So Now That We Know What To Expect From Bioware...

Recommended Videos

Emiscary

New member
Sep 7, 2008
990
0
0
Here's how I figure they'll likely end up answering the questions of the Dragon Age universe:

1. The God (Demon?) Child.

This one actually makes me laugh aloud when I pause to think about it. Boy did they ever write themselves into a corner with this one. All that foreshadowing in Origins? The "Witch Hunt" DLC to try and help give some context to the decision? There is no way in bat-shit smeared holy hell that Bioware will actually give the choice real weight in the next installment (or ever, for that matter). Y'know how they'll wind up covering the issue? 200/1 odds that if you *did* go along with Morrigan's plan and go off to never never land with her and yadda-yadda-yadda, you'll get 1 line of dialogue from an exposition heavy character along these lines:

"Oh, you startled me there Protagonist. Reading some disturbing rumors from overseas about a mysterious Dark Child... but back to whatever generic quest we're currently pursuing."

If you didn't go along with it? Said line is never spoken. ANOTHER GAME DESIGN SLAM DUNK.

2. Sandal.

It's not a question of *if* he'll be used as a Deus Ex Machina at some point, it's just a question of how big and how blatant of one. At *some* point he's going to pull out his big boy voice, assume the role of the lead writer and offer you X choices like a glorified game show host.

"Destroy, dominate, or interbreed with the darkspawn!"

Y'know, something along those lines.

3. Flemeth.

They'll never actually tell you what she is. Ever. The most that you'll get is one line of dialogue (likely optional) in which the character expresses how frustrated they are about their lack of knowledge where she's concerned. As if acknowledging that players want something addressed is the same as addressing it...

4. Orlais

I know to a certainty that one or more installments of this series will revolve around bashing the French. Seriously, after that insanely stupid villain in the "Bang a Redhead" DLC? After all the hints that Dragon Age's expy for Britain (Fereldan) is gonna have to go to war with them again? You can be damn sure you've got lots of moustache twirling effeminate frenchmen to stab in your future. This will culminate with the choice of which voice actor you'd like to serve as the Emperor/Empress of expy France. One will be an asshole, both will border on tacky.

5. The Dalish

It won't matter what you've done up until this point, nothing's gonna change much where these guys are concerned. They'll offer you one last choice in the last installment that'll determine whether your Dalish party member's last words are optimistic or somber.

6. The Idol

Won't come up again, won't be explained, won't make sense. Ever. It could've be labeled "Artifact of Doom" without much issue.

7. Mages/Templars

It became pretty clear that they wanted to turn Dragon Age into fantasy X-Men at the tail end of DA2. In much the same way that it became clear they wanted to turn Mass Effect into Terminator in space at the tail end of ME2. Anders is going to be redesigned as Magneto at some point (they redesigned him from a snarky self interested hetero slacker who you could kill into a plot mandatory bisexual crusader for mage rights with a martyr complex, so I don't think this is a stretch). At some point you'll be given the option to neuter/kill all mages. After that choice is made the series will end, and nothing thereafter will be expanded upon or... well, you get the idea.

8. Mark of the Assassin

If you banged Tallis, she'll have a cameo. And she'll also have a cameo if you didn't, but it'll have like 1-2 less lines of dialogue and no kiss/pants on sex scene.

9. Legacy

You'll have to kill the super Darkspawn again. It won't matter which grey warden you picked, nor will anything else you did the length of the DLC. You're probably looking at similar mechanics in terms of the boss fight itself, because good god have Bioware proven they're lazy in this regard.

10. Ex Party Members

Anyone that you had the option to kill/not recruit who nobody complained about not being able to bang? They're gone without a trace. Anyone who you could bang? Story mandatory and their arc will conclude with either you banging them again or them dieing. Except Morrigan... again, they *really* wrote themselves into a corner with that one. Doubt she ever surfaces again.

11. The Dog

They'll put one in. They won't do anything with it, or integrate it into the game in any meaningful way, but by god it'll be in there. And you'll be able to name it w.e you want, and no one will ever refer to it by that name. And that'll be the extent of it. And reviewers will candidly mention how they loved the cuteness of said dog. And gamers will roll their eyes en masse...

12. Enemy Types

Dark Spawn. More mooks in different costumes with 3 basic classes. That; spiders (ad nauseum), demons, dragons, and every model they can salvage from Mark of the Assassin (so Wyvern and Goblin Expys).
 

dyre

New member
Mar 30, 2011
2,178
0
0
No, nooo, shut up! Dragon Age 3 is going to be an excellent game that resolves every part of the story / characters / etc in a completely original, interesting, and satisfactory way >:|
 

dragonswarrior

Also a Social Justice Warrior
Feb 13, 2012
434
0
0
Well, that was actually a lot of fun to read.

Sure, filled with bitterness, disappointment, and anger.

But fun!!

Captcha: marry me

Your answer? Yes!!
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
This is an even more depressing prognosis than I would have given.
 

SajuukKhar

New member
Sep 26, 2010
3,434
0
0
So a bunch of generic things anyone who has played the first game knows were gonna happen.

Great.....

Also as I recall Bioware said sometime shortly after DA 1 came out that they were not gonna make the god-baby canon.
 

Jitters Caffeine

New member
Sep 10, 2011
999
0
0
Emiscary said:
7. Mages/Templars

It became pretty clear that they wanted to turn Dragon Age into fantasy X-Men at the tail end of DA2. In much the same way that it became clear they wanted to turn Mass Effect into Terminator in space at the tail end of ME2. Anders is going to be redesigned as Magneto at some point (they redesigned him from a snarky self interested hetero slacker who you could kill into a plot mandatory bisexual crusader for mage rights with a martyr complex, so I don't think this is a stretch). At some point you'll be given the option to neuter/kill all mages. After that choice is made the series will end, and nothing thereafter will be expanded upon or... well, you get the idea.
Weirdly, I made this same comparison to a friend of mine who said they loved everything about the game.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD CHARLES!

OT: I absolutely loved Dragon Age: Origins. But unfortunately, DA2 just didn't gel with me. I think the biggest problem I had was how lackluster the story felt compared to just the scale of the first.

"Why the fuck should I care about this asshole and his family? Oh, because the game says I should? Okay..."
 

Kahunaburger

New member
May 6, 2011
4,141
0
0
Sadly, many of these seem spot-on. Somebody should necro this thread in a year or two and find out.
 

wintercoat

New member
Nov 26, 2011
1,691
0
0
Kahunaburger said:
Sadly, many of these seem spot-on. Somebody should necro this thread in a year or two and find out.
A year or 2? Are you kidding? DA3 will be out in time for Christmas.
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
wintercoat said:
Kahunaburger said:
Sadly, many of these seem spot-on. Somebody should necro this thread in a year or two and find out.
A year or 2? Are you kidding? DA3 will be out in time for Christmas.
Really? They haven't even started the marketing cycle for it yet.
 

wintercoat

New member
Nov 26, 2011
1,691
0
0
Fappy said:
wintercoat said:
Kahunaburger said:
Sadly, many of these seem spot-on. Somebody should necro this thread in a year or two and find out.
A year or 2? Are you kidding? DA3 will be out in time for Christmas.
Really? They haven't even started the marketing cycle for it yet.
I'm calling it now. The marketing push for DA3 will start end of June/early July, Preorders will start to be taken(if they already aren't) in mid-August. 30% chance that it'll be pushed back for a March release, depending on what gets announced between now and then, but a Christmas release will be announced.
 

Smeggs

New member
Oct 21, 2008
1,253
0
0
And don't forget, at the end your character dies.

Because derp, they always have to die, even if the reason does not make any logical point as to why.
 

Vault101

I'm in your mind fuzz
Sep 26, 2010
18,863
15
43
Smeggs said:
And don't forget, at the end your character dies.

Because derp, they always have to die, even if the reason does not make any logical point as to why.
because its deep and artistic

and if you can understand it its not artistic enough
 

Fappy

\[T]/
Jan 4, 2010
12,010
0
41
Country
United States
Soviet Heavy said:
What to expect from Bioware.

Something along those lines.
Do you happen to have the party member one? I love that chart.
 

SageRuffin

M-f-ing Jedi Master
Dec 19, 2009
2,005
0
0
Wow... this is getting fucking ridiculous. Can't we just let bygones be bygones and move on with our respective lives already? Please? For the children?

Somebody PLEASE think of the children!
 

CrazyBlaze

New member
Jul 12, 2011
945
0
0
So one bad ending, badly written by Casey Hudson and everything Bioware does now is shit? I mean most of ME3 was will written and well done.
 

VoidWanderer

New member
Sep 17, 2011
1,551
0
0
Emiscary said:
Here's how I figure they'll likely end up answering the questions of the Dragon Age universe:

1. The God (Demon?) Child.

This one actually makes me laugh aloud when I pause to think about it. Boy did they ever write themselves into a corner with this one. All that foreshadowing in Origins? The "Witch Hunt" DLC to try and help give some context to the decision? There is no way in bat-shit smeared holy hell that Bioware will actually give the choice real weight in the next installment (or ever, for that matter). Y'know how they'll wind up covering the issue? 200/1 odds that if you *did* go along with Morrigan's plan and go off to never never land with her and yadda-yadda-yadda, you'll get 1 line of dialogue from an exposition heavy character along these lines:

"Oh, you startled me there Protagonist. Reading some disturbing rumors from overseas about a mysterious Dark Child... but back to whatever generic quest we're currently pursuing."

If you didn't go along with it? Said line is never spoken. ANOTHER GAME DESIGN SLAM DUNK.

2. Sandal.

It's not a question of *if* he'll be used as a Deus Ex Machina at some point, it's just a question of how big and how blatant of one. At *some* point he's going to pull out his big boy voice, assume the role of the lead writer and offer you X choices like a glorified game show host.

"Destroy, dominate, or interbreed with the darkspawn!"

Y'know, something along those lines.

3. Flemeth.

They'll never actually tell you what she is. Ever. The most that you'll get is one line of dialogue (likely optional) in which the character expresses how frustrated they are about their lack of knowledge where she's concerned. As if acknowledging that players want something addressed is the same as addressing it...

4. Orlais

I know to a certainty that one or more installments of this series will revolve around bashing the French. Seriously, after that insanely stupid villain in the "Bang a Redhead" DLC? After all the hints that Dragon Age's expy for Britain (Fereldan) is gonna have to go to war with them again? You can be damn sure you've got lots of moustache twirling effeminate frenchmen to stab in your future. This will culminate with the choice of which voice actor you'd like to serve as the Emperor/Empress of expy France. One will be an asshole, both will border on tacky.

5. The Dalish

It won't matter what you've done up until this point, nothing's gonna change much where these guys are concerned. They'll offer you one last choice in the last installment that'll determine whether your Dalish party member's last words are optimistic or somber.

6. The Idol

Won't come up again, won't be explained, won't make sense. Ever. It could've be labeled "Artifact of Doom" without much issue.

7. Mages/Templars

It became pretty clear that they wanted to turn Dragon Age into fantasy X-Men at the tail end of DA2. In much the same way that it became clear they wanted to turn Mass Effect into Terminator in space at the tail end of ME2. Anders is going to be redesigned as Magneto at some point (they redesigned him from a snarky self interested hetero slacker who you could kill into a plot mandatory bisexual crusader for mage rights with a martyr complex, so I don't think this is a stretch). At some point you'll be given the option to neuter/kill all mages. After that choice is made the series will end, and nothing thereafter will be expanded upon or... well, you get the idea.

8. Mark of the Assassin

If you banged Tallis, she'll have a cameo. And she'll also have a cameo if you didn't, but it'll have like 1-2 less lines of dialogue and no kiss/pants on sex scene.

9. Legacy

You'll have to kill the super Darkspawn again. It won't matter which grey warden you picked, nor will anything else you did the length of the DLC. You're probably looking at similar mechanics in terms of the boss fight itself, because good god have Bioware proven they're lazy in this regard.

10. Ex Party Members

Anyone that you had the option to kill/not recruit who nobody complained about not being able to bang? They're gone without a trace. Anyone who you could bang? Story mandatory and their arc will conclude with either you banging them again or them dieing. Except Morrigan... again, they *really* wrote themselves into a corner with that one. Doubt she ever surfaces again.

11. The Dog

They'll put one in. They won't do anything with it, or integrate it into the game in any meaningful way, but by god it'll be in there. And you'll be able to name it w.e you want, and no one will ever refer to it by that name. And that'll be the extent of it. And reviewers will candidly mention how they loved the cuteness of said dog. And gamers will roll their eyes en masse...

12. Enemy Types

Dark Spawn. More mooks in different costumes with 3 basic classes. That; spiders (ad nauseum), demons, dragons, and every model they can salvage from Mark of the Assassin (so Wyvern and Goblin Expys).
13. Bertrand says 'The End'.

There you go, list complete!