So there's this gayguy...

[Malgan]

I'll try to keep this short and to the point. I'm interested in this guy that I've been talking to over the internet for about 6 months now. We're going to meet now in a few hours for the first time to hang out and have a few beers. The problem is, he's been dating a guy for about two months. Would it be wrong of me to make a move(so to speak)?

I am justifying it to myself by saying that I had my eyes on him for severel months before he started to date this other guy, but I don't know if my logic holds up. I do not know the guy he's dating from other than pictures.

 

[ShindoL Shill]

yes its wrong.
just because you liked them longer doesnt make it right.

 

[Baconmaninspace]

Be patient. Make plans to meet again. Don't lay it all on the table right then and there. Test the waters first; if you jump right in, you might end up getting hurt.

 

[b3nn3tt]

You absolutely should not make a move. It doesn't matter how long you liked him for, he's with someone else. You can't justify making an attempt to break up what this guy has with someone else.

 

[krazykidd]

No it's not wrong , why? Because it's only been two months , It hasn't passed the cap of it being a serious relationship . Worst case e'll turn you down . Best case he'll leave his other boyfriend and continue seeing you . Middle case he'll cheat on his bf with you . I say go for it . The best thing to do is the right thing , the second best thing to do is the wrong thing , but the worst thing to do is nothing .

 

[Ris]

Morally speaking, yes, it's wrong.

However if you don't know how serious or committed the relationship is, I'd just take your cue from him. If he flirts with you, flirt back. At the end of the day he's the one who decides how faithful he wants to be, 2 months isn't that long, and life is too short not to at least try.

 

[Malgan]

Thanks for so many quick responses! I'll try to come with some more of my thoughts. I can see how it's wrong, but then again I am thinking that they're not that serious. From my perspective it seems to resemble friends with benefits more than anything else.

And I didn't mean to make a move that literally, I'm not going to jump him and kiss him, I'm more looking for justification if anything happens, and what people are better qualified than the sivilized nerds, geeks and gamers of the escapist.

 

[b3nn3tt]

No it's not wrong , why? Because it's only been two months , It hasn't passed the cap of it being a serious relationship . Worst case e'll turn you down . Best case he'll leave his other boyfriend and continue seeing you . Middle case he'll cheat on his bf with you . I say go for it . The best thing to do is the right thing , the second best thing to do is the wrong thing , but the worst thing to do is nothing .

The boyfriend might consider it serious. There's no set point at which a relationship officially becomes 'serious'. Some couples are already married at the two-month mark. Whether or not any of us agree with whether that's sensible or not, it's ultimately their decision.

 

[Malgan]

No it's not wrong , why? Because it's only been two months , It hasn't passed the cap of it being a serious relationship . Worst case e'll turn you down . Best case he'll leave his other boyfriend and continue seeing you . Middle case he'll cheat on his bf with you . I say go for it . The best thing to do is the right thing , the second best thing to do is the wrong thing , but the worst thing to do is nothing .

The boyfriend might consider it serious. There's no set point at which a relationship officially becomes 'serious'. Some couples are already married at the two-month mark. Whether or not any of us agree with whether that's sensible or not, it's ultimately their decision.

You make a lot of good points. At any rate, I'll see what he does. I'll just be charming and nice. Since I want to stay friends with this person I think it's for the better that nothing happens, because he's almost the only sensible gayguy I've ever talked to. About 90% of them act overly flamboyant, which is not really my kind of people.

 

[virus_2049]

delete

 

[virus_2049]

sorry wrong thread.

 

[Malgan]

Edit: Deleted since original post was deleted

 

[farscythe]

meh wrong or not id go for dont make a move.

if you do make a move and it works.. you'll have pulled someone who apparently isnt loyally inclined.

and if it doesnt work well..youll probably come across as someone who doesnt have a lot of respect for relationships (and thats never a good start)

(sorry im not making myself as clear as id like..brains failing me)

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

"dating" someone doesn't necessarily make it into an actual couple.

That said, keep in mind that if you manage to "steal" the person you're interested in from someone else, then what does that tell you about that sweetheart of yours?

I mean if that person could "cheat" on someone else with you, then whos to say that they won't cheat on you with someone else further down the line?

That's right: there's NOTHING to suggest the opposite.

So I'd say: make your move if you're really interested, BUT demand that the person you fancy come clean to any other people he might be dating at the moment if the feeling proves to be mutual.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Its wrong if hes in a relationship. just think of it this way, if you were on the other side of the veil how would you feel if someone came up and made a move?

 

[CrimsonBlaze]

If someone is in a relationship, you have no right to break them apart for your own selfish desires.

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

If things go well, make more plans, and see where they lead, if he decides he likes you more, he will, but you cant try and force people apart for your own reasons, you have to let them make their own decisions.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

Its wrong if hes in a relationship. just think of it this way, if you were on the other side of the veil how would you feel if someone came up and made a move?

I'll intrude a bit here:

I'd feel just fine if someone "made a move" on my respective other. Because that person wouldn't be my respective other if I didn't trust her fully, and thus I'd trust her to turn such advances down.

And if she doesn't, then it would be an excellent opportunity to dump that untrustwothy and unfaithful woman.

Pretty simple really, and the way it should be in a healthy relationship between two people who truly trust eachother.