So, on a scale of 1-10, how bad is this?

[BloatedGuppy]

endless garbage

I find it funny how you talk about generalizations yet you're the one who pulled some bullshit statistic out of their ass to make it seem like there's a science behind anything you say. Oh, and also stalling someone with links to articles that have nothing to do with the main topic. Classic.

At this point I'm not even bothering to read past 3 words into your responses.

Anybody else want to field this? Anybody intelligent?

Bullshit statistics for the win!

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/reporting-rates

I guess I should have made vague, airy comments about "furious females" and how they should all just shut their mouths, and sweeping generalizations about how "no one cares about sexual abuse about men". That would've been pretty rigorous and scientific, right? Right up your alley!

Also, I'm really disappointed in you. Not two posts ago you said you weren't going to reply to any more of my "childish taunts", and yet here you are. You can't play the "you got your 2 cents" card and then come back for more.

If you want to stop making broadly generalized comments that are hilariously insulting to women and stop trivializing sexual abuse, we can have a discussion about why what you said was so bad. If you want to keep acting like an angry little kid having a tantrum, you can do that too, and we can stop having this sad little bitchfest and maybe avoid both getting banned for it. You, for being outrageously sexist, me for not being able to keep from insulting you for being outrageously sexist.

 

[karamazovnew]

And that's one of the reasons why I never drink more than one beer. And also why I don't like people around me drinking till they pass out. Of course this pales into comparison to the one time when 5 of us had to keep one friend pinned to the floor while he puked on all of us and then carry him tied to a chair to the ambulance, all the while trying to keep him from chocking on his own puke AND keeping him from killing us.

Anyway your friend has a problem. Best for him to confess to that girl on the lines of "I've always thought you were so attractive and because of the alcohol I just didn't realize it wasn't a dream. When I did I stopped and took 2 days to gather the courage to say I'm sorry." And both of them should really drink with measure from now on. It could've turned into something so much worse.

 

[tycho0042]

I agree with the average poster here. That is totally messed up.
1 being "lol, overreaction" 10 being "call the cops NOW" I'd rate that around a 6
She gave no consent and just because they're friends doesn't give him that sort of right.
Definitely despicable

 

[bauke67]

I don't think you overreacted, but it sounds like that guy was probably almost just as drunk, so he may not have been able to think straight. He should confess it anyway, though.

 

[Kyle 2175]

that's rape if she finds out she could put that's sick fuck in jail so he gets raped by 30 men at a time.

I'm absolutely certain that that is physically impossible.

Anyway I'd say that this is at least an 8, it's vile, reprehensible and generally just scummy. It's not at a 10 "call the goddamn police now!" level but I'd say you should definitely her and see what her reaction is. Really, this is all up to her, but I can't imagine her being very happy about it.

 

[RobCoxxy]

I spent the drunken, consensual night with an ex's best friend. That felt wrong to the point of no contact post-funtime. I'm sure unsonscious groping is a bajillion times worse.

 

[Myf]

This happens way 2 often, I passed out once with a bunch of my friends from school, all dudes who I trusted since way back, they "felt me up" and all laughed about it in school and I had no idea what they were talking about until a friend of mine puched their balls and made em talk. Never passed out since.

 

[Robert Ewing]

It's quite bad, but at least he didn't take it any further. It could of been worse.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

I think the most they've ever done was massages because she's always saying he's the best masseuse around and has great hands or some crap like that.

So we're all gonna just ignore this bit, huh?

Let me start by saying there is no excusing his behavior. It was disrespectful, probably illegal, and especially disgusting considering the level of trust that should exists between friends.

Of course, I don't think they were/are actually friends. It sounds like he's a hopelessly smitten (and admittedly douchey) guy being endlessly lead on by a girl who is either too obtuse to recognize his true feelings or too selfish to do the right thing and cut him loose.

I mean read what you wrote, guy. He's frequently had his hands on this girl, and she's managed little more than to tell you that he's particularly good at it? That speaks to a naivety on her part that is frankly hand to swallow.

And what about you? You know for a fact that she's not interested in him romantically. You also see the sleepovers. You hear about the massages. Did we skip right past the conversation you had with this guy, your friend, about his unhealthy relationship with this girl? What about the conversation you had with her trying to sort out her intentions in this mess?

In his groping of an unconscious woman, your friend is no victim. But in the time leading up to his offense? Maybe someone should have stepped in and tried to help him sort out his feelings. Maybe it should have been the girl who accepted his massages and shared her bed. Maybe it should have been the guy who watched these two spiral one another in their inevitably destructive farce of a friendship.

Seems like everyone read this thread and saw a rapist. I saw a rapist with two shitty friends. There will never be excuse or legitimate cause for his actions, but that doesn't make her behavior (or yours) any less disgusting.

People are suggesting he approached you because he knew he'd done something wrong. Maybe you've posted this because you're not so innocent yourself.

As for what happens next? The girl must be told. It should be him. He should tell her in complete contrition, and he should subsequently inform her that they can no longer see each other. As no permanent harm was done, and she was supposedly his friend, I'm optimistic there will be no further fallout beyond the cessation of their relationship. If he refuses, then you must tell her.

 

[The Lugz]

X
10
TEN
T.E.N

that about sums it up, if you do nothing you're letting that creep near your other friend...
and you're a bad bad bad person

I hope you have nightmares about him touching you up when you're drunk
yah how'd you like that

 

[Sewer Rat]

That is absolutely inexcusable and a terrible thing to do to someone he would consider a friend. Personally I would tell the friend whom he felt up, she deserves to know. If you are worried that he will be angry, I daresay that from what I have heard here, he is not a friend worth keeping. Granted, I am basing this opinion on what you have said here, I do not know your friend, and you definitely are in a better position to judge his character than me, but I daresay anyone who feels like it is no big deal to grope a person, let alone a friend, who is passed out is no friend of mine.

 

[BlackSaint09]

Thats pretty low and disgusting indeed. But then again he was drunk. I know that aint an excuse for anything but im just saying. He had less control over himself. I say he should slap himself across the face and make it up to her. Without ofcourse telling her what for hes doing it.

 

[Kenjitsuka]

That's plain and simple sexual assault, no?

In any case, some in this thread are saying that "he must've also been waaaay drunk", and that is meant as some defense for his actions. Well, NO, he can still remember it. If he would have been truely drunk he'd not remember, for one.

however he did tell his friend about which means he did have some remorse. he could've just kept it a secret. now that would have been truly bad.

Maybe his real reason for telling was to brag?
And then, gauging the reaction, NOT going for the "high five" to celebrate he had intended?
We can't know for sure, so it remains on the table

yes, i did think about a bragging scenario, but somebody who`s bragging doesn`t usually try and explain that it was that bad. and was that a winking face or smiling face? i can't tell with the small font the escapist uses...each one has entirely different hidden meaning so it's good to clarify.....

A winking one. The font is indeed horrible, so I always view these pages on 200% or so. Hold control and scroll up/down. Any proper browser should keep your settings per page ;-)

 

[sketch_zeppelin]

Why don't you let her decided. Tell her about it and see how she recats. If she freaks and cuts it off with him then you have your answer. If not then obviously it wasn't that big of a deal.

 

[Dr Snakeman]

No, you're not really overreacting. What he did was most definitely wrong, and a mistake. That said...

I do think that the intoxicated should be held responsible for their actions. I just don't think that his actions were cause for such a great alarm. If he did insert anything anywhere or rape her, that would be a different story. Drunk drivers should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law, etc, etc. Even drunk drivers aren't bad people, just bad decision-makers.

I really do think that this can all be solved amicably like this:
"Hey, remember that time we got drunk? I felt your breast when you were passed out, and I'm really sorry. I hope we can still be friends."

"Oh really? That's kind of weird. I'd rather you not drink around me anymore."

"Okay. I'll respect that."

"Thank you."

Done.
Not a big deal.

Yeah, what he said. They were both drunk, and "inappropriate touch" really isn't as bad as a lot of people here seem to be making it out to be.

She should know about this, though. And as for the "scale from 1 to 10", I'd give it a 3 or a 4, with one being a fully-conscious, yet unsolicited, peck on the cheek, and ten being gang rape.

 

[Woodsey]

Depends on how pissed he was, and how much felt her up.

And anyone pretending that doesn't come into it needs to get pissed more often. People do stupid shit when they're pissed - you say they spend all their time together, if this was the first time then he was just fucked and did something stupid.

It really depends on a lot more things than you've told us, anyone jumping to conclusions and calling him sick and twisted need to have their heads screwed on a bit better.

 

[WhyBotherToTry]

Am I overreacting?

No. Definitely not. He invaded her personal space while she was passed out and did something wildly inappropriate. Tell the cops about it.

 

[reiem531]

This is certainly a very wrong thing to do, but remember that they were both drunk. He's not a terrible person for doing this, he just (like everyone else) makes poor decisions while drunk.

Basically, what he did was very wrong, but unless he makes a habit of it I wouldn't call him a pervert or a rapist or anything that extreme.

 

[hooksashands]

@BloatedGuppy

Again, you present the ultimate strawman argument. i.e I'm a sexist because a) I don't believe a drunk guy copping a feel on someone constitutes rape and b) I am not impressed by your ability to type "rape report stats" into Google.

The site you linked to accounts for rape reports in the US only, and if you bothered to read your own research you would notice that 23% of the women who claimed to have been raped showed no physical signs of having been assaulted http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=1133--this includes thorough testing such as looking for strands of pubic hair and swabbing for fluid traces. There are also cases where women lead a guy on and then decide at the last moment that they'd rather not have intercourse, thus interpret their partner's ensuing physical reluctance as an attempted rape. Quite frankly, if you're going to invite someone into your bedroom and you're both really drunk, you should know the goddamn implication.

What strikes me as profoundly stupid on your part is that you come at me with percentages, yet you are totally bereft of any stories of personal experiences where you or a person you know has been raped. And if that's the case, please just shut that sewage pipe you call a mouth. The only thing you've managed to be correct on so far is that the majority of actual rapes are rarely reported, because the victim does not want everyone to know--at least until they get into the anger/resentment stage. People who enter this stage right away are easily singled out as fakes. A person who has been ravaged against their will is more likely to just pretend it never happened, as the experience is so intensely humiliating that it makes them revert into a lifeless shell of their former selves.

As for getting us both banned: Awesome. If I can take you with me, I'll consider having done everyone here a public service on my way out by getting rid of you. Flame on.