So relationships...Why?
- Thread starter creager91
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As relentlessly cynical as this is, I do actually quite like it. I'm a distinctly isolationist person (fine, I shan't sugarcoat it: I'm a pathologically depressive geek who flat-out loathes most of the people around me)...and y'know what? I have a wonderful, beautiful girlfriend who gets it. She calls me out on my bullshit, and with some incredible reservoir of God-given patience she puts up with my antics at all other times. And when we're not driving each other batshit crazy, we really do love each other.John Marcone said:
Good relationships are about taking two inherently independent and self-sufficient individuals and instilling them with enough tolerance and craziness to figure out how to meld themselves into a whole--usually an awkward whole, but a whole nevertheless. (Sort of like Voltron, without the lights and the cool music.) And for the sense of accomplishment that such an endeavour done right provides if for nothing else (although in my case there are definitely other reasons), I do like relationships.
...Also the sex. That too.
Considering Fred Astaire is the best dancer who ever lived, yes, pretty much everything he does is a masterpiece. He's sub-human and after watching nearly everything he has done I can count his subtle faults on one hand. He's perfect to the most minute angle.Hader said:You think they all are masterpiecesKortney said:
Don't make me go all Righteous Brothers on this now
Anyway this is so off topic it's not funny!
To answer the question posed in the thread title: Because sex can be fun (given the right partner and circumstances)... and hunting new partners all the time is a lot of work.
On that note, I firmly believe the concept of "romantic love" started as a confused combination of friendship and sex, then evolved into the ugly, religious following it is today. I still think love stories are cute sometimes... but it's really just fantasy.
This from a guy in a long-term monogamous relationship (2 years, so far).
On that note, I firmly believe the concept of "romantic love" started as a confused combination of friendship and sex, then evolved into the ugly, religious following it is today. I still think love stories are cute sometimes... but it's really just fantasy.
This from a guy in a long-term monogamous relationship (2 years, so far).
That's good then, honesty and no emotional abuse and your golden.creager91 said:
That's still a good example of a bad experience.
My second girlfriend was fucking crazy. She would insist she was fine everything was alright and was full of love and glitter...
Then i would get home, log on to MSN and she would spend hours berating me about every horrible thing i did, even complaining to one of my friend how horribly i treated her(fun fact i didn't)then upon breaking up with her she e-stalked my new girlfriend(and current wife) and tried to get all my friends to abandon me for her. (They liked me more).
She was fucking crazy, but i walked away learning the signs of a crazy person better. So win for me.
Well, for one, your 19. This is not an insult mind you. It's just your recently free from highschool and you and your friends might not have left the highschool mentality behind. When me and my wife first moved in together we fought, every second day. Three years later? Maybe once a month, usually about money. Committing to someone take a serious amount of dedication. Its two independent people having to give up a piece of there independence. Your living mroe actively with someone else, whether you moved in together(huge step) or are just spending time together you now have ot consider two people.
Guys can forget that they need to think of others, girls can forget they need to initiate as much as the male.
And sometimes, people just are not right for each other.
As said, your 19, way to young to be swearing off relationships. Your path to happiness is your own however. Best to keep as many doors open as you can. Life will close enough doors on it's own, no need to be padlocking some of them yourself.
You might not ever meet the person that will make you honestly, head-over-heels, chemically-imbalanced IN LOVE. There might not be a perfect match for you. You may or may not realize this as you get older. If you do not realize it you will probably unconsciously lower your standards and lie to yourself until you are satisfied with whatever person you end up with.
Or maybe everyone is actually doing that right now, and no one is actually feeling any of the things they think they are, they are simply being tricked into it by their vulnerable egos and acceptance of social "norms." (Gratuitous Radiohead reference "Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there)
If you DO realize that you're not ever going to meet that person everyone in your life, and almost all media, lied to you about then you will have to make a decision: CONSCIOUSLY settle on someone else so that you are not alone and maybe trick yourself into believing this is as good as it gets, or just go with it. Accept it and move on. Stop wanting it cause you're never going to get it and it will drive you crazy and miserable to brood on it.
Personally I'm happier when I'm alone. I get into meaningless relationships a couple times a year to prove to myself that I can and to stroke my ego a bit but they never last more than a couple weeks. That's all I can handle. Sure, MAYBE someday I'll meet someone that blows my mind but holding my breath for it will just end with me being miserable until it finally happens. Fuck that, I'd rather be happy now by seeing things as how they are.
Or maybe everyone is actually doing that right now, and no one is actually feeling any of the things they think they are, they are simply being tricked into it by their vulnerable egos and acceptance of social "norms." (Gratuitous Radiohead reference "Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there)
If you DO realize that you're not ever going to meet that person everyone in your life, and almost all media, lied to you about then you will have to make a decision: CONSCIOUSLY settle on someone else so that you are not alone and maybe trick yourself into believing this is as good as it gets, or just go with it. Accept it and move on. Stop wanting it cause you're never going to get it and it will drive you crazy and miserable to brood on it.
Personally I'm happier when I'm alone. I get into meaningless relationships a couple times a year to prove to myself that I can and to stroke my ego a bit but they never last more than a couple weeks. That's all I can handle. Sure, MAYBE someday I'll meet someone that blows my mind but holding my breath for it will just end with me being miserable until it finally happens. Fuck that, I'd rather be happy now by seeing things as how they are.
Man, isn't love a nice feeling? I'm seriously suspicious that I am, at the moment, watching the air leak from a five year relationship with, oh yes, my first love. I feel no compulsion to plug the hole.
Relationships are about learning: about emotion and sex, about the other person and what makes them, them; and also about maybe fitting into the world as part of a stable unit that can withstand catastrophe.
Or it could just be about sex, which it probably is. Once the sex is gone, the whole thing's shot to hell, which leads me to think that it was the only reason for all of it in the first place...but I'm biased this morning. I have literally never been more cynical about love than I am today.
I do miss it, though.
Relationships are about learning: about emotion and sex, about the other person and what makes them, them; and also about maybe fitting into the world as part of a stable unit that can withstand catastrophe.
Or it could just be about sex, which it probably is. Once the sex is gone, the whole thing's shot to hell, which leads me to think that it was the only reason for all of it in the first place...but I'm biased this morning. I have literally never been more cynical about love than I am today.
I do miss it, though.
Well, I'm having an asexual mood swing at the moment so I'll be pretty useless on the subject.
But yeah, I suppose romance is just someone you really like to be around. Doesn't seem too complicated, in my eyes, although I guess that'll change at some point.
But yeah, I suppose romance is just someone you really like to be around. Doesn't seem too complicated, in my eyes, although I guess that'll change at some point.
I have never been in a relationship, but have grown up with watching them on tv and the like, and it has become that I like the idea of love, I would like it eventually, but the more I see of people my age getting in relationships, the shallower the relationships usually seem to be. Maybe its because I'm holding it to a quality that only fiction can substain.
Anyway, as it is, I'm on the lookout, but not exactly in a rush.
Anyway, as it is, I'm on the lookout, but not exactly in a rush.
Laughed so hard, you sir has made my day!John Marcone said:
Back to topic : well I've been here and there, but I have to say even though at one point sometime people say they dont want to be in another relationship after a really horrid break up... people just end up in another one anyway because we're social being and dont want to be alone.
Although sometimes being alone and free is good too, you can do whatever you want, you dont have much obligation other than what you already have and stuff...
I suppose its like what most parents say about dating while you're young : be free while you can before its all over and you decide to settle down.
i.e. live your life without relationship for a while, go with the flow, play all the games you ever wanna play out there, go nuts on whatever adventure you wanna have, get to know as many friends as you can (includes opposite sex friends of course, doesnt mean you should be all sausage fest or no boys allowed kinda way
), and then just quit and find someone who you love (or pick from the aforementioned list of acquaintances/friends/best friends) and settle down...Thing is for some of us I guess the hard bit is finding that someone, which is why it may lead some people who said they dont want to be in a relationship to go into one anyway.
Although, personally I have to say, each relationship do teach you quite a lot of lesson which shapes you to the person you will be in the future, be it because of a good or bad experience.
This is how relationships work;
Person a finds person b physically attractive. Either this is reciprocated or person a Is rejected.
If they are attracted to each other the relationship will continue until one or the other finds someone more physically attractive, and if this person c reciprocates, that person will drop the other like fox dropped firefly.
No matter how you dress it up, relationships are a process based upon typical human selfishness and shallowness.
Person a finds person b physically attractive. Either this is reciprocated or person a Is rejected.
If they are attracted to each other the relationship will continue until one or the other finds someone more physically attractive, and if this person c reciprocates, that person will drop the other like fox dropped firefly.
No matter how you dress it up, relationships are a process based upon typical human selfishness and shallowness.
I haven't been in many relationships but more than enough to know when they're worth it. When it's right then everything just seems to work. Even when you fight you still want that person to be with you. Of course you do need time apart but that time usually just makes you want to be with that person more. When it doesn't work there's no fire. Yes you want to be with that person but you dont need to be with them. You know the difference when you've felt it. I don't see any relationship as pointless unless you really don't feel that way about someone. Every relationship, even the terrible ones, can teach you something about yourself and if all your relationships just cuase you stress then you're probably looking for the wrong type of person for you.