So parents have kicked their 16 year old out!

[Evil Smurf]

catch up with her if possible

 

[manaman]

You can't even specify the age of the person, but you want us to judge aspects of their life; including the parents that you know even less aboit. I mean for all we know this person lives in another country and you are only hearing rumor and speculation. Maybe she asked to live with other relatives for some reason? Maybe not. Maybe she is a total waste of a person. You lack even the most basic details needed to form an opinion.

This actually exemplifies the problem with people asking for advice here. More often than not they are not asking advice, they are asking for justification for their actions. For a pat on the back and people to tell them it isn't their fault, totally that other person in the wrong. As such the stories are horribly onesided.

 

[KiloFox]

as someone who flat-out LEFT his parents at 17, while still in high school, i feel compelled to comment.

now granted i left due to abuse and had an amazing network of friends to support me through it. i don't know if your friend has that, but i hope she does.

now anyway. REGARDLESS of what the child has done or who the child is, it is the duty and responsibility of the parents to care for the child until they're 18. my parents failed that, and from the sound of it, so did your friends parents.

from what i can tell, the father sounds like a stand-up parent. trying to fix everything that the mom screwed up. no matter what the situation, the mother lost sight of her duty as a parent and over-reacted. you lose the right to be petty when you have a child.

 

[Denamic]

In Sweden, a parent is obligated to provide for their child until they're 18.
To kick someone out of the house before that is downright illegal, no matter the circumstances.
Failing to do so will result in pretty harsh legal action, if reported.

 

[DugMachine]

At 18 I almost got kicked out because me and my parents argued CONSTANTLY. They wanted me to work by the time I was 16 but I could only hold jobs for a month or two before losing interest so they would have to support me.

I did everything they asked of me and got good grades in my first two years of uni so I don't know what their deal was but by the time I was 20 I moved out. Now I have a much better relationship with them but I just cannot live with those people.

We need more information here though. I think it's illegal for parents to kick their kids out before they're 18. Like it or not it's their obligation to take care of them until then.

 

[saoirse13]

You can't even specify the age of the person, but you want us to judge aspects of their life; including the parents that you know even less aboit. I mean for all we know this person lives in another country and you are only hearing rumor and speculation. Maybe she asked to live with other relatives for some reason? Maybe not. Maybe she is a total waste of a person. You lack even the most basic details needed to form an opinion.

This actually exemplifies the problem with people asking for advice here. More often than not they are not asking advice, they are asking for justification for their actions. For a pat on the back and people to tell them it isn't their fault, totally that other person in the wrong. As such the stories are horribly onesided.

The mother is in her late 50's the father coming close to his 80th. The girl (from what the father knows and has told me) is a pretty good kid, yeah like any other has had the odd night where she drank alcohol, came home late and that kind of thing. But her grades are outstanding and consistant, she has never (in the words of her father) done anything she should be ashamed of. Now, the worst troble this girl has ever gotten into was not telling her parents about a concert. Her father has very rarely had any problems with her, however in the last 2 years her relationship with her mother has went down hill rapidly.

 

[saoirse13]

Is it possible that the mother is an alcoholic? More speculation, I know, but I've known some children of alcoholics who've gone through the same thing.

To be honest of that i have no idea, there is alot of speculation going on within the family at the moment, that could be a possibility.

Sometimes people need to spend some time apart to remember what they actually like about each other. I used to hate my dad with a passion until i moved out and then we started to get along better so it might end up being for the best.

Also, is the mother hitting that age bracket where lots of women start turning psycho for a few years? That might explain why the father isn't getting involved directly...

Not entirely sure of the mother's exact age though i think she is roughly in her mid 50's however the father is somewhat older and we are talking a couple decades. I was like you though my father was not around, I had an uncle who was like the father figure though i hated him for ever trying to hold any authority over me, we fought on a regular basis and never agreed on anything, though he never would have kicked me out (i live with my mother, uncle and grandmother)

She sounds a little too old for what i was thinking. It does sound like the father needs to step in and try and sort it out but without knowing what the final straw was it's hard to judge. There will always be more to the story than we know and often it's not what has been said that's important but the way it was said. Is the mother particularly religious? That can often have a destructive effect on relationships with younger free spirited teenagers. My mother has recently started turning towards god and it has put a lot of strain on our relationship (though i'm hardly a teenager anymore (33)).

You mentioned a big age gap between the parents and that could explain it. Perhaps the daughter saw something she shouldn't have and getting kicked out was the mothers defence to getting caught. Pure speculation of course but i'm throwing up ideas as they come to me. I have noticed that older women become more sexually active in their 50's and perhaps the father can't provide what she needs.

*slaps himself for speculation on top of speculation* I'll leave it at that before i cloud your judgement with possibilities that are very likely nowhere near the truth.

Your speculation is close to mine. though this is something which the entire family has thought of at one time or another.however, Whether her mother has had an affair or not her daughter should come first.

 

[Vicarious Reality]

Anyway, i would just really want some of your opinions on this.

My opinion on what

I have no idea why she was kicked out

 

[mirage202]

I think it may be best if the rest of the family stays out of this one, yourself included.

Sure, a helping hand should be extended to your cousin, but as for the why? Every household has secrets, things that go on behind closed doors. There may even be something going on that her mother is aware of, yet her father has to this point been deliberately kept out of the loop.

It could be for an endless number of reasons, reality at the end of the day though, it's their problem, and should be for them to reconcile or not. Anybody else getting involved will just complicate matters.

The only reason you or another family member should get involved, is if it is a legal thing, abuse etc. Though I do believe if that were the case, the father would know.

 

[madwarper]

@OP: If you don't know the full story, I fail to see how we would know it and/or be able form relevant opinions.

Regardless, if you must interject yourself in this family squabble (inadvisable, but if you must...), you could invite her into your household. Then, you can begin to form an understanding on what might have lead her parents to show her to the door.