additional perspective to the discussion. Not "Seriously?" "WHAT THE FUCK?" It's not what you say, but how you say it. If anything, it comes off as insecure.

I can't be bothered with this argument anyone.

You want to say men don't have any standards when it comes to the opposite sex because you, personally, do not have any? Be my guest.
You want to say that you base that on "historical evidence" aside from your own personal experience? Be my guest.
You want to say that "seeing the worst is seeing the truth"? And then add that I "can't take that away"? Be my guest.

 

[zelda2fanboy]

I can't be bothered with this argument anyone.

You want to say men don't have any standards when it comes to the opposite sex because you, personally, do not have any? Be my guest.
You want to say that you base that on "historical evidence" aside from your own personal experience? Be my guest.
You want to say that "seeing the worst is seeing the truth"? And then add that I "can't take that away"? Be my guest.

I won! I never said I didn't have any. I never said you didn't have any. I said, half jokingly regarding a girl who hasn't started dating and doesn't try too hard appearance-wise, "Deep down, men really don't have any standards when it comes to appearance, personality, cleanliness... You get the idea. I'm probably generalizing based on my own experiences..." Everything following was dudes getting mad and repeating what I had just said with no additional information or counter argument. I can't make any judgements about the surprising amount of people calling me an asshole for it, other than that it comes off (to me) as really insecure.

 

[Om Nom Nom]

Explain to your mum that she's spoiling her relationship with you by assuming things and making a big deal about your sexuality. Also let her know that her spreading those assumptions to others amounts to slander, and that she should stop. Now.

If she still doesn't get it, it would really be in your interest to move out. If you decide to do so, make sure you let her know you're going to do so only if you have a friend willing to take you in if she knee-jerks into throwing you out (which happens saddeningly often with intolerant/prejudiced parents).

 

[rutger5000]

go to a bar, any bar

That's the proposed solution to what you think is my problem? I'm the crazy one here? You either haven't been to the wellsprings of human misery that is a local tavern, or you manage to get drunk enough to convince yourself it's not a dead end. No wonder everybody got so sensitive when I suggested men have low standards. Thanks, but I'd rather stay home and play video games than go down to the pub and compete with drunks over the right to talk to the 60 year old chain smoker in the corner. Why do you think they keep the lights so dim?

I'm a musician. I know about bars.

I don't know why I still bother.
Any solution to your problem would be a better one then what you are doing right now. (Except suicide, seriously man don't off yourself). So yeah going to a bar is the proposed solution to what I pretty sure know to be your problem, and yes you are the crazy one here.
Maybe literally any bar is a bit of a exaggeration. Go to any bar with some people of roughly your age. 24 year olds are usually fun people, though in America they might have already started on their family. Still this is good conversation matter.
And I've been to what you call so lovely "the wellsprings of human misery" and I don't drink, yet I had a great time talking with that 60-year-old chain smoker, I had a great time. It was a lot of fun talking with that man and hearing about all the stuff he did.
So yeah what I'm saying is: Take a shower, have a shave, put on some clean clothes, go to any bar with some people of your age, ask if it's okay that you sit down with them, if say no repeat with other group, and have some fun with meeting new people. Extra tip join in on their systems for buying drinks, you don't have to drink booze yourself, but you should join in on their system regardless.
After you've made some friends and have been having fun for a few weeks or so, you can walk up to a girl you find cute and start talking. That is provided your state of mind has changed enough. If she won't talk to you, lucky you you just avoided dating a total *****, if she talks back and you have a pleasant conversation go ask her out.
Notice how easy I make it sound? That's because it is! And that is why every single person is doing a version of that!
Can you seriously say that you wouldn't like to have some fun with some real life friends, and a few fun dates?

 

[Bernzz]

Respond to your mum's friend with "Please, never stop being ignorant and stupid. I like you just the way you are. But in all seriousness, sod off."