So there's this boy

[Zen Toombs]

Yup, this is another quasi-stereotypical advice asking thread.
So the story begins: So there's this boy.
Problem: I've dated him before (twice, in fact) and it didn't work out for all sorts of reasons.
Additional Problem[sub]1[/sub]: I have been feeling lonely, and there hasn't been anyone else suitable to be romantically involved with.
Additional Problem[sub]2[/sub]: I like him anyway, and he still likes me.


Self-Aware Possibility: I may looking for validation on this issue, which probably isn't the best reason to post things on the interwebs.... too late, I've pressed the button.

 

[F7A537]

well not to sound harsh but if it has already not worked twice why would it work a third time? though i'm not much of an expert i'll be honest if you 2 do like each other then maybe you should give it a go though, i mean if it has broke down twice yet you still like each other then go ahead, the worst that could happen is you fall apart but still be friends because it sounds like you 2 are good friends

 

[Insideout Ink Demon]

my experience, if it didnt work out before, it wont work out now, so i second @F7A537

 

[SckizoBoy]

Hmmm... *checks profile* OK, you're twenty, so presumably, you dated this guy when you were in your mid-late teens. How long for (if you don't mind me asking)?

While I am inclined to say that 'if it hasn't worked not just once but twice, why would it work a third time?' it really depends on whether yourself and/or this on/off boyfriend of yours have emotionally matured in the time between first dating and now.

Generally, though, for someone of your age (generalising here, so don't take this personally) it doesn't happen, since you're probably in college or something? So you still wish to be in the 'have-fun-while-I-can' stage of your life. Take a good look at yourself, what's changed in the last few years (about yourself, I mean) and do the same for him, then decide if you want to go through the potential drama of 'take 3'.

 

[Insanum]

Re-Read your post. It sounds to me like you're lonely and so you're going back to the familiar. You've been with him twice already and its not worked, and you've ended for a reason.

Dont settle, Loneliness is bad, but d'ya know whats worse? Being stuck in bad relationships.

 

[idodo35]

well it didnt work before twice so dont expect it to last if you do go for it...
but that might be wrong cause whatever reason it was that it didnt work might not happen again... so... if ya want go for it but dont expect to much...

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

If you both feel the same way, I say give it a go. Be cautious, be honest, and make sure you talk things through and take things slowly. Be prepared for it not to work out.

 

[Zen Toombs]

Hmmm... *checks profile* OK, you're twenty, so presumably, you dated this guy when you were in your mid-late teens. How long for (if you don't mind me asking)?

While I am inclined to say that 'if it hasn't worked not just once but twice, why would it work a third time?' it really depends on whether yourself and/or this on/off boyfriend of yours have emotionally matured in the time between first dating and now.

Generally, though, for someone of your age (generalising here, so don't take this personally) it doesn't happen, since you're probably in college or something? So you still wish to be in the 'have-fun-while-I-can' stage of your life. Take a good look at yourself, what's changed in the last few years (about yourself, I mean) and do the same for him, then decide if you want to go through the potential drama of 'take 3'.

The first time I dated him for about a month at 16, and the second time for about nine months between 18-19 (we broke up about a year ago).

As for the 'have-fun while I can" stage of my life, I'm not sure that I've ever been in that stage. Whenever I've dated someone, it was because I saw something there that at least could work out long term. Probably me being dumb, but it is what it is.

Re-Read your post. It sounds to me like you're lonely and so you're going back to the familiar.

Yeah, that's what I'm worried about.

[snipped advice]
though i'm not much of an expert i'll be honest

I'm sure you'll meet a nice boy/girl and gain lots of fun experience.

i mean if it has broke down twice yet you still like each other then go ahead, the worst that could happen is you fall apart but still be friends because it sounds like you 2 are good friends

We are great friends. But if we try again and it doesn't work, our relationship may not stay so shiny.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

Everyone replying to this thread and saying "if it didn't work out the first two times, it won't work out the third" are 100% correct. It almost certainly won't work out. However, that doesn't mean it won't work for a little while. All relationships are transitory. You're really not hurting anything by seeing someone casually, as long as you're realistic about the likelihood of it ending in marriage and children.

We are great friends. But if we try again and it doesn't work, our relationship may not stay so shiny.

Ooooh, I didn't see this when I posted my reply. If you're great friends, be aware that dating (again) stands a high possibility of decimating the friendship.

Of course, if one of you is crushing on the other, that stands a good chance of decimating the friendship anyway! Some people just aren't wired to be platonic with one another.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

I agree with most of the replies in here, if your lonely and alienated you need to actively search out for someone to take those feelings away, but it doesn't seem like this particular boy is going to do that.

Granted people can change drastically inbetween the years of 16-25. So maybe it would work out, but if it were me. I would look elsewhere.

 

[Shadows Risen]

i mean if it has broke down twice yet you still like each other then go ahead, the worst that could happen is you fall apart but still be friends because it sounds like you 2 are good friends

We are great friends. But if we try again and it doesn't work, our relationship may not stay so shiny.

This sounds ridiculously similar to me and my ex (for the third time). We split up twice (first time was after a month, second was 4 months), were still really good friends, tried a 3rd time (split up 4 months ago for various reasons, and it ended badly) and now we don't talk, so it is a risk of you guys not being friends should things go badly.

All depends whether you think you two being together is worth the risk really.

 

[F7A537]

just saying i have had some experience (not much granted but enough to be reasonably confident with) i'm just not great at giving advice, and it does sound like you're kinda looking for some comfort with familiarity and i have been tempted into this recently due to reasons which aren't up for discussion here and it could be really nice for you, and it could potentially relax you and possibly them. What you do need to do though is way the pros and cons, if it does go badly, what are you losing? and if it goes well, then what do you gain? then which way measures up best bad explanation but i'm sure you get the gist

 

[Philol]

If it hasn't worked twice before then perhaps getting back with him isn't a good idea, and if your having trouble feeling comfortable with others romantically perhaps you need to broaden your search.

 

[Insanum]

snip

Seeing as this thread has been subject to a necro, any update on the situation?

(If you dont mind, of course)

 

[Zoe Castillo]

--

 

[Zen Toombs]

snip

stuff

Oh lordy, I did not realize this thread was necro'd. Thanks for the warning.

As for an update, I'm still mostly in the same situation, only I've decided to not get involved with the guy. It would cause too many problems for both him and I. Thank you all for your input, and now I leave this thread to be dusted [http://www.yourprops.com/movieprops/original/4db94bb607575/Buffy-the-Vampire-Slayer-TV-1997/Buffy-s-Season-1---2-Stake.jpg]. If ya'll have any questions or comments, send me a private message. We don't want to beat the dead undead horse to re-undeath.

....Or something.